Everly
EVERLY
“More, Daddy. More.”
Rhett’s delighted giggles bled through from the living room to the kitchen, where I was pounding dough, anything to take my mind off the terrible turn my life had taken.
I missed Nico, ached for him. For his quiet pensiveness and innate strength. His English wit that brought out his dimple, the one I adored. The feel of his lips on mine. How he smelled—of sandalwood and lime. The way he’d squeeze his eyes closed and let out a soft moan right before he came.
I missed it all.
But until I sorted out the mess Paul’s untimely return had caused, I couldn’t commit to Nico, and it wasn’t fair to confuse Rhett by shuffling him back and forth between two competing male figures. In the last few days since Paul had come back, Rhett had barely stopped smiling, only growing sullen when Paul returned to his motel room at the end of the night. Even when I’d told him we weren’t going to stay with Nico, he hadn’t seemed that upset, far too enamored with his father’s miraculous return.
Despite what I’d said to Nico about needing time and space, I wasn’t sure I had it within me to do this without him. He’d shown me another way to live that had nothing to do with money and everything to do with my heart.
Whatever happened between us in the future, I prayed he stayed true to his offer to sponsor Rhett. I truly believed he would. Nico Palmer had more honor in his little finger than Paul had in his entire body. He still refused to give me a good reason why he’d disappeared for over two years and what had brought him back now. After asking him the question several times and not receiving a satisfactory answer—or any answer, in fact—I’d given up. It had gotten to the point where I didn’t care why he’d returned. I just wished he hadn’t, even if that meant there’d always be a small part of Rhett that thought it was his fault his father abandoned him so easily.
“Dinner almost ready?”
My head came up to find Paul lounging in the doorway, one shoulder propped against the jamb, his arms folded. I searched his face, trying to recall what I’d ever found attractive about him.
“No,” I replied. “Although, if you want it faster, you could help.” I pointed my chin at a bag of potatoes. “Those need peeling.”
He laughed, one short, sharp sound that set my teeth on edge.
“Do you remember me ever helping in the kitchen, Ev?”
Misogynistic bastard.
“Actually, Paul, I struggle to remember you at all.”
His eyes narrowed, then darkened, and his fingers tightened around his bicep. “Why are you so hell-bent on riling me up, Ev?” He pushed upright and took two steps into the small space. “All I’m asking for is a chance to make it up to you.”
I shuffled a few inches to my right. “I’ve told you, Paul, you and I, we’re over.”
He reached out, capturing a lock of my hair and twisting it around his finger. “We’ll never be over. What we had was rare.”
I slapped his hand away and laughed in his face. “Your memory is playing tricks on you, Paul. What we had wasn’t rare. It was… nothing special.” Not like what I had with Nico. Now that was special. Longing swept through me, stealing the air from my lungs.
Paul’s hand curled into a fist, and I stiffened. Paul had never been violent, but people change. I no longer knew this man standing in front of me any more than he knew me.
As quickly as it had arrived, his anger withered away, leaving a faint smile in its place. “You’ll come around. In time.”
I suppressed a snort as he crossed to the sink and poured a glass of water, downing it in one go. He wiped the back of his hand across his face. “Rhett tells me he’s been attending some racing school.”
I braced my spine. “That’s right. He loves it, and he’s good at it, too.”
“I’m sure he is,” Paul said, but there wasn’t a hint of pride in either his voice or his expression. “I’ll see for myself tomorrow, won’t I?”
“You want to come along?” Anxiety gave an edge to my tone, and Paul noticed. He tilted his head to the side, studying me.
“Yeah. Any reason I shouldn’t?”
“No,” I answered, far too quickly.
The screaming in my head violently disagreed. Paul and Nico breathing the same air… Oh God, this is a nightmare. A horrific nightmare I can’t wake up from.
“Great,” he said, swiping a raw piece of carrot off the chopping board. He popped it into his mouth, crunching in a way that set my nerves on edge. “I’ll look forward to it.”
He sauntered back into the living room, leaving me with a churning stomach and a terrible sense of foreboding. I was already dreading taking Rhett to PFK tomorrow. It would be the first time I’d seen Nico since I asked him to give me space, and I had no idea how I’d react or, indeed, how Nico would either. To me and Paul. Attending together felt like rubbing salt in the wounds, but Paul had always been stubborn. If I attempted to dissuade him, he’d dig his heels in even further. Maybe Nico would stay in his office and I wouldn’t have to see him at all. Before Rhett, he’d left the instruction of the smaller kids to Patrick. He might revert to that now that things were different.
“So this is it, then, huh?” Paul said, glancing around as we climbed out of my truck. “Must admit, I’ve never understood the attraction of driving cars round and round a track. Doesn’t sound like you need much talent to do that. Prefer football myself. It’s a much more skillful sport.”
