45. Ember #2
They went through the song again, and I could hear what Kinsey was saying. Each time they got to the bridge, even though the lyrics and notes didn’t change, the energy of the song shifted. I frowned, waiting for Kinsey to pick up the notes and go higher.
My brain supplied a hundred other songs that, as one option, included the slow breakdown, where all the instruments stopped and the audience clapped in time as the singer belted out the bridge of the song.
Or the other way, where the song went up in intensity. It felt like he was missing a note, which is probably why he tried various emotional versions of the bridge.
Kinsey looked at me as soon as they stopped. “Spill the beans, Ember. You had an idea.”
I shook my head. “I heard what you’re saying. I’m not a musician.”
Ben and Rian both rolled their eyes. “As if,” Rian said. “You’re an amazing singer, and you listen to more music than Ben and I combined.”
Kinsey arched an eyebrow.
“It’s your song,” I started, trying to figure out how to explain. “But you need the part in the song where you…”
I paused, trying to think of the words to explain. None of the men rushed me. Ben’s hand found the small of my back and did little circles, and Rian was watching me like I invented fire. Like I was the center of the universe.
Rian had a part I was trying to describe in one of his songs. I cleared my throat. “You know how in ‘Phoenix Song’ by Burns.”
“Oh, yeah,” Kinsey said without looking at Rian. “One of the best tracks on From Ashes .”
“I don’t know what it’s called.” I gave Rian a nervous look, but he didn’t seem upset. “At the end, where it does the thing…”
“When the bridge breaks down?” Rian added helpfully. “In ‘Phoenix Song,’ it’s louder and heavier than the rest of the song.”
“Yes.” I pointed at Rian. “That.”
Kinsey stared into the middle distance. “Am I not doing that?” He sang a few bars of bridge.
“But it’s the same,” I said, as Rian was shaking his head. “It’s more or less emotional depending on which track, but it’s not this big emotional breakdown. You need, like…” I waved my hand. Kinsey was a bad influence.
My squirrel brain was trying to use words for something I could only hear. If this is what writing music was like, no wonder Rian was driving himself nuts. “Like in Capote’s ‘Use You’ and Olivia Ruiz’s ‘Omega Don’t Cry.’ You need, like, a back and forth.”
Ben jumped in his chair. “Yes, you do.” He grabbed me and kissed the side of my head. “You’re a brilliant muse. Kinsey, get another guitar.”
Kinsey rubbed his hands together. “See, this is why I came here.” He grabbed another guitar while Rian waited patiently for his instructions.
“Okay, now both of you start at the top. Try making it your anthem, Kinsey.”
“You said it was a bad breakup,” Rian added. “But when you’re singing, you’re moving around a bunch, like you’re trying to keep yourself softer than you want to be.”
“Yeah, I’d pictured this angry sort of ballad…thing.” Kinsey strummed the guitar thoughtfully. “But maybe it’s more like…”
“The bouncy blues song you belt out while you’re driving,” I piped up. “You’re doing the ‘told you so’ hands and everything.”
“Sorry, what?” Ben laughed.
“Let me show you.” I took Ben’s hands and mimicked Kinsey’s hand motions, the shaking hand into the air. “It’s like this universal motion every singer does when they’re singing a song like ‘you screwed me over, but you messed up because I’m awesome.’”
Rian smirked. “She’s right, Kinsey. Better own it.”
“That’s perfect.” Ben gestured at both of them. “Try again with Rian playing at the same time, like the two of you are dueting.”
Kinsey’s face lit up. “Oh, yeah, bring it up a notch.”
“Like when you recorded ‘Dirt on my Boots,’” Ben said, naming one of the tracks on Kinsey’s first album. It was a really fun, fast-paced song about getting out of town, and it had been covered and turned into a duet a whole bunch of times.
I rubbed my hands together. “Oh, yeah, Rian and Kinsey singing at the same time. Best day is best.”
All three men looked at me with surprise.
My stomach sank. “Sorry, is that not…” My cheeks got red. “Sorry.”
Rian shook his head. “It’s fine, honey. Ben was talking about playing guitar at the same time.”
