27. Chapter 27
Chapter 27
Elijah
B ex is so much more amazing than I ever could have imagined. Not just her, but anybody. The reason why I thought she was older than nineteen shines through with every conversation. In class and through her work, I can tell she has a strong number sense, and her papers are well written and established. But her intelligence stretches beyond just books.
While she may be under twenty and an only child, she has some significant real-life experiences. Though it was hard for her, after I divulged the sad information about my parents, she told me about the severe depression her mom faces. How that’s shaped her and changed her and even scared her a little.
When she confessed that she worried about turning out the same way, I nearly broke. The vulnerability in her eyes was enough to knock the wind from my lungs.
There are just so many things about her that awe me. Including the way she can fall asleep in seconds. We came to bed all of ten minutes ago and she’s already breathing steadily, curled into my side. Her fingers twitch where they rest against my chest.
It seems like there’s never enough time with her. We have these nights, the weekends, but she works more than she should on top of classes. I’m worried she’s going to stretch herself thin. And having to sneak around with me doesn’t help matters.
With a sigh, I slam my head back against the pillow and stare at the ceiling. If I didn’t care about her so damn much, I’d turn her away. It’d damn near kill me, but it’d be what’s best for her. The fact that I’m risking my career to be with her…it barely matters. It’s worth every second. Besides, teaching was never in my plans. What I’d do as an out-of-work college professor who got fired for sleeping with a student? I have not a fucking clue. But it’d be worth it.
With a slight whimper, Bex jerks awake and sits straight up. She rests her hand on my chest and looks down at me while my hand glides to her lower back.
“You okay?”
She seems startled. “Just had a weird dream.” How she was already in a dream state is beyond me. “Sorry. Did I wake you?”
“No. I haven’t fallen asleep yet.”
Her eyes widen briefly. “Is everything okay?”
I trail my fingers up her back and twist them into the hair at the base of her skull, pulling her down so her lips rest against mine. “Just thinking about how amazing you are.” Leaning up the rest of the way, I connect our mouths.
She melts into me, her chest against mine as her hand splays on my stomach.
With a passionate forcefulness, I part her lips with mine. I don’t always intend to be so demanding, but there’s a need inside me I lose control of around Bex. I just have to have her at that very second and anything in my way is just an annoyance.
At this point, she can read my eagerness, her hand gliding under the sheet to wrap around my hardening cock. We’re still naked from our before-bed sex. Despite being in my thirties, my sex drive, at least where Bex is concerned, is completely insatiable. I feel like my refractory rate is higher now than it was when I was a teenager or in my twenties.
My fingers tighten in her hair and I nip at her lip as she rubs her thumb along the head of my shaft, smearing precum to use as lubricant as she rubs her fist up and down my length.
I dip my free hand between us to massage her nipple.
A whine vibrates her chest and I swallow it down, releasing her breast and wrapping my arm around her waist to rest at her lower back, pulling her as close to me as possible.
Separating her mouth from mine, she kisses down my chest, pushing the sheet from my hips. Her tongue pokes out and she drags it from my tip to my balls and back again before taking me in her mouth.
My head arches back with a groan and my hands fist into her auburn curls. Her mouth is smooth and warm and the way she moves her tongue against my cock is nothing short of euphoric.
She moves up and down my length like it’s nothing, her hand covering the space her mouth can’t reach. But I want to feel her mouth everywhere.
Holding her still, I lift my hips until my cock hits the back of her throat. When she gags, I pull away to give her a second.
But she looks at me with wide pupils and holds my gaze as she takes me in her mouth again. She moves lower and lower, taking me deeper and deeper. Her eyes water the farther down she goes, and when she gags again, I try to pull her off, but she knocks my hand away, determination flickering in her eyes.
Her head bobs up and down, and I try my hardest to keep my hips still. As heat licks at the base of my spine, I have to yank a little harder than I want to at her hair to pull her off.
Holding her head so her face is pointed at me, I meet her eyes. “I don’t want to come in your mouth, sweet thing.”
She runs her tongue along her lips as she throws one of her legs over my hips, and I thrust up into her before she can even start to lower herself.
My fingers dig into her hips and my head tilts back. “Holy fucking shit, Bex. I’ve never felt anything so incredible in my fucking life.” Feeling Bex bare is indescribable. I’m pretty sure the words don’t even exist.
Her nails scratch against my chest and she whimpers, unable to form a response. She clenches around me as she breathes heavily, but she’s not coming. It seems like she’s enjoying this feeling nearly as much as I am.
