LAILAH
TWENTY-ONE
Spent emotionally and physically, I didn’t really remember much after Jay and I dried off and he tucked me into one of the beds, curling up beside me on top of the covers.
Neither one of us had extra clothes, but he waved off my arguments of him putting his dirty pants back on.
Not having the energy to really argue with him, I let it be and let him hold me as I drifted off to sleep, silent tears rolling down my cheeks.
My moment of forgetting about the world around me and that fact that Parker was gone ended the second we left the bathroom.
The pain of his loss punched me right in the chest but Jay was kind enough not to comment, only holding me tighter.
The guys returned, and I cracked open an eye but I didn’t have the energy to wake up, so I didn’t.
It had been one hell of a day and I didn’t want to participate in it anymore.
Tomorrow would be another day and I would have to deal with the reality of life soon enough.
But for now, I could hide in a dreamless sleep.
Only, it wasn’t a dreamless sleep because as soon as I drifted away into the darkness of my mind, I found myself back in the void where the Dark Lord used to come visit me.
This time, my mind decided that it wanted to cause me the worst amount of pain possible and there stood Parker.
His hands were tucked into his jean’s pockets, wearing his favorite purple shirt that read—All You Need Is Love.
Everything about him was so perfect and lifelike that I almost believed that he was standing here with me and it wasn’t just my mind, desperate to have one more moment with the man I loved and lost.
“What are you doing here, Trouble? You know it’s not safe to do this without someone to protect you,” Parker warned. “None of the others can sense that bastard like I could.”
Clearly my own mind wanted to cause the maximum amount of pain, having him say shit like that to me.
“If you were that worried then you shouldn’t have fucking died on me, Parker.
You promised me that you would get us through this and that I could yell at you all I wanted once we got out of that hellhole,” I snapped, hands on my hips.
If my brain was going to be an asshole, I wasn’t going to take it lying down.
Parker’s brows raised at the venom in my voice. “Wow, you aren’t going to pull any punches, are you?”
“Why should I? You left me, again! You didn’t even say goodbye or warn me that something was wrong. Instead, you just let me watch you die right there in the dirt as we drove away!” I yelled, throwing my hands up in the air.
Parker rubbed the back of his neck as he looked down at his feet. “Yeah, well, as usual, I didn’t really think through it all. I just focused on the fact that I was keeping you safe and alive.”
“What good is that when I’m left to live this life without one of the people I love?
Oh sure, I have the others, but who’s going to have the patience to teach me how to play those video games you all love to play.
Or who’s going to eat all the pies I make in the middle of the night when I can’t sleep?
No one else is going to understand my love of sugar cookies the way you do or tease me mercilessly about the dirty books that Cami makes me read to get ideas on how to have group play time with you all,” I demanded, my voice getting louder and louder as I spoke.
“Parker, you left me before I could tell you that I forgive you and I want to find a way to make things work, that my life isn’t complete without you in it. How could you do that to me?”
Now my shoulders were shaking as I was gasping for breath and the tears I was fighting back won out. “You’re mine, and I didn’t tell you, you could leave.”
Parker just stood there looking at me utterly shocked, but I couldn’t wait for him to figure his shit out.
I ran right into him, wrapping my arms around his middle.
How could he feel so real when I knew he was gone?
If this was my brain’s way of giving me a chance to say goodbye to him it was too real.
He even smelled like he always did, with his spicy aftershave and hints of grease from working on that stupid truck of his that was always needing to be tweaked.
Thankfully, he returned my embrace and enveloped me in his large body, dropping to his knees, clinging to me.
“I didn’t know, Trouble. I didn’t know how you felt about me.
What I did was the worst thing that I could have ever done to hurt you.
I don’t deserve to be given a second chance or to be loved by someone like you,” Parker said, his voice cracking.
“You are everything to me and saving you so you could save the world was the only way I could think of to show you how much I loved you and atone for my sins. I shouldn’t have left you though, because you’re right.
