Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
Ellie rubbed at her temples, squinting as she stared at her computer screen, the harsh glow of it doing nothing to soothe the dull ache building behind her eyes.
A new week had begun, but Ellie couldn’t concentrate.
The words on the screen blurred together no matter how many times she tried to focus, her mind slipping elsewhere before she could even process what she was supposed to be doing.
She hadn’t slept fully last night. She’d drifted in and out of something restless and unsatisfying, just about managing a slice of toast before she’d left the house.
Right now, she wanted to see Alba. For her own selfish reasons, of course, but it didn’t change the fact that Ellie desperately craved to see that beautiful face. The thought alone made her ache.
Danielle had texted her several times this morning already, her phone lighting up intermittently on the desk beside her, but Ellie didn’t have any answers for her.
While she would usually bump into Alba as they arrived at work—prior to the masses of children joining them—she hadn’t been at the main entrance this morning.
Her car also hadn’t been in its usual parking spot.
Ellie wasn’t concerned, there was no way Alba knew she’d recognised their almost kiss, but it still felt a little odd. Unsettling, even. Alba was always on time for work.
She lifted her phone and opened her messages with Danielle.
Still no sign of her. My next step is to go in search of her. What should I do?
Ellie rocked back in her office chair and sighed, tipping her head back as she stared at the ceiling.
If Alba was avoiding her because she had, in fact, recognised the look Ellie likely had in her eyes in that moment, then it really wasn’t necessary.
If it had been nothing more than Alba appreciating Ellie’s support, then that was also okay.
Either way, Ellie wanted to touch base with her.
Your lunch hour is coming up, right? You’ll probably see her during that. Stop worrying.
Ellie wasn’t worrying. Oh, you’re such a liar! Fine, she was marginally worried.
Had she maybe instigated that moment? Had she been the one to almost kiss Alba rather than the other way around? Her memory of that night replayed in fragments—Alba’s laboured breath and the way everything had narrowed to just the two of them—and Ellie’s pulse quickened.
No, it couldn’t have been down to her. Because if Ellie had been the one leading it all on Friday night, it wouldn’t have been an almost kiss.
In that moment, it would have happened. Ellie had experienced all of those unusual feelings rise throughout her body…
the heat, that pull, the undeniable need, and the end result likely would have been far more than just a kiss.
And if I don’t see her then either? After spending the last several weeks eating lunch together, surely that should give me cause for concern.
Ellie rose from her seat and turned to look out of the window. She could just about see the car park through the trees, branches swaying in the breeze, and Alba’s car was now visible.
A hint of relief washed over her. At least she’d turned up for work. That was something.
Her phone buzzed on her desk.
Then she’s avoiding you. No two ways about it.
Great. That was all Ellie needed. The one person who had brought her back to life…didn’t want to be around her anymore. What on earth was she meant to do with that?
The idea of Alba pulling away landed like a kick to the stomach, her throat constricting as something far deeper than disappointment settled in. Alba had appeared so suddenly and slipped into her life with such ease that the idea they wouldn’t be friends anymore hadn’t crossed Ellie’s mind.
Why would it? Until their discussion on Friday night, everything had been going so well. It had felt natural and safe. All of this just hadn’t seemed like a possibility this time last week.
The school bell rang to signal lunch was about to commence, the sound of it cutting through her thoughts and pulling her back into the present.
Figuring it was easier to know the truth rather than wait around for some kind of sign, Ellie slid her phone into the inside pocket of her blazer and left her office.
Alba’s classroom was only down the second corridor off the main area; she would be there in no time.
She weaved through the hundreds of children rushing towards the canteen and sports field, their voices loud and overlapping, filling the corridors with noise and movement.
She smiled and greeted them as she passed, offering the occasional word of encouragement and slipping seamlessly into the role she knew so well… putting on that mask she wore so well.
Only now, it was a mask of a different kind. It was one that would hide the worry and uncertainty Ellie was feeling. If Alba had distanced herself, Ellie couldn’t show the disappointment. She had no right to.
Ellie stopped just short of the door to Alba’s classroom and composed herself, drawing in a steady breath and rolling her shoulders. She had no plans to go inside and demand to know what Alba was feeling regarding Friday night. All she wanted was to know that they were both okay with one another.