“I mean, I’m down,” Kinsey said, looking at Rian. “If you want to play around? I totally get if you’d rather not.”
I had a whole existential crisis in two point five seconds, trying to decide if Kinsey had figured out Rian was Burns or not. Judging by the furious calculations on Ben’s face, he was probably thinking the same thing.
“I didn’t mean to put you on the spot,” I told Rian, my stomach still churning, praying he wasn’t mad at me. “Or butt into your song,” I told Kinsey.
“It’s all good,” the other alpha said. “You got a good ear, and doing a loud duet is a great angle.”
Rian didn’t look mad; he looked thoughtful. “Duet. You want to take the first half…”
Kinsey’s thinking look resurfaced, and I fought not to snicker. They were all adorable.
“They’re both trying to decide which parts to take, aren’t they?” Ben said dryly.
“Yes.” I put my chin on his shoulder.
Rian snapped his fingers. “That fixes the bridge.”
Kinsey cocked his head and hummed a few bars. “Huh. It does.”
“Hold on,” Ben said urgently. He tapped some more buttons on the laptop and twisted back to face the piano. “You want the piano at the same beat?”
“Maybe take it up half a notch?” Kinsey said, frowning.
“We can tweak it later if it’s not right,” Ben said, wiggling his fingers.
The intro of the piano started up again, and the beat increased a tiny bit.
This time, Kinsey sang the opening line and then looked at Rian. Rian picked up the other two lines, his husky voice an amazing counterpoint to Kinsey’s baritone.
I would never get used to hearing Rian sing, just make music around me as if it were nothing special, and not like watching a comet or seeing a unicorn.
Kinsey sang, swaying his hips, strumming the guitar, with additions from Rian, and it just felt right.
I felt it the moment everything snapped together. They hit the chorus, trading off lines, and then singing the third line together, Rian hitting a higher note, and Kinsey going soft and melodic.
Better yet, they were both looking at each other, grinning like they were having the time of their life. The song morphed into a duet about love and heartbreak but moving on and being stronger for it.
The song flowed out of them, and I got chills. They reached the break, where all the instruments stopped, and Kinsey wailed out, “And look at you now.”
The instruments picked up again, and Rian and Kinsey belted out one last chorus before stopping.
Ben sat back, looking like the cat that got the canary. Kinsey went over and high-fived Rian. “Yeah, man, that’s what I’m talking about.”
Rian laughed. “That was all you. That’s the song.”
They did the bro hug, clapping each other on the back, and I couldn’t stop beaming.
“Come here.” Rian held out his hands. I jumped up and hugged him from the side because he was still wearing his guitar around the strap.
“Great idea.” He kissed my cheek. “It’s almost like you have an ear for music.”
Kinsey was beaming. “When are we going to get to hear you sing? I got, like, twenty other songs. Or we could just mess around.”
I looked at Rian. “That’s your revenge for suggesting a duet?”
Rian looked smug. “It is. Come on, we already did Wheels on the Bus. This will be nothing.”
“Don’t you need to record more stuff?” I looked at Kinsey.
“Let’s just let loose.” He glanced at Rian and Ben. “If that’s fine with the boss?”
“It’s a great idea. We need to blow off some steam,” Ben said, randomly hitting some notes on the piano. The mood was happy and infectious. “What about a cover? So everyone knows the lyrics?” He shifted to his left, where his laptop was parked. “I’ve got a bunch of backing tracks.”
Nerves squiggled inside me. I wanted to play along, but the studio felt more…formal. No wonder Rian got stage fright.
Rian took my hips and shifted me near his microphone. “We can share, babe. Lady picks.” He shot me a questioning look.
I wanted to be there, I realized. It just felt…weird. “I don’t want to be a professional singer.”
“Don’t have to be,” Kinsey said. “My sister has a great voice too. We sing along in the car and have fun.”
“Like in the kitchen,” I mused. “This is my golden opportunity.”
“ Your golden opportunity? Try mine.,” Ben muttered. “I am still recording, but I have to remind everyone about rights. So anything owned by other people can’t be officially released.”
That felt like less pressure, and even Rian relaxed at that. We were goofing off but didn’t have the rights to what we would be singing. “Awesome.”
