Chapter 18 #2
Alba groaned as she rolled her seat back and lowered her forehead to the desk, closing her eyes as everything pressed in on her. “This is just ridiculous.”
Then her phone buzzed again, pulling her back.
Sure. I’ll get them in. I’ll probably arrive before you do.
Thankful that her best friend could be on hand, and thankful she didn’t have to sit with this alone, Alba quickly checked she had everything she needed and lifted her bag onto her shoulder. Only as she did so, the quietness of the corridors meant she could hear someone in heels approaching.
Oh, God. It was Ellie.
Alba couldn’t fathom how she knew that, nor could she explain the certainty of it, but she often felt Ellie’s presence before she saw her.
Fab. I’m on my way!
Alba just needed to get out of here…and she needed to do it right now.
But as she looked up at the door, Ellie was already there, resting against the frame and staring back at her.
And just like that, everything else faded away.
God, she looked amazing today. She wore a black suit…tailored perfectly to her frame, the sexiest heels Alba had ever laid eyes on that only emphasised her height, and a cream woollen overcoat that softened the sharpness of it all. Effortless, composed, and completely fucking devastating.
If Alba wasn’t in the position she was in, she probably would have crossed the room and kissed Ellie with everything she possessed.
Alba swallowed. “H-hi.”
“Thought I’d walk out with you if you’re ready.”
Alba’s grip tightened on the strap of her bag, her pulse picking up as she forced herself to stay where she was.
“Oh, um…I have a few things to do before I leave today.” Alba hated lying to Ellie, the words tasted bitter as they left her mouth, but she didn’t know what else to do.
The moment they were alone, one of them was going to bring up Friday, and Alba had a bad feeling it would be herself.
While Ellie was none the wiser, it would be a good idea to keep it that way. “But maybe tomorrow or something?”
Ellie pushed off the doorframe and held up a hand.
“You know what, that’s okay. I get it.” Alba’s heart ached when Ellie’s voice trembled, the crack in it subtle but unmistakable.
“I’m sorry your ex-wife has too much to say, but if you’d feel better cutting ties on our friendship, I’ll respect that.
” Ellie sighed and shook her head, her composure slipping enough for Alba to notice the hurt.
“I’ll just see you on Friday afternoon for the staff meeting. ”
And then Ellie was gone.
The space she’d once occupied felt colder and lonelier, and Alba was left with only the sound of her heels echoing in the corridor, followed by a loud bang as the heavy double doors closed.
Alba flinched at the sound.
On shaky legs, she lowered herself to her chair once again, swallowing down the horrific feeling she had building in her throat.
She never wanted to upset Ellie. God, she felt some warped sense of protection whenever she thought about her.
Yet she’d just done exactly that, and now she had to live with the dreadful guilt she felt already eating away at her.
As the silence in the room pressed in around her, she inhaled a deep breath, though it didn’t quite steady her, and unlocked her phone.
Make it a bottle. I’m going to need it!
Throwing herself into the seat facing Lois, Alba lowered her head to her hands and fought back tears, her fingers pressing against her temples as though she could physically hold everything together.
The noise of the bar rose around her, but it all felt distant and muffled, like she was sitting just outside of it all.
She’d dropped her car off at home, changed into something less professional, and now here she was…
feeling even worse than she had when Ellie turned and walked away from her.
The image wouldn’t leave her.
Ellie at the door, that tremble in her voice, the way she’d just…
gone. Alba couldn’t believe she’d spoken to her as though they barely knew one another.
As though they hadn’t spent a fair amount of time building something that had felt so natural, so…
perfect. Just a few nights ago, she’d wanted to kiss Ellie, the urge so strong that it scared her, and now she was terrified to even speak to her or come face to face with her. “It’s fucked. I’m fucked.”
Lois filled a wine glass practically to the brim and slid it towards Alba. “I’m sure it’s not.”
“She’s just walked away from me, upset.” Alba lifted her head and grabbed the glass, her fingers curling tight around it. “It’s fucked. I’m telling you now.”
“And this is why I told you to come clean to her, Alba. She’s not a mind reader, and you’re not the kind of person who holds back how you feel. Until you sit down and explain why you’re distancing yourself, you’re just going to keep feeling awful about it.”
