Chapter 31 Tyler
Tyler
Getting back from Indiana’s house, it was hard to settle down. I was pacing inside the house and simply got frustrated. So, I grabbed the keys to my bike and took a ride. I thought I needed more, but I was desperate to feel the wind against my body.
Something about the awareness on the road, the need to be hyper-focused when riding, helps my mind relax, stripping me of the anxiety of the outside world.
I can’t find that when I drive the truck.
I don’t let my mind wander like I did last time, which was my first mistake when I got in that accident.
I’m now sitting on the bench at a park, staring out at Boston Harbor. I’ve replaced the bike helmet with a ball cap, my aviators shielding me not only from the blinding sun, but from being recognized.
Now that my followers know I’m in Boston permanently, they seek me out.
I’m gaining more attention on my page. Since I posted my workout at the firehouse, it’s gained popularity.
River’s antics, along with his niece in tow, have only upped the views to my content.
Kennedy said he’s been insufferable at home, but I know she takes it in stride, telling me her fiancé is pestering her about his fifteen minutes of fame.
Thinking about their relationship only makes me ache for what I was hoping I could build with Indy.
That’s the thing—I was delusional. I was dreaming of something after the stupidity of years ago.
I know I ruined it, but I was hoping after she heard my explanation, maybe she would have a better understanding of where I was coming from.
I was foolish to believe she’d understand my point of view, because that lie was utter bullshit. Rekindling anything with her was a fantasy. I was an absolute moron to believe she was simply going to hear what I had to say and just come running back into my arms.
I hear movement behind me, so I look to my left to find Malloy approaching.
“So, you’re the reason why my phone has been buzzing nonstop?” I say, bringing my focus back on the water in front of me.
“Guilty,” he says, sitting down next to me on the bench. “I take it things didn’t go so well with Indy?”
“You take it correctly. How did you know where to find me?” I never told him I’d be here.
“I stopped by your house and saw you weren’t there. I saw the truck in the driveway, but you didn’t answer the door. I put things together from there.” He looks out to the water. “Lucky guess you’d be here.”
Malloy and I work out frequently together at this park. I can see why he would look for me here out of all the other places.
“I fucked up the one good thing in my life,” I admit, finally allowing defeat to seep in.
“I doubt that,” he says and I feel his gaze shift to me.
“No, she made it clear this is it. I thought she’d hear me out and maybe give this a chance. Fuck, Malloy. How could I have been such a fool?” I remove my baseball cap and guide my fingers through my hair. My frustration is mounting the more I think about how royally I messed things up.
“Maybe she just needs to calm down a bit after she digests what you told her.” He sighs, scratching at his trimmed beard. He looks like he wants to say more, but holds back.
“What is it?”
“Something just doesn’t make sense to me. I mean, when I went through things with Baylee, you seemed to know I fucked up and you called me out,” he begins.
“Yeah, so?” It comes out with a bit more bite than I intend.
“Dude, calm down.” He puts his arms up in surrender.
“Well, whose side are you on?” I can’t help but ask.
“I’m on the side of love,” he says with a wide smile.
I roll my eyes and groan. “You and your romance books.”
“Don’t knock it till you try it, my man.
” He winks. Little does he know. “Anyways, as I was saying. You said you got treatment once you left the Army, right?” I nod.
“So, once you figured out what you were experiencing, I don’t really understand why you didn’t talk to her to clarify your reasoning. ”
“I told you. I wanted her to—”
“Yes, yes, you wanted her to live her life. But still, you seem to be stuck on that. But it doesn’t make sense.
You wanted her to move on, yet you want her to forgive you.
I think, in reality, you really were and technically, still are, scared.
You carry fear of what she would say. And today you faced that fear, and what you feared the most happened.
Unfortunately, she didn’t give you what you ultimately wanted, which was forgiveness and a second chance. ”
I keep staring at him.
“You did something wrong. And I know the place you were coming from was one where you were pushing her away. It was fucked up, but I won’t pretend to understand how you were feeling.
I mean, you were experiencing something so out of the norm for anyone here to comprehend.
You lost someone right in front of your eyes; in the most horrific way.
The trauma of that alone is just too much.
But you were all about writing her letters.
I’m surprised after you got counseling you never even attempted to write her something. ”
I look away suddenly, hoping he doesn’t catch the change in my disposition.
“What was that?” Fuck, why is he so damn perceptive?
“Nothing.” I try to play it off.
“No, don’t give me that. Did you write her, Hunter?” He shifts in his seat so he’s completely facing me now.
“It’s not a big deal because she’s done with me now. She doesn’t want to hear from me anymore. She’ll serve me divorce papers and we’ll go our separate ways for good.”
Just the thought of it makes my stomach turn. There was this belief in the back of my mind that Indy and I would always have this connection and now it’s gone.
“Hunter, you really are an idiot. What did you do? What letter do you have?” Malloy pushes.
“Letters actually,” I admit.
“Letters? Plural? What the hell, Hunter?!” Malloy exclaims. “And you didn’t lead with that when you went to see her today?” He drags his hands down his face.
“Why would I? She didn’t seem to care about what I had to say anyway.
” I keep my gaze trained in front of me, irritated I even brought those fucking letters up.
I’ve read them countless times already. I wondered if I should have brought them up during today’s encounter with her, but decided it wouldn’t have made any difference.
“Great, let me see them then,” Malloy insists.
“What? Why?” Looking over at him.
“Let me be the judge of your stupidity.” Did I say Malloy is my closest friend? Because he’s really fucking annoying right now.
I roll my eyes, irritated by the way this day is turning out.
“You’re not going to let this go, are you?” I ask him.
“No, and Baylee says I’m really stubborn when I want to be.” He follows that by standing and crossing his arms.
I let out a loud sigh and stand up. “I was really enjoying this view before you got here.”
