Chapter 29
One Last Time
Cups clatter into the garbage. I tie off another bag of trash from the party, walking out of the great room and towards the front door. The screen door opens with a squeak as Hazel steps inside.
“Just about done here?” She asks.
I nod. “Yep, just got done with the trash. Miles is back in the kitchen cleaning up the floors a bit.”
“Oh really? He decided to stick around a bit and clean up?” Hazel waggles her brows, a smirk on her lips.
I roll my eyes. “I already told you, it’s not like that. That’s just Miles, he’s always offering to fix things and clean up and all that.” If only he could fix us.
“Well, if that’s all of it, I’m going to head out and give Wade a call.
” She smiles at the thought of our best friend back in Idaho.
“I missed a call from him earlier, and I know he’s been having some troubles getting the shop ready for the Summer’s End festival.
Can Miles give you a ride back to your cabin? ”
“Yeah, that’s fine. Go talk to Wade. Thanks for helping tonight, I’m so glad you were able to come out.” I give her a quick hug before she heads out the door.
As soon as the front door closes, the air is sucked out of the cabin like a vacuum. With Hazel gone, it’s just Miles and I in this cabin. My friend Miles.
After tonight, I’m not sure when I’ll see him again. I’m planning on heading back to Juniper Ridge tomorrow evening, then I’ll only come back once a quarter or so to check on the place. Knowing him, he’ll probably avoid me when I come up. I know I’ll be avoiding him.
I hate this. Being friends. I know it was my idea, but I’m not sure my heart can take it. It’s all or nothing with Miles. And it has to be nothing.
I make my way back to the kitchen, sauntering in as Miles stands up from where he was crouched on the new wood floors. They look amazing. Warm wood with plenty of knots, placed in a herringbone style. The entire room looks back to brand new already.
“Hey,” I say.
“Hey,” he replies on a sigh, smiling softly. His dark eyes twinkle as he looks me over, raking over my entire body. It sends shivers across my skin, as if he were really touching me.
“Thanks for staying and cleaning up. You didn’t have to do that.”
“It’s okay to accept some help once in a while, Mac. If I didn’t want to stay and help, I would have left,” he gives me a pointed look, crossing his arms across his chest.
“Well, thank you, I appreciate it. The place looks great,” I say.
He nods. “I can’t believe it’s done. Seems like you just got here.”
I laugh. “You know, when I first got here and you yelled at me just outside–”
“I did not yell at you.”
“–I thought you’d be counting down the days until I left. The hours, even.”
Miles chuckles, the sound vibrating through the air between us. “Yeah, well, a few things have changed since then.”
I nod. He takes a step closer to me, but doesn’t reach out toward me. I wonder if he can feel the pull that I can, the ache to step into his warmth.
“I’m glad they did,” I hear myself say. The haze of the night, my parents, prolonged exposure to Miles, and something else threatens to take over. I know I should go, but something is keeping me here. I don’t want this night to end.
What if we could have one night? Would that scratch the itch?
The voice deep inside tells me it’s not enough, that it never would be. That we shouldn’t start something we can’t finish. I can’t finish. But the way he’s looking at me is more intoxicating than the glass of wine I had earlier. I want the flames to take over, burning us both to ash.
“I’m heading out for the night, I’ve got an early morning tomorrow dropping Hazel off at the airport,” I say.
“Will I see you before you leave town?” He asks. I can’t bring myself to meet his eyes.
“I don’t think so.”
“So this is goodbye?”
I nod, finally meeting his gaze. Pain is etched into his features as he looks down at me. I close the distance between us, pulling him into a hug. His arms wrap hesitantly around my waist. I bury my face into his chest, taking every liberty I can get away with.
Miles lets out a deep breath, pulling me closer into him. His warmth seeps into me, sending shivers up my spine. I run my hands along the firm muscles of his back as his fingers make their way up onto my neck, then into my hair.
Neither of us pulls away. It takes a couple of minutes of being in his arms longer than we should for me to get the nerve to look up at him.
Miles is already looking down at me, pure need radiating from his gaze. His warm espresso eyes bore into me, snapping my last thread of control.
I close the distance between our lips until they’re almost touching. A silent invitation. We hover there, breathing each other in for another moment. On the precipice of a moment that could change everything or nothing.
Miles sighs once, breath skirting across my lips. “Katie,” he whispers so low I almost can’t hear it. “Are you sure about this?”
“Just once. Please, Miles. One last time.”
He nods, bringing a hand to my cheek, slowly stroking with his thumb. I push up on my tip toes, our noses touching.
“I’ll have you any way I can,” he whispers, so softly it sounds like it’s more to himself than to me.
His lips claim mine and we melt into each other. Hands roaming, savoring every second.
This kiss is different than any other time. We’re memorizing every detail, taking our time. Miles traces his tongue against the seam of my lips, a silent question. I deepen the kiss, opening to him.
My hips roll involuntarily, eliciting a moan from deep in his chest. He breaks our kiss, trailing his way down my neck. A gasp falls from my lips as he bites my collar bone, licking away the sting right after.
