Chapter 22 Tanner
Tanner
Fuck. This feeling.
Forearms against the sheets, either side of Avery’s shoulders, Tanner supported most of his weight with trembling biceps. He pressed his lips to her temple, aftershocks of sensitivity still thrilling through his system.
Unlike every other sexual experience he’d had before, he wasn’t eager to either crash out or jump up and leave. He ached to stay joined with Avery forever, soaking in the calm that flooded from her body to his. It was a revelation.
Mine. It was all he could think, running in a loop through his head. Mine.
Except she wasn’t.
“If you were a color, you’d be blue.” Tanner was embarrassed by the words as soon as they left his mouth.
Avery opened her eyes and the exact pools of blue he was trying to find the words to explain mainlined feel-good hormones straight into his bloodstream.
His cock twitched inside her but Tanner made himself slowly withdraw, delighting in the way she caught her breath as they separated.
He rolled onto his back, threading his fingers through Avery’s and pulling her hand to his chest.
“I love the ocean,” he said. “There’s something about the waves that steadies me.
The huge expanse of water, the endless push and pull.
I don’t know what it is, but being surrounded by all that blue is my happy place.
I can just be.” Tanner lifted her hand and kissed the base of her thumb. “That’s the kind of blue you are.”
He watched her throat bobble. Had to smile when Avery’s eyebrows kinked, as if she needed to study his words to make sense of them. She wasn’t one to take a compliment lightly.
“When did you get your nose pierced?” He changed the subject to let her off the hook, his butterfly brain distracted by the glint of the small gold hoop in the half-light.
“Just before I dropped out of college.” She turned her head to stare up at the ceiling. “I wanted to do something just for me. It seemed like an added bonus that both my parents would hate it.”
He chuckled. “You didn’t fancy getting a tattoo, then?”
Avery turned onto her side to face him. “Not yet. I like yours, though.” Raising herself up on one elbow, she ran her eyes over his arms and torso. “The pine trees are fantastic. And this is stunning.” Her finger traced one of Icarus’s wings.
Pride swelled in Tanner’s stomach. He bunched his muscles beneath her gaze and delighted in the roll of her eyes.
“I like to think it represents strength over adversity rather than the dangers of carelessness. I’m almost a blank sheet compared to a lot of the other hockey guys. Some of them are covered.”
Lifting their joined hands, Avery read the lyrics inked on the underside of his biceps: Rolling waves and midnight kisses, reckless truths and desperate wishes.
“Where’s this quote from?” she asked.
“Dex plays in a band—they’re lyrics from a song his buddy wrote. I just liked them.”
“And this one?” Avery traced the three words on his collarbone, her fingertip cool against the sweeping curve of script that was intertwined with foliage. “The leaves look just like the charm on my necklace.”
Tanner wanted her to draw over every inch of his body, but this was going to be harder to say. It felt like laying himself bare.
“They’re as close as I could remember anyway.” Avery’s eyes shot to his face. “You’ve probably forgotten what you said to me when I left for college—”
She caught her breath and he saw the moment that it registered. “I said ‘Make it count.’ And you tattooed it on your body. With my leaf.”
His mouth curved in a slow smile. “I’ve always listened to what you say, Stretch.”
When Avery dropped her gaze to study his tattoo for a few more seconds, he wondered if he’d freaked her out. Then, dipping her head, she pressed a kiss to the words in a gesture that squeezed at Tanner’s heart.
“I’m really proud of you.” Her voice lowered to a whisper. He caught his breath as she laid her head on his chest, his hand curling automatically into her hair. “You did exactly what you said you were going to do. I always knew you would.”
Tanner’s eyes burned; he rubbed silky strands between his finger and thumb. The punch-induced buzz of earlier had all but worn off and he was thankful for the crystal clarity of this moment. “Couldn’t have done it without you.”
Slanted shafts of moonlight cast faint shadows across the bed; he still needed to sort out curtains. But the grind of tendons in his shoulder as his hand drifted to the petal-soft line of Avery’s neck reminded him that curtains were the least of his worries.
“Sometimes I wonder if I even know who I am without hockey,” Tanner admitted into the dark. “It scares me to death that I might have to find out.”
Avery propped her chin on one hand and he could feel her searching his face even as he avoided her eyes. “What makes you say that?”
Clearing his throat, he forced himself to continue now he’d started. “My right shoulder’s not great.” When she instantly tried to move off him, he tightened his grip with a huff. “You’re not hurting it by lying there.”
“What’s wrong with it?” Her voice was soft.
“Instability from all the hits over the years. Dislocates far too easily these days and it’s affecting my range of movement, no matter how I adapt my workouts.”
Avery winced. “What has the doctor said?”
It was easier than Tanner had expected to share his biggest fear with her. “He thinks it’s likely I’ll need surgery at some point.”
“And that would sort it?”
“If everything goes right.”
“Which it will.” Avery sounded as sure as if she had a direct line to all the shoulder surgeons in Michigan state. “And then you’ll be back on the ice before you know it.”
Desperately grateful for her quiet confidence, Tanner closed his eyes, his chest rising and falling on a sigh. “I don’t know how to do anything else, Stretch. I’ve been poor before and I don’t want to go back there again. Too many people are counting on me.”
