25. Chapter 25
Chapter 25
Elijah
I t’s been three weeks since I fucked Bex in my office, and I am insatiable for her. I feel like a horny teenager as opposed to a man in his mid-thirties.
We text daily, often dirtily. For a woman of nineteen, she certainly has a way with words.
She’s been at my apartment each weekend since and many nights after class. Having her in bed next to me is a greater feeling than I ever realized could be possible.
But there are things weighing on me. We still haven’t gotten overly deep. As far as I can tell, she has no idea my parents are gone. And I know little to nothing about her family. And then there’s the fact that she’s just so young. It’s not even limited to the fact that she’d be resigning to the life of someone who doesn’t go out and party anymore, but what happens when she gets tired of her significant other getting the senior citizen discount and being thought of as his daughter?
It hasn’t happened yet, but I can see it on the horizon. Especially once the grays start to take over.
A heavy sigh pulls from my chest as Jameson walks out onto the back porch where I’ve taken solace from the rest of the family. I couldn’t keep avoiding Sunday dinner and I feel even worse that all I want to do right now is go home and fuck Bex until I can’t think straight.
He flops onto one of the Adirondak chairs around the fire pit that I’m staring aimlessly into and hands me a beer, clinking the neck of his bottle against mine.
“What’s on your mind?” Tipping the beer back, he takes a drink as he crosses one ankle over the other knee.
Jameson’s a good guy, and he loves my sister fiercely. There’s something about him that makes him easy to talk to. Maybe because he didn’t know me when life fell apart. He didn’t know the me before, only the me after.
But still, can I share this very big, and very wrong thing with him? Free of judgment?
“Just some girl trouble.”
“I’m not Zach or anything, but you can always talk to me. You know that, right?”
“Yeah. Of course. It’s nothing.” I lean back and take a sip of my beer and turn to look at him, but I only see an expression that tells me he knows I’m full of shit.
“You know you get the same crease in your forehead as Liv when you’re overthinking something.” He points to the spot on his own face.
My head bangs back against the chair. “I’m an idiot. That’s the problem.”
“Fucked something up?”
“Not yet. But I know I will, eventually. She’s too young. Too young to be with a guy as ancient as me.”
“Hey. Be careful who you’re calling old. We’re the same age there, brother.” A quick clear of his throat and he ventures into what’s probably uncomfortable territory. “How, uh…how young we talking?”
“Younger than Liv.” I tip my bottle back and chance a look in his direction.
His eyes are wide. “By how much? Is it…legal?”
“Fuck, of course. Jesus, what the hell do you think of me?”
“Well, I don’t fucking know. You’re all bent out of shape about her being young, but I don’t see a problem if she’s of age. Even if she is younger than my wife.” It’s a slight possessive thing he’s doing. Laying claim to her. As though she wasn’t my sister first and won’t always be my sister, even if their marriage crumbles. It’s not something I anticipate, but in the event it does, it’s me, Alina, and Mazie who will be here to pick up the pieces.
When I say nothing, he leans forward, elbows on his knees. “I seem to remember coming to you with a similar concern. That I was quite a bit older than Liv. And remember what you told me?”
I lean forward to match his pose and my shoulders slump as my head drops.
“You told me about your parents. How your father was older than your mother. That there was no reason it shouldn’t be okay for me and Liv, especially with the family history. So why the concern for you?”
“Because I’m the oldest. I have an example to set. I have to be better.”
When he scoffs, I turn my attention to him with my eyebrows scrunched together. “Better than what? Being happy? And I hate to say this, brother, but I think that ship has sailed. Your sisters are all married. And basically all have kids.”
“Ah, that reminds me. Congrats.”
His brows pull together, but his face reddens. “For, uh, what exactly?”
“I know Liv’s pregnant again. And she hasn’t shared for whatever reason. But that’s up to her.”
“How’d you know?”