I did promise you I wouldn’t leave you again. ”
Pulling back, I lifted my arms to hold his face as I looked into his stunning green eyes. “Parker, you are my heart and I don’t know how I’m going to do this without you. It was never supposed to end like this. We all live together. We all die together.”
“Lailah,” Parker pleaded as if I was causing him physical pain with my words. “I hope you won’t ever doubt how much I love you ever again. That you will forever remember that I would literally give my life for you, even though you didn’t ask me to.”
“Fucking idiot,” I muttered and slammed my lips to his, cutting him off from saying anything else equally stupid.
If I was going to be stuck in this dream, then I was going to make it a happy one that I would be able to think back on as my last moments with him.
I shoved him back so I was straddling him as he looked up at me, dazed.
My hands fisted in his shirt and I dragged it up and over his head with his help once he figured out what I was trying to do.
Now that his chest wasn’t obstructed by clothing, I let my hands wander over his sculpted muscles, tracing all the dips, making him shiver under my touch.
“Trouble, what are you doing?” Parker asked as I reached to undo the button of his pants.
Rolling my eyes, I looked at him. “If you have to ask then clearly I’m not making my intentions known. I plan to make the most of this time we have together regardless of if it’s just in my dreams.”
“Yeah, about that—”
“Parker,” I cut in. “You owe me this after everything you’ve put me through. Let me have this, please. I want a memory of us together more powerful than when my heart shattered watching you crumble to the ground like a puppet with his strings cut.”
“What if we can keep meeting here like this? That it’s not the last time you could see me... do you still want to do this?” Parker pressed.
“Are you telling me you don’t want to have sex with me?” I huffed, sitting back and crossing my arms.
“Fuck no, but I also don’t want you to regret this someday,” he explained.
Leaning forward, I pressed a kiss to his heart. “The only thing I will regret is that we never got to have this moment in real life. Yes, you hurt me, but I would endure that pain again if it meant that I could have you back.”
Apparently, that was all Parker needed to hear before he turned the tables and flipped us over so I was on the bottom. “I refuse to let you experience any more pain at my hands or actions. You, my beautiful bundle of trouble, are only going to lose your mind in the pleasure I plan to give you.”
Parker slowly pushed up my shirt, kissing along my skin as he worked the clothing off.
In this dream world, I was wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants and not naked like I was back in the hotel room, small wonders.
I lost sight of him as he yanked the shirt over my head, leaving us a matching set of bare chests.
His hands skimmed down my shoulders until he reached my hands, which he grabbed and lifted to kiss, holding my gaze as he did.
“Lailah Mackenzie, I broke one oath to you so I won’t even try to give you another.
Instead, what I give to you is all of me, mind, body, and soul.
You alone hold the essence of what makes me who I am and even though I doubted myself, you never did, always pushing me to be more.
I failed because I believed what everyone in the world told me—that I was a fuckup and always would be.
Then, you literally crashed into my life and changed it, turning everything upside down, knocking me off my high horse and showing me life could be more than fun games, and goofing off all the time.
Forever and always, I will be yours if you still want me. ”
“If I had the power to do it, I would make it so you could never leave me again, Parker. I love you, all of you, just as you are - the good, the bad, and the in-between,” I answered, pulling him down to kiss him, adding to my point.
Parker wrapped his arms around me and held me tight, our chests plastered together, our hearts beating in time as we lost ourselves in the feel of each other.
At some point, we both shed our pants, and I hiked a leg up over his hip and let him slide into me.
It felt like coming home, perfect beyond words, reinforcing that this was just a dream and I needed to make the most of it.
There was nothing rushed about this as we stroked each other, absorbing all that we could from this moment.
Parker pulled me up to sit in his lap, my legs wrapped around his waist, and he buried his head into my neck as he hugged me to him, holding me as he thrust up into me.
I tossed my head back, reveling in the feeling of him inside me, making sure the moment and feeling was seared into my brain.