“She wouldn’t understand.” The words came easily, though even she wasn’t entirely convinced by them.
“I’d rather just take some time away from one another, get rid of these ridiculous thoughts I have about her, and then maybe one day we could be friends again.
” Alba knew that wasn’t likely. Not only because Ellie wouldn’t give her the time of day outside of a work setting anymore, but because she knew the moment they did become friends again, this would all start over.
More longing, more late nights thinking about her…
more hoping for something that couldn’t be.
“I hope she doesn’t think she’s done something wrong. ”
“Probably does.” Lois lifted a shoulder, far too casually for Alba’s liking.
“Hey, that’s not fair.” Alba straightened, her brows drawn together. “I know I should just speak to her; she’s a sweetheart and would probably try to fix it somehow. But my head is a mess, Lois. I need your help, not your shitty judgement.”
Lois lifted a brow as she stared back at Alba over the rim of her glass, completely unfazed. “That is my help. Talk to her. It’s that simple.”
If only it was ever that simple. If it was, Alba wouldn’t be sitting here, her stomach unsettled and her thoughts spiralling in ways she couldn’t control.
She sipped her wine and removed her phone from her jacket pocket. She checked it, her heart doing something stupid, maybe even hopeful…before sinking when there was nothing there.
Nothing. No message.
There was no ‘Are you okay?’ or ‘Did I do something wrong?’.
For so many weeks now, she’d found herself chatting to Ellie via text message. Just small, insignificant things, the kind of conversation that had slipped into her life without her noticing. Who knew she could miss something so simple so much?
“Look, we haven’t known one another for very long.” Alba stared down at the dark screen, her reflection barely visible. “Whatever it is I’m feeling, it’ll go soon. I just need to get out of my head and realise that our friendship is more than enough for me.”
“I don’t doubt that you’re going to be great friends. I’m almost certain you’re at that point already.” Lois switched seats and sat beside Alba. “I just don’t want to see you getting hurt again.”
Alba’s jaw clenched at that, because that was the part nobody needed to say out loud.
“I can understand why you’re avoiding the conversation. Nobody wants to face it when the woman in question doesn’t feel the same way. But think about it. That’s all I’m asking.”
“I will.” Alba’s eyes widened when her screen lit up suddenly, her heart jumping. She grabbed her phone from the table, sighing when she realised it was just a notification to say her period was on the way. “That’s all I fucking need.”
“What?”
“My period. Last month wasn’t so bad, so this month is going to be horrific!
” Alba slumped back against her seat and closed her eyes, exhaustion seeping in now.
Right now, she wanted the world to stop.
She seriously wanted to get off. “You may as well take that wine home with you. I shouldn’t drink anymore if I want to actually make it out of bed in the morning. ”
“Still getting terrible cramps?”
“I’ve spent my life getting terrible cramps.” Alba pushed her wine glass away, trying to regain some kind of control over something. “I’m just going to head home. I already feel off with all of this, so I won’t be much company within the next few hours.”
“Let me get you a cab,” Lois said as she placed a hand on Alba’s wrist, her thumb brushing lightly over her skin. “Or walk you back.”
“I’ll be okay.” Alba offered a small, tired smile.
“It’s a night on the couch for me and Colin.
He’ll be thrilled…until he finds out that Ellie won’t be coming over anymore.
” Poor Colin couldn’t catch a break lately.
Whether it was Ralph leaving him all on his own or Ellie, Alba knew one thing was for certain.
She would be the one to take the brunt of it all.
And yes, he had been known to play up and have tantrums. “Maybe I’ll put off telling him until I absolutely have to. ”
Lois laughed and hugged Alba, wrapping her arms around her in that way that always helped just a little. “Colin will be fine. You go home and relax, and call me whenever you want me to come over.”
Alba nodded against her shoulder, but as she pulled back, the heaviness hadn’t shifted. If anything, it had settled deeper. Because no matter how much she tried to convince herself otherwise, one thing was painfully clear…she didn’t just miss Ellie. No, she knew she’d already lost her.