Chapter 13
CLARA
A sleep potion bubbled in the cauldron, filling the shop with the aroma of lavender.
I knew it was meant to be calming, but I could really feel it work through me.
I loved being in the shop when it was quiet like this, even if I knew it was better when it was busy, because that meant more potential for loyal customers.
We had plenty of them, but we could always do with more.
I ignored those thoughts and focused instead on looking through all of the notes I'd made about my potion for dreaming of the dead.
I needed to test it, but I was a little nervous.
I trusted Hel and what she'd said about veillock, especially since she'd talked about it in front of Daisy and Thor too, but trying out a new ingredient was always a risk.
I'd done as much research as I could, but there was a chance I'd gotten the dosage wrong. Or I could simply be allergic to it.
I let out a sigh. Maybe it would be best if I talked to Hel again before drinking it. She knew more about how the plant worked, and that would hopefully mean that I could take it with the information I need.
I grabbed my phone and pulled up the chat with her.
Not that there was any of that, just my request for an appointment and her confirming it.
Maybe it was a bad idea to message her, even about this.
She'd made it clear that she didn't want more than a single night, and it had already somehow been more than that.
The bell above the door jingled and I almost sighed with relief at the realisation that I could put off making a decision until after I'd dealt with the customer. I wasn't usually the indecisive type, but it seemed as if Hel was bringing it out in me.
I set my phone down by the till and smiled in the direction of the customer, only to end up surprised at the appearance of the subject of my thoughts.
She looked more casual than I'd seen her the other times, with her light blue hair braided over her shoulder, and form-fitting jeans with a white shirt, but she looked good.
Really good.
"Please tell me you knew this was my shop."
Hel laughed. "I did. I asked Daisy where it was. So I think she's convinced there's something going on between us now."
"You could probably have searched for potion shop and Dixon online," I pointed out.
"I didn't know if your surname was the same as Daisy's," she responded. "So, here I am."
"Here you are," I repeated. "And why are you here exactly?"
"I came to see how you were getting on with your potion and if you needed any more necromancy insights," she said.
I raised an eyebrow. It seemed like a thin excuse for...something. I just wasn't sure precisely what. "I just need to test it," I said. "I'm waiting for Daisy to have an evening free so she can watch over me while I do. But it's going to be a while, apparently. She has a sculpting deadline."
"Why wait for Daisy? I can help." She leaned against the counter, bringing her closer to me and making me extremely aware of her presence.
"That sounds like you want to spend time with me."
She shrugged. "I'm curious about the potion."
"Why would it interest you?"
"I've been alive a long time," she responded. "There are people I wouldn't mind remembering more clearly."
"Lost loves?"
"Lost friends, mostly. I learned early on that it was better not to fall in love," Hel said, but the expression on her face said that she might not be as comfortable with that as she pretended to be.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be. Death is the only constant in the world. It's something that most people have to look forward to in the end. And then we move on to whatever is next."
"Don't you know?" I asked curiously.
"I'm alive," Hel pointed out. "I have no way of knowing."
"You can talk to the dead."
"There are some questions that aren't asked.
I don't know if the dead are unable to answer, or if it's been passed down through necromancer lines to respect them enough not to ask, but it's not something we talk about.
It was one of the first lessons my mother taught me about necromancy.
" Sadness flitted over her beautiful face, making my heart ache for her.
"You miss her."
"I've missed her for about seven hundred years," Hel said.
"Have you talked to her since?"
"When I have big news to tell her, but it's fleeting, and it isn't the same," she said. "I'm sorry, this isn't what you want to hear when you're making your potion to try and see your dad again."
"It's fine," I assured her. "I know that it's not going to be the same as him being here.
But I think that's part of why I need to do it.
It's not just for me either. There are so many people who come into the shop asking for something to help with their grief, and we have nothing.
Normally, I can help them with a sleep potion so at least they get the rest they need, but it's not the same. It doesn't help the pain."
Something about the way Hel was looking at me felt different. Like she was seeing something for the first time. "It's about grief."
"Of course it's about grief. Isn't that why you're a mortician? Beyond being a death goddess."
"I could be anything I wanted to be," she said. "Many of the gods have reinvented themselves more than once. If the rumours are to be believed, Seth is an architect."
"You're going to have to give me context on that one, I'm really not good on mythology."
"Egyptian god of chaos. And some other things, but I have no idea what they are," Hel responded. "He's been reclusive for most of my life, so I've never actually met him."
"If you don't feel like you have to be a mortician because of what you are, then why do you do it?" I asked, leaning forward and only realising once I had that there now wasn't very much space between us at all.
"Because doing this helps people. Saying goodbye is hard. I've had my share of it. And the idea that I might be able to help someone with that process is enough to keep me in the job. Though I don't work long hours. I'm expensive."
I laughed. "I wouldn't expect anything else from a death goddess. That's quite a flex to be able to say you were embalmed by one."
"If the dead can speak to one another," she responded.
"I believe they can. If the afterlife is real, and it must be for necromancers to be able to speak with the dead, then the dead must be somewhere."
"Maybe. Or they could just be echoes that we think are the dead," Hel said.
"I don't think it matters. I mean, it does for the people who are dead. But for the living, it doesn't. For us, it's about the comfort the contact brings us in our grief."
"That's a beautiful way of looking at it," Hel said.
"I've had experience."
"I'm sorry." She reached out and touched the back of my hand with hers, making sparks jump to life within me even from the simple touch.
"Everyone deals with it. Everyone dies, everyone moves on. Well, except immortals. I suppose they don't have funerals."
"Some of them do," she responded. "I've done them for gods and immortals who are very much alive."
I frowned, trying to figure out how that would work. "Why?"
"Because forever is a long time." A sad expression crossed her face, and I found myself wondering how many people she'd told this to over the years.
"People change in that time. I know I have.
Sometimes, an immortal wants to say goodbye to the person they used to be so they can fully embrace who they are now. "
"That's beautiful."
"So is making potions so people can see the faces of their loved ones again," she responded.
"I just want to help people. It's how I got into making sleep potions in the first place. One of my flatmates at university had night terrors, especially around exams, and I wanted to make it easier for him. So I took a potion-making class and figured out how to do it."
"That's very thoughtful of you," Hel said.
I shrugged. "That was my skillset as a witch. I wanted it to be useful. I know some people don't want to be defined by what they are, and I don't either, but I do want to use the talent I have in order to make things better for people."
"That's a wonderful sentiment to have."
The bell rang again, and I stood up so quickly that it made my head spin.
Hel gave me a hesitant smile, showing a slight crack in her normal confidence. "I mean it about being the person to watch over you if you want to test the potion. Just message me, and I'll be there. Though I might need to bring Garmr if it's short notice."
"Thank you."
She waved and disappeared in time for my customer to approach the counter and ask for a potion. I was only going through the motions. Internally, I was wondering what I was going to do about Hel's proposition.
Except that I wasn't. I could pretend that I needed to decide, but I could feel the answer in my gut.
I was going to invite her over so she could be there when I tested the potion, even if there was a small part of me that whispered that it was a bad idea, especially if we were still going to be trying to keep things casual. But all that led to was one thought.
What if this could be more?