CHAPTER 22 MILI
A few days have passed since my encounter with Max in the woods, and I haven’t run into him since. I’ve almost missed him, or at least I’ve yearned to see him again, to get to know him a little better. We didn’t have much conversation during our last meeting, instead rolling about violently in the woods, trying to beat each other in our wild skirmish.
I liked him, though, in a weird way. That’s why I asked him to train me, anyway – he was snarky, clearly, but I saw some deep truthfulness in his eyes. He meant everything he said, just not exactly how he said it; he was right that I can’t protect myself, he was right that he could’ve had me, however he liked me, then and there.
I almost suspect that he’s avoiding me, though; I suppose you could call it a gut instinct from our meeting. I could tell, even in that one encounter, that he was terrified to hurt me, to scare me.
And then I asked him to do just that , by training me in the forest. For some reason, he actually agreed. I almost felt bad for asking, since I know it would terrify him, but he’s right –I can’t defend myself, at least, not well enough. My magick used to be powerful, but I’m out of shape and out of practice, since I’d been so focused on caring for the townsfolk and not my rituals. Besides, I need more than just spells to defend myself if it comes down to it: I need to know how to fight.
I had a few herbal sachets with me when I arrived at the volcano, but I’ve been collecting more in the woods everyday, too. I go out, usually alone (though I expect I’m followed by either Max or Cory), but sometimes I ask Port to join me. He always accepts.
Together, we walk through the woods, picking mushrooms and ferns and flowers and lichen. I couldn’t find a basket in the entire volcano, but I borrowed a few bowls from the kitchen and wove handles for them out of the many, many garments brought to me by Cory. Hopefully he doesn’t notice that a few of them have been used for scraps –even if he did, though, I have a strange suspicion he wouldn’t mind that much.
Cory has decided to keep me at arm’s length ever since our kiss. He said he needs time to figure out how to help me save Ethelinda, and that he needs to do that away from me as much as possible. Port tells me about what he gets up to with Max and Cory in the evenings, and I laugh at the silly stories he has. They get drunk on blackberry wine and rye whiskey, then the three of them sing and dance until the witching hour with the other guardians. Pack life suits all three of them, I can tell. If I’m honest, I feel like it would suit me as well. It is a strange feeling, to yearn to be part of their pack as much as I do, given that before meeting Cory I never thought about pack life.
I asked Port once, if Cory has a lot of ... “relations,” and Port went horribly quiet. That one shadow guardian, Kalli, was so horrible to me, I couldn’t help but get suspicious. To have it confirmed was a punch to the gut that I wasn’t suspecting. I’m not a jealous person, not really. It just almost makes me sad for him, to know that he engages in shallow intimacies like that. I mean it must be a shallow intimacy, right? I know what that means, especially because I’ve made mistakes of my own in that department, so I know what I’m talking about.
The thought of him having sex just to have it makes my stomach turn, especially when I remember seeing the genuine passion and fire in his dark blue eyes, or when I recall tracing the sharp curve of his nose with my eyes, or when I imagine his tongue running over the backs of my thighs with its dangerous, penetrating heat. And that heavenly, all-consuming kiss! I didn’t used to care about that passion, I realize suddenly. Why is it mattering to me, now?
“Mili?” Port asks, breaking me out of my trance.
I shake my head to clear it and force a smile. “Sorry, what were you saying?”
Port smiles softly. “I wasn’t saying anything. You just looked a little ... out of it.”
In response, I shrug and pluck a gooseberry off a vine.
“You know,” he continues quietly, “you could join us for dinner, if you’d like. I’m sure Max and Cory would love that.”
I peer up at him through my dark tresses, my skepticism written all over my face. He laughs at me, which makes me crack a grin, but I just shake my head.
“I doubt they would,” I sigh with half a grin. “Max has thoroughly avoided me since we met, and Cory is ... not someone I trust myself to see in a friendly capacity, at this time. I don’t think he can trust himself with me either. It’s business-only with him, as far as I’m concerned. I need him to help me break the curse or whatever it is that ails Ethelinda, that’s it. Plus, I wouldn’t want to intrude, anyway, on your time together.”
At my last comment, Port bursts into laughter. “Oh, that’s perfect,” he says.
“What is it?”
“Just what you said: our ‘time together.’ I suppose we are a pack, so it’s to be expected, but – you know, I think we’d all feel a little better with you around, Mili.”
“Why? You hardly know me.” I ask, now completely lost.
Port brushes my words away with a wave of his hand. “Oh, never mind. Just think about it, will you?”
With a reluctant sigh, I realize Port is not letting this go, so I nod and tentatively agree. He smiles widely at me, then, and takes one of my hands in his. My eyes go wide as he presses it to his lips, and I feel myself silently swoon at the sudden romantic gesture.
My eyes go wide as I start to blush. “Port–”
“Don’t worry, Mili,” he interrupts. “It means nothing.”
He winks, though, and I can’t say I’m entirely convinced.