“The fuck you were. You were sulking,” Malloy chimes in.
We walk back to where we’re parked. I get on my bike, while Malloy gets in his truck.
The whole ride home, I continue thinking about the disaster of a morning I had with Indiana, wondering about my past and how things could have been so much different had I simply been honest with her in that letter instead of burning everything to the ground.
After Malloy comes over and I share the letters, he doesn’t let me stay home, where I would have preferred to sit around in my quiet house.
He takes me out, where the guys are at Jenson’s, a local bar in town.
Tommy, who retired from our station years ago, owns the joint.
He decorated the place with items that honor local firehouses around Boston.
Luckily, the guys don’t bother bringing up Indy, which I appreciate.
They’re able to distract me with other things, even pulling a few laughs out of me with antics of their own.
River and Clay, of course, start a ruckus about Ella, mostly revolving around her next milestone.
River is convinced that once Ella starts walking, she’ll only choose to walk toward him versus Clay. That incites bets all around.
Clay is planning a civil ceremony with Abby, but River is trying to convince him to do something bigger. Abby wants to do something simple, as their first wedding together was a large affair.
“But think about it… Lola can be in it and so can Ella.” River is all animated talking about his brother’s upcoming nuptials.
“You want me to have a bigger wedding so your dog can be in my wedding?” Clay gives River a what the fuck look as he brings his beer to his lips. “You’re kidding, right?”
I used to have a hard time telling them apart a few months ago, but now it’s hard to mistake them. River has this gleam in his eyes, no matter when you look at him. He’s always up to something, as if he’s conjuring a scheme.
I honestly don’t know how their mother survived the two of them constantly plotting something rambunctious as kids. I know they were both hellions from what I’ve been told by their childhood friend Asher.
“Listen, Brother, I love that dog, but I’m not planning my forever with Abby based on your dog.” He laughs.
River’s face hardens. “After all the love I give that princess of ours.” He points his finger at Clay. I don’t know if he’s talking about Ella or Lola, but River continues, “I love that baby like she’s my own. Now you talk about my Lola like she’s nothing to you. How could you?”
Malloy’s eyes bug out, yet his smile grows like he’s wishing he had popcorn to watch this play out. This is succeeding to be a good distraction for me from how my day started.
“River, you have your own wedding to plan. And from what Kenny has said, Lola is going to be a part of your day. You’re going to have your photos littered with your sweet girl. Don’t worry about it.” Malloy slaps River on the back.
That seems to soften River’s features a bit, but he’s still eyeing Clay warily. Finally, a smile breaks through and he brings his beer up for a toast.
“You’re right. My Lola will be a star in due time!” We all laugh, although I’m not too sure that is what Kennedy would like to hear about her wedding day. “Also, don’t let Kennedy hear you call her by that nickname. I know she hates it.” River eyes Malloy.
“Oh, she loves me.” He puffs out his chest with pride.
Malloy has won over all the women in the group with his reality-show-watching and book-loving personality.
“By the way, when are you coming over to watch the next episode of that love show?” Clay asks.
“It’s not a love show,” Malloy mocks. “It’s Love Daters!” He scoffs. “I can’t fucking wait. It’s a new dating show and it looks fucking awesome. Abby and I have been texting a countdown in our group chat. Even Marissa seems excited about it.”
“You’re a strange one,” I chime in.
“Really? I’m the strange one, love letters?” Malloy throws my way.
“Love letters?” River latches on to that real quick and I pin Malloy with a glare.
“It’s nothing. I like making up weird names for him. He has nice writing is all,” Malloy recovers quickly.
River eyes us both, but doesn’t press further, thank fuck.
“So, you’re coming over for another show then?” Clay continues, not at all annoyed that Malloy will be frequenting his house to watch this new reality show.
“We’ll alternate again. Marissa plans to call in as she usually does, but she might actually fly in for the finale if that case settles in time.” Malloy looks giddy.
“Marissa is pretty great to hang out with,” I say. She carries a great conversation and I enjoyed having her added into the group when she was in town. I can tell she’s a lot like River when it comes to her energetic ways.
“Yeah, she’s a riot. She’s the polar opposite to Abby. That’s probably why they get along,” Clay adds.
The night carries on, and the longer we’re at the bar, the more grateful I am that Malloy got me out of the house. Tommy makes his way to our table to say hi and I’m able to talk to him for a little bit. I’ve only spoken to him a handful of times, and he’s always welcoming.
The guys and I part ways, and I get home a little after midnight.
Walking into my quiet house, I’m reminded how lonely life is.
I need to start getting out there and dating again.
This morning opened my eyes that eventually I’ll need to find a connection to someone again, and it was an abrupt reminder that it can’t be Indiana.
As much as I thought I would get that with Indy, I need to close that door, which brings an ache to my chest.
I get ready for bed, the weight of the day catching up to me. I’m drained, knowing what’s coming in the days and weeks to come. I will be looking over my shoulder, waiting for those divorce papers.
Walking over to my bed, I look at my nightstand and feel the urge to open the drawer to read the letters I shared with Malloy.
He reminded me several times earlier how stupid it was that I never mentioned their existence to Indiana. I’m a glutton for punishment, so I pull the drawer open. I expect to see them right on top, where I left them, but they aren’t there.
I start moving things aside, knowing they should be there, but still come up empty. Where the fuck did they go?
No one has been in my home. I locked up before Malloy and I left to meet with the guys.
I straighten right then and know exactly who grabbed them.
Fucking Malloy. Sly bastard.
I grab my phone and text him:
What did you do?
Malloy
Something you should have done a while ago.
You had no right to take them.
Malloy
My mom always says I’m a bad listener
There’s no point in arguing. He wouldn’t cross that line and share it with Indy without my permission, right? Right?