26. Chapter 26
Chapter 26
Rebecca
I t’s been weeks since I’ve seen my parents. I haven’t exactly been avoiding them, but I also haven’t been super eager to see them. It’s not always easy to be in the same house with them, especially if Mom is having a bad day. But I’m in a fantastic mood lately, to the point that Tasha says she’s ready to wring my neck I’m so bubbly. She knows I’m with a guy. Just not which guy. And that’s enough for her.
It won’t be for my parents. They’re going to want to know about him. And I know one of the first questions they’ll ask is what his major is.
While I’m by no means an angel, lying to my parents has always given me an acidic taste in my mouth and I have a horrible tell. They always know when I’m lying. There’d be no way to actually tell them that Eli’s a math major and not let it out that he’s pretty damn good at his classes because he’s the professor.
So, avoidance has been my tactic, sticking strictly to phone conversations and claiming business with classes and work. That part isn’t an actual lie. It just leaves out a bit of the truth where I’m spending what little free time I have naked in Eli’s apartment. I’m pretty sure the only reason Tasha isn’t more pissed off is because she’s happy I’m getting laid regularly.
The problem is that the weight of feeling like a bad daughter is bringing me down. And Eli can tell. He’s asked a few times what’s bugging me, and I’ve been able to just tell him I’m tired and busy. But right now, while I sit in his t-shirt, cross-legged on the bed taking notes from my history textbook, his gaze keeps lifting to look at me.
Finally, I’ve had enough, putting my pencil down in my notebook. “What?”
“What?”
“You keep looking at me.”
“I like to look at you. You’re pretty.” A smirk crosses his lips, and I have to bite my cheek. Those smiles do me in every single time. And the fact that he’s sitting there, shirtless, is enough to drive me mad.
“We both know that’s not why you keep glancing my way. Spill. What’s up?”
“You just seem off. And you keep saying it’s nothing and you’re busy, and I get that, but there’s more to it. Is it me? Us? Are you… Are you having second thoughts about this?” There’s a rawness to his voice, a vulnerability beneath the surface.
Shoving my notebook into my textbook, I close it and crawl across the bed and into Eli’s lap, throwing one leg over his so I’m straddling him. “No. There’s nothing to second guess. I’m in this, Eli. All the way.”
“But—”
I press my fingers to his lips. “No. No more self-deprecation. You’re only thirty-three, Eli. That’s not old. It’s certainly not ancient. You’re one of the youngest teachers on campus. And I don’t care that I’m nineteen. I don’t care about the fourteen years between us. They’re all just numbers.”
“I’m a math guy. I kind of have an affinity for numbers.”
“But you’re letting them place barriers that don’t need to exist.”
He sighs heavily but doesn’t say anything. I may as well go for broke.
“I think… I think I’d like you to meet my parents. And I’d like to meet yours.” Something passes through his eyes when I say that. Something I can’t place. But my head tips to the side and my brows scrunch.
His head drops, knowing I saw the look.
“Listen. We should talk about that.”
“You don’t want to meet my parents?” Rejection stings across my skin.
“No. It’s not that. I’d happily meet them. But you’re not going to be meeting my parents.”
I slide backward on his lap, pushing away from him a bit. Is he ashamed of me? Here he is thinking he’s too old for me, but I never considered that maybe that goes the other way too.
Hooking his hands behind my waist he pulls me closer and tips my chin up. “You won’t be meeting them, because they’re gone. They died over a decade ago.”
My heart drops, along with my stomach. How did I not know this? Why didn’t his sisters ever say anything?
“How?” It’s the only thing I can think to ask, but I flinch because I’m sure he doesn’t want to rehash it.
He takes a deep breath and holds it for a beat before letting it out, looking into the corner of the room instead of at me. “A carjacking gone wrong. Or at least that’s what the police assumed. The guy was high as fuck.” Rage flashes through his eyes as his jaw ticks.
I say nothing. This is a moment I need to give him space to process. He’ll tell me what he wants and when he’s ready, and I will not push him. Because if the tables were turned, I couldn’t imagine what I’d be feeling right now.
“Remember when I told you I dropped out of MIT?”
I nod, lips pressed together with anxiousness.
“That was why. I had three little sisters to take care of. Well, two kind of. Mazie was eighteen and has always been very plan oriented. But Liv was in middle school. She was barely a teenager. I don’t even want to think what could have happened to her and Alina if Mazie and I hadn’t have stepped in to care for them.”
“What about your other family? Aunts or uncles…”
He lifts a shoulder. “We don’t have any. Our parents were both only children. I think that’s why they had four of us. They wanted to make sure we all always had someone because they didn’t.”
My head drops and my curls fall around my face. It’s a feeling I know all too well. In my nineteen years, I can honestly say there isn’t a day that’s gone by when I haven’t wished for a sibling. Somebody who I can talk to about anything, turn to at any moment. Someone who’s always in my corner, no matter what. And I know that’s the sort of relationship the Baker siblings have.
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” It’s a slight sting in my chest that he waited. He claims to want this so much, but this is a pretty big detail to not share.
“It’s not something I like to talk about. None of us do. It’s something that we’re all still processing, and probably will for the rest of our lives. There’s always something new that happens, always a twist or turn in life when we want our parents to be there, when we want their advice or input. The four of us…we won’t ever have that.”
He loops some curls behind my ear and locks his gaze on mine. Whatever he wants to say next, it’s going to be sincere, and he wants me to know that he means it. “That means a lot of different things, Bex. Including some sacrifices that you might have to make. None of my sisters have done the family dancing at their wedding. Even at Mazie’s, and Zach’s mom is alive and well. That was a sacrifice he made for her because he didn’t want her hurting that she wasn’t dancing with our father. Is that something you can do?”
Shock coils around my spine. He’s talking about getting married. “Is it… Is it something I might need to do?”
His brows bunch. “I mean, it would be a courteous thing to do for your spouse.”
My fingers rest against his chest, and I lean forward. “No. Oh my, no, I wasn’t clear.” I swallow harshly because this question is just too hard to ask. “I mean…is us getting married something that I should be thinking about?”
One of his hands slides into my hair, around the back of my head. He pulls me close and brushes his lips against mine before resting his head against the headboard, keeping his hand in my curls. “I don’t really have an answer, Bex. Is it possible? Absolutely. Maybe even likely. I’ve never felt like this about a woman before. Never been so infatuated with anyone that I can barely breathe when they’re not around me. But I’m guarded. And I know that about myself. I’m trying not to be. I’m trying to give you everything I have. Can I say for certain that marriage is where I want this to go? Not yet. But I can say that I hope it is.”
His self-awareness is endearing and quite intriguing. So few people know that much about themselves.
My heart flutters. We haven’t even told each other about our feelings yet, whatever they may be. I haven’t begun to unpack mine yet. But the fact that I want him to meet my parents speaks volumes. “I hope it is too.”
Warmth radiates through my body at his wide smile. But it’s short lived before he crashes his mouth to mine, flipping me to my back as he rests over me.
“I’d love to meet your parents,” he says right against my mouth. Then he dips his hips so his erection drags along my clit. “Just, not tonight. I have other plans in mind.”
I loop my arms around his head and tip my chin up, exposing my neck for him to lick and bite. His mind has gone to my favorite place, and he’ll hear no arguments from me.