Chapter 33
CURTIS
Giant drops of rain splotched against the glass of my living room window, blurring my view, which was fine because I wasn’t really looking at anything.
I was in a trance, the same one I’d been in since that day.
Some people drank, some got lost in sex, some took drugs or exercised till they couldn’t move.
I zoned out, cut myself off from my feelings, the world, and everyone in it.
I was an island, a barren one. A donut-free one. And if I were to push through the barrier I’d created, a miserable one.
Muffled footsteps sounded on the rug behind me, but I ignored them.
It was probably just Isabella making sure I was still breathing.
Her whispered, “He’s been like this all week.
Just stares out the window, hardly eats anything, doesn’t take his calls” was still too loud. I could do without hearing it.
Jack’s voice, just as hushed, responded, “He won’t even reply to my texts, and I sent some hilarious ones.
I mean, who doesn’t laugh at a squirrel stealing a guy’s toupee?
I’m feeling really unappreciated lately.
It takes time to curate the best of the best memes and videos, and God knows I’m busy with other things, but I still find time to go on socials and send him stuff.
He’s failing as a brother and as a friend.
I wonder if it’s too late for Mom to adopt him out? ”
I rolled my eyes but didn’t bother to turn around. Maybe if I was rude enough, he’d leave. “I can hear you, monkey breath. Stop whispering. Also, fuck off. I’m busy.”
“I’ll leave you to it, Jack. Good luck,” Isabella said before her footsteps padded away.
“So, Mr. Avoidance, you’re alive. Mom said to make sure you’re still showering and wiping your ass after number twos. What should I tell her? Is it safe to get closer, or do I need a gas mask?”
One raindrop chased another down the pane, and I didn’t even have the energy to guess which one would win. “She did not say that. And, no, I haven’t showered since last week. You’d better save yourself, and leave now.”
“Ha-ha, nice try.” He patted me firmly on the back, then sniffed. “Hmm, only a slight whiff of stink. Not too bad.”
“Okay, I was trying to be subtle.” I turned and looked at him. “Fuck off. Go home. Meddle in someone else’s life. I don’t need you.”
He pinched my cheeks and shook my head from side to side. “Aw, paw widdle Curty. He’s in a bad mood. How can I cheer him up?”
I slapped his hands away. “Leaving would go some way to making me feel better.”
“Do you want to wrestle it out, like we used to when we were kids? I’ll even let you win.”
“Let me win? I’d kick your ass, just like I always used to. You always did have a good imagination.”
He lost the goofy expression. I should be worried, but I couldn’t even manage that. “And you used to be a lot smarter. What the fuck is going on with you?”
“What? Being fired by our father and losing my job to Victoria isn’t enough for you?”
“It’s plenty enough, but you know what I’m talking about.
I overheard Dad telling Mom what happened.
They threw Faith under the bus, and you let them.
Are you feeling just a bit of guilt? Also, don’t bullshit me—I know you had feelings for her.
I haven’t seen you tap out of life for this long since Monica. ”
I winced.
“Ah, there’s signs of life. Stop the burial!”
“Very funny.” I sighed. “You’re worse than dog shit on a shoe.”
“Yep. I’m hard to get rid of. I stick right in the grooves. I’ve learned from the best.” He smirked.
I tipped my head back and stared at the ceiling. Was I ready to deal with this? Definitely not. Was I going to have to? If I wanted Jack to leave my apartment this century, I at least had to try. I gestured to the couch. “Sit.”
He grinned. “I thought you’d never ask.”
I waited for him to sit, and then I walked out.
“Hey, wait. Where are you going?”
I steeled myself and walked back in. Fucking with my brother would always be amusing, even in depressing circumstances. If I thought I’d get away with it, I would’ve gone to my room. “Has anyone told you lately how annoying you are?”
“Only twenty times today.” He waved the comment away. “Sit and spill.” His expression changed, concern replacing the lightness. “Seriously, we’ve been worried about you.”
“By ‘we,’ you mean you, Ally, and Mom?”
“Yeah, even Spence.” Yep, everyone but my petrified-wood-for-a-heart father.
I sat on the couch, leaving a space between us.
