THREE DEVIN
THREE
DEVIN
We’re finally at the cabin Emily booked for us. It’s nice, but too big. There are three bedrooms, a large kitchen, a living room with a TV, and some space outside to sit and relax in peace. Much better than a shitty tent in the woods, and getting eaten alive by mosquitoes in the middle of July.
Emily knows I hate this kind of shit, so I don’t know why she insisted we come. I gave in, like I always do with her, just to keep her happy. Although, lately she’s been different. Less invested in our marriage and in me; until she brought up this stupid retreat.
I’ve been trying to keep my late days and travel times for work shorter lately.
Even still, Emily doesn’t seem to care when I’m around the house.
It seems as if she’d prefer to be alone.
Maybe it’s all the years I’ve spent traveling and working that have made her feel that way.
I can’t help it, though; it’s just who I am.
When we met, I was different. Or, I was trying to be different.
Trying to hide my urges, and needs from her.
I knew she would never understand; someone not like me wouldn’t.
So I did my best to keep my feelings at bay and reel her in with kindness, attention, and a version of myself that was far from the real truth.
There were times when I thought she suspected something.
Maybe I had missed something and she saw it, but she’s never said a word.
Not once, but that’s not to say I’ve been careless, because I haven’t.
Sometimes, though, even after all the excitement is over, someone like me can slip up. The mask can’t always stay on forever.
That’s why I agreed to go on this retreat. The mountains and woods in this part of the state are a beautiful sight, but they’re also some of my favorite places to hide a body.
“So, what do we have planned for today?” I ask while unpacking my clothes and carefully placing them inside of the dresser in the master bedroom.
All of my shirts go in one, shorts and pants go in the drawer underneath, and my underwear and socks go together in the top drawer.
Just like they are at home and have been arranged for the last 30 or so years.
Emily is busy looking through the welcome packet we received when we checked in this morning in the kitchen. The campground offers a couples retreat every few years for a week, and every day they have different workshops we can attend.
I'm not sure how many of these events I want to waste my time on, but I’ll need a few days to finalize some plans. So I’ll let her make the daily plans so she feels ‘in charge’.
“Well, there aren’t any workshops or meetings planned today. Tomorrow is the parade and bonfire with fireworks, though, so that should be fun. I guess we are free to explore the place today, if you’d like.” She shrugs.
Perfect.
“Sounds good. The weather's nice, so we should take a look around and see what we have available to us for the next week.” I try to sound as enthusiastic as I can, but really I’m just looking forward to our hike later on in the week.
Emily nods and folds the map of the campground in a small square and puts it in her pocket.
I don’t need a map; I’ve already studied the layout of this place extensively since she brought it up at our anniversary dinner.
I’ve memorized the trails, and where everything is located; I could walk around this place at night and wouldn’t get turned around.
“Ready?” I ask, and she nods quickly without even making eye contact with me.
Her behavior is becoming more noticeable and alarming.
We’ve been together for almost twenty years, and in the last five or so, she’s distanced herself to the point where I don’t know if I can trust her anymore.
Maybe it happened before then and I never noticed, but I have now, and I won’t stand for it.
I have a feeling she’s going to try and use my dismissive behavior this week towards the couples session to initiate a divorce when we are back home.
She doesn’t have that option, but I’ll let her keep thinking she does.
The more control she thinks she has, the easier it’ll be for me to blindside her with my own plans.
“I’ll let you lead the way, darling. I’m just here for you.” I watch as she walks in front of me and out the cabin door. Her body is rigid; no natural movement. It’s like she’s walking on needles I can’t see. She’s nervous, or upset, but it doesn’t matter.
The fresh air reminds me of my last trip up here the week before our anniversary. The pungent smell of blood doesn’t linger long in a place like this. No, it fades, and unless you're nearby, the smell will never permeate your nose.
That’s why I choose places like this. The woods conceal and protect your sins. The mountains allow you to hide all your misdoings. It’s a safe haven of sorts for someone like me. My constant needs are fulfilled, and my secrets are always hidden.
I hear laughter coming from the tent area to our left. A group of young, beautiful girls are walking around in denim shorts and tank tops. Their carelessness makes me envious of their youth and innocence.
Emily looked like them when we first met. She was always joyful, tanned, and full of life. Now, I’m lucky to see her in a bathrobe after a shower. It’s been months since we’ve been intimate, and even that last time was uneventful.
Yes, I think this week will be good for us both. In very different ways.