Chapter 12
Cole
It’s the day of the hearing and after spending yesterday with Matt, going over everything three times, I’m finding myself nervous as hell and I still don’t feel ready for this shit. I haven’t seen Cam since she stormed out of my house and I’ve been too much of a damn coward to go over to Mary’s to apologize. Thankfully, Janet was able to watch the boys the last few days, but I have a feeling she was actually enjoying having time to herself without bearing my responsibilities for me while I work myself to the bone.
The hearing is informal, just two lawyers presenting their cases and a judge reaching a decision I wasn’t at all prepared for. Sarah gets two visitation days a week, three hours per visit, on a trial period of thirty days, visitations that are to take place in my home until we return for the thirty day review.
The boys, mainly Holden, aren’t happy, but I’m not fucking happy either. She’s been gone for just over two years, but the judge grants her access to their lives like she has a damn right...like she has somehow earned the right. The only person I want to reach out to, that I want to comfort me, is the one person I’m too fucking afraid to call and I hate it.
It’s the first day of visitation for Sarah and I swear, I wanted to choke the hell out of her before she even walked in the door. She’s been sitting on the floor with Joey for almost an hour while Holden and Cody sit on the couch, staring at the woman who abandoned them without an ounce of guilt. Neither of them are willing to speak with her and anytime she tries to talk to them, Holden just glares until she backs off.
I’m watching the time tick by, counting down the minutes to the three hour mark when I can get her out of my damn house, but then I hear a knock on the door. Holden moves like lightning, yanking the door open before the person can knock again, but it’s what he shouts that has my heart both stopping and beating faster all at once.
“Cam! I’ve missed you!” I don’t even have to look to know they're hugging the hell out of each other…but I look anyway…needing to see it…to have this moment to ground myself. Hell, maybe I just need to torture myself, but I can’t blame anyone but my damn self for this mess.
“I’ve missed you too, bubs, so damn much.” Her face is buried in his hair and I see the tear slip down her cheek when she raises her head.
“Are you coming to eat dinner with us?!” My damn heart clenches at the thought, but I know that’s not why she’s here, even if I wish like hell that it was.
“No, bubs. I just need to pick up something I left over here.” Holden takes her hand and leads her inside, but Sarah hones in on her like a fucking heat seeking missile and I see the shock and anger on Cam’s face the second she sees her.
“Oh, I see Cole still keeps you around. Sweetie, it’s a little desperate and pathetic to be hanging all over a man that’s so much older than you and…playing house with my boys…that shit’s over. Get whatever you came here for and leave.” I open my mouth to make Sarah stop, but Cam’s voice has the words dying in my damn throat.
“Don’t worry, I’m just picking up something I left here and then I’ll be gone, but…for the record…I was never playing house. These boys, they deserve a better person in their lives than you and, hell, they deserve a better person than me too. I hope you take this second chance seriously because I think that even you know that it’s a chance you never fucking deserved. Holden, I love you boys, so damn much. I need you to be good and I need you to be strong for Cody and Joey.” She kisses his forehead then hurries into the dining room only to emerge a few seconds later with her laptop bag slung over her shoulder. She gives Holden one last hug and Cody quickly jumps off the couch then rushes over to her, his little arms wrapping around her legs as tight as he can.
“I don’t want you to go, Cam.” Holden’s broken voice wrecks me, but not as bad as the rivers of tears on his face.
“I know, bubs. I don’t want to go either, but I have to. I love you all so much. I'll always love you boys.” She gives them one last squeeze, kisses them both on the head and then she’s gone.
“I hate you! You made Cam leave! You ruin everything!” With that painfully accurate statement, Holden runs upstairs and slams his bedroom door behind him.
“Well, that was unnecessary. When the hell did he become so dramatic?” I turn my sharp, angry glare on Sarah and it takes everything in me not to let everything go…to unleash the two years of rage I’ve bottled up because I didn’t have time to deal with it. Instead, I stomp my ass into the dining room to get the hell away from her.
We barely survived the thirty day trial period and are now sitting in front of the same judge as he further rips my world apart. He’s extending her time, giving her six hour visitations within my home four days a week and we were told to set up a schedule for when school starts in a week. I’m no longer required to be there to supervise, but like hell if he thinks I’ll leave her alone with them when I don’t have to.
I still haven’t talked to Cam, but I think about her every damn day. I’ve seen her twice in the last two weeks, once as she was leaving Mary’s and once when she was just getting home, but she looks different…paler, a little thinner and completely fucking destroyed.
