Chapter 17
Chapter Seventeen
Swallowing down the dreadful feeling she had, Alba tapped her foot against the ground and knocked on Lois’ front door again.
Her leg wouldn’t stop moving in that restless, anxious rhythm she didn’t seem able to control.
She’d rang the bell twice, rapped on the window too, but Lois wasn’t answering.
Her car was parked on the driveway, the TV was playing and visible through the window, so where the hell was she? Alba needed her best friend.
She lifted her phone with unsteady hands and called Lois’ number, pressing it to her ear as she paced a step or two across the small porch. When it connected, Alba breathed a sigh of relief. “Where the hell are you?”
“At home. Why?”
Alba’s shoulders slumped, the tension she’d been holding finally giving her a moment to relax.
She hadn’t even realised how tightly wound she was until this moment.
“Do you think maybe you could answer the door then? I’ve been standing out here for ten minutes now, and I’m about to lose my fucking mind. ”
“Sure. Give me a second. I was doing some bits and pieces in the garden.”
Alba ended the call and dragged in a breath that didn’t quite steady her. When the lock disengaged and the door opened, she rushed through it and turned to Lois in the hallway. “I need your help. Advice. Whatever…I don’t know what the fucking hell I need.”
Lois stepped towards her, her brows drawn together as she took in the state of Alba, and settled her hands on her shoulders. “Hey, what’s going on?”
“It’s bad. I’ve been trying to hide it, but it’s bad, and I don’t know what to do.
” Alba’s voice broke as she said that. Everything she’d been holding in was threatening to spill over.
Her throat constricted, her eyes stung, but Lois continued to look back at her, utterly confused, trying to piece it together. “It’s Ellie. I… I’m a fucking idiot.”
Lois sighed, took Alba by the elbow, and guided her into the living room. “Sit down. Take a moment. And I’ll be back with a cuppa for us.”
Alba sank down onto the couch and closed her eyes, her body folding in on itself. She wasn’t sure she could stomach anything to eat or drink right now; it was still tight with nerves, but a cup of tea would keep her hands occupied if nothing else. Something to hold onto. Something to…focus on.
She’d spent most of the day fidgeting with anything she could pick up—her phone, a pen, the edge of her sleeve—reminiscent of the days when Alba had found herself attracted to Audrey but not knowing how to approach it.
That same restless energy had crept back in, only this time it was far stronger than it had ever been with her ex-wife.
She hated that anxious feeling when she was uncertain.
God, it had made her throw up in the past.
“Here. Take this.”
Alba reached out for her cup of tea. As the couch dipped beside her and Lois settled in, that familiar look of concern staring back at her, Alba sighed. “Thanks. I’m sorry for practically banging your door down. Even if you didn’t know I was here.”
“You usually call before you come over, so whatever’s going on…it must be serious.”
Alba smiled weakly and cast her gaze to the cup in her hands. Every time she’d tried to drift off to sleep last night, Ellie and those blue eyes flashed into her mind. Fuck, they were impossible to ignore. “I almost kissed her, Lois.”
“Ellie?” Lois’ brows rose with surprise. “I’m guessing she didn’t take it well?”
“I don’t think she realised what was happening.
We’d just had a bit of a moment, it had been an emotional evening, and I got carried away.
” Alba could kick herself for putting herself in such a position with Ellie, the memory replaying far too vividly in her mind.
What she’d expected to happen was that Ellie would be horrified by Audrey’s accusation and run…
recoil, but the opposite had happened. In that moment, Alba could only focus on the hand cupping her face, while Ellie told her she was worth far more than Audrey.
That softness in her voice, and the way she’d looked at her… God. “It was fucking Audrey’s fault!”
“It was Audrey’s fault that you almost kissed Ellie? How exactly do you work that out?”
“I called her just before Ellie turned up at my place.”
Lois’ nostrils flared immediately. “You still haven’t blocked her?”
“I want to, but how am I supposed to arrange plans to see Ralph if I block her?”
Lois regarded Alba with a small, understanding smile. “I think you have to decide what’s more important to you. Seeing Ralph…or your mental health.”
“Lois, I can’t not see Ralph. He’s my dog, too. And Colin would be really upset if I cut Audrey and Ralph off completely.”
