Chapter 31
Rob, Jeff, and Cari all lounged in Marina’s living room.
Empty cartons of Chinese food littered the table, along with several bottles of wine.
Marina had turned her phone off, as had Cari.
Reporters, as well as the office, kept trying to get hold of them, and she’d decided she simply wouldn’t deal with it today.
Or even tomorrow. What did it matter when she got the news that she no longer had a job?
And then there was River. She definitely couldn’t handle that phone call right now.
When she’d come home, all three of them had been waiting outside, despite the early hour.
Rob had opened his arms, and she’d fallen into them.
Every ounce of adrenaline-fueled courage was gone, replaced with relief that it was over and the knowledge that everything was over. She’d thrown it all away.
But as the day wore on and they talked about potential repercussions, options, and alternative careers, like high-rise window washer or dog therapist, she’d started to feel marginally better.
Rob had been making discreet inquiries, talking to other lawyers and even a judge, and he seemed to think everything would be okay. Or okay-ish, anyway.
“I know it doesn’t feel like it, honey,” Jeff said. “But what you did took serious balls. That woman is a lunatic, and someone needed to stop her.”
“And lucky me, I got to be that person.” Marina gave him a tired smile. “I’ll face the firing squad tomorrow. Thank you all for being here for me today.”
“That’s her subtle way of telling us to fuck off.” Rob stood and stretched. “You’ll be okay?”
“I doubt Sheila will send assassins. But if I do die tonight, you know where to start looking.” Marina was mostly joking, but the thought had occurred to her.
“Throw things at anyone who comes in. You’ve got strength in that arm. Grab a stapler, and they won’t have a chance.” Cari gave her a quick hug. “I’ll call you in the morning to see what’s next.”
Jeff hugged her tightly. “And the stuff with River?” He looked down at her. “You’ve already blown your life apart. You may as well let her in to help pick up the pieces.”
Marina made a noncommittal sound and slumped against the door once they’d left.
A long, hot shower helped her feel a little better, and when she was done picking up the detritus of their day spent talking logistics and emotions, she flopped down on the couch and put her arm over her eyes.
The decision to help River had come at her in a rush when they’d left the building after Sheila’s meltdown, and she hadn’t stopped to consider anything other than what she needed to do and how fast she needed to do it.
Now, though… In the silence of her apartment, she pictured the look in River’s eyes when she’d explosively told her that she was in love with her.
Fucking romantic. And River had said they needed to talk; she hadn’t said she loved Marina too.
But what did Marina expect? She had toed the line, tried to play both sides of the fence, and she’d failed spectacularly.
And publicly too. She couldn’t forget that.
The news coverage of the protest and Marina’s declaration had been on TV and social media all day long.
Pundits played it and then debated the wisdom, legality, and consequences of Marina’s actions.
She suddenly knew what it felt like to be on trial. It felt like shit.
She pushed up off the couch and headed toward her bedroom. If she could manage to get to sleep, at least she could put this day behind her.
Just as she was about to turn off the bedside light, her buzzer rang. And then rang again.
“For the love of all the fucks, I’m coming,” she muttered and hit the intercom. “What?”
“It’s River. Can you come down?”
Marina rested her forehead against the wall. “It’s late, and I’m tired. Can we do this tomorrow?”
“Please.” River’s voice sounded strained. “I need to show you something.”
Marina sighed. “Fine.” She left the intercom and threw on jeans, a sweatshirt, and a beanie. After a quick glance outside, she added a thick coat and a scarf. Silver snow glittered under the streetlights.
She stepped out into the cold to find River leaning against the wall, her face tilted toward the dark sky, snowflakes dusting her cheeks. They fell off when she heard Marina come out, and she turned to look at her.
“Thank you for coming down.” River reached out, then dropped her hand. “It’s important.”
Marina gave a tired shrug. “Let’s go.”
River led the way to a bright, lime green car that looked like a weird mirage in the snow.
“Seriously?” Marina asked.
“I only have the bike, so I asked Audrey to borrow hers.” River gave her a quick smile as she opened the door for her.
“Audrey’s. Of course it is.” Marina let her head drop against the headrest. “Where are we going?” she asked when River dropped into the driver’s seat.
River hesitated. “Can you wait and see?”
Marina shook her head and sighed. “Why not?”
