Chapter 16
CHAPTER 16
I f Bill wanted to call his town hall meeting a ‘fact find’, Ryan was determined to give the town the real facts. The moment he arrived home from Bill’s house that night, he set out to writing a speech to deliver to the town of Cedarwood Creek. He worked through most of the night on what he thought was a good direction until the next morning when he read it. He threw the entire speech out and restarted. He only had today and part of tomorrow to finish the speech.
Once the lunch hour died down at the Cedarwood Creek Grill that afternoon, Ryan found a booth and sat down to work on his speech. He felt stuck a few paragraphs in, shortly after the introduction of who he was and who his father, Frank, was in the community. Two basic facts the town already knew.
He set his pen down and raked a hand through his hair.
Jason walked up to the booth and slid into the seat across from him.
“How’s the speech going?” He leaned forward and raised his eyebrows. “Two paragraphs?”
Ryan shook his head. “Not good. I’m stuck.”
“You’ll get there.”
He noticed his brother’s uneasiness. “What’s up with you?”
Clasping his hands together on the table, then spreading them, he started. “Look, I know I haven’t brought it up, but I’ve been thinking a lot lately.”
“About?”
“This whole half-sister thing. Tiffany?”
Folding his arms, Ryan relaxed into the booth as he welcomed the break. “Yeah? What about her?”
“I want to meet her.”
Lifting an eyebrow, Ryan dropped his arms and leaned in. “Really? Why?”
Jason lifted a hand. “Don’t get me wrong. I’m upset about what Dad did with that Linda woman all those years ago, but the fact is that I have a sister in Spokane that I’ve never met. After all my anger melted away about the secret, the lies and deception . . . I feel like I want to meet her. Call me crazy, but I do.”
Ryan smiled. “It’s not crazy, Bro. You should.”
“Can you take me down there sometime? So I can meet her?”
“You can’t see her without seeing Linda.”
Jason paused for a moment, appearing to contemplate that reality.
“It’s her mother, dude. You can’t just go meet a fifteen-year-old.”
“I get that. Just didn’t think about it until now . . .” Jason let a sigh out and opened his arms. “It’s fine. I can meet Linda too.”
“What prompted this change of heart? Other than not being mad anymore?”
Jason laughed lightly as he shook his head. “Jesus.”
“What?”
“You know, in some ways, the way this town and even our family idolized Dad wasn’t right. We treated him like he could do no wrong. That he was perfect. That he was Christ-like. But the reality is, he was a human being who made mistakes. Whether what he did with supporting them all those years was right or not . . . I don’t know. But I believe he did what he thought was right at the time.”
Ryan smiled as God’s warmth and love washed over him in that moment. His brother was speaking clearly and rightly. “Brother, you never cease to amaze me.”
“What? I’m just talking.”
“Yeah, and now I have a better idea of what needs to come next in this speech.” Picking up the pen from beside his notepad, Ryan looked again at him. “I’ll take you to meet them on Sunday. I’m sure after that town meeting tomorrow and my speech, people won’t want to see my face at church.”
Making copies in the resource room at school after lunch, Emily was praying for her children. The boys were running all over the house that morning and her mother was nagging them to stop. Her mother loved her grandchildren, but it was apparent that she didn’t enjoy correcting misbehavior.
Emily felt uneasy with how life was unfolding in California in more ways than one. Last night, her parents had sat her down in the living room after the children were in bed and asked if she could try to get them to pick up after themselves better. Her mother’s words echoed through her thoughts from yesterday just then. I don’t know how you and Ryan ran things in your own home, but we keep a clean home. Cleanliness is close to Godliness . . .
Pulling her cellphone out, she called her daughter, Elizabeth.
“Everything is fine, Mom.”
“Could you leave your room and go actually see how things are going with Jack and Conner with Grandma?”
“I left my room today. Jeez! Why are you always like this?”
“Sure, to get a drink or food. I mean, try to spend some time with your siblings.”
