Chapter 17 Indiana
Indiana
“He said he has a really romantic night planned for us,” I explain to Kalli.
“Oh, I bet he does,” she says, sarcasm dripping from her tone.
“You can leave that attitude at the door,” I tell her as I put Noah’s toys in the bin, tidying up the house.
“How does Roger feel about your husband coming over today?” Kalli asks, tossing a handful of almonds in her mouth.
“Soon-to-be-ex-husband, remember? And Roger is completely fine about it, actually,” I tell her, ignoring the fact my boyfriend seems completely indifferent to the fact Tyler is coming over today.
I even offered for Roger to be here in case he was jealous my husband would be here alone with me. Roger has nothing to be nervous or concerned about, but I thought a little jealousy would be shown. Roger remains unfazed by my revelation.
Tyler is headed over to continue the conversation about our divorce.
It’s been two weeks since our disastrous lunch where that woman went into labor.
I contemplated another public lunch, but decided against that because I thought some other issue might arise in such a setting.
This time, I’m thinking my house will be easier because there won’t be any interruptions.
“My relationship with Roger is always growing and evolving. We’re in a really great place right now, especially since I came clean about Tyler. It’s infinitely better,” I continue explaining, my smile plastered in place as I move through my living room, assessing what else needs to be put away.
“Yeah, infinitely growing like my iCloud storage. So romantic.” Her eye roll can be felt from a mile away.
“I know you don’t like Roger. I get it.” I look over at her and cross my arms.
“Listen, it’s not that I think he’s a bad guy. He’s actually benign overall. He’s just boring. He lacks personality and you deserve someone with more character than him. When I look at you, I envision a person with some oomph. And Roger ain’t that,” she says.
“Well, he’s what I found for me. And I think he’ll be good for Noah,” I say on a sigh.
Kalli gets up and walks over to me. “Indy, you’ve been through it.
I love you, you know that. I will walk whatever path you need me to, always by your side.
I’m giving you shit because that’s my job, but no matter what, I’ll support whatever road you choose.
I love you so much, and I would walk through fire for Noah.
You know that. I might fall asleep on said road though with Roger, but I’ll stand by your side.
Please know that.” She winks and grabs the bits of trash I’ve found on my quest to toss in the kitchen.
“Thanks, Kalli. I love you!” I yell as she walks away.
I hesitate and then bring something up before she leaves. “Um, did you see some of the stuff Ty’s followers have said about him?”
That makes Kalli rush back from my kitchen. “Indy, are you stalking your husband on social media?”
Without looking at her, I shrug my shoulders. “I just got curious what videos he posts and I was able to find them. Then I fell upon the SpaceBook group that someone created. They’re, uh, vocal, for lack of a better word.” I school my expression when I turn to face my best friend.
The smile she has plastered across her face is absolutely scandalous. “Oh you dirty little wife. You are so into him.” She points her manicured finger at me. “What did you think of the chat?”
“Oh, I don’t know, ‘momma_2_viv,’” I look over at her and she laughs. She doesn’t even seem embarrassed.
“What, you think I won’t interact with them? I followed him before I knew your connection to him.”
“You are too much.”
She smiles. “Look, I think he’s good for you. And I stand by my claim there’s more to his story regarding that shitty letter he wrote you. I feel it in my bones,” she pleads.
“You’re ridiculous,” I roll my eyes.
“Alright, ignore me, the wisest person you know.”
She scoffs when I yell, “Hardly!”
She continues, “I’m going to get out of here before ‘Fire Hunter’ gets here. That man must know his way around a woman’s body.” She fans her face.
“Kalli! I don’t think your husband would appreciate what you’re saying,” I tell her, even though she’s not wrong.
“Stop being a prude, Indy! Julian wouldn’t mind my words. That’s all they are—words!” Kalli says, grabbing her purse and putting it over her shoulder.
“I hope you enjoyed your few minutes of meeting him when you did, because I will not have him running into us anymore. Tyler Hunter will no longer be a fixture in my life after today,” I tell her.
“Too bad. I think, despite what you think, he’s a better fit for you than Roger.” She pulls her phone out and checks her messages, then looks back at me. “What?”