I lift my shoulder as I raise my gaze to look through the slider into the kitchen where the sisters are all gathered around the island. “I know my sister.”
“Well, even so, example’s been set. The most you can do at this point is continue the Baker family lineage.”
“Is it fair to tie her down with somebody who will probably die at least a decade earlier than she will?” The morbidity is a little much, but it’s something I’ve been thinking about. Even though their lives were cut short, my parents got lucky. They went together. Neither of them had to live without the person they loved most in the world.
“I think we both know that’s not the real problem here. Because we both know that nothing in life is guaranteed, not even continuing it. So, what’s the deal?” Sometimes I hate that Jameson is perceptive, that he’s not afraid to call me out on my bullshit. Or anyone, really.
Gritting my teeth, I get to the real issue. But I can’t look at him, so I pick at the label on my bottle. “The real problem is not just that she’s young. She’s one of my students.”
He nearly chokes on his beer before laughing. “Oh, man. You are fucked. You fell for a student?”
“I didn’t know the first time we met. And when I found out, it was too late. She was all I’d been able to think about for weeks. It made things complicated, and I tried…I really did. But I’m weak.” And stupid.
“Most of us are when it comes to the right woman.” He looks lovingly through the door of his home, a smile pulling up the corners of his lips from just glancing at her.
“It feels wrong.” I hesitate and shake my head. “Actually, no. It doesn’t feel wrong, but it should . Not only is she my student, but it was too fast. Too sudden. It was a one-night stand that turned into more.”
“I’ll spare you the details of me and Liv, but the first time she met me, she called me a douchebag. For weeks, she refused to tell me her name or learn mine. And one night, everything changed. It completely flipped everything upside down and there was no looking back. That’s how it happens sometimes.” Even though we’re the same age, he speaks with all the wisdom in the world. Maybe he actually has some since he was the first to marry into the Baker family and tamed the wildest of us.
“I suppose.” The words barely make it out of my mouth.
“Let me guess, you’re not big on love at first sight?” He laughs lightly and swigs his beer.
“No. Never really believed in any of that. And for a short while, I was pretty sure love was out of the question for me.”
“Do you love this girl?”
My eyes widen, and I fall back against the chair again as I puff out air, running a hand through my hair. “Honestly, I don’t know. I want…more with her. But that’s all I can definitively say.”
“How’d she take the fact that your parents are gone?”
I bristle. It never really gets easier to hear or accept. But it’s the reality of life. My tongue runs along my teeth, and I scratch at my stubble. “She, uh, she doesn’t know.”
He spits his beer out as he leans forward. “You are how invested in this girl? And she has no idea that you don’t have parents? Does she even know you have sisters?”
“Uh, funny thing about that. She works at Three Sticks.”
“This just gets better and better.” I’m so glad he’s taking such joy in my misery and suffering. “Do they know?”
“Nope.” I pop the 'p' for emphasis. He’s right. This is a fucking shitshow.
“Who is it?”
I glance over at him and hold my breath. “Bex.”
Recognition flitters across his face. “Yeah. That I can see.” With a tip of his head, he drains his beer and stands. One hand claps against my shoulder. “Best of luck to you, man. Somehow, I think you’re going to need it.”
“Thanks. And thanks for chatting.”
“Anytime. I mean it when I call you brother. We’re family. Always here with an ear to lend.”
I tip my bottle in his direction as he walks into the kitchen. Liv’s smile shines, and she throws herself at him, looping her arms around his neck. You’d think he just got home from a long trip or day of work as opposed to the fact that they’ve been together all day. It’s Sunday and we’re at their house, for Pete’s sake.
That. Right there. That’s what I want. And the scary thing? Is that’s how I feel when I’m with Bex. It doesn’t matter how recently I saw her. I’m excited when she’s around, happy to have her back in my bubble.
It’s a big thing to come to terms with. Knowing I undeniably want her, and for as long as she’s willing to have me. The only question now is, does she want me back?