Chapter Five #2
T he drive into Seattle had been a long and torturous one.
Luckily, Felix had plenty of people to lean on whenever he felt like he might dissolve into a puddle of tears or rage against the unfairness and cruelty life could show a person.
Not only was someone he loved in pain, but Felix wasn’t even sure what the extent of her injuries were.
Surgery equaled serious, but even knowing that, he tried to remain as hopeful as possible.
Keeping your fingers crossed for only a few broken bones was a strange phenomenon, but it’s what he was doing as he sat behind his mother as his father drove the family Suburban to the hospital.
It had been a long time since he’d been in the big car, but something about being in the space he’d gone on many a family road trip in was comforting.
Just like in the past, his dad was at the wheel while his mom was in the passenger seat, only instead of conducting a game of “I spy” for her kids, she was sniffling as she texted with Autumn’s mom in Phoenix.
Felix was grateful that his mom was keeping Autumn’s parents in the loop because he was so worried he doubted he could even type.
They too were waiting to hear about the extent of Autumn’s injuries.
They’d called the hospital but gotten about as much information as Felix.
He hoped they’d all have more answers soon.
As the large building where Autumn was located came into view, Felix was almost disappointed that it looked as mundane as it did.
Shouldn’t significant life events at least warrant something more than a tan brick building dotted with run-of-the-mill windows?
At least there were plenty of trees, though the sight of them made Felix slightly nauseous as the memory of what they’d passed on their way threatened to resurface.
The last trees he’d seen were the evergreens that surrounded the sight of Autumn’s accident.
The moose had been torn to shreds, but it was the sight of the broken glass and red paint all over the road that had caused Felix to throw up in an old take out bag.
Thinking about Autumn’s accident again sent a shiver through him, but the feel of his brother’s large hand on his back helped.
Peeking over at Travis, Felix nodded his gratitude as they pulled into the parking garage.
Felix had never been to this hospital before and he hoped to God he wouldn’t have to stay there for long.
There was a smaller one two towns over in Redbrook, but that was basically a glorified doctor’s office.
As convenient as it would have been to have Autumn closer, Felix was glad she was somewhere that was far better equipped.
With any luck, he would get to take her home that day, though the closer they got to the emergency entrance, the less hopeful he became.
As they stepped through the automatic doors, the strong smell of antiseptic hit his nose as bright lights were reflected into his eyes from the fluorescents hitting the white walls and white linoleum.
Felix knew that there was a reason that hospitals looked the way they did.
Cleanliness and efficiency were both qualities anyone would want in their care facility, but at that moment, Felix would have welcomed a soothing blue accent wall or plush carpet to make it feel less like he was stepping into a medical drama where life or death was constantly hanging in the balance.
Ignoring the nausea resurfacing again, Felix allowed his mother to drag him along as she approached the nurse’s station and got all the information necessary to find Autumn’s room.
Time moved both too quickly and too slowly as they wound their way through the hospital maze.
He wanted to be with Autumn as soon as possible while also wishing to put off finding out just how bad things had gone.
Felix lost track of the number of turns they’d taken, his body feeling everything and nothing all at once.
The air stirring as he walked raised the hair on his arms and the constant chiming followed by hospital staff calls rang in his ears, but Felix was numb to it all.
It wasn’t until they finally found a nurse that knew where Autumn was that he felt like he was able to breathe properly.
After sucking in a lungful of air that burned in his chest, Felix approached the counter. He tried to smile at the woman, but he was sure that with his puffy eyes and red face, he looked more deranged than anything else. “Can we go see her?”
The nurse’s expression was somber as she looked at him. “I think it’s best to let the doctor explain everything to you.” She grabbed a clipboard from a box on the wall and handed it to him. “In the meantime, if you could fill out this paperwork that would be extremely helpful.”
Felix ignored the clipboard, the numbness he’d felt moments ago dissolving into righteous indignation over not getting to see Autumn immediately.
“Why can’t we see her yet?” He demanded.
His father took the paperwork, passed it to Felix, and started steering him toward a seating area. “Why can’t we see her, Dad?”
Felix’s breath left his body once again and it felt like someone ripped his heart right out of his chest. No air, no heart.
His torso was an empty cavity that could only be filled once more at the sight of the woman he loved more than anything.
Didn’t anyone understand that? Didn’t they know that he needed to be there for his best friend?
She was probably scared out of her mind, and Felix needed to be the one to hold her and tell her everything was going to be okay. Why weren’t they letting him do that?
“Take it easy, son. We’ll find out soon enough.
” He pressed Felix into a chair, handed him the clipboard, and patted his shoulder.
“Travis, I think I saw a vending machine down the hall. Let’s go get something for your brother to snack on.
” Travis clasped Felix’s shoulder and squeezed before following their dad.
Felix peered down at the paperwork, staring at the words on the page. He wasn’t sure whether he would be able to decipher a single one before they disappeared completely. When he looked up, his mom was smiling sadly. “I’ve got this, Sweetie. You just try to take some deep breaths.”
Nodding dumbly, the only thing he seemed to be able to do that day, Felix peered around the seating room.
Other people sat with their hands clasped between their knees, looking worried and sick to their stomachs as they waited for news just as he did.
He watched as an older man spun his wedding ring idly, looking like his world had just fallen apart.
Felix wondered what they saw when they looked at him.
