Chapter 24 #2
“I can’t explain why shit happens the way it does, but I do know who your dad is and what he isn’t doesn’t fall on you.
He probably had some bad breaks of his own but at the end of the day he made his choice about who he wanted to be as a man and a father and that’s something he’ll have to live with for the rest of his life. ”
Aldridge bit down on his bottom lip, and the first tear fell.
He turned his face to the opposite corner of the room trying to hide his pain.
“I was always so scared … you know.” His voice was heavy with emotion.
“He was like a tornado, you say the wrong thing and you got smacked or choked out. You know how kids are like there’s a monster in my closet.
I never experienced that because the monster was at the kitchen table launching the bowl of peas at my head.
“I’m so fucking tired, Nessa.” Aldridge sobbed, bringing his balled fist to his eyes.
I just rubbed his knee, allowing him space to vent.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever have kids but if I do, I’m going to be their biggest cheerleader and not their biggest hater.
There’s this malice laced in every interaction with him.
Like how dare I make something of myself.
How dare I have the audacity to be better than him.
Like that shit’s hard. If I’m ever a dad I won’t be perfect, but I’m going to try to be the type of father that brings a smile to their faces when they’re grown. You know what I mean?”
“Yes.” I had vague memories of my father.
He was the opposite of Aldridge’s dad, he could light up a room and make you feel like the most important person in it.
The problem was his visits were few and far between and left me wanting for more.
I believed every promise and his affirmations made me love him more, but it was all for show.
He was the life of the party but never wanted to make his daughters the center of his world.
“I don’t talk about my childhood because so much of it was a shit show.
I remember one time my dad pulled up to the house with a new car.
Leather interior, big wheels, music bumping, and he told us all to hop in he was taking us out to eat.
He took us to a place called Liberty Clucks and I was thrilled because we never ate out.
After about fifteen minutes, a police car pulled up and arrested my dad.
The car was stolen. We had to take the bus back home. ”
Resting my head on his shoulder, I said, “Sometimes growing up is realizing our parents didn’t do the best they could.”
“Why have kids if you’re just going to pass down your trauma like a family heirloom?
Son, I’m giving you generational baggage.
Don’t let the small luggage fool you. These suitcases are stuffed with abuse, neglect, addiction, thoughts of self-harm.
And then there’s the phobias. Fear of vulnerability, love, growth, therapy.
What the fuck am I even trying for? Shit is stacked against me. ”
I hooked his chin, turning his head to face me.
“No, you’re a cycle breaker. You made it out of poverty, you were the first in your family to go to college, on a scholarship at that.
And your sister and niece are going to follow in your footsteps.
You have a career you’re passionate about.
You have money saved, you’re buying a house.
You are carving a new path for future generations. ”
“Danessa, I don’t want to talk about this shit anymore.
” He scrubbed his face and any trace of tears.
Leaning back into the couch cushions, he seemed to go numb.
Eyes closed and silent to indicate this conversation was over.
It was as if this news had broken his spirit.
I know most of society was hanging on by a thread, walking around with masks to hide the pain, but Aldridge was the type who let shit roll off his back.
“Okay sure. I’ll order food and we can watch a movie and laugh the bad parts of this day away.”
It was like my words were lost in a void. Aldridge jumped up and headed to the minibar. Opening the fridge, he rummaged around, pulling out ginger ales, soft drinks, and juice. “Shit, I need a drink.”
“I thought you didn’t drink?”
“Uhm, I don’t but it’s feeling like a blackout drunk kind of night. You know something to take the edge off.” He slammed the fridge door with such force it startled me. “Room service can bring us drinks. Do you want something?” Aldi snapped his fingers, pointing at me.
Aldridge opened the fridge again like mini bottles of tequila and vodka would magically appear.
Standing in the middle of the room, he had a silent breakdown.
He rubbed his face and examined the room like we were trapped inside, and he was tasked with finding the key to let us out.
Aldi’s brown eyes were pinging from the door to the coffee table to the wall.
He stared at the wall for what seemed like minutes.