I rammed my teeth together before I said what I really thought. He’d only been back four days, and already every word that came out of his mouth made me want to rupture my eardrums just so I wouldn’t have to listen to him.
I’d wanted to make it up to Rhett, given how he’d struggled when Paul first disappeared, but the more time passed, the more I wondered if it was worth my sanity becoming the collateral damage in my desire to do the right thing by my son.
Rhett’s face crumpled at Paul’s denouncement. I put my arm around his tight little shoulders and squeezed him tightly. “Come on, soldier. Let’s go see Adele.”
I fired a glare over the top of Rhett’s head at Paul, who returned my angry expression with one that said he hadn’t a clue why I was shooting daggers at him. We walked to the front of the main reception building, and with every step, my heart rate escalated. I both dreaded and yearned to see Nico. Even four short days without seeing his beautiful face and that dimple I adored so much was a form of torture I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.
I pushed the door open and eased Rhett inside, leaving Paul trailing behind. And there stood Nico, a pained expression twisting his lips as he glanced over my shoulder at Paul.
“Nico!” Rhett exclaimed, wrenching free of me. Nico swung him up in the air like I’d seen him do countless times before, but this time, instead of joy pouring into my heart, an emptiness hollowed out my stomach.
“Hey, buddy. Ready to go racing?”
“Am I ever,” Rhett said. “This is my dad, by the way.”
Rhett’s almost throwaway comment surprised me and Nico both, if our wrinkled foreheads were anything to go by. I expected Rhett to proudly announce that his dad had returned, but he seemed much more interested in Nico than in Paul. Maybe Paul’s dismissive attitude toward racing had opened Rhett’s eyes a touch to the fact that his father was far from perfect.
I could only hope.
“Nico Palmer,” Nico said, thrusting out his hand and his chest at the same time.
Paul’s smile came slow and didn’t last, his gaze going to where Rhett had plastered himself to Nico’s side. “Paul Lawson, Rhett’s father,” he added pointedly.
“ can show you the viewing platform if you want to watch,” Nico said, his tone cold and flat.
“Viewing platform?” Paul queried. “Oh, no, no, no.” He waggled his finger from side to side as if he were admonishing a naughty child. “Where my son goes, I go. I don’t know you from Adam.”
“Paul, stop it,” I hissed. “Rhett’s been coming here for months. And I know Nico.” I pushed aside the memory of me acting exactly the same way on Rhett’s first day. That was different. My behavior had come from a place of worry. Paul’s was an attempt at a pissing contest.
“I can assure you, Mr. Lawson,” Nico said in that authoritative tone I’d seen him use to good effect on several occasions. “Rhett is perfectly safe. And I’m afraid we don’t allow parents into the pit lane.”
“In that case, he’s not going,” Paul stated.
My mouth dropped open, while Rhett’s bottom lip wobbled, on the verge of bursting into tears. He looked between me and Nico for reassurance.
“He is going,” I snapped. “Now pack it in. You’re making a fool of yourself.”
“Why don’t you two use my office to sort this out while I wait here with Rhett?” Nico said, sounding far more reasonable than I felt capable of mustering.
“I want to go racing,” Rhett cried, his tears falling down his cheeks.
“You will, honey,” I soothed.
I strode off toward Nico’s office, Paul’s steady footsteps behind me. The second he closed the door, I rounded on him.
“What the fuck was that?”
Paul stroked his chin, the epitome of calm, unusually, while inside of me, a storm brewed, one that threatened to wipe us both out if I didn’t get it under control.
“I’ll say it again, Ev. I don’t remember you cursing nearly this much. Is that his influence?”
“Oh, I cursed, Paul. Most of it under my breath. And if by his, you mean Nico, no, he hasn’t influenced me to swear. It’s you who brings out the worst in me.”
He opened his mouth to speak. I cut him off.
“Let me make one thing clear. I make the decisions for Rhett. You haven’t earned decision-making privileges. You’ve only been back five minutes, so don’t you dare saunter in here and try to tell me what’s best for my son. Rhett is going racing today. With or without your blessing.”
I shoved him out of the way and strode back to the main reception area. By now the other kids had arrived. At least they and their parents hadn’t witnessed the embarrassing standoff between me and Paul. Thank God for small mercies.
Nico’s eyes met mine, hurt swirling in their depths, an emotion surely reflected in my own. I stroked Rhett’s hair. “Go on, soldier. Have fun. I’ll be watching.”
Rhett’s cheerful grin almost broke my heart. Nico’s eyes drifted over my shoulder to where I guessed Paul stood. “Sure?” he asked.
I nodded glumly. “Go. Take him.”
I watched Rhett skip alongside Nico as they walked down the path and then disappeared from view. Without a glance at Paul, I headed straight for the viewing platform. He could follow, or not. I didn’t give two shits about him right this minute.
And I realized I never had.