Chapter 10
Hitting send on the e-mail, I smiled at the
computer screen. I’d busted ass since I’d woken up, foregoing showering and
even changing out of pajamas until I reached the last page.
The glamorous life of an editor.
Finished with the edits, I pushed out of my chair and picked
up a dry erase pen. Carrying it to the whiteboard hung near the desk, I
scratched a line over Other Lives. Nothing made me more giddy than
marking something off from my to-do list.
Actually, that wasn’t entirely true.
Colton took the top spot of things that made me giddy right
about now.
This last week had been…absolutely amazing, almost like I
was a teen again or in my early twenties, buzzing around happily. I’d forgotten
how it feels, to be…to be caught up in the excitement and anticipation of
seeing someone, to actually be feeling something strongly again, because if
this week had taught me anything, it was that the last four years had been only
about my career and nothing else.
But this week had also taught me a lot more.
Since Colton worked ten-hour shifts, he had three days
off—Sunday, Monday, and oddly, Wednesday. Of course, he was on call those days
and it didn’t seem like he really had them off. Due to the shooting last week,
he was in the office both Monday and Wednesday, following up on leads, but both
evenings I spent time with him. Monday was the movies, something I hadn’t
really enjoyed since Kevin. Wednesday we grabbed dinner at this restaurant in
town, one I’d never been to before because it seemed like a couples kind of
place.
Both nights had ended like Sunday night, in a way. He would
kiss me at the door, but somehow we ended up on my couch, his body covering
mine, his mouth claiming mine, and his hands doing crazy-insane things to my
body. Just thinking about it now, as I rolled the pen between my hands, created
a heady rush of sensations. I flushed and my body responded as I remembered how
his hand felt between my thighs and how easily his skilled caresses worked my
body into a frenzy.
And he always stopped before either of us found any release.
He was an expert tease. Or maybe he just didn’t want to go that far and—I cut
that thought off, slapping it away like it was nothing more than a worrisome
fly. That thought didn’t even make sense. It was stupid.
I was done with being stupid.
Besides, things were already progressing crazy fast between
us. It made sense that some area of our relationship would be slowed down,
which is basically what he’d said. I could and did respect that, and part of me
was glad that there was something holding us back. Deep down, I knew I wasn’t
ready for that. Well, my body was. I had a feeling that what beat strongly in
my chest was also on board, but my head…my head had a hard time letting go of
the noxious, poisonous whispers.
I’d never thought of myself as someone who had self-esteem
issues. I had my body hang-ups, like any normal woman, but the lack of intimacy
and the reintroduction of it shined a really harsh light on the way I viewed
myself, on how unconnected I was with my own body.
The way Colton looked at me, how he touched me, drew my
focus back to myself. He probably would have no idea what that meant for me…or
probably what that was doing to me.
I placed the pen back in the coffee cup an author had sent
me, pulse pounding in all the interesting, distracting places. It was Sunday
and we’d made plans to see each other this evening, nothing further or more
concrete than that, and I was still edgy with anticipation.
To be honest, I wasn’t sure I ever felt any of this with
Kevin. Not because my feelings for him were weaker, because they weren’t, but
we’d gotten together so young. What I felt then was nothing like what I felt
now, and maybe if Kevin and I had met when we were older, I would be
experiencing this with him.
All the maddening rush of emotions was a bit too much to
handle. It was like seeing only in black and white, and suddenly everything was
in vibrant colors. My stomach dipped as a thread of realization weaved its way
through my thoughts.
Was what I was feeling something more powerful than lust and
the excitement that came with new relationships? Was it love?
I swallowed hard as I turned from the dry erase board, my
gaze crawling over the spines of the books I’d edited while in New York and
from freelancing, but I really didn’t see any of the titles.
Had I already fallen in love with Colton?
That sounded so, so ridiculous. We’d only come back into
each other’s lives a week ago, and we really hadn’t been in each other’s lives
before. Not really. But what I was feeling was powerful, reminiscent of what I
felt for Kevin.
It was strange to think about him while thinking about the
four-letter word and Colton, all in the same sentence. It wasn’t a bad feeling,
like it was wrong or anything, but just odd.
Tucking my hair back behind my ears, I pressed my lips
together. It wasn’t like I never wanted to fall in love again. I had hoped that
I would, but it wasn’t something I had imagined happening in a long time. For
one thing, I really didn’t put myself out there to even meet anyone. To do
that, I’d actually have to go out more often.
