Chapter 30 Indiana #2
Seeing him again and realizing he is an internet sensation had my mind running rampant.
I know he gained popularity on his social media account after returning from his time in the Army, or so Kalli told me.
That morsel of information has sat with me for the last few weeks, and now that I’m piecing everything together, I’m starting to wonder yet again if that’s a piece of the puzzle.
Maybe being with me was just too inconvenient.
“Is that what you really think?” he asks.
“Honestly, Tyler, I really don’t feel like I know you.
I thought I loved you after years of writing you.
I thought I knew you. Letter after letter felt like a piece of your soul was being given to me.
But, if you could tell a lie so easily in that last letter maybe you were just feeding me lies all along; telling me what I wanted to hear so you could have a place to come for a weekend off.
I don’t know what to believe anymore. Thanks to you, I barely know what’s right from wrong.
I question my instincts when it comes to love, especially when it comes to you.
The only thing I know is my brother’s dead, you chose to leave me, and my world is Noah now. ”
I wrap my arms around my waist, the vulnerability in this moment feels like it’s mounting over my shoulders.
“Indiana, you can’t really think you don’t know me,” Tyler pleads. “Everything, aside from that last letter, was all true. That weekend we shared together six years ago was me. My lo—”
“Don’t you dare say those words to me. If you couldn’t say it then, don’t you even think of breathing those words now,” I point at him.
Now I can’t keep the tears from falling freely down my cheeks. “This was a mistake. I can’t do this.” I hang my head and sigh.
“This was a lot to digest. Maybe we meet up another day, and we can talk it over once you’ve had time to think about what I’ve told you. I know I’ve said a lot and I’m sorry, but I—”
“No, Tyler. That’s not what I mean. I can’t put myself through this.
I thought I could try to see where this went, either with a friendship or even something more.
But I can’t. I know you were dealing with intense grief and mental illness, but that doesn’t excuse the harsh things you said in your letter.
It also doesn’t explain why you never reached out to me before now.
” I look away, the heaviness of this whole interaction catching up to me, then finally bringing my gaze back to meet his.
“I don’t think we should see each other again. I think this is it between us.”
“Indy, no. Please,” he says, moving toward me. I can see the pain in his eyes.
“Tyler, you did this to us. You ruined this five years ago,” I remind him. “I’m just making it official. I’ll make sure you receive everything you need to get the paperwork going.”
There’s a knock at the door.
“That’s my nurse.” I swipe at my tears. “You need to go.”
“Indy, I never meant to hurt you like this,” he says.
I scoff. “Honestly, I don’t believe you.”
He passes Darth and scratches behind his ear. My usually prickly cat leans into his touch and purrs. I’m not sure cats are as good at judging character as people think.
I open the front door and my home health nurse, Doris, is waiting for me, her big smile dropping when she sees the state I’m in. Tyler nods at her as he passes the threshold. I don’t miss the way she takes him in, watching his tall, muscular frame.
He steals another glance at me, then moves along. I open my door wider for Doris to walk in, trying, and failing, to put the morning behind me.
“Who in the world was that beautiful man?” Doris asks as I close the door behind her.
“A piece of my past,” I say as my heart breaks once again. “You ready?” I move further into my place, depositing the empty coffee cups into the trash.
“Any chance that tall glass of water is coming back?” she says with a little laugh.
Doris is a woman in her fifties and she has been my home health nurse since I started getting my treatments when I moved to Boston.
Given that I’ve spent a lot of time in and out of hospitals, I’m pretty particular about my nurses.
I’ve had nurses who try to talk politics the second they get through the door, it makes the long infusions very awkward.
It’s hard to spend hours with someone you don’t get along with.
But from the moment I met Doris, we formed a bond.
I wipe another stray tear, pushing a smile forward. “I don’t think so. Sorry to disappoint,” I tell her.
“Oh, sweet girl. Let’s get you started, and we can get a good documentary on. Maybe a nap after you pre-medicate is just what the nurse ordered. Sound good?” She smiles and I return it the best I can. “But first, I think you need a hug. Come here.”
She opens her arms wide and I move into them. That’s another thing about going through the health issues I’ve endured—I get really close to those that care for me. They become like a second family and Doris is no different.
The problem is, I thought Tyler Hunter was my family too and I trusted the wrong person for far too long.
And after this morning, I realize I have to completely say goodbye to him.
Even though I thought I said goodbye to him five years ago, my heart is now fully breaking knowing he’ll be gone for good.
It’s in this brief moment of reflection that I realize I didn’t get to say my piece.
I didn’t get to lay out all my reasons why the divorce didn’t come sooner.
As much as life got hectic, there’s more to that story.
I let myself shatter for the last time in Doris’s arms, crying as she rubs circles on my back. Maybe I’ll finally feel free to love again, because Tyler somehow held my heart for the last eleven years, even when I thought I had let him go.