28. Chapter 28
Chapter 28
Rebecca
I finally did one thing I swore to myself I wouldn’t and took the weekend off from Three Sticks. It wasn’t something I wanted to do or planned to do, but Eli and I needed a weekend alone together with no interruptions. Nights and partial weekends just aren’t enough time. Not with the heavy conversations looming over us.
Mazie was understanding when I called. Not that I expected anything different. They’re so supportive and patient.
It is exciting knowing I can sleep as late as I want with Eli wrapped around me. That we can stay up or be up all hours of the night without the ramifications of being exhausted the next morning.
There isn’t that dread-filled feeling on Saturday that we have to fit everything we want into the confines of roughly thirty-six hours before I have to leave for work. Add the homework I usually have to complete on top of that and it really limits what little time we have.
Knowing I was planning to take Sunday off, I did my best to complete all my assignments by Friday night. Thankfully, it was a relatively light week in terms of homework.
The fact that it’s one o’clock on Saturday afternoon and we’re lounging naked in bed, as we’ve been doing since we laid down twelve hours ago, is refreshing in a way I can’t describe.
Eli’s fingers, which have been trailing along my back, dig into my hip and he pulls me closer. I don’t understand how there’s even an inch of space left between us, as I’m curled into him and my leg is thrown over his waist, but apparently it exists.
“You want to watch a movie or something?” His voice is slow and lazy.
“I’m perfectly content just lying here with you. But if you want to get out of bed, that’s fine too.”
“Being in bed is my favorite place to be with you. I just feel like this is all we do together. Not that I’m complaining, by any means, but I don’t want you to be missing out on actual relationship things.” He mentions repeatedly that he’s worried about what I’m giving up being with him instead of somebody closer to my own age.
With a huff, I put my hands on his chest, one on top of the other, and rest my chin on top and look at him. My mouth presses into a hard line. “You know I don’t like when you talk like that.”
“And you know that I still stand strong in my viewpoint. You’re giving up a lot, Bex.”
“Like what? Nights out of getting black-out drunk and hangovers that make me want to stab an icepick through my skull? No thank you. That’s never been of interest to me.”
“There’s more to it than just that, and you know it.”
“Oh, so the meaningless sex?” He stiffens at the suggestion.
“I just don’t want you to feel like you’re missing out on anything.” Gentle fingers loop a curl behind my ear, and I turn into his palm.
“I don’t.”
“Not yet.”
With a sigh, I toss the covers off and get out of bed, throwing on one of his shirts, my socks, and my panties.
He bolts upright, eyebrows high on his forehead. “Where are you going?”
“You said you wanted to watch a movie. That you don’t want me to ‘miss out.’” I use air quotes to enforce how crazy I think the idea is.
“But…why are you putting clothes on?”
“You're being punished for refusing to believe that I want this and that I want to be with you and, no matter what happens, I won’t regret a single second. So you don’t get a free show right now.” I cross my arms across my chest as his gaze narrows at me.
It lasts for all of a second before he tilts his chin up and throws the covers off himself.
My breath catches at the sight of him naked, his toned chest, the deep V in his hips. His chuckle brings me back to myself and I turn away.
When he wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me into his side, kissing my temple, I realize he’s put on gray sweatpants and a tight t-shirt. “You don’t get a free show then either,” he murmurs against my ear.
I lift a shoulder. “Tell that to the pants.”
He leads me out to the living room, sitting on the couch with his back against the arm, pulling me to lie between his legs against his chest. His warmth emanates in waves and keeps the chill from creeping up my legs.
I rest my head back, right beneath his collarbone, which is the perfect little nook. Once he picks something to watch, he wraps his arms around my midsection, squeezing tightly.
Lying against him, I’m warm, comfortable, and safe. So much so that I start to drift off to sleep, my head bobbing every time I pop my eyes open as I try to fight the urge to zonk out. Every time it happens, he chuckles lightly.
I’m giving in, letting sleep overtake me, when his phone starts going off. One thing I’ve noticed is that he keeps the volume on all the time. It’s very much the opposite of me, with my phone almost always on silent.
His body jolts and he sits up, disentangling from me and jumping over the back of the couch to grab his phone from the kitchen counter.
“Hello?” His eyebrows bunch, but I get the feeling he knows who it is by his cramped posture.
“What’s going on?”
With nerves swirling in my belly, I cross my arms over the back of the couch and rest my chin on them, watching him as he starts pacing the kitchen, phone against his ear with one arm crossing his chest.
“Are you sure?”
His shoulders slump, and he drops his chin to his chest.
“Yeah, I can be there in”—he turns and glances to the clock on the stove—“forty-five?”
“Okay. Yeah. Love you too. Bye.”
He sets the phone on the counter, putting his hand on it and resting his weight against it as his other hand covers his eyes.