The whole ‘I’m attracted to a lesbian’ issue could wait for another day.
She pulled her shoulders back, approached the slightly ajar door, and knocked when she saw Alba through the small window.
Alba looked up from her lunch and frowned. “Come in.”
“Hi.” Ellie glanced to her left, inwardly sighing when she saw a student sitting at the back of the room, hunched over their work. “Working lunch?”
“Detention lunch, Mrs Hamilton,” Alba said as she lowered her sandwich and rubbed the crumbs from her hands.
It seemed odd to be referred to as Mrs Hamilton by Alba.
The formality of it landed differently today, feeling colder and far more distant.
She couldn’t recall the last time she’d done so other than in passing in the corridor, and only to keep up appearances. “Is everything okay?”
“Could I speak to you outside for a moment?”
Alba nodded and rose to her feet, then trained her eyes on her student. “Continue with the work you chose not to do during class. I’ll be right back.” She stepped out of the classroom and cleared her throat, the door clicking softly behind her. “What’s up?”
“You’re not in the staff room for lunch…”
“Well, as you can see.” Alba hitched a thumb over her shoulder. “We don’t all have that luxury today.”
Ellie didn’t know if it was her own mind playing tricks or whether Alba just didn’t want to speak to her, but there had definitely been a tone to her voice. Subtle and controlled, but there. “Right, yes. Of course.”
“Anything else?”
Hmm. There was that tone again. Short, guarded…as though Ellie was an inconvenience. It was a version of Alba that Ellie wasn’t used to. “No, I don’t think so.”
“Okay, well, I should get back in there before I catch him uploading a video to TikTok or something. He claims he doesn’t have his phone in his possession, but I’m not convinced.” Alba managed a smile this time, but it wasn’t one Ellie was familiar with. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”
Ellie nodded as something slowly sank in her chest. “Tomorrow.”
As Alba left the corridor and slipped back inside her classroom, Ellie couldn’t help but watch her through the window in the door, her gaze lingering.
She didn’t pick her lunch back up. She just sat in silence, staring down at her desk.
Ellie knew exactly what was happening here. Alba was distancing herself.
She hoped it was just the remnants of Audrey’s ridiculous threat playing over in her mind, something external and temporary, but Ellie had a terrible feeling it wasn’t that.
The space between them felt far greater in this moment, and since Alba had walked into her life, Ellie didn’t know how to close it.
Packing away her belongings for the day, Alba shoved a stapler into the top drawer of her desk with a little more force than necessary and lowered her bag to the floor.
Her routine, usually familiar, felt anything but today.
Every movement felt disjointed and distracted, as though her body was going through the motions while her mind lingered somewhere else entirely.
On Ellie. On Friday. On…that moment.
She’d hated dismissing Ellie so coldly earlier, but she thought she’d avoided seeing her by spending her lunch hour with a child on detention.
Alba could have given him a detention slip that would see him held back at the end of the day with this week’s detention teacher, but she’d chosen the coward’s way out and penalised herself, too.
At least that way, she hadn’t had to sit across from Ellie and pretend everything was normal. Because it wasn’t.
Right now, she wanted to get out of there undetected and go home for a long soak in the bath, while letting the quiet swallow her whole.
Maybe she’d drown herself while she was in there; it seemed easier than facing her feelings towards Ellie Hamilton.
Even though she’d spoken to Lois on Saturday afternoon, nothing seemed any clearer. If anything, it had made it worse.
She slumped back in her seat and lifted her phone. Never mind going home for a bath. She needed a large glass of wine.
Do you still finish early on a Monday?
Technically, Lois could finish work whenever she wanted to. It was her dad’s company, she was his favourite, and leaving before her shift ended had never been an issue in the past.
Yep. Just walking out of the office now. What’s up?
Oh, that was a question and a half.
Alba exhaled a slow breath through her nose and flexed her right hand.
Fancy a couple of glasses of wine at the usual place? I’m leaving work now and I don’t think it’s a good idea for me to be alone at home.
Yeah, because being alone later when you’ve consumed wine is so much better.