Don't Say A Word

Chapter 2

“DR. GROSS DOESN’T THINK IT’S anything serious,” Mrs. Reed said. “He thinks that maybe she’s taken on too much this year, and she’s a bit sleep-deprived.”

“But she seems fine except for the weird things she’s been hearing,” Graham said. “I mean, I still hear her singing in the shower, and she looks happy when she’s practicing her cheers, both at school and at home.”

Mrs. Reed shrugged. “I don’t know what to tell you, Graham,” she said. “I asked if he thought she should be seen by a psychiatrist, and he said we should wait. He thought it was best just to give her time to rest and see if this all just stops. That’s just the thing; there are no other symptoms. He said if it were a mental illness, we’d probably be seeing mood changes or other concerning behavior. We would have probably seen other things over the years that concerned us, like isolation. She’s a social girl. She hasn’t withdrawn from her friends. In fact, Cat is upstairs with her right now, listening to CDs. I think I might have heard them dancing around in Kaya’s room.”

“So how do we help her then?” Graham asked.

“I talked to her about it in the car,” his mother said. “I told her about our concerns. I told her I thought it might be a good idea to take a break from cheering for a while, but she got really upset. She’s been preparing to be a high school cheerleader for years. All those years of dance classes . . . I couldn’t make her quit. I think we just need to wait, to see what happens.”

Graham nodded. “I’m gonna go to practice with her for a while. Do you think we need to say anything to the coach?”

Mrs. Reed looked at him, expressionless. “I don’t know,” she said. “Do you think we should?”

Graham wasn’t sure. It would have been helpful to have another adult in the house. Graham would be eighteen in the spring, but he had no experience making adult decisions. “I . . . maybe you could just ask her to keep an eye on her.”

Mrs. Reed’s eyes were pleading. “Can you just do it, Graham?” she said. “I’m so backed up with work, and I had to take the afternoon off to take Kaya to the doctor. Plus, I just can’t handle this right now, you know?” She grasped both sides of her head with her hands and pulled at her hair. “No. Never mind. It’s my job to talk to her. I can’t ask you to do that. I’m just really overwhelmed right now. I just need some support right now, okay?”

Graham sighed. “Okay.” He silently cursed his father. He was supposed to be there. There was too much going on for his mother to take care of everything.“Do you need any help with dinner?”

Mrs. Graham looked at her oldest child and smiled. She cupped his chin with her hand. “You’re a good kid, you know that? I think I’ve got it all under control for now. Why don’t you go up and check on Kaya and Cat?”

Graham nodded and trotted up the steps. He knocked on Kaya’s door, but the music was playing very loud and no one answered. He knocked again and then turned the knob. He walked in, but the girls still seemed unaware of his presence. Kaya appeared to be teaching Cat one of her cheers, and she was instructing Cat on how to extend her arm properly in the air.

“You have to hold it higher. Here, I’ll show you.” She took hold of Cat’s arm and held it up. She moved it forward. “Yeah, like that.”

Suddenly she looked over and saw Graham. “Oh, I didn’t hear you come in— I can’t believe you just said that, Cat!” she said, dropping both of their arms.

She shook her head toward Graham. “Everyone I know seems to have stopped keeping things to themselves. Just ignore her. What do you want?”

Graham looked at Cat, who was looking at Kaya, confused. “Mom’s making dinner,” Graham said. “She asked me to check on you guys. Is Cat staying for dinner?”

“I’ll stay for dinner,” Cat said quickly, smiling.

Kaya glared at her. “No surprise,” she mumbled. Cat shrugged at her.

“I’ll let Mom know,” Graham said. He walked out the door.

“Graham, wait,” Kaya called, following him out into the hall. She closed the door. “I’m sorry, I had no idea that Cat was gonna say that to you.”

Graham lifted a brow. “Say what?”