You’d think the terra-cotta wall had called him a punk ass bitch or something.
“You know what … room service will take too long. I’m just going to ask the guests next door for a taste.”
Blocking his path to the door, I cupped his face. “We’re not going to beg a stranger for liquor. We don’t need alcohol to unwind. All we need is each other.” Brushing his cheek, I redirected. “Look at me. It’s going to be alright. Right?”
Aldridge’s eyes settled on me and it was like being transported into the heart of a storm.
Whatever was going on ran far deeper than his backstabbing dad.
He pushed out a long sigh. “Yeah, of course. No drinks.” Aldi stepped away from me, pacing back and forth, scratching his head.
“I need to make a call.” He swiped his phone from the table and headed to the bathroom, closing the door in my face.
My heart dried up in my chest and there was a pulsating behind my eyes that would most likely turn into a headache.
I didn’t like feeling helpless. I’d give anything for the ability to reverse time and make this all go away.
At the end of the day, our parents were just like us trying to figure this life shit out.
They didn’t have all the answers, they no longer had the power to heal boo boos, they were flawed individuals like everyone else.
Aldridge deserved peace, and even two thousand miles of space between him and his parents couldn’t provide him with solace.
I had a mind to call Lamonte and read him for filth my damn self.
You knock-kneed, bad built, ashy elbow having, two pack a day smoker smelling, pinky toe missing, sloppy ass drunk.
Outside the bathroom door, I sat anxiously like a loyal puppy.
Part of me wanted to ensure Aldi was okay and the other part of me wanted to know who he called.
I mean I was right here, who did he need to contact?
Why wasn’t I enough? I pushed the thoughts from my brain because they were selfish, and this wasn’t about me right now.
The sound of water running gave me the courage to knock.
“Yeah?” His voice sounded distant behind the other side of the door.
“Can I come in?”
There was a long pause. He cleared his throat and said, “Uhm … sure. Opening the door, I found Aldridge in the shower fully clothed. I placed my hand on the cold glass kind of like you see couples do when one is in prison. Aldridge pressed his hand to mine.
“Baby, can you come out and talk to me?” I kicked off my shoes prepared to join him if he objected.
He turned off the water and opened the shower door, walking out dripping wet and cold.
I slid my hand over his rib cage. “Let’s get you out of these wet clothes.
” Pulling his shirt over his head I tossed it to the floor.
“I don’t have the right words … I know that.
But you should know your feelings are valid and I just want to be here for you.
” I stripped him of his slides and sweatpants.
My hands trembling the entire time, I’d never seen him like this.
In college his father did some fucked up shit including sending his mother to the hospital, and each call or text he just ate it.
Pushing his emotions down. I told him it wasn’t healthy, but I guess at that moment his feelings were the only thing he could control.
So, he made jokes or deflected to cover up how deeply he was hurt.
Grabbing towels from the rack, I shook one out draping it over his shoulders.
Aldridge stalled my hands, capturing them in his. “Danessa, I have to tell you something.”
“What?” I surveyed his face hoping to gain clues.
His eyes were bloodshot, and he was shivering from the cold water. “I’m an addict.”
My head reared back, caught off guard by his words. I don’t know what I expected him to say, but it certainly wasn’t that. “Excuse me … what?”
“I’ve been sober for almost two years. But at the end of the day, I’m an addict.”
My gaze was clouded as if a deep fog just rolled in shrouding the bathroom in a haze. “You’re an alcoholic?” That tracked he never drank when we went out. The minibars were only ever stocked with juice and sodas, much like the minibar here.
“No, I mean alcohol wasn’t really my vice. Don’t get me wrong, I was often drunk when I was high?”
“High?” My voice cracked.
“Yeah cocaine, heroin, pills. I may have tried meth once.”
A nervous chuckle spilled from my mouth as I made my way to the other side of the bathroom. What the fuck? He wasn’t making any sense. This didn’t make any sense. Sure, we partied in college, but nothing hardcore. Just teenage experimental stuff. “I don’t understand, you’re an athlete.”
“Athletes can be the worst offenders when it comes to drugs.”