Chapter 7
SEVEN
“I left you two for fifteen minutes, and you’re fighting over a piece of pizza?”
Much like unruly dogs after the same bone, Darlene and I waged war over the last slice of pizza.
I had no idea how a pizza could possibly have an uneven number of slices, but only one of us could triumph.
While I didn’t view myself as a skilled combatant, I made up for my lack of knowledge with ferocity and a willingness to pluck her feathers, pull her fur, yank on her hair, and otherwise conquer the Queen of Hell.
Unfortunately for my attire, the Queen of Hell had claws and a willingness to use them, resulting in my clothing having seen better days. She left my bra and panties intact while the rest hung off me in strips.
I’d make her pay for the loss of the shirt, although I admired her ability to shred my jeans without leaving scratches in rude places.
Neither one of us had managed to draw any actual blood, but that would change if I could get my teeth on the bitch for even a moment.
She did an admirable job of keeping my mouth away from her, often using her elbow against my throat to spare herself from suspicious bruises.
When Lucifer returned, he did so with two angels, who helped him set down a miniature coop suitable for a single bird along with several padded cushions for the coop to rest on.
A miniature picket fence, delivered in pieces, joined the pile, which I assumed would help me contain the tiny feathered demon.
After checking the pizza box, he shook his head, snapped his fingers, and summoned another one, which he placed on the counter.
“I left you two for fifteen minutes, and you’re fighting over a piece of pizza? ”
He reached for the precious slice.
Darlene growled.
As the succubus had fended me off, I went for the Devil’s legs, crashing into him to drive him away from my prize. The Queen of Hell, with her claws unleashed, went for her husband’s chest.
Between the two of us, we slammed him to the floor.
Unlike with me, the succubus showed zero care if she drew the Devil’s blood, and only when she moved her clawing from his chest and towards his face did he catch her wrists in a hand to spare himself from her fury.
Michael took hold of my upper arms, peeled me off his brother, hauled me to my feet, and moved me far enough away I couldn’t contribute to the dispute with even my feet.
The other angel, who had red banding rather than blue, claimed the slice of pizza and offered it to me. “You have not been appropriately feeding the women in your life again, Lucifer.”
Michael eased his hold enough I could grab my cheesy prize, and I stuffed it into my mouth so the snow leopard couldn’t steal it from me.
“I was not expecting a brawl,” the Devil confessed.
“I underestimated the hedge witch when hungry. I will not make that mistake again. As for Darlene? Well, she’s a cat.
Cats like to play. I would be a fool to think, for even a moment, a cat would pass up a chance to play.
I question why I’m the only one bleeding, however. ”
As I had my mouth full of pizza, I couldn’t inform him that blood was not a standard pizza flavoring, I could be civilized, and I tended to only make people bleed if they made me bleed first.
“Self-preservation,” Darlene informed her husband in a solemn tone. “I question why you brought Michael and Gabriel to bring over a little chicken house. You could have carried that on your own.”
“I could have, but my brothers like chickens.” Lucifer’s gaze landed on my frizzle, who was snuggling up to all the legs on offer, investigating the archangels with interest. “That specific chicken might be completely lacking in sense. Or a brain, really.”
I couldn’t argue with his assessment of my bird. “She really isn’t all that bright, is she?”
“She’s really not. She also has a complete lack of fear of us—or anything, really.”
I laughed; I had more than a few chickens with zero sense of self-preservation and egos to rival even chihuahuas.
“They are tiny feathered dinosaurs, and they would like you to remember their ancient and bold heritage. Clearly, she was either a Utah raptor or a Tyrannosaurus rex, a most vicious and proud predator. Or scavenger. The jury is still out on the Tyrannosaurus being a predator or scavenger species.”
“They were equal opportunists,” Gabriel replied, and he settled his wings against his back, crouched, and introduced himself to my new chicken.