“Gaham, she couldn’t have stated it more clearly.” She blinked her eyes, mockingly flirtatious. “‘I love you, Graham. I hope you love me, too.’” Kaya laughed. “Can you believe she just came out and said it? I’ve known Cat for four years, and I had no idea she had a crush on you.”

Graham shook his head. “Kaya, I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Kaya shook her head and pursed her lips. “Graham, you can’t tell me you didn’t just hear Cat say she loved you, right to your face. Come on.”

“I really didn’t. I didn’t hear any such thing. Kaya—”

Kaya stomped her foot. “Stop it, Graham! I’m not hearing voices. I mean, yeah, I’m hearing voices, but they’re not in my head! I heard Cat say she loved you! It was loud and clear! Ugh, what the hell. Graham, I would say you were messing with me, but I don’t think you would take it far enough that you’d have Mom take me to the doctor. Maybe you’re having problems with your hearing?”

“There’s nothing wrong with my hearing,” Graham said. He shook his head. “Never mind. Just . . . I don’t know. But as far as Cat’s concerned, don’t worry about it. I don’t think she likes me. If she did, I would have sensed it a long time ago. She’s always over here. And she’s way too young for me.”

Kaya grunted. “She said she loves you,” she said quietly. “I don’t care what you say.” She turned and stomped back to her room.

Cheer practice was uneventful the rest of the week. Graham watched carefully throughout the hour, but everything seemed legitimate. Kaya appeared to be enjoying herself, learning new routines, and stretching in new directions. They skipped the pyramid practice all week, so there was no talk of anyone wanting to push his sister off. She gabbed about her friends and classes on the drive home. “My friend Bailey sings all through science class,” she said on Friday. “She sits right behind me. You know, it’s crazy how many kids are in that class. They only have two science teachers this year instead of three. We’re almost on top of each other. So Bailey, she’s one of the girls on the cheer team? She’s always singing. Right behind me.”

“Isn’t that distracting?” Graham asked, keeping his eyes on the road.

“It’s not too bad,” Kaya said. “She sings songs I like, like popular songs. She was singing this one song today by Sarah McLachlan. ‘Adia,’ I think it’s called. I like that song. Bailey’s voice isn’t as good as Sarah McLachlan’s, but it’s not bad.”

“I’ve never heard anyone singing in any of my classes,” Graham said. “If they did, the teachers would be all over them to stop it, or tell them to leave the room.”

Kaya shook her head. “Mrs. Ramsey doesn’t say a word, and neither does anyone else. She even calls on Bailey sometimes.” Kaya was quiet for a moment. “But you know, the strange thing is, she doesn’t stop singing when she’s answering questions. Huh. That’s kind of weird, don’t you think? I guess when she’s talking, it’s more like humming than singing. I wonder how she does that.”

“Wait a minute,” Graham said, daring a glance at his sister. “She answers questions and hums at the same time? That’s impossible, Ky. Could this be—”

“I told you to stop it!” Kaya shouted. “I’m not hearing things! She sings in class! Why would I imagine something like that? Sometimes she even sings songs I don’t even know. And sometimes, she sings the same line over and over. Sometimes she even gets the words wrong.”

“I’ve never seen anyone singing in the halls,” Graham challenged.

Kaya rolled her eyes. “She stops at the end of class.” She thought some more. “Bailey’s in my English class, too. She doesn’t sit next to me in that class. She doesn’t sing or even hum in there.”

Graham pulled the car over to the side of the road. He put it in park and turned to look at Kaya.

“Ky,” he said. “I want you to think about it logically, okay? I mean, really, a girl sings all through class, and even when the teacher calls on her. She’s still singing, even when she’s talking. No one says anything about it. The teacher doesn’t tell her to stop. Doesn’t that seem strange to you?”

Kaya cocked her head to the side. “Well, yeah,” she said, “but stranger things have happened than kids singing in class. Like, Joe Foley asked Katrina Smith out last week. No one saw that coming.” Kaya laughed.