“So, you going to tell me about that?” I don’t usually pry because it’s not my business and he’ll tell me if he wants, but whatever that call was about has clearly upset him.
“I hate to do this, especially this weekend, but I have to go to Juniper Grove. That was Alina.” He says it defeatedly as he rounds the couch to stand between me and the coffee table.
I’m off the couch and standing before him only a second later. “Why do you have to go?”
“Because she’s my sister and she called me for help. That’s why.” There’s a bite to his tone.
“Is it an emergency? Is everyone okay? Phillip?” If something is wrong with the baby, I don’t know what I’ll do.
“Not an emergency.”
“You have two other sisters she could have called who are not only capable of helping, but a hell of a lot closer.”
“It doesn’t matter. She called me. I’m going. You’re welcome to stay here.” He tosses a hand up like he doesn’t really care what I do, only focused on getting to his sister.
“You don’t always have to be there for them, Eli.” There’s a slight shake of my head as my eyebrows knit together.
He steps closer to me, toe to toe, and bends down so his face is in mine, our noses barely brushing. “Yes, I fucking do.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s my job . Because I’m all they have left.”
“They’re all married , Eli. They have husbands and even children. Why not let them rely on their spouses?” While I’m all about family, and understand that his is incredibly close-knit, I don’t understand why he’s willing to just drop everything to run out there for what doesn’t sound like an emergency. Mostly because, if it was, I’m sure he’d be more frantic and explain the situation to me.
“Because I fucking promised, okay?” I take a step back as he shouts and runs his hands through his hair, pulling at the roots.
He moves backward until he falls to the couch with a flop, running a hand down his face before picking at his lip.
His gaze is stuck on the floor and his chest heaves with a deep breath. “When I was seventeen, Mazie came home crying from some idiot breaking up with her. Mom talked to her and found out the details. I heard her and Dad whispering in the kitchen. Mazie wouldn’t talk to me about it. High school was…weird between us. We were both growing and becoming different people and exploring relationships and didn’t always want to share that with the other, even though we’d always shared everything else.”
There’s a distant look in his eyes, and I carefully sit on the couch next to him.
“I found Dad later that night on the back deck with a beer. It wasn’t often that he drank. So I sat with him, asked what was going on. He didn’t bullshit me. Thankfully, nothing too crazy had happened and Mazie was physically okay, but I guess the douchebag broke up with her because she wouldn’t sleep with him. I was ready to hunt the fucker down and break all his teeth. But Dad was calm. I could tell something was simmering beneath the surface, but he seemed calm. So I asked him how.”
He looks up at the ceiling, as if picturing the moment in his head as a smile pulls up the corners of his lips. “You know what he said?”
A quick glance in my direction, and I shake my head for him. Silence is my friend right now.
“He said that Mazie was safe, that she wasn’t hurt. Sure, she swore her heart was broken, but that was bound to happen a few times in her life. So as much as he was unhappy to hear about the situation, he was grateful that she was okay, even if she didn’t feel like it at the time. Then he looked right at me and said, 'I know you’re mad, son. I know you want to avenge your sister’s pain. And that’s noble of you. But your job is to protect them and show them what’s right and wrong. Mazie’s upset, but she’ll recover. Understand the difference?'
“I nodded because it seemed pretty clear to me. No physical pain for my sisters means no physical pain for the assholes who hurt them. But he continued to stare at me. To the point that it made me uncomfortable. I was about to ask what the hell he wanted, when he told me to promise him, right then and there, that I’d always protect my sisters. I’d always be there for them, no matter what. It was an easy promise to make.”
Tears blur my vision, and I shift closer to Eli on the couch, taking his hand in mine. “But Eli, you do all that. And it doesn’t mean not having your own life to be there for them. Not everything is an emergency.”
“You don’t get it. I have to keep this promise. Nothing else stayed the same after they died. I left MIT, we sold their house, I don’t even live in Juniper Grove anymore. They’d be disappointed enough in me as it is. I don’t need to add dropping this one promise I made to my father a few years before he died.”
“You think your parents wouldn’t be proud of you?” Shock rips through my body, mixing with sadness. I couldn’t possibly have heard him correctly.
“I dropped out of a prestigious school to stay at home and become a professor at the local college. No, I don’t think they’d be proud of their straight-A student being mediocre.” Hearing how little he thinks of himself, paired with how he was talking about what I’m missing being with him and how he talks about his age…it all compounds and it feels like a million needles are piercing my heart.
“You’re one of the most highly ranked and sought-after professors on the campus. You don’t think that shaping minds would mean something to them?”
“It just seems so…pedestrian. Based on what was assumed my life would look like.”
I don’t know what to say to him. I don’t know how to tell him that he’s wrong and that he’s an incredible person. That not only I see it, but his sisters too, and surely his parents would as well.
