Chapter Five
“We need a lot more bunting,” Clarissa said, laughing as the one Lorenzo had created only went up half the staircase, and it looked incredibly silly.
They were both laughing and attempting to decorate for Halloween.
Lorenzo had insisted. She had never really loved Halloween.
Technically, that was a lie; she had loved Halloween for a long time, but after her sister’s death, it was something she hadn’t delved into.
It was something she and her sister had done together, and with her gone, she just couldn’t bring herself to do it.
Usually, Mia had some Halloween party planned, but this year, it wasn’t happening.
There had been one time that Giovanni attempted to host the Halloween party, which she knew Mia had wanted to enjoy but refused to.
She figured it was because of her pregnancy.
She was so happy for her friend, and one day, she hoped to be a mother herself, which took her by surprise.
Clarissa had never imagined herself as a mother.
Even though her grandmother had told her many times she would make an amazing mother.
She didn’t know why she had thought that.
It wasn’t like she had the best role models.
Pushing all of that to the back of her mind, she focused on Lorenzo.
They’d had an amazing couple of days. Not just because he took her shopping, but everything that had happened since then.
Of course, once he finished business with Diego and the others, they came back home, and he helped her wash, dry, and even iron her fabric.
He’d even assisted her in putting her fabric in color codes, which had been fun.
Lorenzo was a lot of fun to have in the sewing room, and she never in a million years thought she would say that about him.
Of course, once he saw some of her Halloween fabric, he literally kept her up most of the night, creating bunting for the house. It was a little early to be decorating, but it was just so much fun, and she didn’t want this bubble to burst between them.
It was the first time in their marriage that they were actually getting along. It was kind of surreal. There was often an awkwardness between them, but at the moment, that didn’t seem to be present.
They didn’t opt to put the bunting along the stairs, and instead tried it in his office and finally agreed to hang it across the mantel. Decoration one had a place. They’d also made little fabric pumpkins, which they placed around the house.
They had a lot of fun, until it came time for lunch. Lorenzo had told the chef not to bother coming, so he took control and started to cook. She sat at the kitchen counter, watching him.
“Do you enjoy cooking?” she asked.
At first, he didn’t answer, and she tilted her head to see if he had heard her.
“Yeah, I do.”
“But you hire a chef?” she asked.
“I’m a busy man.”
“You know, I can help cook as well, if you’d like,” she said. “I mean, I don’t think you should fire him, but if there is ever a time you want to come home to a home-cooked meal made by me, I could do it. My grandma taught me.”
“She taught you a lot,” he said.
“She didn’t really have much choice. If it was left to my parents, I would have ended up in some kind of hospital.”
“You know, when you’re ready, you can tell me about it,” he said.
Clarissa looked up to see if he was being sincere or just offering a polite response, and she was surprised so see he was actually being genuine.
“I spent a lot of time with my grandparents. They taught me at home. I was homeschooled. Mainly because I was too scared to go out for a long time. I was worried about ... you know,” she said.
It was hard to talk about.
She kept seeing her sister in her arms. That fear, the pain, the loneliness. She felt like such a failure, but she was terrified of admitting it. She felt relieved that she’d been ... alive. That guilt ate away at her, because part of her wished she had been the one to go.
“You know, my parents were worried I was getting too old,” Clarissa said, blurting out something else, just so she didn’t have to think about her sister and remember the coldness of her body. How heavy she had gotten in her arms.
“Too old?” Lorenzo asked.
He’d marinated some chicken breast with chipotle and a few other spices, and it looked really good. He’d put the grill on to preheat, and on went the chicken.
“I enjoyed spending time with my grandparents. We watched older movies, and they taught me how to play cards. I know my grandmother was always worried I didn’t do things that girls my own age did.
” Clarissa laughed. “Grandad would often complain and say there was no way I was going around kissing a bunch of random guys. Of course, she’d always complain and say it wasn’t what she meant.
They never took me to fairs, or did things with others my own age. ”
“Hold up, you’ve never been to a fair?” he asked.
She shook her head. She was rambling right now.
The truth was, in the last few days, Lorenzo had been making her feel things she wasn’t used to feeling.
She’d always been nervous around him, and it had never really been natural between them.
His complaints about her had been a welcome relief, as horrible as it sounded.
It was easier to fall within herself. It was something she was used to. She knew how to handle that. Being a wife and trying to be everything just felt like a large weight.
The strangest thing of all, in the past few days, she had more fun than she ever recalled having. He was making her happy, and it was getting easier to smile.
And with that, she was afraid. What if all this was a lie? Was he just doing this for her to get over what he said? She didn’t know if she could trust him or not, and it terrified her.
Getting hurt. Before she died, her grandmother had told her to give this marriage a chance, not to turn her back on it, so that was what she was trying to do.
Was it? Or, did you just withdraw and only come out when you needed to? You hid in your sewing room. It was easier than getting to know someone. People always died on you.
“Babe, you okay?” Lorenzo asked.
“Yeah, I’m fine, and no, I’ve never been to a fair, nor have I ever made out with random guys. I just couldn’t. For the longest time, I couldn’t go outside.”
Lorenzo made their sandwiches.
“What happened that made you able to go outside?” Lorenzo asked.
She looked up to see him staring at her intently.
“My grandparents had the patience to wait for me. It started out slow, in their yard. Small steps onto the porch, and we built up to a picnic. Then we took long trips in the car, until eventually I was no longer overwhelmed by fear.”
