Chapter 36 #2
Every single move I make against her is met with nothing.
She’s untouchable. Aggravation boils a little higher, and my split lip protests through every new snarl.
My muscles scream at me to take a break and sit, or better yet, to come at this from a reasonable, rational place rather than exasperation.
Astrid enjoys thwarting me. I swear she’s laughing as she bends a knee and swivels away from my bumbling attempts.
“Your sister must have been the last great fighter of your line,” Astrid says conversationally, her nostrils flaring. “I heard about her. She had a fierce reputation. It’s been said she was singular minded and stronger even than your father. He fought under the General, did he not?”
I lunge, striking out where her face used to be. “You don’t know anything.”
My knuckles clip the edge of her shoulder.
“The stories did not do her justice, either. Elspeth Whyte was much feared. I only had the chance to see her once in person myself, but she met every expectation of her skill.”
The way Astrid speaks leaves nothing to my imagination. She wonders what happened to me. Why I hadn’t followed in Elspeth’s footsteps.
Why didn’t I have a tenth of my older sister’s skills?
And since she made no mention against kicking, I spin as quickly as my beat-up body allows and kick out toward her ankle to incapacitate her. Astrid is faster.
Off balance, I stumble again, and she headbutts me. Pain immediately splinters out through my face.
“Ether curse you!” I cup my face, my nose aching.
“Your anger is a beautiful thing. It will take you far, as I said,” she adds. “As long as you learn how to weaponize it. You have to harness the fury and control it rather than letting it control you.”
“You’re purposely pissing me off,” I seethe.
She sniffs, shrugs. “You’re letting me.”
I make no headway toward marking her. At every opportunity, Astrid has the advantage, and either uses my own momentum against me or goads me into a trap.
“Your sister wasn’t offered a place in DragonSpear?” she asks.
The constant mention of Elspeth has crimson seeping along the edges of my vision. I grind my teeth, still circling the other woman.
“She did,” I say. “She turned it down.”
“Why would anyone turn it down?”
I send out a leg and clip her on the side of the knee this time. She does not budge.
“Elspeth has other duties. Had.”
She’s quiet for a moment before bowing her head. “I’m sorry for your loss.”
It’s not what I expect her to say. Which is probably what she’d hoped for. She moves in a blink and punches me. Stars wink behind my closed eyes, and the nose she hadn’t broken on her first hit finally cracks.
Blood streams down my face, but I force myself upright, wiping it with the back of my hand.
“Keep your apologies,” I snarl. “They won’t bring her back. They won’t bring any of the people I lost back. Your boyfriend demolished an entire village.”
“Pathetic. You really believe you’ll be able to honor your fallen family this way? You react when you need to stop and settle. You blunder when tact is required.” Astrid squints at me. “What are you when you take the rage away? You’re hollow, and that breeds self-righteousness.”
Ouch.
Her words hit like a blow to the chest, almost as painful as the broken nose. The corners of her mouth downturn now and her brows draw together as she waits for me to answer.
“Maybe I don’t have what it takes to make it here,” I tell her. “Is that what you want to hear?”
“You are missing the point.” She tilts her head, the gesture smooth. “Typical.”
She doesn’t just doubt me. She hates me.
I attack. Astrid’s composure is unflinching and her muscles flex as she drops my wrists and rounds the wooden pole to avoid my ambush.
“Do better. What are you waiting for?” She ducks her head around the wood. “Another invitation? Your first one is gone and you’re already squandering the second.”
“I thought you didn’t want me here. I thought you said it was a mistake.”
“Again, focusing on the wrong things, Morgan.”
I grit my teeth, shooting Astrid a murderous glance. She laughs and draws in a deep breath like she’s reacting to the promise of violence in the air.
Closer. I need to get closer to her and make her think I’m going down, then tap her before I do. It’s inevitable.
A chill creeps over me and a moment later, Astrid laughs loudly, the sound cruel.
“I get it now.”
“What do you get?” I take a step toward her then pull myself back.
“Desperation. Ambition. All rolled up into one.” She pauses. “I get what Kieran sees in you even though his trust is misplaced.”
“Misplaced?” I search for a better word. “I never asked for his trust. I don’t want it. I don’t want anything from him.”
Or her. Or this place.
Maybe I am pathetic and desperate and self-righteous. Maybe those things have been blossoming into fully formed blockages since my mother died but I wasn’t able to see them because the only thing I felt was fury.
Anger is a part of my soul. It whispers to me at night when I need to sleep, and the haunting melody isn’t one I can easily drop.
My legs are unsteady, and I press the heel of my palm to my racing heart. But that doesn’t help the rhythm go steady.
“Kieran might trust me but he’s a fool.”
“Well. It’s the first intelligent thing I’ve heard come out of your mouth. Good.” Astrid dips her head in another curt acknowledgement, and I’m irrationally happy to see it. “Trust no one. Be fearless.”
“So why would I trust the offer to be a part of this school?”
“Hmm. You’re finally focusing on the right thing.”
Astrid turns her back on me. The opening is a trap, and I walk into it regardless. Tears of fury scald my eyes when she turns with me, sending me hurtling onto my stomach on the mat with a well-placed push to my ribs.
I catch myself before I land fully, but my wrists protest violently and my knees crack.
Air hisses through my teeth.
“And why should you trust him, or the offer?” she asks, her voice slightly deriding. “At this point, you shouldn’t, but consider this—it’s the only option left to you. There is no way for you to accomplish your goals whipped to death. Be grateful for the option but do not accept it blindly.”
I want to put my hands over my ears and block her out.
“I may not die by Evie’s whipping. I may survive,” I say, logic eclipsed by resentment.
There’s too much at stake for there to be another option.
Her laugh is short and cruel.
“Evie will relish ripping the skin from your body until nothing is left to cover your bones.” Astrid strikes me in the jaw. “She’ll kill you without blinking and you’ll be nothing but a blip in her past. Hardly worth the space in her head.”
I aim for Astrid’s ribs and manage to drag my elbow against bone before she rolls and pulls me on top of her.
My punches are reckless. I might as well have been chewing stone with my teeth. Astrid moves me with her, but the hits bounce off. My fist collides with her chest, and she turns us again, pinning me to the ground.