23. Sarah #2
“Yeah.” He stepped away, squaring his shoulders and swiping his face with the back of his arm.
I searched his face.
“You sure?”
He nodded.
Then he whispered, “I missed you.”
I closed my eyes.
“I missed you too.”
He pulled away a bit more and looked around.
“Is this New Haven?”
“It is.”
He stared through the open hangar toward the settlement.
“Cool.”
Emma laughed. “You crossed the galaxy, and all you have to say is 'cool’?”
Caleb shrugged.
“What else am I supposed to say?”
Doran laughed.
Caleb looked at him.
“Doran!”
“Caleb,” he smiled and nodded back.
“You're our new Dad and are going to marry Mama.”
“I am.”
Caleb thought about that.
“Okay. Emma says it’s okay to call you Dad.”
I looked at Doran. His expression was somewhere between amusement and sheer relief, with a huge dose of joy mixed in.
“It is,” he replied, and Caleb’s grin grew bigger.
“Okay.”
“Sarah?”
It was Dad.
He came down the ramp and stopped when he saw me.
I went to him.
He wrapped me in his arms.
“Oh, sweetheart.”
“Dad.”
“I am so sorry.”
“You didn't do it.”
“I should have stopped her.”
“You tried.”
“I followed her.”
“In an Uber.”
He gave a weak laugh.
“I didn't have a car.”
I laughed through my tears.
Then he held me tighter.
“I was so scared,” I whispered.
“I know.”
He kissed my hair.
“She was frightened.”
“I know.”
“I think she's more frightened now than anything else.”
I didn't answer.
Because my mother had finally stepped onto the ramp.
She stopped.
Everything inside me went still.
My mother stood there with one hand gripping the rail, her eyes swollen and her face pale.
She looked at me. She didn't move, and neither did I. I could feel the anger still burning inside me. I could remember every awful minute since I’d heard she'd driven away, and every word of blame she’d uttered when my marriage to Harold ended.
But I could also see the woman who had raised me.
The woman who had held me when I was sick.
The woman who had once been the person I ran to when the world frightened me.
And now? Now she looked frightened of me.
She took one step down.
“Sarah.”
I swallowed.
“Mom.”
She flinched.
“I don't know what to say.”
“I know.”
“I am sorry.” The words were barely audible.
She took another step. “I am so, so sorry. I drove off and thought, what the hell have I just done? So I found a safe place to stop, and then I sat there, thinking of every shitty thing I’ve said or done to you.
And I regretted every one of them because it drove you farther away from me. ”
I wanted to tell her sorry wasn't enough. I wanted to demand answers as to why she’d ever thought her words and actions had been okay. I had the feeling she didn’t know why either, not really. I’d wanted to make her understand how badly she'd hurt me, and it looks like she did.
That didn't erase what she'd done, of course. It simply made it more complicated in a way that just maybe I didn’t really need to unravel.
She reached the ground and stopped several feet away, giving me the choice.
That mattered. It gave weight to her apology.
I licked my lips, looking at her trembling hands as I made my decision.
“Mom?”
“Yes?”
“You're really here.”
She nodded.
“I am.”
I glanced toward my children. They were safe.
My father was next to me. Doran was beside me, physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
I looked back into her eyes and saw my mother was truly here.
The one I’d missed all these years and who had been replaced by someone else who merely looked like her.
The relief that swept through me was so powerful my knees almost weakened. I took one step toward her. She didn't move. I took another.
“I thought I'd lost you,” she whispered once I was only a few steps away.
“You didn't.”
“I thought you were all leaving me. I thought…I thought if I delayed, you’d find a way to come back.”
“We weren't, and I wouldn’t.”
“I know that now.”
Her voice cracked.
“I didn't know how to handle it.”
“You handled it badly.”
She nodded immediately.
“Very badly.”
That almost made me smile.
Almost.
“I don't expect you to forgive me.”
“Not yet, entirely.”
She nodded. “I understand.”
I crossed the remaining distance and wrapped my arms around her.
She made a broken sound and grabbed me.
She cried against my hair, and I closed my eyes as tears filled mine.
I didn't forgive her, not completely. Not yet, but I could hold my mother. I could love her and allow her to start showing how she loved me back. And I could let her know that she hadn't lost me.
“I love you,” she whispered.
“I love you too.”
“I am so sorry. Truly. For everything. Harold was a terrible husband and a worse father. He should have never cheated on you.”
“I know,” I laughed. “It’s why we’re divorced.”
We stayed that way for a few moments before Lucy tugged on my coat.
And somehow, with my mother standing beside me, my children gathered around me, and Doran quietly watching the whole strange, messy family reunion unfold, the worst of the uncertainty began to loosen.
Not disappear. Not yet. There was still trust to rebuild between me and both of my parents, as my father had let her carry on for too long and not said a thing until now.
But my children were here, and they were safe. And tomorrow, I was marrying the man beside me. For the first time since Emma commed us from Anaheim, I let myself believe that perhaps we were going to be absolutely A-okay.
“Come on,” I said. "Let's go home.”
Kaelor appeared, dragging a grav pallet behind him, which the pilot had loaded with the luggage.
“Right behind you,” he assured me.
“We’ve got cake and presents,” I told the children, and they grinned, trying to guess what they were.
“Nope. Not telling you. You’ll have to wait and see when we get there,” I laughed as Doran laced our fingers together, Lucy still on his hip.
Then, we took our family home, complete at last, for now anyway.
Seeing him with Lucy just made me more determined to find the right time to have a conversation about a baby.