They set off, and Marina didn’t really see anything they passed. It was almost painful, the way she wanted River to reach out, to hold her close, to kiss her and reassure her. But if River didn’t feel the same way, Marina would be damned if she’d be the one to break.
It was only when they passed a house she recognized that she began to pay attention. “River, where are we going?” she asked again, this time with a bit of steel in her voice.
The car slowed, and River parked in an empty lot. Marina stared at the playground ahead of them, snow falling on the brightly painted kids’ area. The swings moved gently in the breeze. “I don’t want to be here,” Marina whispered.
River opened the door and walked around to Marina’s, pulling open the passenger door. “Please trust me,” she said, holding out her hand.
Marina stared at it for a long moment, then met River’s gaze. It was hopeful, wary, and… kind. River would never do anything to hurt her. In that moment, she knew it without a hint of doubt. She took River’s hand and got out of the car.
River walked her to the swings, not letting go of her hand. “Right after I met you,” she said, her voice as soft as the falling snow. “A new ghost showed up at my house. That never happens. I see them here and there, and you met Marjorie.”
When Marina snorted, River laughed.
“But this new one was different.”
Marina shivered at the vague idea of where this was going. “How so?” she asked.
“She wasn’t…formed. She was blurry, just a sense of a ghost. But she was mad,” River said, with a small laugh. “And then over time, she started to take shape. I could see her a little more clearly each time. I knew she wanted something from me, but I didn’t know what.”
They stopped and stood in front of the swings. It hurt Marina’s chest with every breath, with every movement of the swing moving back and forth. She could hear her sister’s laugh on the wind.
“Every time she came around, I could smell vanilla.”
Marina let out a soft, stifled sob.
River nodded, her expression pensive. “I didn’t make the connection until we went to your family’s house and I saw the photos. When I heard the story, I understood.”
Marina’s tears were warm as they slid down her cheeks. “Why are you doing this?” she whispered.
River turned and gently pulled her toward a darker part of the park, unlit by streetlamps. “Because you both need this.”
Marina’s knees turned to Jell-O when a shadow detached itself from the others. She sank against River, who held her against her body. “Isabella?” It wasn’t so much spoken as an audible thought.
The ghost…her sister, floated forward. Her long, thick hair flowed around her, and she looked exactly as she had on that fateful, horrible day.
Marina turned her head a little to talk to River. “Why now? Why, after all this time?”
River moved her hand from Marina’s shoulder and held it out to the ghost. “I offered to be a go-between. Some ghosts talk, some don’t. Your sister doesn’t.”
Marina watched as the transparent hand reached out and lay touching River’s. Marina, her own hand trembling, reached out to put hers over theirs. She felt nothing when her hand touched Isabella’s. That brought more tears to her eyes, and she pulled away.
River took a deep breath. “She hasn’t been able to leave because the family can’t let go. You can’t let go. Your guilt and their anguish have kept her tethered here.”
Marina gave a small sob. “I’m so sorry, Isabella. I didn’t know.”
The ghost gave her that little crooked smile that had always gotten her what she wanted when they were kids.
“She knows. And she wants you to understand that it wasn’t your fault. Accidents happen, she says. She says you need to convince your parents to let go too.” There was no judgment. No censure. Just River relaying words from a long-dead sibling. No big deal.
Tears blurred Marina’s vision. “I’m sorry. I’ve missed you every day. Living without you has been so hard. You were supposed to be my rock. Without you, I’ve been treading water.” Marina hiccupped and brushed at her dripping nose with her coat sleeve. “I think I’m finally drowning.”
The ghost shook her head, the long hair floating wildly.
“She says you’re finally on solid ground.” River smiled a little. “You’re not alone anymore, and it’s time you stopped acting like a…” She frowned. “A cactus?”
Marina sob-laughed. “Okay, porcupine. I hear you. And I love you.”
The ghost slipped her hand out of River’s, then placed both of her palms on Marina’s cheeks. The love shone out of her eyes, and then her hands slid away. She looked at River, then moved upward, turning the snow darker for a moment, before she was simply gone.
Marina collapsed against River, who held her tightly until she finally cried herself out. She pulled back and looked up at her. “Thank you,” she said.
River kissed her forehead. “You’re welcome. Thank you for not running off screaming.”