It’s Saturday, one of the designated visitation days, and of course, I get called into work, some bullshit emergency with a guy damn near falling through his own living room floor. Janet is out of town and I, obviously, can’t call Cam…which is why I do the one thing I never wanted to do…I ask Sarah to watch the boys.
I regret it before I even walk out the door, but try to justify it by telling myself it’s only for two hours max, just long enough to get things stabilized and an estimate drafted. Even someone as useless and incompetent as Sarah should be able to keep my sons alive and well for two fucking hours...right?
I make it home just under the two hour mark and I can’t get inside fast enough. The house is quiet with Joey passed out on the floor and Cody sitting in the spot on the couch that was once Cam’s, but Holden isn’t down here, not that I’m surprised. Cody tolerates Sarah, but won’t interact with her, Joey still seems unsure of her, but Holden…he hasn’t said one fucking word to her this whole time.
“Where’s Holden and have the kids had lunch yet?” Should be simple, basic questions with easy answers, but the way she sighs, you’d think I just asked her to recite the damn Greek alphabet backwards.
“I figured you could feed them when you got home and Holden is probably still upstairs throwing a damn tantrum like he has been from the start of this. You've turned him into some weak, coddled brat.” I swear, if she just disappeared tomorrow and never came back, I’d be happy as hell. Shit, I’d throw a damn party!
“I told you they needed lunch before I left! They were supposed to eat at noon…that was almost two hours ago!” I know there’s no point in yelling because she isn’t listening, but it doesn’t stop me.
“Then you should stop complaining and feed them! My time’s up anyway. I’m leaving and I’ll be back Wednesday.” I bite the inside of my cheek so damn hard that it bleeds, but I don’t say a single word as she grabs her shit and leaves. Once the door closes, I go over to where Cody’s sitting and scoop him into my arms, holding him tight.
“You okay, buddy? Was Sarah nice to you?” He shakes his head and buries his little face into my neck.
“No. She yelled. She told me no talking. She said sit down and shut up.” I swear, if I wasn’t holding him right now, I would chase her ass down and rain hell down on her worthless ass.
“Okay, buddy, I’m so sorry, but I’m not going to let her be around you again unless I’m home, okay? Let’s go check on Holden and then we can see about getting you boys fed.” He just nods against my neck as I’m already making my way upstairs. I reach Holden’s door and knock, but there’s not a damn sound coming from the other side. I open the door, knowing he’s probably going to be pissed since he’s barely been willing to speak to me since Cam left, but his room is empty…aside from a piece of paper on his bed. I grab the paper and feel my heart hit the damn floor as I read the messy words written on the page.
Dad,
I don’t want to live here anymore. I don’t want Sarah here. I want Cam back. I want us to be happy again.
Holden
I rush down the stairs and set Cody back on the couch as I fish out my phone and dial Cam’s number only to have it go to voicemail after ringing four times. I try again while I set up the stroller and get the boys strapped in, but she still doesn’t answer. I get the stroller down the front steps and rush over to Mary’s, manhandling the damn stroller up the four steps then knock on the door a lot harder than is likely necessary. It takes a second before the door opens and Mary is standing in front of me, her expression making it clear that I’m failing at hiding my panic.
“Cole?” Mary’s worry is clear in her tone, but I don’t hesitate to dive into my questions.
“Have you seen Holden? Is he here?” Her brow furrows and she shakes her head, but my attention gets pulled to the goddess coming down the stairs.
“Cam, sweetheart, have you seen Holden?” Mary’s voice has a slight tremor, but the look of sheer panic on Cam’s face gives her answer before she ever speaks it.
“No, not since I saw him and Cody outside a few days ago.” I hold out the note to her and she quickly rushes to grab it. The second she reads the words on the page, she’s slipping on a pair of flip flops then grabs her phone and keys from the table by the couch.
“Grams, I’m going to go look for him. I’ll call and check in if I find anything. Call me if he comes back.” She slips out the door and damn near jogs to her car, climbs in and is gone before I can even process what the hell’s happening.
“Leave the little ones with me and go find our boy. I'll make them some snacks and we'll be fine.” Mary’s tone is stern, but still dripping with concern as she takes the stroller and guides it into her house. As soon as the door clicks closed behind her, I’m making my way to my truck, praying like hell that we find my son.