Chapter 8 #2
“I know he’s not. But there’s no law against dreaming is there.”
“No.” She blinks. “I suppose there’s not.”
“Face it, Trisha. If it isn’t real love, if it isn’t something that I can feel or see, then it’s not worth having, now, is it.
All my life, my mama and daddy have been telling me that it doesn’t matter that I can’t hear a thing, it’s that I have a gift.
A gift that’s brought me more gifts than many may see in a lifetime.
The money that I earn and the life that I’ve made for myself, most men wouldn’t be able to handle.
At least not in this town. And even though Levi isn’t one of those men, he’s also spoken for.
And if he isn’t an honorable man, who doesn't take responsibility for that child, then what good is he to me. "
“You certainly are a much bigger person than I am. Hell, if I were after a man like Levi, I’d be planting booby traps everywhere for that other tramp."
I can’t help but laugh. “I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I thought for a split second about posting that picture on social media and tagging Levi in it. If her personality is as hard looking as her face is, that will not be well received."
“You know as well as I do with that if you do that, and Levi pays a price for it, he’ll never speak to you again anyway.”
“Exactly.” I start scrolling through the pictures that I took tonight. “And I’m okay with just being his friend. If that’s all I can be to him, then I’ll take it."
She gets a mischievous grin on her face, like the Cheshire cat, as she elbows me. “Nothing says that you can’t be the other woman. That would be something. Cutting your teeth on a man like that."
“As much as that thought is what is going to keep me up at night, you see the look on his face in that picture with her, right? That’s because he’s with a tramp. I like the smile on his face better in the pictures of him and I, frankly."
“You slay me, my friend. Still haven’t given up hope on losing your virginity to the right one huh?"
“I’ve kept it this long. Why would I give it up now?”
She pats my leg. “Do you want to come over to my place? Watch a late movie?"
“Maybe tomorrow. I’ve got an idea for one of these shots, and I want to use my creative juices tonight."
“You sure? I’ll find us a really raunchy romance flick. That ought to get your juices flowing.”
“Tomorrow. I’ll even bring the stick of butter.” I wink.
After Trisha leaves, I decide to do one oil painting, and one portrait from the specimens I gathered tonight.
The oil painting will have to wait for another day, since I’m out of some of the paint that I need, but I work on the digital photograph for another hour before leaving to go home.
Normally, I stop in at mama and daddy’s place on my way home from the store, but since it’s past midnight, it’s far too late.
I send mama a text message letting her know that I’m going home.
And just as I figured she would, she sends me a text message back with a heart.
My eyes are tired, but my body is wide awake as I drive the ten minutes to my house.
The landscapers have been around to cut the grass and manicure my garden.
The small lamps that line the walkway flicker as I walk past them.
The coach lamp on my porch lights with my motion, which alerts me that I have a visitor when I’m inside the house.
With the equipment I have in my basement, and some of the inventory that I've kept over the years, my home security system is almost as robust as the one at the store.
Both systems light up like Christmas trees to alert me of any problems.
After I get myself ready for bed, I realize a mistake that I’ve made.
The photos that I took of me and Levi together tonight I’ve sent to my phone.
Pouring over them repeatedly, I rob myself of much needed sleep.
Hungering for his touch, my fingers find places on my body where I dream that Levi would touch.
Living alone lends me the privacy for such fantasies.
Hormones racing, body thrumming, I allow myself to plunge deep into a conscious dream of the man I want and can’t have.
The man I think about constantly. The man that I feel has brought me as close to love as I’ve ever been.
This may be infatuation, but whatever it is, and in whatever capacity, I let myself feel it in private.
Because that’s all I’ve ever known, and it likely is all I will ever know.
Soft, overworked fingertips brush my beaded nipples, sending pulses between my legs, as I picture Levi's mouth and tongue doing what my hand is doing.
My imagination plays with me, showing me, both in my mind, and in all my nerve endings, what it would feel like if Levi were here with me now.
Mouth wet and strong, his lips encircle my nipples as my fingers do the work and my mind rolls the tape over and over again, until the first orgasm strikes.
Back arched, wetness hungry, one hand ventures south, while the other one still teases my breasts.
In my mind, Levi’s feathery tongue flicks my hardened clit, while my fingers do the work in real time.
They play with me, artfully inserting in and out of my wetness, in a perfect rhythm, as I envision Levi’s cock pulsing in and out of me, pelvis thrusting feverishly, until the second orgasm comes, even stronger than the first. My mastery knows no bounds, nor does my fruitful imagination, as I slide a third finger inside, while circling my clit with the pad of my thumb, making myself come a third time effortlessly.
Knowing my own body so well, it’s doubtful that a man could match my prowess.
I’ve been single all my life, and there is no reason why I would need a man to pleasure me.
However, I’ll die before I admit that I would love to feel a man’s touch just once.
So many faces and bodies have appeared in my dreams, but something tells me that Levi's image is going to make a lasting impression.
I'm exhausted, even though I know that I could do this all night.
And I have. Trisha and I have spoken about my overactive libido, and evidently, I'm the only one that can get herself off multiple times in one night, alone. No battery-operated friends required.
It's a gift.
And, for right now, it's just a gift for me, as it's always been.
I lie there, relaxed and satisfied, thinking about how nice it would be to be in Levi's arms. Like I was, even if it was just for a second earlier tonight.
Sitting behind him on the horse was, at the time, nerve-wracking, but now that I'm alone, and I've got a few orgasms out, I can admit it that he is one very special man.
I'll keep that to myself. Except from Trisha.
I tell her everything. What is this Shelly person like, anyway?
What could he see in her? Maybe she's just really good in bed.
I mean, if she's pregnant, then they must at least have good chemistry together.
If Trisha were here, and if I'd said that out loud, she would say that that's not necessarily true.
A woman can get pregnant sometimes so easily, it doesn't have to be good sex or even a good orgasm that gets her there.
But something tells me that Levi is very good in bed.
Of course, I have no frame of reference, so this is all projection.
The way he looks at me, the way he held me for just a second, and the way he moves, all are great indicators that he would be good in bed.
And, lord strike me dead for admitting this, but I'm convinced that Trisha is right, that Levi does have a fantastic package, because I've checked it out myself.
No, I've never seen a real live penis before, and no, I don't want to go to a club to see one, thanks.
Unless it's attached to the man I love, I'm not interested.
And, frankly, those types of clubs scare me.
I'd much rather watch my man do a strip tease.
Of course, there is no shortage of sexy cowboys here in Copper Cove, and a few of them have looked my way.
But nobody has ever showed a genuine interest in me.
Never has that look been in a man's eye for me before.
Not until I met Levi.
And I can't have him.
It's a tragedy.