Feeling what I was caught me off guard for multiple reasons.
I wasn’t expecting anyone to waltz into my life, especially not Colton Anders.
I wasn’t expecting to feel this strongly, and although many of the books I’d
edited featured characters falling in love hard and fast, I hadn’t believed it
was possible. Insta-love didn’t exist in the real world.
Or maybe it did exist and I was actually experiencing it.
The flutter in my stomach increased. A twisty mixture of
thoughts and emotions invaded me. Falling in love was exhilarating. It was
arousing, possibly the most powerful aphrodisiac.
It was also scary as hell.
Because I’d already loved and lost once.
And knowing what I knew now, that I would lose Kevin, I
still wouldn’t go back and change a damn thing. Love, no matter the amount of
pain it could rain down on your head, was worth it.
Then that meant if what I was feeling now was real, no
matter how crazy it sounded and felt, it was also worth the possibility it
wasn’t returned, that it would never grow into something mutual, that it would
cut deep in the end.
No matter what, I wasn’t going to hide from what I was
feeling. What happened to Kevin and what I’d seen Friday night proved that life
was truly too short to not live it.
To be a coward.
Walking into my bedroom, I kicked off my flip-flops as I
glanced at the dress I planned to wear tonight. It wasn’t fancy, just a cotton
eyelet pattern dress, but I was trying to get more comfortable in my own skin.
Reaching down, pulling my shirt off, cool air washed over my breasts and the
already hardened nipples tingled sharply. As I pulled off my bottoms, I
couldn’t help but imagine Colton doing it. I could easily see him on his knees,
staring up at me with those ocean-blue eyes.
My stomach hallowed as I sat on the edge of my bed. I needed
to shower and get ready, but my hand floated to the base of my throat. There
was a moment of hesitation as I bit down on my lower lip. I knew what my body
wanted—what I wanted. The tension had been building all week and I felt like I
was going to crawl out of my skin.
Getting off had been kind of clinical in the past, almost as
if I was detached from what I was doing and feeling. It was just about feeling
a few moments of pleasure, but this, right now, was so much more potent. My
hand trembled as I realized what I wanted to do and this time, it was so
different.
The sharp swirl of pleasure built as I drew my hand down. My
arm brushed over the tip of my breast, causing me to suck in a shallow breath.
I wasn’t thinking as I dragged my fingers down, my nails scrapping lightly over
the puckered nipple. Colton consumed my thoughts as my hand drifted down my
stomach, beyond my navel. The moment my fingers brushed through the gathering
wetness, a breathy moan escaped me. I slipped a finger in as I pressed the palm
of my hand against the nub of nerves.
Pleasure pounded, heavy and intense. I let myself fall back
against the bed as I widened my legs. My eyes were opened into thin slits. I
could see the tips of my breasts, the curve of my stomach, and my hand moving
between my thighs.
I’d never watched myself before, but I couldn’t look away
this time, and my heart thumped fast as I lifted my hips, meeting the thrust of
my finger. There was something wholly erotic about this—about watching what I
was doing.
My breathing turned shallow, and in an instant, I saw
Colton’s head bowed between my thighs instead of my hand, and it was his
fingers instead of mine, his mouth. The tension coiled and then unraveled
without warning, whipping throughout me. I kicked my head back, crying out in
the silence of my bedroom. The release was more intense than anytime I’d ever
done this, shocking me.
Closing my eyes, I let out a long sigh as I slowly pulled my
hand away, letting it rest on my belly. God, my hormones were out of control.
Actually, my emotions were out of control, but in a very
good way. My lips curved up at the corners, forming a small, sated smile. I
blinked open my eyes, my gaze focusing on the ceiling. My muscles were nothing
and moving from this bed was the last thing I wanted, but I…
I felt…alive.
Colton really did know the way to my heart.
Crab rangoons.
When he showed up Sunday evening, he’d brought a delicious
array of takeout, including my weakness, which existed in the form of crab and
cream cheese. He’d also brought a movie with him since I’d replaced the TV a
few days ago. It wasn’t nearly as nice or as big as the first one, but it would
have to do until I could justify spending hundreds of dollars on a larger TV.
He’d brought with him a remake of an old-school horror film that had