“I was meant for more, Bex. I hadn’t even really decided on a major yet when they died, but I was at MIT, which was enough of a win. It’s not something I like to brag about, but I’m a fucking smart guy. I could have got into all the Ivy League schools I applied to. I could have gotten into Oxford. The only reason I didn’t apply is because it would have broken Mom and my sisters’ hearts. Turns out, it was the right move in the long run.” There’s so much defeat in his tone that my eyes shimmer with fresh tears.
“But you do good things here, Eli. Being a teacher, it’s no easy task. You’re shaping the lives of so many people. I know that students turn to you for more than just economics help because I’ve heard the stories.” There’s at least one every year where the student raves about Eli and how he was able to talk them out of a messy situation, whether it be excessive drinking, flunking out, or even just dating troubles.
“I don’t know how to explain it. It’s this weight that sits heavily in my mind and in my gut all the time. They wanted the world for all of us, and I was the one who was able to reach the stars, to achieve it. And I gave up on that dream. On our dream.” There’s no way this man is serious.
Reaching out, I rest my hand on his cheek and turn him to face me. His eyes are riddled with so much pain that I have to swallow back a sob. “You do not see yourself clearly. At all. Do you know that your sisters look at you as their hero? All three of them. And by being who you are, by making the sacrifices you’ve made, you helped them achieve their goals. That means something, Eli.”
He turns and kisses my palm, nodding as he looks down at his lap.
“Can I say something without you biting my head off?”
Though he scoffs, and he doesn’t look up as he says, “Maybe.”
“You don’t seem happy with this life.”
His gaze lifts to connect with mine. “I am.”
I raise my eyebrows in response.
“I’ve made the most of it. This is what I have now. My sisters are happy, that makes me happy.”
“Well, then maybe you need to live a little for yourself. Have your own life that doesn’t include jumping every time they say to come over.”
“You don’t understand. You couldn’t possibly. I have to be there for them. I always have been, and I swore I always will be.”
“But Eli. Who’s been there for you?”
His head jerks back and his mouth open and closes like a fish. “They have been.”
“How?” I don’t want to make him think they’re not there for him, and I don’t want him doubting his relationship with them. But it’s clear he puts their needs ahead of his own at all times, and I know they don’t do the same.
“Liv took me in after the hostage situation until I was back on two feet. Mazie’s always been there for me when I need someone to talk to.”
“You know Liv told me each sibling and husband has a favorite muffin but that you don’t. That you just think they’re all amazing. I get the feeling that’s not really true.”
His gaze lowers again as he twists his fingers in his lap. “Coffee crumble. It was Mom’s favorite too. They don’t know because I would never ask Alina to make it for me, to have to relive those memories.”
My chest aches for him and I'm unable to hold back the tears flowing down my cheeks. He’s so giving and caring. I don’t understand how he can’t see himself clearly. Not knowing what else to do, I climb into his lap and take his face between my palms.
“You are an amazing person. While I didn’t know your parents, I can tell with how they raised you, that they would understand that things change, plans change, paths get altered. You didn’t just decide MIT wasn’t for you and drop out. You came home to take care of your family. And since then, you’ve always put them first. I’m sure your parents would be exceptionally proud of you.”
His eyes mist as he looks away, but his hands rest on my upper thighs.
“If you want to go to Alina’s, for whatever the reason may be, I won’t stop you. And I’ll be here waiting for you to get back, if that’s what you want.”
He chews on the inside of his lip and turns to me. “You won’t be mad?”
“I could never be mad at you for taking care of your family, Eli. That’s not what this was about. You need to see that you already do so much for them and that you shouldn’t always be their first call. You’re allowed to have a life too and not be available at the drop of a hat.”
Though he nods, I can tell by the look in his eyes that he’s going. To make it easier on him, I climb off his lap.
“Unless you tell me to leave, I’ll be right here.”
A slight smile graces his lips. “I’ll be as fast as I can. But…I need to check in. She called. I need to go.”
I nod and stand with him. “I understand.”
He wraps his arms around me and squeezes me against him, brushing his lips against my temple. “Thank you.”
Flopping back to the couch, I curl up under a throw blanket, my space heater no longer here to provide warmth. Within two minutes, he’s back in the living room, wearing jeans and a sweatshirt. He shoves his wallet and phone into his pockets, grabbing his keys from a bowl near the entryway.
With heavy steps, he crosses the room back to me and presses his lips to my forehead. “Thank you. I’ll be back as soon as I can. Please, don’t leave.”
I nod against him.
He rests his forehead against mine. “I love you.”
My heart flutters and all I want to do is tug him on top of me and not let him leave my bubble ever again. “I love you too.”
With one more small kiss, he leaves. All I can hope is that it’s not too long before he returns to me.