Chapter 14
14
‘Any good?’ Tyler gave her the thumbs up, but his puckered-up face told a different story.
‘Really?’ She raised a sceptical brow. ‘Because you look like you’re about to throw up.’
Tyler shook his head, but the motion turned his complexion green. Holding up a finger, he tapped at his chest and swallowed audibly.
‘I did. In my mouth.’ He grabbed at the bottle of water on her kitchen counter. ‘Kinda regretting my suggestion to work on a drinks menu right now. We should have gone bowling or something instead.’ His lips quirked up. ‘Save my pride at least, and probably my liver.’
‘That bad, huh?’ She sniffed at her own glass. To be fair, it did smell rank. She could practically feel her nose hairs singeing.
After draining half the water bottle, he sagged against the counter. ‘Even the vomit didn’t improve the taste. You can’t serve that.’
‘Come on! It can’t be that bad.’ She lifted the cocktail to her lips, but Tyler reached across and pinched the straw shut between his fingertips.
‘Don’t. That shit will take the lining of your stomach and, if you’re going to be a mother, you’re going to need it.’
She eyed him for a moment over the glass and threw the drink down the sink. It was the first time he’d mentioned anything to do with her motherhood plan since their blow up. It made her feel funny, warm inside. Like he might just accept this. Heck, that it might actually be a reality some point soon. Tonight, here in her little place with Tyler, making cocktails – it was the most fun she’d had in a while. His effortless smile when he’d turned up earlier in his usual flannel shirt and jeans looking like some kind of stocky Yorkshire cowboy, she could see he was lighter too. It was as if something had sparked within him, too. She’d miss him being so close to her. When she thought of serving his menu at the Arms, without him behind the stove in the back, it didn’t feel as exciting somehow. Still shiny, but duller somehow. Perhaps she should have told him not to look for that job after all. She pulled herself out of the feeling of dread that washed over her, back to the night she was enjoying.
‘Fair enough. Nice to see that you’re coming around to the whole baby thing.’
He finished the bottle, still rubbing at his chest. ‘Good Gordon Ramsay, it burns. And I wouldn’t say that.’ He said it in a grumpy huff, but the heat from before wasn’t present. It gave her hope.
‘Oh, give over, you know it will be cool.’
He rolled his eyes, still rubbing his chest. ‘Cool is not how I would describe it. Surprising, definitely. Difficult, maybe. It’s not what you think it will be, you know. It will be harder.’
Amber rinsed out the jug, throwing the rest of her death cocktail concoction away down the drain and reaching for fresh ingredients. ‘Wow, Uncle Tyler is going to be a real bummer. ’
‘Uncle, yeah.’ He threw the empty bottle into the recycling bin a little harder than was necessary. The gruff lumberjack was waking up. ‘Well, I guess that’s better than nothing. I never did tell you why I don’t want kids, did I?’
Amber ignored him in favour of chopping fresh watermelon into small chunks.
‘Nothing to say? Not curious?’
‘No, not everyone wants a family. I get it. Do you think almond milk would work? We could do some milkshake-type cocktails maybe?’
‘Almond milk, sure. Nice way to change the subject.’
‘Yeah, well – this is what I want to focus on.’
‘Fine.’ He shrugged, but she could tell he wanted to say more. ‘We can do that.’
They both reached for the fridge door at the same time.
‘Sorry,’ they said together.
Tyler’s brow knitted tight. ‘I am sorry, actually. I didn’t mean to be snarky.’
‘Again.’
‘Eh?’
‘Snarky again.’ She opened the fridge, passing him another bottle of water and reaching for the carton of almond milk. ‘You’ve been like this since you found out.’
‘I know. I have my reasons. Which you don’t want to talk about.’
‘So, I don’t want to talk about it tonight.’ She flashed him a bright smile she didn’t feel. ‘It hurts when you act like this, Ty.’
His lips pressed together, but he didn’t speak.
‘I thought we were past this. You’re my friend. My biggest supporter, as it goes. Since I have no family. You are my family, you and Shazza; our regulars are all like my friends, but you are family. Both of you. Sharon hasn’t given me half as much stick. She’s the one who always said she’d rather stick pins in her eyes than be a single parent, but she’s been pretty laidback about it. In fact, she was more bothered about the fact I might have given in to Bradley than becoming a mail-order mum.’
‘She told me.’
‘She did?’
Tyler nodded slowly, reaching for the carton in her hands and leading her over to the counter.
‘Yep. She threatened to punch me in the nether regions if I didn’t stop it.’
‘Good old Shazza.’ She nudged his arm playfully with her elbow. He didn’t even move. It was like bumping up against a solid wall. ‘She’ll be a good auntie.’
‘Oh, yeah, sure,’ Tyler scoffed, taking the lid off the blender and pouring the milk in. ‘She’ll teach your kid to neck shots and avoid traffic tickets by flirting.’