“If a prey species was foolish enough to catch the notice of a rex, it would be quite pleased to dispatch its prey. They were also excellent scavengers, cleaning up the larger corpses to maintain their ecosystem. Much like elephants today, Tyrannosaurus rex were keystone animals; their presence stabilized and cultivated the ecosystems they lived within.”
Well, that would give me some food for thought for a while. “And Utah raptors?”
“They were excellent and skilled predators, and they were individualistic in their preferences. Some formed small packs, some did not. The solo hunters were your ultimate ambush predator while the pack predators enjoyed flushing out their prey and taking chase, much like a cheetah does today. Observing paleontologists attempt to decipher animal behaviors from bones is quite the fascinating process.”
I stared. “But why are you telling me?”
“Even if you went and found a paleontologist, spoke of all I told you, they would still seek out the truth among the bones. In truth, it makes no difference.” The archangel offered my pullet another round of petting before rising. “Where would you like us to place the house for your chicken?”
I would likely regret my choice, but I replied, “I’ll put it in my bedroom. It’s plenty spacious enough, and a little magic will help contain her—and her messes—to appropriate places.”
Michael and Gabriel worked together to gather everything, and rather than teleport, they wandered through my home in search of my bedroom. “Thank you. My bedroom is on the third floor,” I called out after them.
It would be simple enough for them to figure out where to go; there was only one bedroom on the third floor with any signs someone used it.
Some days, I regretted not selecting one of the ground floor bedrooms, I generally disliked the ones on the second floor and intended to use them for guest bedrooms, and the third floor had my second favorite kitchen.
Keeping his wife contained with a hand, Lucifer opened the second pizza box, got out a slice, and took care with how he released her, making certain she got a hold of the food rather than his flesh again.
Once Darlene worked at filling her belly, much as I did, he stepped back.
“I know better than to take any of that pizza until you both are a little less snarly.”
Smart man. I made my slice vanish in record time and snagged my next gooey victim, sighing my happiness over the flavor.
Mmm, pizza.
“Please don’t check your email until tomorrow; nothing on the list is critical, and it should be a good warmup for you to get back into the swing of doing secretarial work. The research is into businesses Malcolm thinks might be lucrative for your dragon, either as a stockholder or as a purchaser.”
“He has the funds to purchase companies?” I inquired between bites, raising a brow. “Hasn’t he been asleep for a few hundred years or so?”
“Something like that. Dragons have hoards, and wise dragons protect those hoards even while they slumber. Your specific dragon had a custodial family, who built this estate, but upon their extinction, his matters were left unattended. I opted to attend to them, knowing he would be the first to wake up. The last thing anyone needs is that old dragon angry his hoard vanished without a trace due to the loss of his custodians. Of course, it would not surprise me if their loss is part of why he’s slow about raising his castle from the depths.
Theirs was an old line, and he had watched many generations of them be born, live, and die. They were a joy of his.”
With that in mind, I could be as patient as the dragon needed before he came making a mess of my cushy life.
Having confirmation I dealt with the same dragon as the one who’d devoured three cities in Georgia should have bothered me, but after he’d sated his appetite, he’d gone off to do whatever dragons did after rousing from a long slumber.
“I’m still hazy on why he ate three cities. ”
“I opposed the End of Days, and Wishing Well murdered most of the inhabitants—or bargained to gain access to their souls. Kanika saved those she could, and our friend spared us a great deal of grief and trauma cleaning up the bodies. The walking dead had congregated in all three locations. It would have done the survivors even more harm should they have had to handle the remains. In truth, he’s been lurking in Florida for a while, to the point rumors of him being here have spread, but he’s not out in the open yet.
Don’t worry about your neighbors and their fussing.
When rumor grows to become legend, and legend fades into myth, people accept the stories that make the most sense to them.
And, well, his actions in Georgia have led them to believe you will be the one eaten so the rest of the street can live in harmony. In reality—”
Darlene kicked the Devil. “Save your perversions for later.”
“She should be warned about what she is getting into. Her innocence isn’t refreshing. It’s disturbing.”