“Do you have ‘One Last Ride’?” I looked at Rian and Ben. “Something fun?”
“Of course I do, my love,” Ben said, scrolling through his laptop. He handed me a headset, stealing a kiss, and Rian showed me how to adjust the sound. It was weird, hearing the track of the song in my ears, but it did help me focus.
The song started up and I started singing. Rian and I had sung it before at the house, so we fell into the roles naturally.
Kinsey’s voice was a great offset to Rian’s, and I almost missed a few cues because I was listening to them. I picked the next one, a slower acoustic song that matched Rian’s smoky voice with Kinsey’s deeper baritone. We blended together and it was amazing.
I was outside myself, living in the lyrics, and I could see how people made their entire lives around this one feeling.
Rian gave me a sly look. “What about ‘Roses and Ruins’?”
Kinsey whistled. “Throwing down the big guns. I can sit this one out.”
“Nope.” Rian shook his head. “Like we just did with ‘Walking Away.’”
I prepped myself, wondering if I should just sing during the chorus. Rian started the song, the opening I knew so well.
I couldn’t help it; I gripped his forearm.
For a moment, I was back in the hospital, it was three in the morning, and I was listening to the same three songs on repeat.
The hospital bed wasn’t comfortable, and grief was so big inside me it threatened to swallow me whole, but ‘Roses and Ruins’ gave me an outlet, a place to climb into when being inside myself was too much.
I knew the next line was mine and sang. My voice was a little husky, and I could feel tears in the corners of my eyes, but Rian’s hand was right there, his sweet amber scent around me, Ben’s spicy woods covering me from his constant need to scent mark me.
I sang with my entire heart, my voice breaking a bit, and Kinsey picked up the chorus with Rian, and I hummed along.
I stopped worrying about it being the right timing, and just sang, wishing I know how Rian and Ben must be feeling each other right now.
The thought terrified me, but my omega instincts knew they were mine.
Mine, mine, mine, and I wanted to be bonded to them the same way I flew away into a song.
It was like being outside myself but, somehow, more whole.
We finished the song together. Rian dragged me over to the bench with Ben and smushed me between them.
“You did great.” Rian kissed my temple.
“I’m going to bring us some water,” Kinsey said.
I put my chin on Ben’s shoulder, and he wrapped his arms around me. Rian pressed into my other side, and I laughed. “I’d thought that Rian would be more emotional than me during that song.”
Rian took my hand gently. “I am, but not the same way. I love hearing you sing my music. It helps me see the other parts of the song. Come out of my own head and let it be something new.”
I let them comfort me. “I’m not sad, not really. It’s just…cathartic.”
“Of course it is.”
“I love you.” Ben squeezed me against him. “Having you around makes everything feel more whole.”
“Yes, like more of myself.” I nodded. “I want to be bonded.”
Rian grinned, and Ben blinked in surprise.
“I know it’s sudden,” I started. Ben pulled me into a scorching hot kiss. It stole any insecure thoughts away, and for a moment it was just Ben, until Rian kissed me, and then it was the three of us.
We pulled away, gasping.
“Thank heavens,” Rian said. “I was going to be begging for it during my heat, but I wanted you to be comfortable first.”
I laughed. “I’m going to talk to West and Alejandro but…” I paused. “Would it be too much to be bonded by both of you at the same time?” I squeezed Ben’s hand. “Would you prefer to be alone or…I don’t know how…”
Ben pressed his cheek against mine. “Alejandro is the perfect alpha. I can’t picture life without him, Ember. If you want us all there together, that feels right. It’s what you want.”
“So, Rian.” I rubbed my face against Ben’s chest. His shirt was super soft and destined to be stolen. “You okay with that?”
“Let’s do it tonight.” He looked around like we could pack our stuff up right then and there.
I laughed. “Let’s talk about it first, but yeah…” I rubbed my cheek against Ben again, aching to be able to feel him and Rian echo inside me.
Terran was right. I wouldn’t be any less devastated if something terrible happened to them. This way, I got all the benefits of loving them, instead of holding myself separate in hopes of salvaging a piece of myself.
I was just kidding myself, thinking the entire pack didn’t have my heart.