Chapter Nineteen
The late morning sun seared through the bedroom window. Mei cracked an eye open, then scrunched it shut. Her head throbbed. The sticky-sweet scent of lychee Jell-O shots lingered on her skin, making her gag.
A blast of fetid air hit her nose. Joey snored directly in her face. Mei narrowed her eyes. She’d never unsee his raving or the looks of barely concealed disgust on their friends’ faces when they’d learned what he’d meant by I are hungry!
Nausea rose in her throat. Was this her future? Waking up disappointed every day? Alexandre’s words flooded her mind. This is your life. Your decision. In the harsh light of morning, Mei knew he was right.
Joey snored loudly, jolting himself awake. “Huh? Wha?” He rubbed his eyes, then winced. “Wow. I’m in rough shape. What a night.”
“What a night is right.” Did he even remember what happened? And did it even matter?
Concern clouded Joey’s face. “You okay, babe?”
Could she break up with him now? Mei’s stomach lurched. “Just a little queasy.”
Joey smoothed her hair. “Want to go to the diner for pancakes and eggs?”
Mei leaned into his familiar touch. She and Joey both loved family-owned Queens diners and their laughably large portions. “I’m getting brunch with Ali.”
Joey pulled her against him. “Fine! Hurry back so we can be together.” His sour morning breath hit her nose. His arms squeezed her like a vise.
Mei wriggled out from his embrace. “I’m going to get ready.”
She ran into the bathroom and locked the door.
· · ·
Ali was already seated at the bustling brunch restaurant, sipping a glass of water. “Mei! How are you feeling?”
“Desperately in need of some food. Have you looked at the menu?”
“Want to split the huevos rancheros and the egg and cheese biscuit?”
“Perfect.” They gave the waiter their order, then Mei turned to her sister. “I had a great time last night, despite Joey.”
“It’s fine! I nearly died from his raving. I haven’t seen anyone dance like that in—”
“Ali, stop.” Her sister blinked at her stern tone. “I’m not talking about Joey’s ridiculous dancing. I’m talking about his sad ‘joke’ of pretending he can’t speak English.”
Ali grimaced. “Yeah, that was messed up. Have you ever heard him say that before?”
“Once. Obviously, I wasn’t thrilled. I asked him to stop and he said he would. I guess he forgot after all the drinking.”
“People make mistakes.”
Ali was being kind. And generous. More kind and generous than Joey deserved. More than she deserved. Mei remembered the pitying looks on her friends’ faces last night as they laughed politely at Joey’s immature stories and gamely cheered on his dancing while clearly cringing on the inside.
“I don’t know if I can do this.”
Ali stared at her. “Do what? Get married?”
Mei’s vision blurred. One tear slipped down her cheek, then another. “I don’t know what to do. I love Joey. I really do. I’m just not sure I want to be with him forever.”
“That says a lot,” Ali said carefully.
“The problem is, all my doubts are so minor. They don’t seem like reasons to give up on us completely.”
“Like what?”
“Do you call off your wedding because your fiancé tells dumb jokes? Or has weird hobbies? Or doesn’t really care about his career?”
“I thought Joey had a good job.”
“He does. But his boss is trying to get him promoted and he’s been so blasé about it. I could barely get him to study for his exams. At first, it was about the money—when you grew up the way we did, it seems crazy not to make as much as you can.”
Ali nodded and thanked the waiter as he discreetly set down their food.
“Now I think it’s more than that. Joey says his priority is spending time with me—well, me and his music files, which is kind of nice. But it also feels like a burden. Like everything is riding on me.”
“You want an equal partner.”
“I do.” Mei broke off a crumb from her breakfast biscuit.
Ali chewed thoughtfully. “The problems you mentioned aren’t nothing.
Life is full of decisions, and you and Joey will have to figure out everything together: where to live, how to spend your money, where to send your kids to school—or whether to even have kids.
You want to be with someone you relate to. And can talk to.”
Mei flushed. “I can talk to Joey.” Kind of.
“How about I ask you some questions and you tell me the first thing that pops into your head? Do you light up when you see Joey?”
Mei gritted her teeth. “Sometimes.”
“How do you feel about marrying him?”
“Um, kind of nervous.”
“What do you think about spending the rest of your life with Joey?”
“I don’t want to,” Mei whispered. Her insides wrenched, releasing a flood of tears.
Ali rubbed her back. “Mei, life is tough. Your relationship should be your salvation. Not one more problem to solve.”
“I feel so stupid. I just kept going with everything.”