Amber laughed, scooping the thin slices of melon in. ‘Hey, don’t knock it. They’re not bad skills to have. Remember that awful stretch of road near the hospital? I once got away with doing forty in a thirty by crying and flashing a bit of cleavage.’ Tyler’s shocked face made her laugh all the harder. ‘Don’t mock, it worked. I got to her bedside in time to hold her hand while she passed, too.’ The silence that fell around them settled like a heavy, scratchy blanket. Thinking of her grandmother in her last moments used to make her sad, but, now, that last interaction was a cherished one. ‘You know, the great Norma Fitzpatrick wasn’t afraid of anything. Even when it was her time, she was still…’ She thought for a moment, trying to find the right word. ‘Happy, I guess. She was almost excited, to see Grandad again. I was always more like her than I was either of my parents. I wanted to be her when I grew up. I still do.’
Tyler’s hand was on her shoulder before she’d finished her sentence. His thumb tracing small, comforting circles on the bare skin above her sleeve cuff. When he caught her watching the movement, he dropped his hand.
‘I suppose there could be worse things than having a fun aunt.’ Tyler’s voice was soft, gentle. ‘I do get why you’re doing it. I’ve thought about it a lot. Actually, I’ve thought of nothing but.’
Amber measured some sloe gin and tipped it in. ‘It’s not because of my grandparents.’
‘I know?—’
‘No, you don’t. You think I’m some sad, lonely woman staring at her thirties and panicking about the future. I’m not doing this because I feel lonely, Tyler. I’m doing it because I want to. I’ve always wanted to: the business, the child of my own. That’s all I’ve wanted for as long as I can remember. And, yeah, when I get to Nana’s age, I want to be like her. To have all that love and happiness around her. To make people happy, and feel like someone’s there. These old pubs are a dying breed. They’re closing all the time. The working men’s clubs are seen as archaic. Old patrons are dying off far faster than new members join. Community used to be something, you know? My nana was at the heart of it. It’s not all just pies and pints.’
She cut off his reply by turning on the blender. He put his hand over hers on the power button. Huffing, she turned it off and side-eyed him.
‘I get it. I do. I know how much you’ve changed this place. The Arms would be fantastic with you there as the owner.’ He smiled. ‘You’d be great at everything, Cherry. I just worry that you’re reacting. After everything. I get it. Believe me. Back in London, when everything happened, I reacted. I upped sticks and left everything. Started again. Closed myself off to a lot of things.’
‘Do you regret it?’ she asked, suddenly fearful that he would go back there. A new job could take him anywhere. ‘Leaving?’
‘Not that, no, but I have other regrets. This whole baby thing, it kind of spun my head around. I just want you to be sure, and not react quickly. Which is pretty hypocritical I guess, coming from me.’
Amber sighed. ‘I am reacting, but not without thought.’ She poured out a shot of grenadine and added it to the mix. ‘I was upset, sure. And angry. At myself. For thinking that a man, and our relationship, was the cornerstone of my life. I am the cornerstone, Ty. Before Bradley, I never needed a man to build my life. I can make things happen on my own. Which is what I should have done in the first place, not hanging by the kitchen sink like some obedient little housewife. I knew what I wanted. I just forgot to keep building. Yes, I was drunk when I went on my little Internet quest, but I don’t regret it. I just actioned things already primed. I haven’t cancelled a thing. I don’t want to.’ She sighed, shaking her head. ‘If I’m honest, the more time I’m not with Bradley, the more I see what I put up with the last six months, and I’m not going back to that. I can do this, and if you can’t accept it?—’
‘I can,’ he butted in. ‘I’m here. Hand me a trowel, I’ll get to work. I want to help you to have your dreams. I never did. I shut everything down, ran off. I guess I’m a little in awe of you, Cherry. Anything you need help with, I’m here. I’m just sorry I didn’t handle things very well. I just had a different plan, I guess.’
‘I know,’ she breathed. He looked so conflicted, like he was rethinking his life. She wanted to know what had hurt him so deeply. Take it away. ‘What did happen, in London? Is that why you don’t want a family?’
His eyes searched hers. ‘Yeah. It was.’ His gaze dropped to her lips. ‘I think you were right, though. It’s a story for another day. In fact…’ He walked over to the phone dock and tapped a few keys on his phone.
The tension popped in the room as he shot her a cheeky grin.
‘What are you doing?’ She laughed.
‘Breaking the tension. I hate it when you get that little frown line on your forehead.’ He bit at his lip, and her eyes followed the motion automatically. ‘No more future talk. Tonight was supposed to be fun.’ The second he docked it in the holder, music began to play. Familiar music. ‘We’re making cocktails for your new place. I think we should make a night of it.’
‘“My Girl”, really?’ Her heart swelled. He looked like he could hold up the world on one shoulder but, man, the guy loved his cheesy pop songs. He also never missed a trick. It made her heart beat faster. Another part of not having Bradley around was this. The part she didn’t expect. The fact that her friend, the gentle giant she totally fancied and always depended on, took her breath away. For a moment, she wished he was the one she was doing all this with. She pushed the thought away. Life was complicated enough. She couldn’t let anything else get in the way. Not now she was so close.