Graham couldn’t help but smile. Even when she was frustrated, his sister was funny. Then he shook his head. “So then why is no one talking about this Bailey girl singing? I would think you and your friends would talk about it after class. Does anyone talk about it?”

“No,” Kaya said defensively. “But maybe they don’t care.”

“Really?” Graham asked, giving her a skeptical look. “No one cares?”

Kaya was silent. “So what are you trying to say, Graham?” she asked. “The doctor said that I wasn’t crazy, but it sounds like you still think I am. What can I do to convince you that I’m not?”

“I have no idea,” Graham said. “Maybe you could make a list of strange things that happen that no one else seems to notice. Obviously if anyone had heard Jill say she was going to try to spike your milk with laxative, they would have tried to stop her. And if she had said she wanted you dead, they would have pulled her into the principal’s office and had her talk to a therapist. Or the police! And you weren’t alone on the pyramid, any of the three times. There was the girl next to Jill. What’s her name?”

“Penny.”

Graham nodded. “Okay. So here’s what I want you to do. I want you to pull Penny aside and ask her what she thinks about what Jill has been saying to you when you’re on the pyramid. I promise you, if she really did say anything, Penny would have heard it. If she says she did, ask her why she didn’t say anything about it to Jill, or to you. But if she says she didn’t hear anything, I want you to consider that maybe Jill didn’t say anything.”

“So you’re saying I imagined it all,” Kaya said with a sneer.

“I don’t know,” Graham said. “I don’t think you’re doing anything on purpose. And I do believe you’re hearing what you say you’re hearing. But that doesn’t mean that it’s really being said. Can you at least try to find out? Just talk to Penny.”

Kaya thought about it for a moment. “I’ll think about it,” she finally said. “If I can convince you that I’m telling the truth, and you stop bugging me about it, it would be worth it.”

“I love the pad Thai here,” Kaya said excitedly as she followed Graham and her mother across the threshold of the restaurant. “Mom, can I get a Thai iced tea?”

Mrs. Reed shook her head. “There’s so much caffeine in those; you wouldn’t come down for at least a week.”

A sly smile appeared on Kaya’s face. “So can I get a Pepsi instead?” Her mother nodded.

Graham looked at his sister and returned her smile. She had just played their mother. Mrs. Reed hardly ever agreed to let her children have caffeinated beverages. Kaya was becoming a clever schemer. He watched her as she hummed and folded her cloth napkin like origami. She seemed so normal and happy. No one else would ever think there was anything possibly wrong with her. She was just a normal happy kid. Maybe Graham was overthinking. She’d always had an active imagination. Maybe she was creating stories in her head, and they just seemed real to her. He had to back off a little, not worry so much.

The waiter approached their table. “Would you all like some hot tea?” he asked. Everyone nodded. The waiter reached across and poured the tea into their cups. As he reached toward Mrs. Reed, his arm brushed against Kaya’s hand. “Oh, excuse me.”

Kaya looked up at him and smiled. “It’s okay,” she said kindly.

The waiter walked away, and Kaya brought the cup to her mouth and took a small sip. “That’s really too bad.”

“What’s too bad?” Mrs. Reed asked.

Kaya shrugged. “What the waiter said.”

Graham felt a churning in his stomach. “What the waiter said?” he asked. “All I heard was him asking if we wanted tea, and then he said excuse me.”

Kaya nodded. “Yeah, right after that,” she said. “He said his feet hurt. He’s been on them for hours. He wants to sit down. I almost invited him to sit with us.”

Mrs. Reed looked up from her menu. “What?” she asked. “I didn’t hear him say that.” She looked at Graham, her voice getting lower. “Did you, Graham?”

Graham shook his head.

Kaya shook her head too. “Oh no,” she said. “No. I did not make this up! He said that! Didn’t you see the look on his face? His feet hurt!”

She looked like she might start to cry out of frustration.

Mrs. Reed reached out her hand and put it on top of Kaya’s.

