34. West
West
I lay awake, starting at the dark walls of Rian’s nest.
It smelled like our nest, but my omega brain insisted it wasn’t mine. I shifted, smelling Ember again for reassurance.
Her lemon cake scent was burnt and sour. I’d smelled her like that before, long ago in the hospital. She wasn’t quite as bad off, but I hoped she would just sleep the worst of the sorrow off.
Sleep eluded me.
I’d never had a nest until Ember and I made one together, and now it was gone. I almost saw what Ember was afraid of. Of loving something so deeply, only to have it taken away from you. My nest wasn’t a person, but it was a part of me someone else had access to.
I was used to powerful people hurting me. Using me for their own sick pleasure or power trip.
This felt like an echo of those old violations. I shuddered, feeling sick, and crawled out of the nest.
I couldn’t sit still anymore. I saw a library; I’d read. After making sure Ember didn’t wake up when I crawled out, I wandered around the house.
It wasn’t my house. We were practically living with Ben and Rian, and even though the place was comfortable, it wasn’t mine.
I was just a guest. My instincts screamed at me to find somewhere safe, the grayed edge of sinking into my omega hindbrain getting bigger.
I had to stay coherent for Ember. She needed me.
I wandered around until I settled in the library. I grabbed a throw blanket and flipped through some books. I was cold, even though usually the house was at a comfortable temperature.
Someone came in and destroyed our nest. I’d asked about the pillows, if something could be salvaged, but Ember had gone white and shook her head.
I wished I’d gone instead of Alejandro, that I bore that burden with her. She wanted to protect me, and I loved her so much more for it, but nothing was worse than my imagination.
I shoved my feelings away, reaching for the aloof coldness that got me through my teenage years.
Someone’s scent tickled my nose. I looked up to find Ben walking to me.
“Go back to the nest,” I said flatly. “I can’t sleep.”
“Me either,” he said simply. He curled up next to me, his chest to my back. I went rigid, not wanting him to comfort me. Not wanting the feelings to leak.
He didn’t say anything, just pulled some Braille books down from the shelf and read them.
His spicy wood scent was comforting to my omega hindbrain. I wanted to rub my face into his chest again, but I resisted. It was fine. I already smelled like him, enough that a few coworkers commented on my alpha scents.
Instead of asking me if I was okay, he sat there. Not like he was waiting for me to talk, but just sitting with me.
Annoyed at his ability to be still, I huffed. Normally I was better at this game. “I’m fine.”
“You’re not, but it’s okay to not be fine.”
“What do you know?” I snapped. “We’ve barely met.”
“Your scent shifts a little bit whenever Ember wears blue. Did you know that?” He was still reading. “Just a small sweetness of honey.”
“How did you know it was blue?” He was being calm and implacable and I didn’t need that right now.
“I asked Rian what Ember was wearing,” he simply. “So is blue your favorite color or do you like it on Ember?”
“It brings out her eyes,” I muttered. “Which is why you wear blue all the time?”
Ben let out a soft laugh. “Actually, I let Rian pick out the colors I wear. I don’t care, and he likes putting me in deep reds, blue, and greens.”
I grunted. “My scent is off enough that your superhuman sense of smell isn’t exactly shocking.”
“Because something terrible happened.” Ben shrugged. “I don’t have to know you to know this is upsetting. And when we find out who did it, we’ll drop them into the deepest part of the ocean.”
He said it so matter-of-factly, I almost missed it.
I relaxed against him. Some of my frustration was laced with the need for action. To keep them from hurting me, and Ember, ever again.
“They’re not allowed to hurt her like that,” I snarled.
“They are not allowed to hurt either of you like that,” Ben said, his voice firm.
Oddly, the violence his voice promised comforted me. I read for a little bit longer, and then exhaustion finally claimed me. I made Ben come back to the nest with me, hoping things wouldn’t feel so dejected in the morning.