Cold air rushes in as Miles steps back, leaving me panting. “I want to see you,” he growls.
My head cocks to the side at his words.
“Strip.”
My breath hitches. He looks me up and down, drinking me in. I reach up, pulling the hem of my shirt slowly up my chest and over my head, doing the same with my shorts.
“Fuck, Katie,” he mutters. Miles runs a hand over his beard, unable to take his eyes off me.
“What about you, cowboy?” I tease.
He whips his shirt off faster than I thought possible, fumbling a bit with his belt. He kicks his boots and jeans off onto the hardwood.
My bra unclasps with a small click, and I toss it into the floor with the rest. Miles’s eyes darken, his breathing becoming labored.
He closes the distance between us, grabbing me by the waist and pulling me against him.
“Miles,” I breathe. His hands roam up and down my back as he kisses me where my shoulder meets my neck.
“I want to savor this, but I don’t know how much I can take,” he says.
“Please—“ I start.
I’m interrupted by Miles picking me up like I weigh nothing. I wrap my legs around him. He places me on the counter behind us, the cold biting into my skin.
I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him back into a kiss. His lips move against mine, taking and taking. He reaches between us, and I feel him throw his boxers to the side.
“You just feel so… right,” he whispers in my ear.
His hands move down to my hips, pulling me to the edge of the counter. I brace my palms against his chest. Our gazes meet as he reaches between us.
His hand traces my core, finding the spot that makes me overheat. He takes his time seeing what pulls a gasp out of me until I’m practically shaking.
“Miles, please. I need you,” I whimper.
He chuckles, not letting up in the slightest until I’m coming apart.
“You’re so beautiful. I’m so lucky. God, Katie. I can’t get enough.” Miles groans into my mouth, wrapping my legs around his waist again.
When he starts to move, I grip his shoulders, tipping my head back. Miles runs his tongue along my throat.
“Oh god,” I moan. “Miles.” The ember in my chest that has never fully burnt out for him grows. How could I ever think we could have one last time together and be okay after? He’s touching me like I’m something to be worshipped, cared for. It’s addictive.
Before I came to Jackson Hole, Miles was just a great time to me. Fun, caring, full of life. Now, he’s that and so much more. Hardworking, strong enough to take charge but kind enough not to make anyone feel small.
Even the way he’s holding me now is a contradiction. He’s firm, but also holds me like I might break. He picks up our rhythm, becoming more sporadic as his control slips. Our lips find each other again, frantic and needy.
“Katie, I’m close—“ Miles says into my neck.
I pull him closer, my fingers digging into his shoulder blades. “I have an IUD.”
His eyes grow wide and he comes apart, clutching onto me like I’m the only thing anchoring him.
We are electric together. I knew it was good last time, but this reminder is almost too much. How am I supposed to love without this again? Without him?
The ache in my chest only grows, the flame erupting into something more.
“Miles,” I whisper.
“I know,” he says. Our foreheads meet as we breathe, our chests moving together.
The sun hasn’t come up over the mountains yet when I feel Miles’s lips against my temple. I stir, wrapping my arms around his broad chest. He pulls me in just a little bit closer, letting out a deep breath.
“Good morning,” I say.
“Hey pretty girl.” His voice is still gravelly with sleep.
I giggle against his chest. For a blissful moment, this feels real. Like I could have this every day. Waking up with Miles next to me, kissing him just because I can.
My heart yearns for it, but my head knows it can never be that way. Eventually, something would go wrong. He’d leave or I would, and the pain would be too much to bear. I care about him way too much to go through with this.
My little bubble of happiness pops when my phone alarm cuts through the silence. I groan, rolling over to turn it off.
“Do you have to get going?” Miles says, trepidation in his voice.
“Yeah,” I sigh.
Miles nods, pulling me in a little tighter. I wouldn’t be surprised if he didn’t know he was doing it.
“I hate goodbyes,” I whisper. This is killing me. I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest and put onto a skewer.
“Me too.”
He holds me in his arms for a while, both of us silent. My head is running through everything that has happened in the past three months. Arriving in Wyoming, seeing him again, the cows breaking the fence, Miles walking me home under the stars, kissing under the fireworks.
Him leaving for a week with no word. Finding out he was married and never told me. Standing next to him in the cabin in the middle of a rain storm as I broke both of our hearts.
Eventually, he rustles me to the side and sits up, grabbing his baseball cap from the side table. I toss the blankets off of my legs and gather my clothes.
We dress in a heavy silence, clearing up all evidence we were even here. It feels like we are erasing ourselves.
I hesitate by the door, looking back at him. Miles makes his way over to me, pulling me into a hug that feels like home. Tears leak out of my eyes and into his shirt as he holds me close.
I pull away first. “Miles—“
“Hey, it’s okay,” he interrupts. “You gotta go.”
I nod, wiping my cheeks. I turn towards the door, stepping out onto the porch. The outline of the mountains is barely visible as the sky starts to turn yellow.
I can go over all of the reasons I should leave as many times as I want, but my heart still cracks as I step out into the morning.