Chapter 30 #2
“That’s because she was yours, Ellie. You were so alike that it was frightening sometimes.
” Colin laughed, and Ellie soon followed.
He’d always said he lived with twins rather than mother and daughter.
Ellie hadn’t seen it at first, but as Eloise grew up and her personality started to form, she’d clocked exactly what he’d been saying for so long.
“I should head back into work, but you know where I am if you need me today…or any other day for that matter.”
“Thank you. I’ll catch up with you soon.”
As Ellie ended the call, Alba stepped up beside her with a coffee in hand. “Here. Get this down you.”
Ellie sighed as she brought the cup to her lips and inhaled the strong aroma. “I didn’t want to ignore his call. He means too much to me.”
“Hey.” Alba laid a hand on the small of Ellie’s back and smiled. “We all come with history, and it’s refreshing to see you having a civil conversation with your ex-husband. The same can’t be said for most of us.”
“Life’s too short, you know?”
Alba leaned in and pressed a kiss to Ellie’s shoulder. “Come on. Let’s sit down and give ourselves a minute to wake up.”
When Ellie followed Alba into the living room, the bright sunshine beaming through the windows, she knew today was going to be significantly better.
Yes, she would have moments when her emotions got the better of her, and she would have moments when she spoke about Eloise, but having Alba here was making a world of difference, even if she didn’t know that.
Ellie hadn’t realised how much she’d been avoiding the local park until she was standing in it again.
It stretched out in front of her exactly as she’d remembered it—wide, open, and dotted with trees along the path.
The one thing she hadn’t remembered was just how cold it could be here.
It always seemed like the perfect place for a picnic, regardless of the weather.
Today, though…the freezing cold air was biting at her cheeks, her breath visible in soft clouds as she exhaled.
Her chest ached when her gaze drifted towards the swings in the distance, the faint creak of chains carrying on the breeze as a child kicked their legs and laughter echoed across the huge space. It knocked the breath out of her for a moment or two, because she could see it so clearly.
Eloise, smaller and bundled up in a coat far too big for her, her legs pumping wildly as she demanded to go higher.
“Mum, higher! Higher!”
Ellie swallowed, forcing herself to breathe through the sudden swell of emotion as Alba’s hand brushed against hers.
“Come on.” Alba nudged her shoulder and took her hand. “Let’s sit down and huddle before we both freeze.”
Ellie managed a laugh as she was guided across the grass. Alba shook out the picnic blanket with a dramatic flick, the fabric rippling before she laid it down.
“Very glamorous.” Ellie smiled as she lowered herself onto it. “But we do look a little bit crazy having a picnic in this weather.”
Alba dropped down beside her and scooted closer. “Nothing says perfect day out like hypothermia and baked goods.”
That did make Ellie smile. It may have been small, but it was one hundred percent real.
She tucked her hands into the sleeves of her coat as Alba reached into the bag she’d brought, pulling out a small box from the cafe Ellie had told her about when they’d left the house.
It was the very same cafe Ellie used to pop into with Eloise when they were headed to the park, so they could pick up Eloise’s favourite cupcakes.
The moment Alba opened the box, the overly sweet smell of icing hit the air.
“God.” Ellie let out a soft breath. “Those are the exact ones.”
Alba glanced at her. “Too much icing?”
“Far too much.” Ellie may have once claimed they could cause a diabetic coma, but she still reached for one. “My daughter had the sweetest tooth of anyone I know. I don’t know how she wasn’t bouncing off the walls every day.”
“I was the same when I was a kid. Then I’d have a sugar crash and just stare at the TV while I was on a comedown.” Alba took a bite of her own cupcake and nodded. “Okay, that’s good.”
Ellie just sat there staring at her, the cold settling into her bones while the world moved on around them. It felt so odd to be here. Everything had changed…yet nothing really had. Nothing on the outside anyway.
She looked down at the cupcake in her hand and sighed.
“I haven’t been here since…” She trailed off, choosing not to finish.
Alba didn’t push, and she didn’t try to fill the silence; she just shifted closer and rested her head on Ellie’s shoulder.
“I couldn’t,” Ellie continued, her gaze fixed ahead.
“Every time I thought about it, I just…stopped myself. It always felt like too much.”
“And how do you feel being here now?”
Ellie took a small bite of her cupcake while she tried to put into words how she felt. The sweetness of the icing was overwhelming, but more than anything, it was familiar. Comforting, in a strange, painful way.
She side-glanced at Alba. “It’s hard to explain, and I’m not sure I know how I feel just yet, but it makes a difference having you here with me. I don’t feel like I’m doing it all alone anymore.”
Her words settled between them, honest and unfiltered, but Alba didn’t make a big deal out of it. She just smiled and bit into her cupcake again. “Good.”
Ellie held her gaze, and something flickered beneath the grief that still lingered.
This was still hard, and it was still heavy.
Ellie was still hurting, and she suspected she would be for a long time to come, but having Alba in her life, especially when she’d least expected her, changed everything.
She’d shifted the way Ellie usually felt, and in turn, had made it feel… bearable.
Ellie looked back out across the park, her eyes drifting once more towards the swings. “She would have loved this. Even this weather. She never cared about the cold.”
“Do kids ever really feel the cold?”
Ellie reached out and wiped the smudge of icing from the corner of Alba’s mouth. “No, but we do, and I think I’ve reached my limit of frostbite for sentimental sake.”
“Agreed.” Alba shuddered as she huddled closer to Ellie. “Thank you for letting me be here with you today. I know how hard it must be for you, and I know some people prefer to be alone during moments like this. So, thank you.”
Ellie turned her head and kissed Alba’s hair. “You’ve held me together today.”
They both stood, but Ellie lingered for a second, her gaze sweeping over the park one last time while Alba brushed off the blanket and packed everything away. It still hurt, but it didn’t feel as impossible as it had before. In Ellie’s book, that was another step in the right direction.
“Hey,” Alba said, drawing her attention back. “Why don’t you stay over tonight? You don’t have to go back to an empty house if you don’t want to.”
Ellie didn’t even hesitate to think about that. Of course she wanted to be at home with Alba. The thought of going back home alone, of walking into that painful silence again with everything she’d been holding at bay…she couldn’t do it. Not tonight. “I’d rather be with you and Colin.”
“I don’t think Colin would forgive me if I didn’t invite you.”
Ellie smiled. The image of that gorgeous dog always seemed to settle everything within her. “Then we’d better not disappoint him.”
Alba slung the picnic bag over her shoulder and nudged Ellie. “Come on. Let’s go back and defrost.”
Ellie fell into step beside Alba and took her hand. She didn’t know what the rest of this day had in store, nor did she know whether she could keep her emotions in check for the duration of it, but for once…she felt as though she may just actually make it through to tomorrow.