Chapter 17 Indiana #2
The man I saw six years ago was already stronger than the man I said “I do” to in Vegas back when we were mere eighteen-year-old kids. But now, as I take in this older version of him, nearly thirty years old now, I can see he’s thicker in his upper body than he was over a handful of years ago.
I can see working as a firefighter has made him grow muscles in places along his shoulders where maybe the Army didn’t before.
His arms look stronger, even though he bulked up previously.
He has definitely become more defined in that area.
As he walks further into the house, I try not to ogle him, although I’m probably failing miserably.
Today he wears a light-blue shirt that clings to his upper body, allowing me to see the definition of this perfect man in front of me.
I see tattoos on his biceps poking out from under his T-shirt sleeves on both sides; something I couldn’t see when he was in uniform nor when we met up last. Although he’s well defined on his upper body, his waist tapers, which I imagine forms a nice V if I were to touch him along that abdomen. I wonder if he has an eight-pack.
I think I need to turn on the air conditioning. There must be a heat wave coming today and the weather person did a poor job predicting it on the news earlier today.
“Indy, you feeling a bit hot right now? You look flushed,” Tyler abruptly turns his gaze my way and catches me looking him over.
I look up, pulling myself from my thoughts. “Huh? Oh, I was cleaning up before you got here. You know, having a kid with their things all over the place. Didn’t want you tripping over Legos or something,” I lie. Fuck. Can he read the dirty thoughts running through my mind?
“You don’t have to worry about impressing me.” He smiles, almost as if he knows I’m lying through my teeth.
“Well, don’t want to worry about having to call 9-1-1 again,” I say, rushing off to the kitchen. “Can I get you something to drink?” I can hear my voice going up an octave.
“Water is fine. Thanks,” he says. I can feel him following me and he’s too close behind me. Shit, why does he have to be in my space? I can smell his body wash and it’s intoxicating.
“Alright. I’ll get it for you,” I say.
“Indy?”
“Yeah?” I say with a squeak.
“Are you nervous?” Tyler asks.
“No! Why would I be nervous?” I’m most definitely nervous.
“Because you sound nervous and you’re jumpy,” Tyler says.
“It’s just weird to have you in my home after all these years.” I motion around us.
“I get that. Would you have preferred we met somewhere else? I mean, you said we should meet here. I would have met wherever you wanted.” He says it so casually.
Tyler and I remain complete opposites. Looking at him, when he looks at me with that smirk, it reminds me of that young version of him. Deep down he’s still got this bad boy component about him and I’m transported right back to high school.
His hip is against my kitchen island, with his ankles and his arms crossed.
There’s an ease about him in this moment that feels so nonchalant, while I’m a ball of nerves.
I’ve got walls up to surround my heart in every direction and I can sense an air of simplicity about him, like nothing affects him.
I wish I could be as easygoing. I envy that so much.
I continue to move through my kitchen, grabbing a cup to fill for him.
All of a sudden, he begins approaching me. I still, not sure what he’s about to do. Soon, his hands are resting on the counter by my side, caging me in. He’s so close, I can feel his breath on my skin. I can see the gray mixed with blue in his irises.
My breathing accelerates, while his stays even. I keep my hands by my sides, even though all I want to do is grab his shirt and pull him closer, bringing his lips to mine. I miss feeling him near me. It’s been too long. And when he’s this close, that’s all I’m reminded of.
“What are you thinking about, Indiana?” Tyler asks me.
I love when he says my full name like that, his voice husky.
I don’t answer right away, my eyes volleying between his. I just keep looking at him, both our breaths becoming more labored as we stare at each other.
I bite my lower lip and reply, “I think you’re dangerous.”
His eyes ping-pong between mine, his lips in a straight line. Then he brings his face close enough to mine that I think he’s going to kiss me. I stop breathing in that instant and close my eyes, ready to feel him seal his lips to mine.
But then I don’t feel anything, and I open my eyes to see a smirk break loose across his face. Then he says, “Mmm. That’s interesting you say that because I think you and I are dangerously beautiful.”