He felt broken, like those vases in the documentary Autumn had made him watch, but there was no amount of gold or other precious metal on the planet that would be able to put him back together.
The only thing that could make him feel whole again was her.
Travis and his father returned a few moments later, passing Felix a bag of trail mix that he just put on the seat next to him.
He couldn’t remember the last time he ate, but food was the furthest thing from his mind.
The four of them sat silently as they waited, with the scratching of his mom’s pen on paper and the dialogue from some romantic comedy that played on a television on the wall as the only sounds.
It seemed perverse to show a movie about people falling in love through happenstance in the same room where people sat anxiously for their loved ones, but Felix couldn’t fault the hospital for doing it.
At least something was ending happily in this place.
He continued to stare into space for a while before glancing outside, watching as the light faded into dark when the sun disappeared below the horizon.
His parents had started making calls to the hotel across the street to try and get a room when finally, a woman in a lab coat came out and called for the family of Autumn Banaszyński.
Felix stood immediately, the rush of blood to his head blacking out his vision momentarily.
Travis grabbed his elbow and helped him into the private room where he was certain he was going to get bad news, the pale blue walls offering less comfort than he’d thought they would.
Felix’s mom stood on one side and Travis on the other, two sentinels ready to attack anything that threatened to harm him, but that harm had already been done.
His father leaned over and stuffed the trail mix into his hand as the doctor started speaking.
Felix wasn’t going to eat it, but he was grateful to have something to crush in his hand as he listened to the doctor explain Autumn’s condition.
Words like cerebral edema, corticosteroids, and shunting were completely foreign to him, but among the medical jargon that spewed from the doctor’s mouth was one that Felix had heard before.
Amnesia. It was one of those things that seemed possible only in television shows as a way to retcon a storyline that was poorly received by the audience, but this wasn’t TV, and Felix wasn’t an actor.
Felix pushed down the lump of panic that had steadily been rising in his throat from the moment he answered the call from the hospital.
Grabbing his mom’s hand for support, he looked at the doctor.
The words Give it to me straight, doc, nearly burst from his mouth, but again, not an actor.
“So, she has amnesia. What exactly does that mean?”
The woman who looked barely older than him smiled and pushed up her thick rimmed glasses.
“Unfortunately, there is still so much we don’t know about the brain.
There are many types of amnesia, but the two we’re looking into with Autumn are retrograde amnesia and traumatic amnesia.
The accident wasn’t as bad as it could have been, but Autumn’s brain did take the brunt of the hit.
” She looked down at the file she had been holding and shuffled a few papers, but Felix knew she wouldn’t find the answers he was looking for in there.
He needed to see Autumn for himself before he could even start to feel even the slightest bit better.
“So, which one does she have? And how long will it last?” Felix felt bile rising in his throat at the thought of Autumn having to go through this and a wave of guilt crashed against him for not being there with her, then another at not knowing how long it would take her to recover.
“Honestly, it’s basically both. Her brain did go through quite a bit of trauma, not just with the accident but with the surgery after.
Both retrograde amnesia and traumatic brain amnesia are caused when the brain takes damage, the real question is how long it’s going to last. When asked for basic information, Autumn knew her first name and the month she was born in, but she couldn’t tell me the current year, her exact age, or where she lived. ”
If Autumn didn’t know where she lived, did that mean she didn’t know who she lived with? The thought that she might have forgotten him made Felix sad, angry, and sick to his stomach. He looked over at the doctor helplessly, wishing she could reassure him while knowing that was impossible.
As if reading his mind, she smiled sadly and gestured to the door.
“The full extent of her memory loss will become more apparent with time. The brain swelling has subsided and her other injuries required only minimal treatment, so at this point we’ll keep her here for a few days under observation while we wait and see if her condition improves. ”
With heavy feet, Felix followed the doctor down the hall.
His family stayed behind to not overwhelm Autumn, especially given her injury, but as he glimpsed his best friend’s name written on a whiteboard just outside of her room, he wished they were still with him.
Felix had the feeling he would be needing their strength.
Before stepping inside the room, he took a deep breath and pulled his shoulders back, wanting to at least appear strong for his friend even though he was feeling quite the opposite.
Watery eyes obscured his view as he opened the door, but even through the tears that swam in front of him, Felix could see the bruises on Autumn’s body, the scrapes along her left arm, and the gauze wrapped around her head, but despite her ashen skin and the weariness about her, she was still the most beautiful woman he’d ever set eyes on.
Felix sent up a silent prayer of thanks that she was alive and would get down on his knees and repeat that every day for the rest of his life if it meant she stayed that way.
“Autumn,” the doctor said. Felix watched as her eyes moved from the IV bag a nurse was checking over to the doctor. “We’ve got someone here to see you.”
Felix held his breath as her eyes traveled over to him, hope filling his chest that she would not only recognize him, but remember him, remember their friendship, and remember the love they were going to take to a whole new level, but it was not to be.
When Autumn’s stormy eyes met his, there was no light of recognition, no speck of awareness or understanding of who he was and why he was there.
The longer Autumn stared at him like that, the more Felix’s heart shattered.
Pain gripped his chest as the pieces fell, the beeping of her heart monitor the only noise in the room.
It was the soundtrack of his pain, something he would remember for the rest of his life as was the look on her face, devoid of anything other than confusion.
Felix hadn’t known it was possible for his heart to break twice in such quick succession, but it happened again as she uttered three words. “Who are you?”