Tyler wagged his finger at her, moving away from the counter with a sway of his hips. ‘It’s your favourite and you know it.’
She groaned, turning on the blender and adding ice. She could hear his laugh even over the motor. He turned up the volume, clicking his fingers as he moved around the kitchen, humming. She watched him, crooning away to the song her grandmother used to dance around her kitchen to. Having him here felt right. Like home. She turned off the blender and poured it into two cocktail glasses. The whole counter was filled with fruit, bottles of different and exotic alcohol, chocolate pieces and maraschino cherries, olives on sticks. Watching the man before her dance around, she knew she was where she wanted to be.
The song ended, and Tyler set it to shuffle. When Roy Orbison’s ‘Only The Lonely’ started up, she squealed.
‘I love this song too!’
‘I know.’ He shrugged, heading over to take one of the glasses. His salty aftershave surrounded her, and she felt that pang all over again. Your plans don’t involve Tyler. He isn’t up for being some insta baby daddy. He deserves to get a better job. He’s not yours to try to keep, Amber. Don’t drag him any further into your mess. Tyler was looking at her latest creation, a relaxed smile lighting up his face. Utterly unaware that her mind was spinning right next to him. ‘I pay attention to everything you like. It’s important. This looks like sludge by the way. Gin and milk?’
Christ, if he kept saying things like that, she might cave anyway, ask for his sperm. She mentally shook herself, pouring the drink into two glasses. It’s a night with two friends, she reminded herself. Fun.
‘Just try it. What radio station is this?’ A lame question, but she felt the urge to keep talking.
‘Playlist,’ he replied, eyeing the cocktail with a wary gaze. ‘Well, I’m not dying alone. Come on fellow guinea pig, drink up.’
He held out his glass and clinked it against hers.
‘Bottoms up,’ she said, trying to be breezy. Reciting friend, friend, friend over and over in her head.
‘Yeah, I think this might come to that,’ he grimaced. ‘This stuff looks like it could explode your colon.’
They both took a tentative sip. Eugh. The milk was already curdling in the glass. ‘Mmmm,’ she faked, swallowing it and trying to look impressed.
‘Mmmm?’ Ty looked like he just sucked a lemon. ‘It tastes like that bad goat’s cheese starter we ate that time. Call yourself a landlady?’
She remembered that. Bradley had dragged them out to some new opening. They’d all been sick the next day. Tyler had come over and held her hair back while she vomited. The memory combined with the cocktail make her stomach flip.
‘Yes!’ she defended. ‘It’s not that bad.’
‘Your customers are going to throw up all over your brand-new furnishings the second this crap touches their lips.’ He took the glass from her and tipped them down the sink. ‘My turn. A classic.’
He got to work as she watched, taking in the music as she swilled her mouth out with a drink from her own water bottle. He passed her a shot glass. ‘Here, Slippery Nipple. Down the hatch. Get the taste of that nut milk off your palate.’
She shook her head, smirking as they necked the shots.
‘Ahh,’ they said in unison. ‘Better.’
They cracked out laughing the second they clocked their unity. ‘Fair enough.’ She nodded. ‘One to you. Another? I have an idea for a twist on a Tequila Sunrise.’
‘Ooooh, that could work. People love the classics. More music?’
Another song she liked had started, and she shook her head. ‘No, I quite like this album. It’s pretty eclectic though, what’s it called again?’
‘Playlist, I told you. Want some help? I can wash some of this stuff up?’
‘Sure.’ She thought about how much he’d helped her lately. He’d given her so much of his time recently. ‘You sure you didn’t have plans tonight? Your nights off are as rare as mine.’
Filling the sink with suds, he shrugged. ‘Nope. I have nowhere else to be.’ He gave her a wink. ‘Now get to work on those Sunrises, boss. Let’s make a real night of it, while you still have the time.’
He busied himself with the washing up, and she studied him for a while. It was so nice having him here. She’d gotten used to having him around. The best parts of her days involved him. She found herself wishing that didn’t have to change.
As if he sensed her thoughts, he turned to her with an inquisitive brow. ‘You okay?’
She got to work on the cocktails. ‘Yep, I’m good. I’m going to miss this, though. Working together, hanging out. ’
He paused, his hands stilling in the soapy water. ‘Nothing’s set in stone yet.’
‘I know, but you’ll move on soon. We both will. I’ll be… doing my thing, you’ll be working somewhere else.’
He focused back on the washing up, his jaw clenching before he spoke again. ‘I’ll still be in your life.’
He shot her a nod, but it wasn’t an easy motion. She felt like he was holding something back, and she didn’t like the feeling. ‘I’m happy for you too, Ty. You deserve everything you want.’
He huffed out a breath. ‘I don’t think anyone gets that, Cherry.’ He raised his dark eyes to bore into hers. The things unsaid between them choked the very air they breathed. ‘But.’ His lips quirked, and she could draw breath once more. ‘You can write me a killer reference.’