Chapter 27 #2
“No. because I’m your friend.” He nudges my elbow, allowing his upper arm to linger touching mine. “We’ve known each other since we were children. You know you can tell me anything, right?”
I glance in his direction, and he looks sincere.
But the way he’s looking at me makes me uncomfortable.
I’m sure I could tell him or my parents anything and they’d still care for me.
We’ve been through a lot together, and I owe them for facilitating my recovery.
Only, he’s looking at me like I’m a woman and he’s a man, not a doctor and patient.
I’m relieved when we reach the back porch and my mother and father rush over to me for hugs and greetings.
I answer their questions about Seb in the same way I answered Jeremy’s, and they let it drop quickly.
Soon, I have a glass of May wine in one hand and a honey cake in the other and am being crowned by our coven’s elder, Hazel Heartwood, her wrinkled face smiling up at me as she places the ring of marigolds on my head.
I forget all about the weird interaction with Jeremy and lose myself in the celebration.
I eat and drink and laugh, and when a pleasant buzz vibrates in my veins, I kick off my shoes and walk barefoot in the grass toward the bonfire.
The heat soaks through my dress and into my skin, shining gold against my face.
The connection I feel to the flames, to the wood, to the fresh green grass, to the air around me is euphoric, almost as good as the Gold Room.
I dance around the flames, just breathing, just being.
“Have you made your wish yet?” Hazel asks, pausing my steps. She holds out a box of pencils and parchment.
“No, I haven’t. Thank you.” I take one of each with no idea what I plan to write.
“Your aura has changed,” Hazel says with a smile.
“Oh?”
“It used to be green when you were a child, and then, of course, when you were sick, it was dark gray for a while.” My face falls from the shame I feel.
“I knew that wouldn’t last, though,” she says, squeezing my arm.
“You’re not the first young witch to overuse gold dust, you know.
And you won’t be the last. But you are strong enough to manage the effects. I saw that in you from the start.”
I raise my eyes to hers. “Thank you for that.”
“Besides, you’re getting stronger. Your aura now is hazel.”
“Hazel? What does that mean?”
“Hazel is a blending of green, brown, and gold. Green is growth. You’re changing, sweetheart, maturing as you should.
The brown is grounding. You know your worth and are emotionally stable.
And the gold—” she grins widely “—that’s a gift of the goddess.
Celestial joy, my dear. You’ve been in her presence. ”
I don’t deny it. “You’ve always been able to see straight into me.”
She takes my hands between her own. “You’ve been blessed with a gift, Zoe.
You can accomplish whatever you want to if you just trust your instincts.
” Her eyes drift back toward Jeremy. She lowers her voice.
“Others in the coven may not agree with me on this, but I’ve never bought into the modern view of things.
Our world is magic, not psychiatry. But I believe everything you need to succeed is already available to you.
All you have to do is trust yourself to access it.
” She releases my hands and the small pencil and paper within them.
“I really needed to hear that.”
She rises up on her toes and kisses my cheek. “Blessed be.”
As she drifts off to spread her wisdom to someone else in the coven, I smile down at the parchment in my hand and think about what I should wish for.
Thoughts swirl through my head, but only one face appears again and again.
Seb. Seb is the reason I don’t have to wish for money.
Seb is the reason I don’t have to wish for a job or for a home.
Seb is fighting a battle that could end his life and the lives of his people.
I like Seb. I could love Seb under the right circumstances.
I came here alone tonight to prove to the spider in my brain that he wasn’t controlling me.
I am still my own person. He did not follow me.
He did not insist on coming with me. Even if we don’t end up together, I want to help him. I want him to know that I did my best.
I pick up the pencil and write, I wish I were enough for Seb.
I pause. I’d meant “magically” when I started writing. Enough to help Seb magically. I was referring to power. But as I was writing, I thought, it’s bigger than that. I want to be enough for him. Worthy of him. Enough that he trusts me, always. Enough that what we’ve started lasts forever.
I fold the piece of paper and toss it into the bonfire, the corners glowing gold as it curls in on itself and blows toward the stars. I picture the goddess, sweeping all our wishes into the palm of her hand and smiling down on us.
I draw in a deep breath tinged with a rich, smoky scent and decide it’s time to visit my parents’ library.