I give her a minute to set herself, and once she’s ready, I support her hips while she grinds against me. My thumb finds her clit as my mouth parts, and I watch her lips part with a loud moan as she moves forward and backward.
Her arms nearly buckle when I increase the pressure on her clit and my tongue drags along my lips, dying to taste her but too intent on watching as she crumbles in pleasure.
The only problem is, I’m not going to make it until she finishes. I pride myself on putting her needs ahead of my own, of making sure she’s satisfied before I am. But the combination of her perfect mouth and her incredible bare pussy is lowering my ability to edge myself.
I wrap my hands around her hips and try to raise her off me, but she smacks my hands out the way, chasing her own climax. Biting my lip, I try my hardest to hold back, but as she shudders on top of me and grips my hands, moaning so loudly the windows shake, I lose control and groan as I spill inside her.
We sit in silence for a moment, nothing but our heavy breathing filling the air. Then I’m consumed with a raw mix of fear and frustration.
Lifting her hips, I pull out from her, our joint mess spilling onto the bed beneath me as I shift her to the side.
“What the fuck was that, Bex?” I hop out of bed to go grab a towel from the bathroom, returning to find her standing on what’s become her side of the bed, stripping the sheets off.
“You certainly seemed to be enjoying yourself so I’m not sure what you’re asking.” There’s irritation to her tone that doesn’t seem fitting for the moment. Why is she mad?
“Are you trying to get pregnant?” I raise an eyebrow as I help pull off the covers.
She yanks the sheets from me, balls them up, and chucks them at me. I catch them as they smack me in the face.
“What was that for?”
“Asshole.”
“How am I the asshole here?”
“I’m not allowed to have unprotected sex with my boyfriend?” Her tone is now filled with fury.
“Not when you’re nineteen and it can result in pregnancy. And especially not when we haven’t discussed things like that.”
She throws her hands up and growls before looking back at her, fire raging through her jade irises. “I’m on the pill, you idiot!”
I’m taken aback and my mouth pops open. “I… What?”
“Do you really think I’m that stupid? That I’d risk everything to get knocked up by a guy who hasn’t even officially asked me to be his girlfriend, talked about exclusivity, or even, you know, mentioned any sorts of feelings besides wanting to fuck me.” She’s absolutely seething, and I can practically see smoke pouring from her ears.
“I’ve never once seen you take any type of medicine.”
“Do you watch me every single second of every day? No. It’s a tiny little pill that I can swallow without water. You’d never know I was taking it unless you were watching every move I make.” She crosses her arms against her bare chest and looks away.
She’s mad at me, and I need to make this right. I can’t let her feel this way.
As quickly as I can, I crawl across the bed, looping my arm around her waist and yanking her to me. I place her on her back and hover on my forearms over her.
“So you mean to tell me that I could have felt that incredible all this time?”
Though she tries to hide it, a blush rushes her cheeks, and a tiny smile pulls at her lips. But she still won’t look at me.
Gently, I take her chin in my fingers and turn her face toward me. She only fights it a little before she gives in.
“A lot of things were said just now. And I’d like to clear some up. It’s you and only you, Bex. I’m exclusively with you and hope you’re exclusively with me. Feelings…” I sigh, not sure how to continue. “They’re hard for me. Hard to feel, hard to accept, just…all around difficult. But know this. I want you in every way possible. Your body, your heart, your mind, your soul. I want it all, Bex. Every laugh, every moan, every tear, every angry rant. I want to be the one who experiences it all with you.”
Her lip trembles, and she laces her hands around my neck. “Will it scare you if I tell you I love you?”
My breath halts as I expect fear to overtake me. But it doesn't. Instead, there's a burst of heat through my chest, hope igniting.
“Scare me? No. But do I think I deserve it? Definitely not.”
“Well, that’s too bad, Elijah Baker. Because I do love you. And I don’t need you to say it back, I can understand your hesitance.” Though her words say one thing, her tone drips with disappointment.
“There’s no hesitance in how I feel, Bex. The only hesitance is expressing it. I pretty much just told you I loved you without saying those three words. And that won’t change. And I’ll be honest. It scares the crap out of me.” The words come out on a wisp of breath.
I’ve always wanted the sort of love my parents had, and as I got older, I started to lose hope that I’d ever find it. Now, it’s in my hands, right in front of me, and I’m so scared to lose it.