Avery toyed with his silver chain. “There’s no reason you’d be poor, even if you had to stop skating tomorrow. You must have earned a ton of money. As long as you’re smart with it, you’ll have enough of a cushion to work out what you want to do in the future.”
“Arlo’s my money man. He looks after that side of things for me.”
“If it was my money,” Avery gave him a prod, “I’d want to make sure I was on top of it, too. Don’t be too trusting.” She lowered her head to his chest again. “And you’re not a one-trick pony. You can do loads of things. You just haven’t had to find out what those are yet.”
Her faith in him glowed in the dark, driving his fears into the shadows, and Tanner’s arms tightened reflexively. They lay quietly for several long minutes, a restful calm bleeding back in through the silence.
“Tanner?”
“Yes, babe?”
“These sheets are really clammy.”
He gave a lazy snort. “Yeah, they are.”
“I told you we should have dried off,” she grumbled. Neither of them moved.
“You can lie on top of me if you’re cold,” he offered, laughter purring beneath his ribs. “I’m here to serve.”
Avery stuck two chilly feet between his calves instead and shifted closer. “Don’t make offers you’ll live to regret.”
Maybe it made him weird, but knowing that he could keep her warm satisfied a basic need in Tanner’s gut. “I have heat to spare, Stretch.”
“Too right you do. You’re like a human wood stove,” she mumbled, but she pressed even closer, her breath tickling his collarbone.
With one hand cushioned beneath her cheek on the pillow, Avery was still for so long he thought she’d drifted off. Eventually, Tanner extracted himself carefully, drawing the sheets over her slim, pale legs. He grabbed a pair of boxers and padded quietly to the door.
“Yellow.” Drowsiness had turned her voice husky.
“Huh?” Tanner turned in the doorway.
“That’s what color you are.” Her eyes stayed closed. “Yellow. Like the sun.”
He visited the bathroom, examined his reflection in the mirror, and rubbed a hand over his heart. It was several minutes before he could make himself move again.
Thirst drove him to the kitchen, where the tiles were still damp underfoot.
Filling a glass from the tap, Tanner raised it to his mouth and drained it.
Returning to the bedroom, the light from the landing fell over Avery’s face before he clicked it off.
Twitching and blinking, she half opened her eyes and the sleepy relaxation gradually melted away.
Sitting up, she swung her legs over the edge of the mattress.
“Where are you going?” he asked.
“Home. I just need to find my clothes.” She studied the wet heap of her bikini on the floor. “Hmm, maybe yours will have to do.”
Scooping up a white t-shirt from the heap he’d tipped onto the floor, Avery dragged the soft material over her head, her hair spilling through the round neck like flames burning through paper. The image distracted Tanner from her words and it was several seconds before they registered.
Fuck that.
He sank down on the mattress and pulled her onto his lap. “You’re not going home, babe. Not at this time of night.”
Avery tried to stand up, her voice taking on a harder edge. “Don’t make this something it isn’t.”
Loosening his arms even as the hurt bloomed painfully in his chest, Tanner murmured against her ear, “Definitely not doing that, Stretch.”
She eyed him suspiciously. “We agreed on one night. I’m not up for dating or a relationship—especially with you.”
He couldn’t prevent the flinch and Avery’s face softened immediately, apology twisting the plush lines of her mouth.
“That sounded wrong. I’m sorry.” She curled her fingers around his biceps. “I just meant that you, with your job and your lifestyle, have even more temptation and opportunity to cheat than the average guy. And I don’t trust the average guy further than I can throw him.”
Tanner smiled, though it was more of an effort than usual. “So presumptuous. As if I’d want to date you either—with your smart mouth, beautiful face, and irritating intelligence. Yuck.”
Avery frowned at his teasing. “I just—”
“Yeah, yeah. You’re just warning me off and restating your boundaries. I get it and that’s cool.” He lifted her gently from his lap. “Message received, loud and clear. I’ll obviously take you home if you want to go. But you’re very welcome to stay so we can get some sleep.”
She looked torn but tempted.
“Just one night, no strings attached. That’s what we agreed,” he promised.
“And tomorrow we’ll move all your work stuff into my outbuilding if you still want to.
I’m not pushing—I’m gonna be guided by you.
You want to work from here for now until your workshop gets rebuilt, then the offer is there. If not, that’s fine, too.”
When Avery didn’t move, Tanner pushed to his feet.
“OK, Stretch. Let’s go.”
She gave him another long look and then turned back to the bed instead.
Sliding under the sheets, Avery stretched out on the mattress.
A tingle ran over his skin, relief warming his blood, as Tanner smiled at her in the dark and copied her actions.
Not daring to pull her close, he reached for her hand instead and threaded his fingers through hers.
“If it was anyone, it would be you,” Avery said eventually.
And although her words were the furthest thing from an encouragement, Tanner found himself balanced on the very edge of falling, in the same way he’d almost fallen before, scrabbling for handholds in an attempt to slow the inexorable slide.
Way too fast. Way too soon.
Lacking the chill or self-preservation of any other twenty-eight-year-old with a plethora of opportunities at his feet and a hefty bank balance at his disposal.
Arlo would kick his ass, but he couldn’t find it in himself to care.
And Tanner rubbed his thumb over the same inch of her soft skin until long after Avery had fallen asleep.