It was a long road. All she could think about was how happy she had been just moments before the attack. It had been so unexpected.
Clarissa followed Lorenzo through to the dining room, and she watched as he put their plates down, although she didn’t hear them. The truth was, she felt like she was falling, being sucked down.
She watched, almost as if she was out of her own body, but then Lorenzo cupped her face, and she didn’t even realize it, but she had started to panic.
“Look at me,” Lorenzo said.
It was like his voice kept coming over some kind of radio—one moment it was clear, the next moment, it wasn’t. She looked up at him and his eyes grounded her, and she was able to breathe.
“That’s right, look at me, Clarissa. I’m right here. You’re safe, and we’re all good. You’re safe, and we’re here.”
She had been having a panic attack—a mild one—and it was her first in a very long time, but Lorenzo had brought her back. Clarissa threw her arms around him, holding onto him.
It was going to be all right. It had to be.
Even though it terrified her.
****
“Come on,” Lorenzo said.
Clarissa let out a laugh, as they snuck into the fair. He had forced his men to park far from the parking lot, and he was sneaking Clarissa in. She didn’t need to know they had paid, but he was working on giving Clarissa plenty of experiences.
He paid the fee, and the security guards were aware he’d paid, but when the time was right, they were supposed to approach. One of the gates had been left unlocked, so he could sneak Clarissa inside.
She wore a pair of jeans, a white floral shirt, and a denim jacket.
Her hair was down, and she looked fucking incredible.
Even though he had never worn jeans, this one time he was doing so.
His hair was also not neatly pressed back, but in disarray, as he acted the part of a teenage boy.
Not that he’d ever been a true teenage boy, seeing as most of his teenage years were spent training, learning the role of Capo, so one day he was able to take over from his dad.
There was still time for him to hang out, so there were fairs, just not like usual.
He kept hold of Clarissa’s hand, and he couldn’t recall ever having this much fun.
“Okay, so we’ve got to avoid the guards, other than that, we’re good.” He’d also paid for them to use whatever rides they wanted.
Clarissa laughed. “Are you serious right now? We could just pay?”
“And what’s the fun in that? Come on.”
He took her from ride to ride. They went on a couple of roller-coaster rides, and several that just spun around.
Even though she was afraid of heights, he held her hand as they strapped in and were pulled up high, only to suddenly be dropped, then lifted and dropped again.
It was insane and so amazing. Clarissa screamed.
The fun just didn’t stop, and finally, they made their way through the Crazy House. They kept laughing, and a couple of people jumped out at them, and he held her close. It took them forever to get through the Hall of Mirrors, but they were able to get out.
Finally, after several hours, he got her to one of the stands that required precision—shooting a rifle in order to win a teddy bear.
Lorenzo scored the bull’s-eye and won her a giant teddy bear.
One of the guards approached, grabbed Clarissa, and so ensued the chase, where they had no choice but to leave the fairground and run right to their car.
His own guards were close by, but they didn’t distract from the illusion he was creating.
He loved the sound of her laughter as they made it to the car, then took off. He wasn’t ready for their date to end, so he went to a drive-thru and ordered them a couple of burgers.
The place was nearly deserted, and even though it was cold, he got her out of the car, and got her to hop up onto the trunk and sit beside him. He had one of the blankets she had quilted, and looking up at the stars, they ate their burgers, and he was content.
“That was amazing,” Clarissa said.
“Well, consider that the start of something new.” He took a large bite of his burger and looked up at the peacefulness of the stars.
It was a lovely, clear night, so it was cold. Clarissa ate her burger and snuggled down beneath the quilt. He should probably take this into the car, where he could put some heat on, but this is what kids did, right? They hung out on the trunks of cars, ate food, and made out.
They finished their burgers, and he tossed their wrappers into the trash can and snuggled in close. Clarissa rested her head onto his chest, and they were silent for the longest time. It was getting late.
“I loved tonight,” Clarissa said.
“Is it exactly how you imagined?” he asked.
“Not quite. I imagined paying and not having to duck when I saw a security guard.”
“Well, it’s all about the experience,” he said.
She let out a shiver.
“Come on, we better get going.”
He helped her off the trunk of the car and rounded to the passenger side, only as she went to climb inside, he put a hand on her arm, stopping her.
“What is it?” she asked.
“I want to try something. Do you trust me?”
She hesitated but then nodded her head. Only slightly, but he knew what it meant. She was trusting him now with this.
He cupped her face. “Tell me to stop at any time.”
Clarissa didn’t know what the hell she was doing, and it was time for him to take charge, and to show as well as teach what came next. Her eyes went wide as he closed the distance between them. He couldn’t look anywhere else, and he didn’t want to. She looked so beautiful.
And then, he took possession of her lips, and she melted against him. He kissed her gently at first, and he didn’t rush. There was no reason to rush anything. He just wanted to taste her, and that was exactly what he was doing. Tasting her, getting used to her.
“Do you want me to stop?” he asked, pausing for just a brief moment to make sure she was happy with this.
“No.”
And he deepened the kiss even more, sliding his tongue across her bottom lip, she moaned his name and opened up to him.
He pressed her against the car as she started to meet his tongue with her own. It was tentative. But so fucking perfect.
He felt his cock harden to an unbearable tightness. He didn’t think he was going to get these fucking jeans off, then he had no choice but to reel it in. Tonight wasn’t about getting inside her. It was about learning and exploring and taking his time.
Pulling back, he smiled at her and pressed a quick kiss to the tip of her nose. “Let’s get you home.”