He pushes away, back to where we are a safe distance apart and I’m instantly missing the warmth of his body near mine. Why is this so fucking hard for me? I want him one second, yet I know we can’t do this anymore.
I open my mouth to speak, but he interrupts me. “You said you had information to discuss before serving me with divorce papers?” he says, as if he didn’t just tip my life over yet again with those words.
I take a moment to right myself, then look around my kitchen. I nod at him, but I use it as a way to remind myself why we’re both here, in this moment.
“Yes, um, I do. You mentioned you wanted to talk too?” It comes out as a question.
“I thought you didn’t want to hear my side of things, Indy,” he reminds me.
Now I’m the one prolonging this divorce because he’s thrown me and I’m really having a hard time finding solid ground. I’m feeling conflicted on so many levels.
I hear Kalli’s voice in my head telling me to give him a chance to listen to his side of things. I feel myself stand a little straighter. I’m about to say something when he speaks again.
“I’m just doing what you want. I don’t want to make this harder on you. I listened to what you wanted and I really want to make your life easier in this whole thing,” he explains. He looks sincere as he says this.
I nod and begin walking toward the living room. Right as I turn around to explain why this divorce has taken so long for me to initiate, there’s a knock at the front door. I can’t help the confused look I give Tyler.
“Give me a second to see who that is.” I start making my way to the door.
The moment I open it, Noah walks through it, stomping his feet. I can tell he’s visibly upset.
“Noah, baby, what’s wrong?” I ask him.
“Harley isn’t my best friend anymore!” he exclaims as he walks through the house.
I wish I could say this is a new occurrence, but the two of them go through these highs and lows pretty frequently. Harley’s mother and I have become mediators at this point.
Before I can explain Tyler’s presence, Noah walks into the living room and halts when he sees Ty standing there. Noah’s anger is soon forgotten.
“Hunter, did you come over to hang out with me?” Noah exclaims.
“Hey, buddy. How are you?” Tyler purposely avoids Noah’s question.
“Good. Do you want to play with me?” Noah’s smile is infectious.
I can see Tyler’s eyes shift to me for a second before focusing back over to Noah. I give a slight nod, knowing our previous conversation will have to be put on hold yet again.
“As long as it’s okay with your mom.” Tyler juts his chin in my direction.
Noah swings his gaze toward me, his eyes pleading without words. I relent without a fight.
“Of course, baby. But the moment Tyler says he has to leave, we aren’t going to complain, right?” I give him a stern look.
“Yes, Mom.” Noah looks up to me, his big, brown eyes proud and excited.
I can see him jumping in place. I watch the interaction unfold, Noah walking over to Tyler, but I’m unable to hear what they say to one another.
Ty gets down to eye level and puts his fist out and Noah bumps it.
They say a few more things to one another before Noah runs off to grab something.
When he returns, Darth is prancing behind my son.
With the commotion earlier, the cat was probably hesitant to come out, uneasy to greet someone new.
Now he’s willing to take on the challenge with Noah here to greet Tyler.
“This must be Darth,” Ty says.
“Yes,” Noah looks behind him. “He’s shy.”
Tyler puts out the back of his hand for Darth to inspect. Unlike Julian, Darth seems unfazed and moves closer to Tyler for pets. It’s hard to hide my shock.
Noah beams. “He likes you! Mom, look. Darth likes Hunter!”
“Yeah, I see that.” I try to show enthusiasm, but inside, I feel a mixture of emotions.
Before I’m able to let myself feel too deeply about what this can mean, my son shows Tyler the football he brought from his room and announces they’re going to play. “Hunter’s going to teach me how to throw a football, Mom!”
The smile on his face is infectious. I know how much he’s wished to have a father-figure in his life to have these little moments with and the second he has Tyler under his roof, he asks him to throw a ball with him.
Ty looks over at me and it takes everything in me not to let the smile break through that I’m fighting to contain.
He’s starting to break me at the seams. I’ve glued myself back together after years of building these cement walls up once he tore me down. I can’t let my husband see through my cracks because if I fall in love with him again—I might not pull myself out.