Chapter 23 Avery
Avery
She lay in the unfamiliar bed and watched the watery bands of daylight inch across the ceiling as the morning approached. The alcoholic haze was long gone, sacked in her own end zone by the terrifyingly momentous experience of sex with Tanner Stone.
Avery dipped her chin to the left.
He slept like a bear in winter, out for the count, a heap of warm muscle.
She could still feel him between her thighs, his stickiness coating her skin.
The sheets smelled of sex, pool water, and Tanner.
Avery wished she could sink into the mattress and have his scent surround her but, now that she was awake, her body wouldn’t relax.
She half wanted to nudge him from sleep, so that he would touch her again and make her forget all her self-imposed rules.
It was as much as she could do to keep her hands and her restless, spiraling thoughts to herself.
Eventually, she had to get up. It was impossible to live inside her own head any longer.
Stealing quietly from the bed, Avery grabbed her phone and crept downstairs, without bothering to search for any other clothing, Tanner’s t-shirt brushing her hips with each step.
The clock on the stove read 05.54. A hint of sweetness from the leftover punch still hung in the air.
Scraped-clean dishes and empty bowls teetered in haphazard piles near the sink, and there were glasses everywhere.
She could swear they had multiplied overnight like unwanted emails in an inbox.
Surely Tanner didn’t own this many glasses. Where had they even come from?
Checking her phone, Avery found three texts and four missed calls from her mom, but the voicemail she’d left didn’t sound too concerning. Apparently, she wanted to buy a milk frother and wondered if Avery had any recommendations. It was too early to ring her back just yet.
Casting a dubious eye over the shiny new coffee machine on the counter, Avery considered the benefits of a long glass of water.
Yeah, fuck that.
The need for caffeine had her reaching for an unopened box of pods and the instruction manual.
With the mug warming her hands and coffee yelling in the face of her weariness, Avery gazed sightlessly out of the bifold doors, her head thrumming. In the glass, her reflection stared back, a little pale, a whole lot ruffled. She looked as conflicted as she felt.
How could the best night of her life have left her feeling this bad?
Well, she knew the answer to that.
It was because she could never afford to go there again, and the one night she’d allowed herself with Tanner was over.
Avery’s stomach cramped.
She protected her heart for a reason, and her “no relationship” rule was in place to do just that.
Tanner—the biggest threat yet to her emotional stability—not only had the means to smash that fragile organ with a hammer, but the charm to talk her into visiting the hardware store herself and handing him the tool in a gift bag.
She couldn’t let him be her downfall. The ongoing blowback from her parents’ divorce had taught her better than that.
Draining the last of her coffee, Avery carried the mug to the sink and ran a bowl full of hot soapy water, reaching for the nearest glasses. The only way she knew how to handle this was to shut down her feelings before they grew any bigger. Retreat, regroup, and shore up her reserve.
Remember that passion doesn’t last. Good sex doesn’t equal commitment.
As she rinsed, scrubbed, and wiped, then moved on to drying, sorting, and stacking, Avery lectured herself with every item of glassware and crockery she cleaned.
Don’t think of slippery kisses in a moonlit pool.
Don’t think of warm, strong hands or tawny eyes burning in the dark.
Don’t think of blues and yellows, tattooed words, and whispered confessions.
Easy.
Closing her eyes, Avery leaned on the edge of the countertop.
Not easy.
“You didn’t have to do that.”
Tanner gripped the top of the doorframe with both hands and flexed, as if an ancient oath required him to assert his dominance over the doorway in order to pass through.
His plain gray tee rode up to expose a few inches of toned skin.
Tousled hair and bleary eyes hinted that he’d rolled straight out of bed and reached for his clothes.
Avery reeled her tongue back into her mouth. Great. Less than fifteen seconds and her new reserve was under fire.
“I know. But it was here. And so was I.” So smooth, so slick. So stupid.
“I like you being here.” She could hear the smile in his rusty voice.
He filled the doorway—90+ kilos of pure muscle and sweetness. The combination of the two crooked a cocky finger and begged for her attention. Avery concentrated very hard on drying the glass in her hand. She placed it on the kitchen island, reached for another.
“You got the coffee maker working.” Tanner padded into the room. “You goddess.”
Avery raised an eyebrow at that. “I read the manual.”
He stretched. “Yeah, guys don’t do that. We press buttons and hope for the best.”
“And how does that work for you?”
Tanner eyed the machine warily. “I’ll let you know in a minute. Want another one?”
“No, I’m good, thanks.” She watched him with reluctant amusement as she carried on drying glasses. Damned if she’d do it for him. He was a grown man with the brains to master his own coffee maker.
“Sam’s got a van we can borrow to pick up your stuff later. Him and Kash are going to meet us at your house this afternoon.”
“Look, it’s really kind—”
“I have the space, Stretch. And you can’t work without a base.” Tanner shot her a sideways glance. “It’s no big deal to me.”
But it was to Avery. Turning to anyone else for help went against every brutal lesson she’d had to learn.
Opening her mouth to firmly turn him down, she was hit by the sharp recollection of the chaos at home, with her supplies littering the first floor of their house.
Bel was being good about it so far, but there was no space to work and Mrs. Alberty had not been understanding about the loss of her armchair.