“Are you going to keep saying this to me?” I say, my mouth agape.
“You know honesty is my thing.”
“To a fault, yes.” I roll my eyes.
“Well, today is no different, Indy.”
“Anything else you’d like to say before you leave?” I ask her.
“I think you should hear him out. He’s asking for you to talk about what happened years ago and you’re not giving him that,” she says.
“Seriously? After what he did to me, you want me to offer him an olive branch?” I say.
“Well, after all this time, what does it hurt?” She shrugs.
“You’re just saying that because you like his content online.” I give her a look.
“That and his muscles and tattoos don’t hurt,” she smirks.
“You’re incredible.” I roll my eyes and start shoving her out my door. The laugh she gives is pure evil.
“You love me. Give me a call afterwards and let me know how it goes.” She gives me a little wave as she laughs, walking to her car.
Once Kalli leaves my place, my living room is too silent and I’m reminded how much I needed her here to keep my mind occupied until Tyler arrives.
I open the drawer in the end table and find the journal I hid inside, taking a seat at the couch.
There’s still about thirty minutes before Tyler’s scheduled to arrive, so I get comfortable, hoping to get lost in a bit of my past before he shows up.
I don’t know why I’m doing this to myself.
This has become my new pastime since running into him.
I used to write daily back then, so there are many entries to read.
July 1, 2016
Dear Journal,
I’m so confused right now. I just received a letter from Tyler and it’s probably the most raw one I’ve gotten from him. He pretty much confessed how he felt about me—us—and I don’t know what to do about it.
We write letters and we’re married, but is he just feeling emotional or is he lonely? Is that where he’s coming from? Is he just needing a physical release? Has he even been with anyone since that night we last saw each other? Surely he has. Ugh. I hate this.
When we first got married, although we felt a physical attraction for one another, we were going our separate ways.
I had to focus on finding my independence and getting my health in order.
Ty was going off to the Army, moving on to God knows where for an undetermined amount of time.
Our lives were moving in separate directions.
I lived my life independently from him and I didn’t think much of it.
As much as we wrote letters, I never put much weight on us developing feelings.
I started off my life in college dating, thinking nothing of it back then.
At first, I embraced it, but then it felt strange.
The more whatever this thing is with Tyler grew, the more I felt like I was doing something wrong.
So I started to push dating aside in order to foster this growth with Tyler a little more.
I can act like Tyler and I aren’t a thing, but it’s hard not to have him in the back of my mind.
How do I not though? We’re technically married—legally speaking that is—and we say this started for me to get insurance and that’s why we are here now, but I know it’s more than that at this point.
Yes, I need the health benefits, but I know my heart is invested too.
Tyler is not the kind of guy to tell someone how he feels.
He keeps everything bottled up. Even when we were kids, he never really opened up to me about his feelings.
Now, he just word-vomited everything. I’m stunned.
And he pretty much told me how he feels without saying, “Indiana, I love you,” or “I like you,” but it was implied.
This is so weird. How do I respond? It feels like a huge leap in a new direction. I’m still on the fence about what to do. It doesn’t mean I don’t feel the same. I guess I just want to touch him. I want to kiss him and hold him. I miss him.
My phone chimes for the doorbell, pulling me away from the journal in front of me. The minute I know Tyler is here, the butterflies have once again quadrupled. These journal entries have reminded me the feelings I hid away long ago are just tucked away, waiting to be pulled up if I allow them.
As I walk to the front door, I move my hands down the front of my jeans, smoothing my clothes, the motion doing nothing to calm me down. Taking reassuring breaths, it’s doing nothing to slow my racing heart, but I have to get this over with.
I reach my door and open it. The moment I see his gray-blue eyes, it feels like the wind is knocked out of me. It happens every single time I look at him, and today is no different.
“Hey, Indy,” that deep voice of his greets me, his smile growing as his eyes look me up and down.
“Hello, Tyler,” I say, keeping my voice as steady as possible. “Come on in.” I motion, opening the door wider for him to pass.
He moves inside my house, while I close the door behind him. I follow, watching his frame move through the entry of my townhome. Tyler Hunter is no longer the person I saw years ago.