Chapter 32 I Need Clay
I Need Clay
Leni
Everything hurts. My whole body feels like it’s on fire, and for a second, I think I’m still in my car, listening to the horn blare, unable to move my body at all. There’s a deep voice speaking in a familiar cadence, my hands heavy with the weight of being held.
It takes a minute before I can sort out the sound being Ethan’s voice.
He’s talking to someone, Mercer, I think.
Telling him about one of his cases, lots of legal jargon I don’t understand.
There’s a stabbing pain in my head and chest. My ribs feel like they’re on fire, and all I can do is wonder where Clay is.
Is he here? Did he come? Would he have left?
Why isn’t he here now? I wish it were his hand in mine, glued to my bedside.
I must whimper, and the two go quiet around me. One hand squeezes mine tighter, while the brother on my other side leans forward and moves my bangs off my face.
“Hey, Leni girl.” Mercer’s voice is low and warm, softer than it was when I spoke to him on the phone that night. “Can you open your eyes, sweetheart?”
I want to shake my head. It hurts too much.
“Eleanor,” Ethan commands, using his lawyer voice on me. “Try.” That strong voice cracks a little, emotion clogging his throat. “Just try, please.”
I focus on taking little sips of air; anything more sends my lungs into a full-blown riot. When I finally peel my eyes open, I’m relieved to find the lights dimmed. Mercer and Ethan sigh in relief.
“There you are.” Mercer relaxes into the chair beside me. Ethan’s shoulders lose their tension. The scruff on his face is the longest I’ve seen since he went off to law school.
“How long?” I ask, noting that Mercer also has a few days’ worth of hair on his face.
“Three days,” Ethan croaks, kissing my knuckles. My other arm is in a cast. A brace around my neck makes it impossible to move my head and assess the rest of me.
“Where’s Clay?” The boys look at each other and choose to ignore me. A stone drops into my stomach with the words they’re not saying. He isn’t here. He didn’t come.
Ethan gets up and shouts down the hallway, “She’s awake!”
Adler flies around the corner, launching himself into the room. He runs past Ethan and nearly slams into the hospital bed. Eager eyes take me in, before he leans down and kisses my cheek.
“I’m good, I’m okay.” I’m here. I want to say.
I’m alive. Adler nods, then makes room as more people pile into the tiny recovery room.
Ma wiggles her way between Adler and me, hands squeeze both of my feet.
Ethan’s on one side, Toby’s on the other.
Dad’s standing next to Mercer, his big hand wrapping around mine.
Adler sits next to my leg, one warm hand resting on my shin.
“Jesus Christ,” Miya says from the doorway, and Pepper gives me an awkward little wave. “Leni needs to rest! You guys are practically crushing her. AJ, get the fuck off the bed.”
Adler peeks up at me, a sheepish grin on his face. “I think she likes me.” He winks, then slides off the bed.
“Seriously, Leni, I’m glad you’re awake and alive, but your family are animals. You should see what they’ve done to the waiting room.”
Her voice sounds serious, but she’s smiling at everyone, and I know she’s as relieved as they are. “But really, two visitors at a time unless you’re nine months old, then you may have three.”
I would squeal if my throat would allow it because somewhere between fighting with Clay and waking up here, I’d forgotten that I have a niece now.
I wiggle my fingers out toward Toby, who I only now realized is holding a tiny little squish in his arms. I get lots of toe squeezes as people start to file out of the room.
Toby leans the sweetest little bean towards me, letting me take a look at her.
I kiss her cheek before Toby pulls her away and passes her off to Brooks, who moves to the seat on my right, Mercer staying in the chair on my left.
Toby leans down to kiss my forehead, moving his lips closer to my ear when he whispers, “Clay’s in the hall. Him and Merc are fighting. But he’s here.”
My heart skips a beat on the monitor, too many sets of eyes whipping around to look at me when they hear it. Toby pulls away quickly and heads out the door with the rest of them.
