Chapter 57 Annabelle
Annabelle
Annabelle leaned back against the airplane seat and closed her eyes.
James had transferred his airline points to her so that she could upgrade to first class, and she was grateful for the extra room and the fact that no one was in the seat next to her.
She wanted to sleep on the flight, so that she’d be present for her family for the rest of the weekend.
It bothered her that she’d spent the last two away from them.
She thought about her evening with Chase last night and all that they had shared with each other.
It scared her to think of what might have happened if James hadn’t FaceTimed her, prompting Chase to make a hasty retreat.
They hadn’t had the time to talk this morning, as he had to rush off to catch his flight after their meetings.
She wished she could talk to James the way she had with Chase.
But when she tried to share that particular pain with her husband over the years, it seemed too much for him, and he was always trying to somehow make up for it.
Her lingering grief seemed to be an affront to him, as though she was ungrateful for the life they had built or holding on to broken dreams of the past. But there were so many times when she’d glance at a photo of the four of them and think to herself that there should be five.
She carried that regret with her every day of her life.
A year didn’t go by when she didn’t imagine what her son would be like as another one of his birthdays passed.
At first, she and James would honor him together, go to the cemetery, and talk about what might have been.
But after a couple of years, James had stopped.
Said it was maudlin, and they needed to move on.
He begged Annabelle not to tell Scarlett and Olivia about him, persuading her that it wasn’t fair to make them grieve a brother they would never know.
She agreed. To protect them, but also because she didn’t want to share the grief.
It was hers and hers alone. And she would never let it go.
A part of her was buried deep in that ground along with her son.
Chase had been so kind and tender. It had felt so liberating to pour out her sorrow to him.
Annabelle slipped AirPods in her ears and put on some soothing music, breathing deeply, hoping sleep would come. The cabin lights were turned off, and she pulled a blanket up to her chin. Feeling drowsy, she gave in to the pull of sleep.
I’m holding my newborn and feeling so happy.
I can’t believe I’m a mother. My own mother told me that I’d feel a rush of love the minute I held my baby, but I never understood it until now.
A doctor comes into the room. He’s wearing a mask, and all I can see are his eyes.
Why is his mask black? My stomach tightens as he comes closer and I back away, shielding my baby.
The doctor comes closer, menace exuding from him like cologne.
“What do you want?” I want to ask, but no words come out. He says nothing, just strides over and grabs my baby. I try to hold on, but I can’t.
“No, no, what are you doing?” I yell. I try to swing my legs to get out of the hospital bed, but I can’t move. I don’t feel my legs. Why can’t I move? I’m screaming and crying, “Bring my baby back!” But he’s gone.
James walks into the room, looking at the floor. His eyes won’t meet mine.
“Where’s the baby?”
He looks up and shakes his head sadly. “Dead.”
Annabelle woke with a start and swallowed, wiping the saliva from the corner of her mouth with her hand.
She was filled with a terrible sense of doom.
She needed to get home and be with her children, but she was stuck thirty thousand feet in the air.
There was no way she could go back to sleep.
She couldn’t rest until she was home and saw with her own two eyes that her girls were fine.
She picked up her phone and joined the airline’s Wi-Fi, holding her breath in anticipation of some terrible message.
She breathed a sigh of relief when she saw that she had no texts from James or the girls.
She was itching to call home, but it was the middle of the night in Connecticut, and she didn’t want to alarm them.
What did these dreams mean? The ones she’d had about Chase were all coming true.
Maybe not all; she hadn’t gone swimming with him.
But he had been on her balcony drinking champagne, not wine.
And they had embraced, just like in her dreams. She thought most about the ones of Scarlett.
Were her dreams warning her that she was about to lose another child?
She needed to distract herself, so she scrolled through the movie options and settled on a comedy she’d seen several times, forcing herself to banish the distressing dreams from her mind.
She’d be on the ground soon, and then she’d see that everyone was fine.
She found herself wishing that Chase was on the plane with her.
She could use his steadying presence right now.
When they landed and she took her phone off airplane mode, a bunch of texts appeared. James assuring her that all was well and he couldn’t wait to see her. She felt better immediately. She smiled when she saw one from Chase and clicked on it.
Hope you got home safe and sound and that everything’s okay there. I can’t stop thinking about our conversation last night. Thank you for sharing all that you did. You made me feel less alone. Sorry we couldn’t fly back together. See you Monday at lunch. Xx
Her eyes rested on the two x’s, and she felt butterflies in her stomach. She was acting like a teenager. Not good. She typed back a quick reply.
Just landed. I feel the same way. I didn’t even realize how much I needed to talk about it all. I’m really grateful for our connection. See you Mon xo
Annabelle closed her eyes, reliving the prior evening, and took a deep breath.
It had felt so right unburdening herself to him, and he to her.
She wasn’t naive enough to believe he could be her soulmate—if there even was such a thing.
Their relationship had built-in guardrails, which made it easier to open up to each other.
But she couldn’t deny that she was attracted to him, and that there was a connection between them.
Of course, they couldn’t be a couple, and she had to rid herself of that notion once and for all.
Men and women could be friends, she assured herself, even as the old line saying that they couldn’t from When Harry Met Sally popped into her mind.
But this was real life, and Chase had become important to her.
It would all be fine. She deleted the text chain between her and Chase and put her phone in her purse.
James was waiting outside for her, and he got out of the car as she exited the airport. He pulled her into a tight embrace. “Welcome home. I missed you.” Olivia jumped out of the back seat and ran to her mother.
“Hi, Mommy!”
Annabelle squeezed Olivia and gave her a kiss on the cheek.
“Missed you guys too,” she said as James took her suitcase and put it in the back of the vehicle. “What’s going on?”
When they were all in the car, James handed Annabelle a bottle of water. “I figured you might be thirsty.”
She took it gratefully. “I am. Thanks.”
“Did you get any sleep on the flight?” James asked.
“A little. It’s okay, I’ll catch up later.”
“Can we go out to breakfast?” Olivia asked.
“Your mom probably wants to get home and—”
“It’s fine.” She turned to James. “It’ll be nice.”
“Okay, we’ll go to the diner before heading home,” James said.
Olivia cheered. “Sophie’s coming over later and spending the night. Daddy said she could since we had to cancel sailing.”
“Sounds good, sweetie.” She turned to James again. “How’s Scarlett?”
“Fine. She’s going over to Avery’s in a bit for that project. She’s spending the night there.”
Annabelle was disappointed. What she wanted more than anything was everyone under one roof so she could sleep soundly. But she had to accept the fact that her children were growing up and had their own lives. She pulled out her phone and sent Scarlett a text.
I’m back. Miss you and can’t wait to see you tomorrow. Have fun at Avery’s. xoxo
Scarlett didn’t text back but hearted the message. Annabelle supposed that would have to be good enough. At least she knew everyone was safe and sound. She pushed her dream to the back of her mind. There was nothing to worry about.