“I’m fine.” Jack’s eyebrows rose. “Seriously. I’ve been relaxing and considering a trip to Italy.
” Argh, why did my brain go there? I was just making shit up to get him off my back, but at the reminder of what I’d lost, my heart spasmed.
I shouldn’t miss Faith—she betrayed me, and her feelings were a lie—but I’d fallen for her, and my heart didn’t care what the truth was.
It couldn’t change its mind so quickly. My father was right—I was a fool.
“If fine means you’re barely living, have shut yourself off from everyone, and are depressed, then fine it is. Sure thing.”
I ignored his sarcasm. “Glad you understand. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some stuff to do.” I got up.
He stood and got into my personal space. “Stop with the act. You’ve lost your job and the woman you love. You’re not supposed to be okay, dude. It’s okay to not be okay. Now, if you’d just get past the denial part, I could help you fix it.”
The woman you love. Did I? Nope. Not going to admit it. It was too late, and it didn’t matter now. “I don’t love her. She lied to me. Everything was bullshit.”
“Aunt Steph told me everything this morning. She called Faith yesterday to find out exactly what went down at the meeting. Dad and bitchy Victoria exaggerated. Surely you can see that. I saw you two together, and she wasn’t pretending.
Her feelings for you were real, man. She lied by omission about having dated that dweeb Mark while working for him, but that’s it. Do you want to know why she lied?”
“No.”
He chuckled. “I’m glad you asked. She needed a job.
Look at the facts. She has no money. She worked for Piranha and was fired, and they refused to give her a reference.
Mark was cheating on her with the owner of the company.
Faith caught them at it and was fired on the spot.
How was she supposed to get any decent marketing job without being able to provide a reference for somewhere she worked for the last two years?
Also, look at how everyone reacted to her having dated her previous boss.
If I were her, I wouldn’t have told anyone either.
” He put a hand on my shoulder. “Besides, we all make mistakes. And I know you’re not going to compare her to Monica. ”
Fuck. There went my brother, being all sensible and shit. Still, I was right to protect myself. “She’ll get over it. I’ll get over it. We can all move on.” Next century possibly.
“Why are you such a stubborn moron? This is your chance. If you don’t try and get her back, you’re even dumber than Dad thinks.
If you think you’re miserable now, just wait until a couple of years down the track when you hear about Faith being married and having children with someone else. How are you going to feel then, huh?”
Why couldn’t he just shut up and leave me to wallow?
As much as I wanted to ignore what he said, a bottomless pit opened up at the thought of Faith married to someone else, having a life that didn’t include me.
I shrugged Jack’s hand off and went to my thinking spot at the window.
The rain had eased, the wet landscape silvered and sparkling in the brave rays piercing the clouds.
Faith was like those rays—she’d broken through my barriers and shone light on my heart, defrosting it after so many years.
I never thought I’d love again after Monica.
We met in an economics class and started dating toward the end of college.
I fell fast and hard. Which is why I got her a job at Knight Advertising after she hinted she’d love a job there.
But within six months, she was cheating on me with the VP of accounting.
Monica had made a few friends at work, and Aunt Steph overheard her telling one of them about the affair and that when she was finished with him, she was going to go after my father.
At that point, my aunt stepped in and fired her.
She had the job of telling me. When I confronted Monica, she didn’t care.
It was the first time I’d had my heart broken, and I swore it would be the last. My father said it was a lesson for me.
God forbade he showed any sympathy. Even though I heeded his warning, Monica wasn’t the last to date me to get ahead—whether it was for work, for a free dinner at a three-star Michelin restaurant to impress their friends, or for likes on socials, it was all the same. I just never fell in love again.
A throbbing ache replaced the hollow behind my ribs, and I hung my head as realization came crashing in.
As much as I wanted to be my own man, I’d still been yearning for my father’s praise and respect. I’d taken his word over Faith’s. What a moron I was. My father called me a fool, and I was, but not for the reasons he thought.
When my father accused her of being a gold digger, liar, and being beneath me, she’d looked angry until I didn’t fight for her. When I questioned and rejected her, she’d been crushed. It was in her eyes—the pain, the devastation, the “how could you?”
I’d done that to her. Not my father, not Victoria. Me. That guilt was its own special horror.