Miya shoves a lingering Adler out the door, closing it behind the rest of the crew. Mercer pulls his chair closer, wrapping his hands back around my cast.
Miya squeezes past Brooks, leaning over to hug me, her inhale shaky. “Do you need anything, Leni?”
“I’m hurting,” I whisper, hoping the boys don’t hear.
“How bad?” Miya’s eyes crinkle in the corners, concern etched in the crease of her brow.
A few more tears slip down my face because now that the excitement of waking up alive has worn off, the pain is debilitating. She looks down into my eyes and nods, not needing me to say it. “I’ll get your doctor, okay? Anything else?”
“I need Clay,” I say, looking between Brooks and Miya. Mercer’s fingers tighten around my hand, making me take a sharp breath. Pain spiking through my chest and ribs.
“Leni.” Mercer’s voice pleads with me, but I keep looking at Miya. A silent conversation passes between us. She nods, then looks at Brooks, who gives her a tilt of the head. He’s got her back on this one.
“Come on, Mercer.” She wiggles her hands at him. “Let’s go get some food.”
“I’m not a child, Mimi.” Mercer glares. “I’m not leaving her.” He sits back further into his chair, shaking his head.
“Yeah, you are.” Brooks’ deep voice snaps.
“Brooks, come on. He lied to us. He’s not—” Brooks quirks an eyebrow, his mouth set in a hard line.
“You’ve seen him, Mercer. That man is wrecked. If she wants him in here, then he needs to be in here.” Brooks nods at Mimi, then gives Mercer his own fierce glare.
“Fucking ridiculous.” Mercer shoves up from his chair, stomping out of the room, muttering more curse words as he goes. Miya shoots me an apologetic look before following him.
I glance at the most perfect little squishy cheeks and take in my niece for the first time.
She looks a little bit like Kate, but mostly takes after her dad, whoever that is.
He must have red hair, I guess, because I don’t remember anyone in Kate’s family having red hair.
Tessa stares at me, one chubby little hand coming up to touch my cheek.
She has that same giant pink pacifier in her mouth, but it tips out a little when she starts to smile. “Care to share?” I ask Brooks.
“Kate showed up out of the blue with her. Said she wasn’t cut out to be a mother and asked me to take her.
” I raise an eyebrow, asking more than one question with that gesture.
I’m surprised that Brooks would have taken in a child that wasn’t his, surprised she had the guts to show up and ask it of him.
“She put my name on the birth certificate. She might not be mine, but Kate hadn’t even named her, Leni.
She’s been calling her baby girl Kane for nine fucking months.
I couldn’t let her leave with her. Who knows what she went through. ”
Brooks glances at Tessa in his arms, snuggling her deeper into his chest when her hands reach up to pat his face. “I took one look at her and knew she belonged here. With us. So yeah, dad mode activated.”
I laugh, pain lancing through my chest, lungs sucking in air through my sore throat.
“Okay.” Brooks leans forward, swiping my bangs back off my face. “No more laughing, you’re supposed to be resting.”
“Then stop being funny.”
Brooks cracks a rare grin before looking down at Tessa with so much love and adoration in his eyes. I almost can’t stand it. “She might not be blood, but I’m sure she’ll learn to deflect with humor too.”
“I can attest,” Clay speaks from the doorway. My heart rate spiking on the monitor draws another grin from Brooks. “It’s absolutely a Kane trait that can be learned.”
Brooks turns a serious face at Clay, something sad and resolute in his eyes. “You’re the reason I agreed to take her in. Do you know that?”
Clay shakes his head, looking as shocked as I feel.
“You came from shittier circumstances than she did, and you turned out okay. I almost told Kate to get lost, but then I remembered that day we came after you. The way you looked around the table that night, like you were the luckiest kid in the world, and I knew we were her best bet.” He looks down at the baby in his arms with a soft smile on his face.
