45. Asher #2
“I’m meeting up with Colver and Wheeler for a bit.” Charlie kisses the side of Audrey’s head, and I have to muffle my laughter with a cough at who he is meeting up with.
I also may meet up with a Colver and Wheeler later, and that thought is funnier to me than it should be.
“Have fun,” Audrey says, tilting her head for a kiss that I look away from, pretending to look at a picture on the wall.
Charlie taps my shoulder on his way out. I was kind of hoping he would stick around because he’s always been good at being a mediator between the two of us. Audrey and I are both stubborn and some would say hot headed, so having someone like Charlie who is a bit…calmer is helpful.
She flops herself down on the couch and looks at me. “This visit was unexpected. Are you being courteous and giving me a warning that you’re leaving this time?”
I clench my jaw and try to keep my calm before replying. I know she’s just giving me shit, and maybe it’s because a small part of her actually cares. I just have Rae’s voice in my head telling me to give her a chance.
I’m tense as I sit on the couch and she narrows her eyes at me, questioning, “Are you okay?”
I nod, thinking about how I can ask this without coming across like a massive dick, but it’s been ten years since I moved in with her, and I just need to rip the Band-Aid off and know for sure.
“Why did you never try and talk to me before I moved in with you?” I blurt.
“What?”
“Why didn’t you want anything to do with me before you were forced to?” I’m unable to hide how irritated I am saying it out loud.
She rears back. “Forced to?”
“Yeah, you never wanted me here and we both know it.”
“Asher,” she starts, twisting her mouth to the side and narrowing her eyes at me. “What makes you think you know everything?”
“Why won’t you answer the question?”
She lets out a deep sigh, shaking her head. “Did you know I lived with our grandma before I got the fuck away from her at eighteen?”
I shrug. “Yeah, I guess.”
“If she was still alive, would you want anything to do with her after leaving her hell hole?”
“Fuck no.”
She gives me a look like I’m proving some sort of point.
“So, what makes you think I knew about anything having to do with our family after I left?”
I clench my jaw, not answering. Mostly because I’m still hearing Rae’s voice in my head and imagining if she was here. She’d be squeezing my leg and encouraging me to listen. And the only reason I’m having this conversation is because of her.
“The last time I saw our grandma was when I was around your age. She showed up on Thanksgiving when Charlie and I first started seeing each other. She spewed her normal religious bullshit to me, but you know what was my final straw? Because it was one thing to have to endure all the abuse she inflicted, it was a whole other to have her tell me that I asked for the abuse I got from our dad and her.”
I swallow roughly, my anger now directed at the people we came from and how for just a second I wish they were alive so I could make them pay for what they did to us.
Audrey laughs lightly, but it lacks humor. “Yeah, so I didn’t exactly keep up with any of them. You were born around that time, but she was too busy calling me a whore to tell me that I was a big sister. And I never talked to my parents once I was sent to live with the wicked witch of Denver.”
I cough out a small laugh at that.
“I didn’t know you existed until the social worker called me after that bitch died and told me.”
Part of me is struggling to believe her, but she really has no reason to lie to me. And this is the most she’s ever opened up to me about what she went through.
“Asher, seriously, if I knew about you, I would have done everything possible to make sure I got you out of there. No one should have to go through what we did, and I’m sorry I didn’t know sooner.”
She sounds so sincere; I know there’s no denying that she’s being honest.
I shake my head, wrapping my head around the fact that what I believed for my entire life isn’t true. I made Audrey the enemy when she was a victim to our circumstance as well.
“I’m sorry,” I admit, looking down at my hands.
“Why are you apologizing?”
“Because I’ve been such a dick to you. I figured you wanted nothing to do with me, and I was a burden to you and Charlie that neither of you asked for. That’s partly why I left like I did.”
She shrugs. “You have been a dick to me.”
I laugh lightly at her honesty, but I deserve that.
“I understood it, though. I had my own issues to work out for awhile when I was your age. Trust me, I made it everyone else’s problem too. It’s amazing that Charlie kept me around, I wasn’t always the nicest to him either.”
“Really?” I look up, not believing her.
“Really, but that’s a story for another time. And you probably want most of the details left out,” she jokes.
I nod. “Probably. But we’re good?”
“We’re great. You’re my brother, and I love you no matter what.”
I freeze hearing her say that. We’ve never said that to each other. She must recognize my reaction because she just nods, patting my good shoulder gently.
“I see a lot of myself in you. The L word was a hard one for me too, but you’ll get there, especially with the right girl.”
I smile. “If I think I may have found her?”
“Then you hold onto her, and don’t let her go.”
“Thanks, Audrey. You’re not so bad.”
She clears her throat and replies dryly, “What a glowing endorsement.”
I chuckle. “You know what I mean.”
“I do, you’re not so bad either.”
We do something we’ve never done, and hug. I can’t help but smile; for the first time in my life I think I know what family feels like. I guess I have ever since I moved in with them, but I was in such denial up until now.
“Now, when you’re ready you can tell me how you and Rae got together.”
“I didn’t tell you her name.” I rear back.
“I saw the pictures. I saw how you were looking at her in the pictures.”
I don’t even know how I was looking at her, but now I’m curious, especially since she noticed.
“When you guys tell her dad I want a front row seat.”
“I think he kinda already knows.”
“Damn and I missed it? What about her brothers?”
“I don’t think they know yet.”
“Perfect, I’ll bring my popcorn.”