Her daughter grunted. “Fine.”
“Don’t get lippy with me.”
“Whatever.”
“Stop it, Elizabeth!” Glancing behind her, she hoped nobody heard her elevated voice. Lowering her volume, she continued as she touched her forehead. “Look, I’m sorry. I just need you to help out a little. Okay? Your grandparents are?—”
Interjecting, Elizabeth said, “Terrible. I know. I never minded visiting, but this sucks.”
“I wasn’t going to say that.”
“But it’s true. They seriously are the worst. Did you know Grandpa spanked Jack? Chased him down the hall yesterday and caught him and slapped his behind.”
Emily silently freaked out inside. “I’ll talk to Grandpa. Just please be around them more.”
“Okay. When are you coming home?”
“I get off at three, but I’m meeting with a friend after school for coffee.”
“Can you pick us up? I think the boys and I would love an outing.”
“Yes.”
After school, Emily picked her children up and headed over to her favorite coffee shop, Brick & Bell Cafe, in La Jolla. The boys got Italian sodas, Elizabeth a Chai latte, and Emily a caramel macchiato.
Sitting down at a table outside on the patio with Wendy, Emily positioned her chair to keep an eye on her kids who were all sitting across the way.
“It’s been too long!” Wendy smiled as she set her oversized sunglasses atop her perfectly done up dirty-blonde hair. “How have you been? You happy to be back in SoCal?”
Emily shrugged a shoulder. “It’s a little difficult to be back at my parents’ house.”
“Oof.” Taking a sip of her iced coffee, Wendy nodded slowly. “I bet. You never got along too much with them, and they never liked Ryan.”
“Which you'd think wouldn’t be a problem, but it really upsets me when they speak negatively about him . . .”
“Of course. You built a life with the man. It’s not like you walked away from your feelings. There’s going to be residue of what was while you make room for what will be.”
Lifting her eyebrows, Emily nodded in agreement. “That’s a good way to look at it.”
“That is, of course, if you truly plan to be done with him. Do you?”
She thought about it for a moment and shook her head. “I don’t feel like things are done with Ryan. I have hope.”
“What do you hope will happen? That he’ll move back or . . . ?”
“I’m not sure, but I don’t like the thought of divorce or not being with him. While I don’t know much, I do know this isn’t our ending.”
“Then why’d you leave?”
“Because I couldn’t take the pain anymore. He was living a separate life. Working all the time and then lying. And the worst part was he did it with such ease. I just knew I had to leave. As for the future . . . I don’t know. I’m just trying to pray a lot and seek God and wait upon Him to act.”
Taking a sip of her coffee, Wendy locked eyes on Emily’s children. “You know we go way back.”
“Yep. Edmond Elementary.”
“For as long as I knew you, Ryan and you were like glue. I was jealous.” Wendy’s gaze met Emily’s. “I remember wishing so badly for years that Tony was more like Ryan. I just don’t understand what happened to him. Do you think he lost his faith when he lost his dad or something?”
“No. He didn’t lose faith, but I do think losing his father changed him. It’s almost like the day Frank died, a part of Ryan died with him. And now Ryan is on this new weird journey in life. His heart is navigating the deep waters of grief. I think he’s trying to honor his father’s desires, but at the same time, he’s forgetting to live his life now with his family.”
“I can’t imagine what you’ve been through, girl. I hope things work out with you two.”
“Thanks. I’m hoping tonight helps.”
“What are you doing?”
“I found a women’s Bible study at my parents’ church. Do you want to go?”
“I’d love to, but Tony and I are going to the movies with some friends. Raincheck?”
“Sure.”
Arriving back at her parents’ that night, she was sitting on the couch reading some Scripture when her phone rang. Her lips and heart smiled at seeing Ryan’s name.
“Hey, you.” Her voice was soft.
“Hey. How’s it going? The kids around?”
Glancing toward the stairwell leading up to the bedrooms, she said, “Yeah. But I wanted to see how you are. How’s everything going up there?”
