33. Ember
Ember
I sat on my knees, staring at the nest. Something smelled like burnt lemon cake, but that seemed irrelevant.
My nest was destroyed. Tears were streaming from eyes, my cheeks wet.
The nest I build with West, layer by layer.
The blanket we found on sale at Nests and Knots was ripped in half.
The pillows lining the walls were torn up, like someone had taken a knife to them.
Stuffing littered the floor, like malicious little clouds.
My Squishmallows were dead. I sobbed again, my entire body shuddering. I felt hot and cold, and I knew I was supposed to be doing something, but every time I got close to having a thought about what next, my gaze landed on some fresh new horror.
I’d brought some of my Squishmallows to Rian and Ben’s house, but not all of them.
Now I kicked myself for leaving any of them behind, because they were torn to shreds. My chest ached, like someone real had died.
The seal Squishmallow Raina gave me for my seventeenth birthday, ripped in half. The ice cream cone that West bought me on a whim when we had a day out to treat ourselves. Countless others, all shredded.
West’s pillows were ruined. The red velvet one that I told him looked like it belonged on a smutty romance cover, and he proceeded to use it to prop me up as he took me from behind.
The forest green pillow with the tassels West liked to play with while we watched TV.
All ripped up, with the stuffing spread everywhere.
I whimpered.
It wasn’t enough to be in our nest, but they destroyed everything in it. The fairy lights were ripped off the wall, the only lights West could stand. I’d rather the entire house be destroyed and our nest be pristine than this wreckage.
I shook again, feeling hot and cold and hot again. I looked around me, suddenly paranoid, like I was being watched.
Bile rose in my throat, and it felt like I was on the operating table again, bright lights and sterile uniforms, detached voices telling me to relax.
I was an insect for them to study. I had no control over my body. It was broken and hurting and I wanted to be somewhere, anywhere else.
“Ember?” A voice cut through the static in my brain.
I knew that voice. I smelled him next, warm tropical citrus with a fresh hit of palm leaves, like being on a hot sandy beach with turquoise waters in front of me.
“Alpha,” I wailed.
He was next to me a moment later. My thoughts scrambled. Strong arms wrapped around me. I burrowed for more of his scent and took in a deep lungful of the tropical citrus.
He whispered soft words in Spanish, running his hand through my hair until the thoughts coalesced into something coherent.
“My nest,” I whimpered.
“I know, mi vida. I know,” Alejandro murmured. “Come on.”
I let him lead me away, numbness settling over me.
“I’m going to let West and the other two know you’re okay.”
“West can’t see it,” I said, feeling another jolt of panic. “He can’t know.”
“Of course.” Alejandro carried me outside.
West had never had a safe place until he moved in with me. Not his entire life. Between his deadbeat stepdad and his even worst foster parents, he never had a place to call his own.
Until he moved in with me. It would hurt him deeper to see our nest destroyed. He was basically feral when we got together; I didn’t want to know what this would do to him.
Alejandro set me down in the passenger seat of his car and called the police and then West. He told West to meet us at Ben and Rian’s house. He also talked to Rian, who sounded frantic.
I stared at my cottage. At the cute blue trim. At the shutters, and the window boxes of flowers that Luna made sure stayed fresh and alive. We had a little picket fence. Someone had walked through that fence, opened the door, and destroyed our nest.
My stomach rolled, and I moaned, doubling over.
Alejandro pulled me into the back seat so I could sit in his lap.
“The police are on their way.” He made small circles on my back. “I told everyone else to meet us at Ben and Rian’s. You won’t want to wait around for them to get here just to be able to leave.”
I flinched, wishing they were all here right now. I wanted their scents covering me, washing away the wrong scent of my cottage.
The police arrived in a cruiser, not flashing the lights. A man with an epic mustache and mutton chops approached us. He smelled soft, like a beta.
Alejandro explained what had happened, and the officer looked at me. “I’m Detective Kelly. I’d like to ask you some questions if you’re up to it.”
I swallowed hard, wishing I had some water. But I wasn’t going back into the cottage. “Okay.”
“We’re going to need to look inside and see if we can find any fingerprints. Did you scent anyone strange?”
