FOUR EMILY
FOUR
EMILY
Ican see him watching a group of college-aged girls from the corner of my eye.
The vein in my neck starts throbbing with how hard my heart is racing.
His eyes have always wandered, but not in the way most women would think.
Is he going to try and kill one of those girls this week?
He wouldn’t with me so close, would he? They do fit his usual profile.
“Cold?” he asks, and my spine stiffens.
“No, just got a weird chill, that’s all,” I try to laugh it off like it’s nothing and start heading towards the park ahead of us.
We’ve never been that couple that goes around and makes friends, so I can’t imagine we will be going out of our way to meet anyone.
That’s fine. The goal this week is to keep a low profile but still be seen around so that people would notice if we were gone.
His footsteps follow closely behind me. Sometimes I wish I had a pair of eyes in the back of my head so I could watch him at all times. I installed cameras around the house so I could monitor his movements while I was at work, or not in the same room as him.
When he thinks he isn’t being watched, he’s different. His face changes; his body language is of someone I don’t recognize. It’s eerie, and it's like he’s been replaced with a different life form of sorts. I was blinded by love and youth when we met. The person I met years ago is no longer with me.
“Oh look, it’s a dog park,” I point out to the area in front of us filled with emerald green grass and encompassed by a chain-link fence.
There are already some families with their furry friends having fun.
I wanted a dog so badly when we first got married and Devin started traveling, but he always said he hated dogs.
Then I suggested a cat, and he suddenly had an allergy to them.
Instead of having a companion to keep me company while he was gone, he preferred I be alone.
That should have been the first red flag in our marriage, but I chose to ignore it and believe his lies.
I walk to the edge of the park and just watch the people and dogs inside.
The animals run around chasing toys and balls to bring back to their owners. Kids cheer and pet their furry friends.
Jealousy runs through me. I wish I had picked a different life. Not one allowing someone else to have so much control over me. I was young and naive; he was older and more calculating. A match made in psycho heaven.
Devin stands beside me watching as well. He’s always watching, observing, and planning. I can see the wheels turning in his head, even if he thinks I can’t.
“Still want a dog?” The question confuses me. I haven’t mentioned wanting a dog since he turned me down years ago and I found out what he was. I would never risk bringing an animal home now in fear of what might happen to it while I’m not there.
“What? I haven’t thought about it. I’m so busy with work it wouldn’t be fair to have a dog cooped up in the house all day,” I shrug, trying to get away from the subject.
“Well, I’m sure you can work from home more often and be home with a puppy. I think it would be nice for you, darling, that’s all.” Darling. That word makes me cringe internally. I used to love it when he called me that, but now I loathe it more than him.
“Hmm. I’ll think about it. Puppies are a lot of work, Devin.
Plus, didn’t you say you didn’t like dogs?
” I turn to face him, and he’s still looking into the park, his dark green eyes focused on something.
When he doesn’t answer, I notice what he’s looking at.
A young mom holding her baby while her younger child played fetch with a big black German Shepherd.
“Let's go to the lake—check it out. I think they have kayaks to rent,” I force myself to place my hand on his arm to get his attention.
“Oh, sure.” He turns away slowly, not noticing I touched him. He was so engrossed in that woman he forgot I was even here, I bet.
As we near the main center, there is a post with labeled arrows pointing in different directions, so I find the one pointing to the lake and head in that direction.
Everyone around is busying themselves with getting situated.
Tents are being pitched and cars are emptied as groups and couples prepare for a week of festivities.
As we walk through the campground, I’m grateful I wore gym shoes because the gravel makes it hard to walk around. Wearing sandals would be uncomfortable and painful, I’m sure. Devin and I walk side by side, taking everything in around us.
The noise of people around dies down as we near the lake.
The shimmer of the sun on the water looks peaceful and inviting, and although I’m not much of a swimmer, maybe I’ll take some time to lie on the beach and catch some sun.
It’s been years since I’ve been on any kind of vacation.
Devin always says he’s too busy or tired to go anywhere, not that I want to go anywhere with him anymore lately.
Down the beach there is a shack with kayaks around. There's no one here yet, but I’m sure in a few hours things will be in full swing.
“Quiet, huh?” Devin’s voice breaks through the dead silence.
“Yeah, it’s nice.” The lake is still as I watch it. No ripples, or movement of any kind. Sort of like our marriage. It looks beautiful and peaceful from the outside, but deep down it’s cold and dark and uninviting. It holds secrets not meant for the rest of the world.
And after this week there will only be one secret I ever keep.