“I don’t think you made it up, Kaya,” she said. “I just . . . maybe you saw the look on his face, and you thought that it looked like his feet were hurting, and you thought that maybe if it were you, you’d want to sit down if your feet hurt.”

“But if that’s the case, then you think I’m hearing voices!” Her tone was becoming a whine. “Mom, is there really something wrong with me? Why does no one else hear the things I hear? I don’t feel crazy! I just hear stuff. It’s not even big stuff. Just little stuff. Well, except for the Jill stuff. But if I were gonna hear voices, I don’t think this is the kind of stuff I would hear!”

Mrs. Reed bit her lower lip and shook her head.

“I don’t know what to say,” she said. “I—I don’t think you’re crazy, Kaya. You’re not doing anything crazy. You’re not hurting anyone. You just hear weird stuff. Up until now, I didn’t even know it was going on. I just knew what Graham had told me.” She sighed. “But I am concerned about you. Please, consider taking some time off from cheer and getting some rest.”

“No!” Kaya exclaimed, pounding her fist on the table. “I’m not gonna stop cheer! Mom! It’s my thing! I love it! If I stop cheer, then I’ll go crazy. You know that! What if I just rest tomorrow instead? I have plans with Rayna. I can cancel them and sleep late. I can read and watch TV. Please, Mom!”

Mrs. Reed glanced at Graham and then back at Kaya.

“Fine,” she said. “Fine. Rest tomorrow. But if this keeps up, Kaya, I’m calling your doctor again and insisting on seeing a psychiatrist to see what’s going on. Do you understand?”

Kaya’s brow furrowed. “You’re talking like I’m in trouble,” she said sullenly. “Like I’m doing this on purpose. Mom. Please. You know me. I don’t lie. I don’t make things up.”

Mrs. Reed closed her eyes for several seconds. As she opened them, the waiter appeared at the table.

“Can I take your orders?” he asked.

Graham looked at the waiter’s face closely. He was focusing on Mrs. Reed as she gave her order. But as he turned to look at Kaya, Graham could swear he saw the man grimace. Maybe his feet did hurt. He gave the waiter his order, then turned to Kaya.

“Did he say anything else about his feet, or anything else?” Graham asked.

Kaya shook her head.

“Did you hear him say anything else? He asked us all for our orders, and then he repeated them back to us. Exciting.”

Graham nodded and then took a sip of his lukewarm tea.

After school on Monday, Graham sat on the bleachers again and watched Kaya walk out of the locker room, side by side with another girl. It was the girl who had been on the pyramid next to Jill. Penny. Her name was Penny. Graham let out a sigh of relief. Kaya was doing what he had asked her to do. He would check in with her after practice to see what she found out.

The girls were back to practicing their pyramid, as well as other lifts and flips. Graham watched closely as Kaya was hefted to the top of the pile and then stood up tall. The entire process appeared to go off without a hitch.

After practice, Kaya came running over to Graham.

“Let’s go,” she said. She grabbed her jacket and started to trot toward the door. Graham had to hustle to keep up with her.

“Kaya,” he called out to her. “Wait up.”

Kaya slowed down, her back still to Graham. She waited for him to catch up. Then she turned to look at him. He could see a tear developing in the corner of one eye.

“She had no idea what I was talking about. She said that she didn’t doubt that Jill might think of something like knocking someone off a pyramid, but she never said anything out loud. I felt like such an idiot! I had to pull back and make it seem like I was exaggerating. I laughed and told her that I didn’t mean that she said it, I just meant that she might have thought it.”

She started again toward the car.

“Maybe I am crazy!” she yelled back at him. “I mean, it was clear as day. She said she wished I would die. But she never said it, Graham. She never said anything at all. That’s it. I’m cuckoo. It’s all over for me. Might as well lock me away at the funny farm before I do anything dangerous.”

She opened the passenger door and got inside. By the time Graham got in on his side, she was sobbing, her face in her hands.