I shook my head no and slowly recited what had happened. I told him about the photographs, and about the text message and flowers. I gave Alejandro a guilty look. “I didn’t think the text message mattered.”
He kissed my temple. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
Detective Kelly called for backup and then went inside. West pulled into the driveway.
I climbed out of the car and threw myself at him. “Our nest is destroyed. Don’t look.”
He froze underneath me and then held me tightly. “Are you okay?”
I nodded, even though it was pretty much a lie.
Alejandro spoke with the officer, who assured us we could go back to Ben and Rian’s and we would be notified about updates.
We drove back and pulled into the driveway almost the same time Rian and Ben did.
Rian pulled me into a tight hug and Ben sandwiched me from the other side.
“I’m so sorry,” Ben said, looking between me and West. “I’ll give you the direct line to the studio so the next time there’s an emergency you can reach us.”
“It’s fine.” My feelings felt like they were a long way away. I was glad Alejandro was handling letting my family know what was going on, and that I was safe.
I wasn’t trying not to feel, but it felt like I had been wrapped in cotton or taken a massive dose of cold medicine. Ben and Alejandro snuggled me on the couch, their alpha scents soothing, and then West and Rian switched out.
Rian rubbed his chin on my shoulder. His amber scent was soured. “We can go nest shopping. Tomorrow, if you want.”
“No thanks,” I whimpered. I didn’t even want to think about replacing everything because that meant remembering why it had to be done in the first place.
“Do you need anything?” Ben nuzzled my neck, his spicy woods and currant scent wrapping around me. “What can we do?”
“Nothing.” I pulled the blanket up tighter, even though I felt hot and I already had Ben and West sandwiching both sides. “I’ll be okay.”
“It’s okay to be devastated.” Rian reached over and squeezed my hand. “I would be utterly feral.”
I shook my head and then nodded. Tears burned at the corner of my eyes, and I let out a helpless whimper, resting my head on West’s shoulder. I wasn’t feral, but I’d felt that sink in before, when I was in the hospital. When my body felt like a prison of misery and pain.
I swallowed hard around the lump in my throat and shuddered.
“Do you need anything?” Rian touched West’s shoulder.
“I’m fine,” he said, sounding grumpy. “It sucks but we’ll be fine.”
I heard the laughable lie in his voice when I couldn’t hear it in mine. But I couldn’t deal with it, couldn’t talk about it yet.
“I just want to veg.”
Thankfully, they let the subject drop. It was too big, too huge to think about right now. I wanted to watch lions chase antelopes across the Serengeti. Rian started telling the lion to run faster and I felt a ghost of a smile surface. I was a bad influence on him.
The show ended, and Rian got up and switched off the TV.
He turned on the speakers and clicked over to a playlist I had slowly been adding to.
It was a combination of haunting, depressing ballads and emotional riffs about love everlasting.
In short, it was perfect. West made an approving noise and scooted over when Rian came to sit back down.
Rian cuddled against me, so close he was almost in my lap. His scent mingled with Ben’s so perfectly it felt like my heart would climb out of my chest just to be with them. Just so I could feel what it would be like to blended.
We listened to music until my eyelids dropped and I asked for bed. Alejandro carried me.
I had a bad moment when I remembered I was supposed to be getting more clothes for me and West, but I shoved the thought away like the loaded gun it was.
I put on one of Alejandro’s T-shirts and some of Rian’s sleep pants and crawled into Rian’s nest, unable to get comfortable.
I shifted multiple times, cuddling each of them in turn before moving again.
“Sorry,” I muttered, climbing over West so I could slide between him and Rian. “I can’t get comfortable.”
“It’s fine.” Rian tucked his arm around my waist. “Whatever you need. We could curl up in any of the nests you want.”
I froze. Because I didn’t have a nest anymore, not really. I whined softly, and both alphas immediately touched me.
“I’m okay,” I whispered, willing my words to be true. Maybe if I said it enough, my brain would calm down. It’ll be fine , I told myself. No one was hurt. We’d make a new nest. It would be a great excuse to go shopping.
None of it worked. My nest was gone. The nest I spent years building with my soulmate. Shattered through cruelty and malice.
I didn’t know who did this, but when the police found them, I’d make sure they would feel this level of devastation.