“That she will be the luckiest girl in the world. So I signed the papers, and here she is. I thought I was going to have to wait longer for the two of you to figure things out, but since you’re both here, and we know things don’t always go to plan, I was kind of hoping you’d agree to be her godparents. ”
I can’t stop the tears from streaming down my cheeks, chest growing tighter the more I cry.
For Brooks and Tessa, for little Clay who needed a family.
For this man who’s standing before me, losing the only family he’s ever known because he fell in love with someone as selfish as I am.
God, he thinks he doesn’t deserve me, but it’s the other way around.
“Brooks, you asshole, the one time you choose to monologue and look what you’ve done to me.” It takes an embarrassing amount of effort to bring the scratchy hospital blanket up to wipe my eyes.
“Sorry,” Brooks croaks, wiping at the corners of his own eyes. “Fuck, this whole, you almost dying and me becoming a dad thing has made me mushy.”
“It’s okay, it’s actually helping. I thought someone put sandpaper in my eyes earlier.” Looking at Clay, I tilt my head. “Godparents?”
Clay’s eyes darken, recognizing the question for what it is. Less about being godparents, more about us. Are we still an us? “Hell yeah.” He walks into the room and pulls Brooks into a hug. “I—we, would be honored, Brooks.”
“Good,” he sighs. “Now I have to break it to the guys.”
“Eeeh, I don’t envy you with that.” I try to grin, but judging by the look on their faces, it must look more like a grimace.
“How bad is it?” Brooks asks, pushing to stand from his chair.
“It’s not great,” I whisper, leaning further into the bed.
“Get some rest, we’ll be here as long as you need us.” Brooks gives my hand one last squeeze.
“You sure the ranch isn’t falling apart?”
“Nah,” Brooks says, looking between Clay and me. “The whole town’s banded together to take care of things. Turns out you’re kind of a big deal.”
I gasp, closing my eyes as I feign horror. “You’re just now finding this out.”
Brooks chuckles as he leans down and kisses my forehead. “Love you, Leni.”
“I love you too, Brooky.” My voice chokes, more tears slipping through.
Brooks makes his way out the door, and I’m finally left alone with Clay.
He’s standing at the end of my bed, looking haggard.
I wonder if he’s slept at all the past three days.
If he’s okay. I’ve never seen Mercer mad at him, much less mad enough to throw punches.
Clay looks like he’s taken at least one fist to the face.
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper, reaching my unbroken arm toward him. Clay rushes to the side of the bed, dropping down to his knees as he buries his face in my hand.
“I was so worried, baby.” His voice is muffled in my palm.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I was trying to find my phone to call you. That’s why I stopped because I needed to tell you that I was wrong. The things I said…”
“It’s okay,” he whispers. His lips press to my hand before he stands up, grey eyes boring into mine. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not. I didn’t mean those things. You are enough. You’re everything. I’m the reason Mercer is acting like this, I—”
“Baby,” he whispers, leaning down towards my face, one hand sweeping hair back behind my ear. “Do you want me here?”
“Yes,” I whimper. The thought of him leaving, of being even a minute without him, makes my chest ache.
“Then I don’t care about Mercer or his feelings. I don’t care if they all decide to hate me tomorrow, because I’m not leaving you.”
“I love you,” I whisper, my lips moving against his. He pecks me once on the lips, and my eyes flutter closed.
The silence feels loud between us, but I’m too tired to open my eyes, too tired to try and figure out how to fix what I’ve broken. Instead, I scoot over and tug his hand.
“Leni,” he warns, keeping his big body right where he planted it. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Please? I need you to hold me. I thought…” I manage to peel my eyes open as they fog over with a fresh batch of tears. “I thought I’d never see you again.”
“Me too,” he whispers. He toes off his boots and climbs into bed beside me, carefully turning me so that I’m resting on him. “I hope you know that I’m never letting you go. Ever.”
“Good,” I whisper. My eyes fall heavy as sleep drags me back under.