“You were trying to make it work. You and Joey haven’t been together that long.”
A thought occurred to Mei. “Did you ever have doubts about Joey?”
Ali was quiet for a moment. “I thought you got engaged quickly. But you were thrilled. You both always looked so happy.”
Mei rubbed her forehead.
“Plus,” Ali continued, “whenever you wanted anything, you went out and did it. Like moving to Manhattan and going all in at Livin. So when you and Joey appeared to be two Queens natives who’d found each other, I believed it.”
“I did, too.”
“I know it sucks, but it’s better to call off your wedding, rather than go through with it, be miserable for years, and then get divorced.”
Mei’s mind flashed back to her and Ali hiding in a closet, trying to block out the sound of their parents screaming at each other. “And way better to do it before we have kids,” she said wryly.
Ali stared at her water glass, a faraway look in her eyes. Mei knew she was also reliving their parents’ fights.
Her sister shook her head, as if dislodging the memories. “To go back to your question, I wouldn’t say I had doubts about Joey. Well, until last night. He just wasn’t who I’d pictured you settling down with. I always saw you with someone more thoughtful. More sophisticated and intellectual.”
Mei nodded, unable to speak. Now that Ali had said it, she could admit that was what she wanted, too.
“You deserve more.”
Tears sprang to Mei’s eyes. Alexandre had whispered the same thing last night. Did she still deserve happiness if she broke Joey’s heart?
Her eyes blurred as the tears fell. She pictured the charismatic guy who helped her rediscover a part of herself. The bighearted man who smiled adoringly at her every time they spoke about building their life together.
Ali held her hand until her tears subsided.
Mei inhaled shakily. “Joey deserves more, too.”
· · ·
I’m doing the right thing, Mei told herself as she steadied her trembling hands and unlocked her front door.
Joey was in his easy chair laughing at something on his phone. He glanced up and rushed over to her. “Babe! I missed you.”
The stench of day-old alcohol was gone. Mei breathed in his spicy scent.
“Look what came today!” Joey released her and wheeled a large suitcase from the wall. “Right on time.”
Their honeymoon was going to be Joey’s first trip outside the United States. Can I crush his dreams even more? Mei perched on the edge of the couch. Her vision grew bright around the edges. “Hey, can we talk?”
“You okay?” Joey sat down beside her. Understanding dawned on his face. “It’s what I said last night, isn’t it? I told you, I’m really sorry. I get why you’re upset. I’m embarrassed, too.”
Blood roared in Mei’s ears. “No, it’s not about last night. It is about us, though.”
Joey laughed uncertainly. “You’re scaring me.”
“I know this is the worst timing. But I’m having second thoughts about the wedding.” Mei winced. She couldn’t even bring herself to say “our wedding.”
“About the wedding? What part of it?”
“The whole thing,” Mei whispered.
Joey stared at her. “Are you serious? Please tell me you’re joking.”
“I’m sorry, Joey.”
“What does this mean? You don’t want to get married?” Joey’s voice grew louder. “Is that what you’re saying?”
“I don’t want to get married.” Mei barely choked out the words. But once she did, the tightness in her chest loosened a tiny bit.
“Are you shitting me? Are you fucking shitting me?” Joey slammed his palm on the coffee table, making Mei skitter back. He backhanded a mug, sending it flying across the room. “What the fuck, Mei? What the fuck?”
Mei cowered behind her arms. She’d never seen that hard look in Joey’s eyes. Her mind flashed back to her father’s drunken rages. How well did she know the man in front of her? “I’m so sorry.” Mei covered her face and cried.
Joey was crying, too. “I thought we were happy. I thought you loved me.”
“I do love you.”
“So why the fuck don’t you want to get married?” Joey hollered.
“I’m not sure about us. Getting married won’t change that.”
“You never said anything about not being sure. Ever. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I wasn’t sure how I felt.” Mei knew she sounded ridiculous.
Joey’s eyes darkened. “Now you’re telling me? The day before our fucking wedding? Jesus, Mei. I’m your fiancé. You never thought of talking to me about this? That’s what people do when they’re in a fucking relationship. They talk.”
Mei’s face burned. Shame overwhelmed her ability to speak.
“What are you unsure about anyway? We have a great life. I’m working my ass off because you want me to. I aced that fucking test!”
“I love you, Joey. I really do.” God, she should have thought of talking points. “I just don’t see us together in the long run.”
“Fuck!” Joey jumped up and paced around the room. “There’s something you’re not telling me. Is there someone else?”
Alexandre’s face popped into Mei’s mind. “No.”