Seeing her mother walk in, she stood and went up to her bedroom and shut the door. Lying on the bed, she looked at the ceiling as she imagined him lying next to her.
“Good. I’m going to talk to the whole town tomorrow at the town meeting Bill called. He’s about to reveal the secret, and I want to give them a message about God, about Dad, about everything. Oh, and Jason and I are going on Sunday for him to meet Tiffany.”
“Who?”
“Linda’s daughter. Our half-sister.”
All of Emily’s joy in talking to him melted away in a moment. She had forgotten not only her name, but the pain of his deception with the transfers and his meeting them on the day of the car accident. It all came rushing back in a moment. “Really?”
“Yeah. Why do you sound upset?”
Sitting up on the bed, she shook her head. “Are you really surprised, Ryan? You hid the money and the fact you went to see them the day of your accident . . . It just feels like you don’t care how I feel about anything.”
“I’m being open and honest about what is going on and you’re still upset?”
“Yes. It just feels like you’re going to do whatever you want regardless of how it makes me feel. Just because you tell me doesn’t mean it’s fine. Why don’t we talk about it and figure something out? Together?”
Ryan sighed and then asked, “Are the kids around? I want to talk to them, not fight with you.”
The pain of that statement radiated through her heart. All of the missing of her husband turned hard in an instant, and the hope she had clung to of them working out in order to make it through the nights vanished.
“Sure, I’ll get the kids.”
Counting down the cash drawer in the office that evening while Steven closed the lobby, Ryan’s phone buzzed with a text message.
Slipping his phone out from his pocket, he saw it was from Linda. She agreed to the visit for Jason to meet Tiffany. He lifted a prayer of thanks as he continued counting the cash drawer.
Steven walked into the office.
“Everything is good out in the lobby.”
“All right, man. Have a good night.”
“Before I go, I have felt obligated to say something to you about this whole situation with Emily.”
He had let Steven in on what was going on with his family life, including their recent disagreement over the phone. Motioning to the chair beside him, he set the cash drawer on the desk and turned toward Steven.
“Do you remember what you told me when I was going through that junk with Marissa?”
Ryan attempted to recall, but he failed to retrieve his own words in the moment. “I don’t.”
“You told me I can’t expect to work on my marriage when I’m apart from my wife. That weekend, I went and saw her, and she came home with me. I’m not telling you what to do here, but I wanted to remind you of your own words. You can’t work on a marriage when you don’t live together. I don’t know what that means for you since your wife is in California, but yeah, I felt like I should share it.”
The weight of his own words coming back to him felt like a knife through the chest. It cut through the layers of frustration and severed the artery of pride within his heart. “Now that you mention it . . . I do remember. Tough words.”
“That advice changed everything for me.”
“Thank you for the reminder.” Ryan smiled as he laughed a little. “It’s funny how our own words can come right back to us. Isn’t it?”
“It is.” Standing up, he looked at the doorway. “I'd better get home to my family.”
“Ouch.” Ryan touched his own chest. “Rubbing it in?”
Steven laughed and shook a hand. “Sorry. I didn’t mean . . .”
“I know. We’re good. Go home, Steven.”
As Steven exited the office, Ryan thought about Emily and their conversation earlier. He had ended it so abruptly, wanting to avoid the argument altogether. Lifting his guilty heart toward Heaven, he asked God to help him, to guide him, to provide him a way through the coming days. He didn’t know how to make his family whole again, but he knew being with her was the answer.
Glancing over at the desk and the speech he had prepared earlier that day for the town, his heart dipped into his stomach. He knew if the message wasn’t well received by the community, he’d find himself closing the grill and moving back to California. Maybe that was the Lord’s plan all along. Maybe all of this was for nothing. He wasn’t sure what the future held for himself and his family, but he trusted the One who held it all.
Lowering his head, he shook his head as tears spilled out and fear gripped his heart.
“Please, God. Help me . . .”