“Colin will be just fine.” Lois took Alba’s hand and squeezed. “You give him enough love to compensate for the loss of Audrey and Ralph.”
No. That didn’t seem fair to Colin at all. Why should he suffer and never see Ralph again just because Audrey insisted on being a bitch? “I need to figure out a way to see him, while avoiding any interaction with her.”
“We’re getting off track here. How did you almost kiss your boss?”
Alba closed her eyes and smiled. Ellie didn’t feel like her boss anymore.
Actually, she wasn’t sure she had for several weeks now.
Somewhere along the way, that line had blurred until it barely existed at all.
“It’s not unusual for us to spend the evening together.
She doesn’t like being home alone, and I don’t exactly have a line of women queueing up for me. ”
“Right. Okay.”
“I’d got off the phone to Audrey, and then she sent me a scathing message.
I just broke. I’m so tired of her and the way she controls everything.
She said some awful things to me on the call, then continued it via message.
You know, to really make sure she got her point across.
” Alba knew that Audrey could be cruel whenever the mood struck her, but she hadn’t expected it, given the fact they’d been divorced for over a year now.
That bite, the edge in her attitude…it hadn’t softened at all.
“Anyway, Audrey thinks Ellie and I are dating. I came clean to Ellie and explained that I’d put Audrey straight.
I even showed her the message so she knew I hadn’t kept anything from her.
She’s the headmistress, and I don’t want her in Audrey’s line of fire.
I can’t afford to risk something like that. ”
“It’s interesting that she thinks you’re together. Why would that be her immediate thought?”
“She said she’d seen us together on multiple occasions.” Alba lifted a shoulder. “Anyway, she’d put me in a dreadful mood.”
“And I’m guessing Ellie lifted it?” Lois wiggled her brows, but Alba didn’t see the funny side of this at all.
Not right now. How could she go to work on Monday morning after what had happened on Friday night?
It didn’t matter that Ellie had told her they were fine and that everything was still good between them.
Alba knew what had almost happened, and she couldn’t ever put herself in that position again.
“Don’t do that. I’m really not in a position to see the funny side of this, Lois.”
“You said you don’t think Ellie noticed, right?
” Alba nodded. “Then pretend it didn’t happen and move on with your life.
” Lois shrugged and flopped back on the couch, far more relaxed than Alba felt.
“I don’t know what possessed you to even get this close to her, but you need to sort it out, and you need to do it quickly. ”
“You don’t understand. Nobody does. Fuck, even I don’t.
” Oh, Alba understood. Her attraction towards Ellie had been there from day one, simmering beneath the surface, but as they’d grown closer and leaned on one another, Alba had forgotten all of the reasons why she should take a step back.
The reasons that mattered. Ellie was just…
the perfect woman. In another life, at least. “But I know I need to fix this.”
“Okay, good. And how are you going to do that?”
“I go to work. I do my job. I say hello in passing.” Alba’s heart ached at the prospect of never spending the evening with Ellie again, but this was the only sensible thing she could do.
By putting a pretty big distance between them, she hoped that Ellie would be in a good enough place to enjoy life without Alba in it.
Without the complication. “Ellie probably won’t even notice that I’ve distanced myself from her. She has enough going on already.”
“Babe, I barely see you or hear from you lately. If you think Ellie won’t notice you’ve gone weird on her, you’re deluded.”
Alba’s brows drew together as an unease settled inside of her.
“You’re always with one another. Work, in the evenings, at the weekend. She’s obviously very fond of you, and sure, it’s probably not because she wants to fuck you…but you can’t just drop her now.”
“So, what do you propose I do?”
“Come clean. Explain that you need some space to process the feelings you have for her. She sounds really nice, and I’m sure she’d understand. And if she doesn’t, distancing yourself from her won’t make any difference. Either everything will work out fine, or you won’t be friends anymore.”
The thought of sitting Ellie down and explaining how she felt filled Alba with dread, her stomach twisting at the mere idea of it. Right now, she would rather run away and never look back. It seemed far easier than Ellie being horrified that Alba was into her.
You know she wouldn’t be horrified. She saw the funny side of Audrey’s accusation…
“I think I’ll stick to my own plan.”
Lois sighed, clearly unconvinced. “Fine. Okay. Whatever you think is the best way to approach it, go with that.”