Chapter five
Caine
Four days.
That was how long Devyn had been upset with me. Four days of listening to her cry while she avoided me. Four days of staying locked inside her room unless she absolutely had to come out. Four days of watching my daughter look at me like I was the worst person on earth.
And somehow every day seemed worse than the one before.
I had only three days left to make up with Devyn before she left for Switzerland. The problem was that she didn’t want anything to do with me… at all.
I sat at the kitchen island nursing a cup of coffee while scrolling through emails on my phone.
Tara sat across from me quietly picking at a bowl of fruit.
The argument we had a few days ago still lingered heavily between us.
Not that I blamed her though because I should have spoken to her once I made a decision regarding Devyn’s school.
Shit, nobody in this house seemed happy with me lately. A few moments later, I heard footsteps on the staircase. My eyes immediately lifted when I saw Devyn.
She looked exhausted and had dark circles beneath her eyes. And judging by the redness around them, she had either been crying recently or never stopped. Neither possibility made me feel good about the situation.
My only daughter walked straight past us without a word of acknowledgment or a good morning. She opened the refrigerator, grabbed an apple and immediately turned towards the stairs again.
“Devyn.” She stopped and sighed heavily, but she didn’t turn around. “Honey, I know you’re upset with me, but that doesn’t mean you get to continue ignoring us.”
Slowly she turned to face me. “I’m not ignoring y’all,” she replied. The lie was so obvious it almost made me laugh. “I just don’t have anything to say to y’all.”
Her tone wasn’t disrespectful. That was the whole problem because she sounded cold and detached. Like she was speaking to a couple of strangers instead of family.
Tara cleared her throat. “Actually, I was hoping we could go shopping today,” she suggested.
Devyn looked at her. For a split second I thought she might actually engage.
“I’d like to get you some winter clothes before you leave. It’s really cold out there,” Tara reasoned.
The wall immediately went back up. “If it’s all the same to y’all, I’ll just shop when I get there,” Devyn declined.
Then she turned towards the staircase again.
“Devyn.”
This time my voice came out firmer. She stopped again but didn’t look at me.
“How long are you going to treat us this way?” I asked.
“Are you still sending me to Switzerland?” she asked.
“Sweetheart, I know you don’t agree with my decision, but I’m only sending you to Switzerland so you can have opportunities that I didn’t have when I was your age.”
“I didn’t ask you to do that. I didn’t ask for those opportunities,” she said.
“As your father, it’s my job to make sure that you have the best life possible.”
“I can have that right here in Atlanta.”
“No, you can’t.”
“I go to one of the best schools in the state. I’ve had all kinds of accomplishments and trophies for everything. I have straight As and have never gotten in any trouble…”
“I know that sweetheart,” I said.
“And yet you’re still sending me away!” she cried. “To some foreign country where I don’t know anybody! How is that the best thing for me?”
The question hung in the air. For several seconds I couldn’t even answer her. Then she slowly walked back towards the island. The apple still remained untouched in her hand.
The hurt that flashed across her face nearly made me look away.
“Why are you really doing this?” she asked.
I sighed because we had this conversation already… more than once.
“Because I think it’s what’s best for your future.”
Tears instantly filled her eyes.
“Shouldn’t I have a say in my future?” The question hit harder than I expected. “I mean… it’s my life.”
“Devyn, you’re only thirteen.”
“So?”
“So, you’re a child.”
“I’m not a little kid though!” Tears continued to slide down her cheeks.
“And because you’re a child, I have to make decisions in your best interest.”
She laughed a broken laugh. The kind that hurts me to hear.
“That’s not fair!”
“Life isn’t fair sweetie.”
She shook her head.
“It’s not fair that I don’t get a say in what I want for MY future.”
The tears started falling harder. I always hated seeing her cry. Unfortunately, this wasn’t something I could fix. At least not in the way she wanted me to.
“If it was up to me, I’d stay here,” she said.
“I know.”
“Then why can’t I?”
I rubbed my forehead because she still didn’t understand.
“If it was up to you, you’d stay here and spend all your time focused on Dylan,” I said.
The room immediately went silent. Tara looked away while Devyn stared at me, completely stunned.
“I don’t want that for you,” I said. The hurt in her eyes multiplied because I had finally said the thing we had all been avoiding. “You don’t get it.”
I shook my head.
“Oh, I get it perfectly.”
“You don’t know...”
“I know enough.”
Fresh tears rolled down her cheeks, and suddenly she looked younger than thirteen. She was just a kid trying desperately to be heard. Then she said something I didn’t see coming.
“I don’t want Tara for you.” The entire room froze. Even Tara looked surprised. “But you’re still with her.” Devyn wiped angrily at her face. “I don’t get a say in that.” Nobody spoke. “I don’t get a say in that or my own life.”
Her voice cracked. “It’s like I’m living my life for you.”
The words landed like a hard punch to my stomach because for the first time since this started, I could hear what was underneath the anger. I heard fear and helplessness.
The feeling that she had no control over her own future.
I swallowed hard. “I wish you could see it the way I do.”
Her answer came immediately. “I’m never gonna see it the way you do.”
I could tell that she meant every word. Then she turned around and walked away. A couple of minutes later, her bedroom door slammed upstairs. The sound echoed through the house. Neither me nor Tara spoke right away. The silence felt heavier than usual.
Finally, Tara looked over at me. “She’s hurting.”
I laughed bitterly. “You think I don’t know that?” I countered.
“I think you thought this was going to be easier than what it is.”
The observation irritated me because it was true. I set my coffee down. “I’m worried about her.”
The confession slipped out before I could stop it.
Tara’s expression softened. “She’ll be okay.”
“I don’t know.”
For the first time in days, I admitted the truth. Not just to Tara, but to myself.
“I’ve never seen her like this,” I admitted.
Tara sighed. “She’s heartbroken. What did you expect?” she asked.
I looked towards the staircase and towards the room she had locked herself inside.
“Yeah.”
“Maybe you’re underestimating what Dylan means to her,” Tara said.
I laughed a short humorless laugh. “No.” My eyes stayed fixed towards the stairs. “I’m not underestimating it.”
“Then what?”
I leaned back in my chair. “That’s exactly what scares me.”
Tara didn’t respond because she finally understood. This wasn’t about Dylan being a bad kid. If anything, Dylan was too good, loyal and dependable.
A few minutes later I headed upstairs. When I reached Devyn’s bedroom door, I paused because I wasn’t planning to go in. I just wanted to check on her, hoping that she wasn’t still crying. Then I heard her laughing.
My heart immediately lifted.
For the first time in four days, I heard her actually laughing. The sound caught me completely off guard. A small smile touched my lips. Then I heard her say his name.
“Dylan…”
The smile disappeared just as fast as it appeared. I stood there staring at the closed door while listening to her talk and laugh. She sounded more like herself than she had done all week. And every word only reinforced what I already knew. I had made the right decision for my daughter.
In three days, she would be leaving for Switzerland. And no matter how much I was going to miss her, or how much she hated me for it, I still believed I was doing the right thing.