Avery needed to track down and re-cover a replacement as soon as possible, and she had other orders waiting, too.
Realizing she’d be stupid to refuse Tanner’s offer, she bit back the words on the tip of her tongue.
“It’ll give us the chance to get to know each other again,” he said lightly, still studying the coffee machine.
“Hmm.” Avery chewed on her thumbnail.
“As friends, if that’s what you want.” Tanner gave a grunt of satisfaction as he finally found the button that had coffee spilling into the mug below.
She didn’t want it at all.
She wanted him to take her hand and lead her straight back to bed.
She wanted him to weigh her down against the sheets with those inked-up muscles and make her forget all the reasons why it was a bad idea.
Avery folded the dishtowel into a neat rectangle, something elusive pressing heavily on her chest. “Yes. I think that’s best. Last night was probably all about the alcohol anyway.”
Tanner gave her a searching look as he crossed to the fridge, and his fingers drummed on the handle of the door while he reached for the cream.
“God knows how much gin Bel and Drew put in that punch.” A flush crawled up the back of her neck as she struggled to put up the roadblocks she knew were needed.
“It would be ideal if I could use your outbuilding, as long as it’s honestly not an inconvenience.
I don’t want things to be awkward between us. ”
He poured a glug of cream into his coffee and nodded. “Let’s just decide they won’t be. We’ll be super mature about the whole thing. I’d like to have you as a friend, Stretch.”
“That sounds good.” Avery felt relieved, deflated, pleased, and disappointed all within the space of three syllables. She needed to get a grip.
“OK, then. Let me just grab a quick shower and throw on some clothes. Then I’ll drop you home and see you later when I’ve picked up the van.
” Skirting the kitchen island, Tanner paused as he passed behind her, bringing his mouth close to Avery’s ear.
The scent of coffee and sex flooded her senses, curling her toes against the unforgiving floor tiles.
“Just so you know, it wasn’t the alcohol. Not on my part, anyway.”
And then she was left alone in the kitchen, one hand to her heart, as Tanner disappeared into the foyer and jogged up the stairs.
“They’re a handy bunch to know when it comes to getting stuff done.” Bel jerked her chin at the Ford Transit by the curb, where Tanner and Kash were manhandling Avery’s bulky workbench in through the rear double doors.
While Avery couldn’t disagree, there were other things on her mind that she needed to confess to her friend.
“I messed up.” The words spilled from her lips with a groan.
Cocking her head, Bel eyed her with interest. “Related or unrelated to the fact you didn’t come home last night?”
“Related.”
“And you stayed at Tanner’s?”
“I did.” The gust of air escaped slowly from Avery’s chest.
“But you didn’t jump his bones?” Bel guessed with a frown.
“I did.”
Two black eyebrows shot sky-high. “But he was a disappointment?”
“No, the opposite.”
“You were a disappointment?” Now Bel was frowning again.
“No!” said Avery in frustration.
“If you tell me you forgot to use protection, I’ll kick your ass.”
“And if you don’t let me get a word in soon, I’ll kick yours,” Avery growled.
A broad smile plumped Bel’s pretty, rounded cheekbones. “Sorry, babe. I’m all ears.”
Avery sighed. “Now I don’t know what I was even trying to say.”
Sliding an arm around Avery’s waist, Bel leaned into her.
“Can I guess?” she said. “You were probably going to say that you slept with him and it was amazing, because of course it was—I’ve seen the guy.
And now you’re freaking out because you refuse to date anyone, especially a super-sexy dude in the public eye with herds of available women at his literal fingertips, but you also can’t stand the fact that he’s now in the ‘look, don’t touch’ zone. Forever. How am I doing so far?”
Avery turned to rest her chin against the cushion of Bel’s hair. “Nailed it.”
“And what was his reaction when you hightailed it from his bed like he was a chainsaw-wielding maniac?”
“He took it really well. He wants to stay friends.” The thought tasted sour on Avery’s tongue when it shouldn’t.
“Hon, if that guy wants to be friends with you then you can paint me red and call me a barn.” Bel dug her fingers into Avery’s side.
They watched Sam amble over to the van with Avery’s desk lamp, which had somehow managed to avoid being crushed. Chuckling at something Kash said, Tanner shoved Sam against the fender and a play fight began in earnest.
“He could do me some damage, Bel,” Avery admitted in a low murmur as misery took hold of her vocal cords and gave them a twist.
“Or he could be the someone wonderful you deserve.”
“I don’t trust him with my heart.” She fiddled with her necklace but the charm in her fingers only reminded Avery of the leaves Tanner had tattooed on his collarbone.
Bel pulled a pair of sunglasses from the V-neck of her top and dropped them onto her nose. “You don’t trust him with your heart yet,” she corrected. “Give it time.”
“It’ll take more than time. It’ll take a miracle. I refuse to end up like my mom.” Even the thought made Avery shudder.
“But you are not your mom. And, from what I can tell, Ace Face doesn’t have a lot in common with the great Joseph Delgado. Don’t just assume he has low morals because he plays sports and has more than his fair share of testosterone.”
Her eyes following Tanner as he shifted some of the contents around the inside of the open van, Avery didn’t answer.
Maybe he was one of the good ones, but she didn’t intend to take the risk. No man was ever going to get the chance to crumble her like a stale cookie.