Chapter 30 #2
After a quick, almost involuntary stroke of his thumbs across the delicate skin on the insides of her wrists, he released her hands and nodded toward the bunk beds. “Thanks to those, we can share this room without being together that way if need be.”
A bemused laugh escaped Allie.
He managed a smile, couldn’t resist a callback to that first night in the bunker. The night that changed his life. “Hey, you’ve never shared bunk beds with a friend before?”
Allie caught her breath. However, instead of saying what he’d expected—we’re not exactly friends—she simply nodded, looking thoughtful. Then she took a few steps away from him, moving toward the desk. He waited, heartbeat jagged in his chest.
After a moment, she turned back to face him.
“You know everything about me now that might make you run screaming,” she said.
“You know about my baggage. My family. Brandon. Morrigan. My gift of finding things.” Cocking her head, she regarded him.
“Key and I are pretty sure you’re gifted too.
Stamina or resilience. Something like that. ”
The idea struck him like a fist, but she didn’t stop to let him process.
“I need you to know that I’m not going to stop using my ability.
I’m not going to stop working with Morrigan—hopefully not ‘for,’ although that remains to be seen.
” She took a deep breath. “I want to help other people. I want to make this world better. Not because I’m worried about being deadweight anymore but because I can. I can make a real difference.”
Allie laughed. It came out shaking but happy. “Wow. I think I finally believe that.” She paused, as if testing it out. “I’m not deadweight. Brandon was wrong. I was wrong.” Her smile was one of discovery, joy, and it was aimed not at him but at something inside herself.
Hearing her say those words—knowing she meant them, knowing she was letting go of the worst part of that old pain—lifted something off his heart he hadn’t known he’d been carrying.
Allie needed to know her worth, not only to him but to this new world they lived in, but he would never have been able to convince her of it if she couldn’t see it herself.
She nodded, again to herself. “And you know something? I fought for the right to do that. I didn’t ask for the dreams or the ability to seek, but when they went away, I got them back.
I learned from my mistakes and made amends with Morrigan—and I get it now.
I think I get Her now, at least as well as any human could.
I already knew She brought you to me for a reason. ”
That news made him blink, but it wasn’t exactly a huge shocker. “I’m glad She did.”
“Me too. I love your family. I love Gray and Ripper. I love being part of this group. I’m staying.” She nodded. “And Laurel? She sounds like she was pretty much a self-centered bitch. So whatever. I’m officially done trying to be nice about it.”
Cam laughed. Allie didn’t.
Then Allie took a deep breath. “So here’s the deal.
I’m going to keep communicating with Morrigan and using my seeking ability.
That’s going to put me in danger sometimes because of how it all works.
You won’t be able to stop that.” When Cam frowned, she held up a hand.
“Let me finish. Yes, I’ll be in danger, but if we’re going to be allies, I’m hoping you’ll be there to watch my back.
To support me the way I’ll support you.” She swallowed, glancing up at him.
“I need you to be someone I can count on, always, because... well, because I’ll need you. ”
“Always.” His voice cracked on the word, but he didn’t give a damn. “No matter what. Whether we’re lovers or friends, whether we’re pissed at each other or playing endless games of rummy.”
Her smile, wide and grateful, just about stole his breath. She closed her eyes and whispered, “Thank you.”
Cam’s heart thumped almost painfully in his chest. Then they were hugging each other, clinging to each other. The way they had that first time in the bunker, with no thought other than giving and receiving comfort. Reassurance. Care. God, he loved holding her, loved when she held him.
But more needed to be said before this could be considered settled. It’s my turn.
He got a sudden vision of him kneeling in front of her, pledging his gun and his knife and his life to her like a knight would a queen.
Instead, he settled for raising his head enough to look into her shining eyes, hoping she could see that he meant every word.
“I will be there. I’ll have your back as long as there’s breath in my body, no matter what. ”
Those brown eyes filled with tears, and she blinked one away.
He chased it with his thumb and cupped her face in his palm.
“But there’s more to that, if we’re true allies.
I want to work with you—be a real partner.
” Like Key and Odette. “We’re going to argue.
Disagree. It’s inevitable. You’ll make choices, take actions, but you have to give me a chance to tell you when I have concerns.
I won’t stop you, but we’ll have to work together to keep you safe so you can keep doing what you do.
” He paused, running his thumb across her cheek again.
“It’ll go both ways. Are you open to that? ”
Allie sniffled and let out a watery chuckle, electrifying him by leaning into his caress. “Are you saying the Ruler of the Rummyverse isn’t all-knowing?”
He snorted softly, despite his pounding heart. “Never. But unless her abilities include mind reading, she’s going to have to communicate with her partner the old-fashioned way. Boring old verbal discussion.”
She took a deep breath. “I can promise that. But what if there isn’t time?”
“In emergencies, I’ll defer to your judgment,” he vowed. “But no more sneaking off to use your ability. No more going off on your own to ambush ambushers.”
Allie closed her eyes briefly, a rueful smile curving her lips. “You know, Morrigan was pissed at me for that. Rightly so. I should have told you back then, before then, about my gift. I was too scared. That was cowardly, and it almost got us both killed.”
“Not cowardly,” he said, not about to let her castigate herself. “You had good reasons.”
She shook her head. “The first thing Morrigan ever told me to do that I absolutely disobeyed was to tell you about Her. ‘Tell him about me. About your gift,’ She said. In a way more frightening, authoritative voice, of course.”
Damn. Do I like Morrigan now? “You never told me that.”
“She always meant for you to know.” Allie sighed. “I should have realized that meant you weren’t like Brandon, that I could trust you. If I had listened, it would have saved us so much pain and trouble.” She gazed into his eyes again. “That’s on me. I’m sorry I didn’t.”
Her sad smile was about to break his heart. “Apology accepted, angel. No question about that.”
She nodded, and her smile turned thoughtful just before she asked, “What’s my favorite color, Cam?”
He wanted to laugh, but this was Allie—non sequiturs were part of the deal. “Um, it’s purple. Like the top of the sky when the sun starts going down.”
“Yup.” Her delighted grin was like a beam of light. “Yours is green. Any green, really, but you like the dark greens best.”
Was it possible for his chest to turn itself inside out? He trembled even as he laughed. “Yup.”
Her brown eyes turned soft and knowing. “Cam.” She raised one hand to his cheek. He couldn’t stop himself from leaning into her touch. “I don’t want Zachary. Or Malcolm. Or anybody else. It’s been you, always and only you, since I saw you in that dream.”
He closed his eyes on a rush of lightheaded joy. “Angel.”
“Another thing Morrigan said to me? After I woke up back in that forest, having gone off and nearly gotten myself killed? She said love was supposed to make me stronger, not make me stupid.”
She laughed at herself, but Cam’s eyes flew open again.
Love.
Then Allie said it again, in the best possible way. “I love you, Cameron Hale.” His angel looked into his eyes, her big brown eyes steady on his. “Do you love me?”
He drew her to him, their mouths millimeters apart. “I love you so fucking much that I’m afraid I’m going to die from it.”
He touched his lips to hers gently, sweetly, before he pulled her close, burying his face in her hair.
They held each other for a long time. He pulled back only when he felt tears on his neck. “Hey, hey,” he crooned. “None of that.”
“You’re not the boss of me.” Her voice was as watery as her eyes.
He laughed and kissed her again, tasting the salt on her lips, licking into her warm mouth until she moaned and twined her hands into his hair.