Chapter 31 #2
“Well, this one didn’t wake me up by screaming insults in my face.” Marina used her sleeves to dry her eyes. “I’m not sure I’ll ever get used to that.”
River draped her arm over Marina’s shoulders as they walked back to the car. “No, I don’t imagine you will.”
They got back in the car, and River headed back toward Marina’s place. “Is she gone?” Marina finally asked, picturing the way Isabella had kind of become part of the snow.
“I think so.” River looked thoughtful as she navigated the icy streets. “I do think you’ll need to talk to your family, though, to make sure that string is really cut.”
Marina’s thoughts were strangely quiet. When they pulled up outside her place, she put her hand on River’s leg.
“Will you stay with me tonight?” At River’s look of surprise, she laughed a little.
“Not for a sex fest. I just…” She shook her head and bit her lip.
“I don’t want to be alone. And more than that, I want to be with you. ”
River smiled and pulled the car around to the underground parking lot without a word.
When they got into Marina’s apartment, she just stood there, numb.
She felt River slide her coat off, heard River move around the apartment, and then didn’t pull away when River took her hand and led her into the bedroom.
There shouldn’t, couldn’t, be any tears left, and yet they kept coming, a slow trickle like a stream drying out in late summer.
She shivered when River undressed her. There was no romance to it, just a gentle pragmatism Marina appreciated.
She gladly climbed into bed and snuggled against River’s side when she joined her.
River’s heart thumped steadily under her ear, a strong, sure sound that lulled Marina into a doze.
With River’s strong arm around her, she felt safe and cared for. It was terrifying in the best way.
“I told you on our first date that you’re enough.” River’s voice was quiet, complementing the silence instead of breaking it. “You are. More than enough. And you do deserve to be happy.”
Marina couldn’t say anything. The meeting with her sister had made her feel unburdened, and maybe she could start believing what River saw so clearly. She let herself drift off.
“Shamus.” Marina blinked awake, the thought suddenly occurring to her. “Will he be okay alone?”
River stroked Marina’s hair, pulling her close again. “He’ll be extremely upset with me, but Audrey said she’d pop in tomorrow morning and give him food and love. He’s fine.” She kissed the top of Marina’s head. “Thank you for worrying about him.”
Marina settled against River’s hard body. “Why did Isabella not have form when you first saw her?” She traced random lines over River’s stomach. “That’s the term you used, isn’t it?”
“That’s how I think of it, yeah.” River pressed her lips to Marina’s hair for a moment.
“I don’t really know, to be honest. There have been others like that, where I get a sense of them but don’t really see them.
I think your sister probably shifted to something more familiar when we started seeing each other because I was thinking about you, and then her once I’d seen the pictures.
I think ghosts draw on energetic connections to keep a sense of themselves.
You and your family never went back to that park, did you?
” When Marina shook her head, River sighed softly.
“Ghosts tend to stick around the last place they were. So she stayed near the park until she felt a way to make contact with you. Which was me. Maybe she heard people in the park talking about the gentrification, about you, that kind of thing.”
“It’s all conjecture.” Marina leaned up on one arm and looked down at her. “We don’t have any real answers.”
River twirled a piece of Marina’s hair around her finger. “Welcome to my world.”
“I’m still having trouble believing it, even after seeing it with my own eyes.” Marina shook her head, still able to see her sister so clearly. “I have to admit, I don’t think I want that to be part of my daily schedule.”
River laughed and sat up too. “I don’t think you need to worry about that. The two you’ve seen wanted you to see them. Most stay on their side of existence.” She lightly kissed Marina’s shoulder. “What’s with the nicknames? Cactus?”
Marina smiled at the memory. “We were always headstrong. Both of us. But in different ways, you know? My parents said my sister was a porcupine. When she got mad, she sent spikes flying in every direction, and no one was safe. But I was more like a cactus. Still and solid, and when I got mad, you needed to stay away from me or you’d get spiked. But I kept it in, mostly.”
River frowned. “That doesn’t sound like the woman I’ve come to know.”
“No. I’ve changed over the years. I think I’m more like my sister.” She laughed quietly. “I love that she remembered.” They were quiet for a long time, and Marina was glad for the simple silence that let her ponder the beautiful, and devastating, moment.
“I love you too, by the way.”
Marina’s head snapped around so fast it hurt her neck. “What?”
River laughed and kissed her. “I love you too. I didn’t want to say it back to you when we were in all that chaos. We shouldn’t work together. You said it yourself. We’re oil and water. But maybe that’s why we work.”
Marina closed her eyes. “I’m not sure I know how to do this, River.
I’ve spent my entire adult life working toward a singular goal that I’ve just blown to pieces.
After Isabella’s death, and then the way my parents shut down…
” She took a shuddering breath. “I’m not one to let people in. But I want to try.”
River pulled her back down to the bed. “Trying is all we can do, baby. And I’ll be right beside you for whatever happens next.”
Marina curled onto her side, and River wrapped around her, big spoon-style. “I’m scared.” They were words she hadn’t allowed to pass her lips since she’d lost her sister. But the truth of them couldn’t be denied.
“Of what, specifically?” River asked as she stroked Marina’s hip.
“Of not knowing who I am anymore. I defined myself by my job. If I don’t have that? If I can’t be a lawyer anymore?” She pulled River’s arm tighter against her. “What if I go to jail?”
River’s chest rose against Marina’s back as she took a deep breath. “I don’t think it will come to that. I have to believe that you doing the right thing and protecting an entire community—protecting me—from that kind of destruction won’t be punished.”
“I wish I thought the world worked that way.” Marina didn’t want to argue about politics, or spiritual belief systems. She just wanted the day to end. She closed her eyes, grateful for River’s strong presence. Right now, in this moment, it had to be enough.