Chapter 33 Indiana
Indiana
My eyes are having a hard time staying open and it’s reminding me of those nights when Noah first came to live with me after Bryce’s passing.
We were just getting to know one another, his routine still foreign to me.
It took some time to adjust, but we figured one another out.
I just remember always being awake, restless, and checking on him.
Now I’m finding myself staring at the ceiling, frustrated with the unease I’m in. I thought with more answers I’d feel somewhat more relaxed, but here I am—annoyed at where I am in life.
These restless nights I’m getting up and walking to Noah’s room and watching his sweet little face as he dreams the night away.
I’m reminding myself of my “why” in those moments, trying to keep focused as we go through the motions in Boston, so we can have this life that will hopefully be worth the struggles.
I do everything for that little boy, because my brother can no longer see his son grow up.
But a part of me realizes my happiness may have walked out the door days ago when Tyler and I parted ways.
I’m still so angry, but now that days have passed, a part of my heart is aching in other ways as well.
I’m not heartless. I’m hurting for him. No matter what, he’s still someone I care deeply for.
We shared many years together, even if we weren’t physically together. They were emotional years where we told our stories and life moments to one another through each letter. I feel like that part is so deep and sacred. Not only that, he’s a part of me, and now I’ve said goodbye to him.
Although I told him it’s over, it’s not so cut and dry. I have yet to call my divorce attorney to serve him with papers. I’m dragging my feet yet again. Why do we torture ourselves like this?
It doesn’t matter how much coffee I ingest, it’s futile. The day is dragging.
I slam the stack of papers and spin in my chair. The Boston skyline stares back at me, something I usually love to admire. I let my head fall back, taking in a breath, hoping it calms my nerves.
When will the world feel less heavy? When will life start to feel like it falls into place? I feel like since that night at the Hoover Dam, I’ve been chasing that solace and I haven’t found it yet. Every corner has felt like another hill to climb, yet I haven’t found any comfort.
There’s a knock on my office door, jolting me from my thoughts.
“Ms. Ranton, you have a visitor,” Angela interrupts me.
“I have no meetings right now,” I tell her.
“I’m aware, but he’s quite insistent.” Angela’s hesitation is grating on my nerves. The lack of sleep is really starting to seep into my ability to do my job.
Fucking Tyler. I knew he’d come back and a part of my heart feels a tug knowing he’s fighting for us, yet annoyance creeps in at the same time.
“What does he want?” I can’t help the irritation in my tone.
“Um, he says you’ll want to hear from him,” she says.
“Oh yeah? And why is that?” I push up from my chair, my words clipped. Angela has nothing to do with my soon-to-be-ex-husband’s lies, but I can’t help her being caught in the crossfires right now.
“Well, he said he has something for you that you might want to see,” she says, cowering and now I just feel bad at my poor behavior. She’s keeping herself slightly hidden behind the door, as if it will shield her from any verbal assault I’ll give her.
I need to rein it in because Angela is too kind to deserve my poor attitude.
“Sorry, Angela, you can let him in.” I wave at her.
She whispers something to the person at my door and soon, a large figure makes his way through. I’m rearranging the papers on my desk, busying myself, trying to show indifference, although my heart is going to leap out of my throat.
When I look up, I’m shocked to see someone that’s nothing like Tyler walking over to greet me. We’ve met a few times now, but I can’t remember his name. Last I saw him, it was at the hospital.
He’s got to be over six-foot five, a looming presence. Red hair and matching beard complete the look; making him look more like a lumberjack than firefighter. Shit, his shoulders rival those of a linebacker, and if he had an ax, I’d picture him in the middle of the woods.
“Hi!” I can’t hide my surprise.
A smile spreads across his burly face. “I assume from the look on your face, you expected someone else?” Reaching over, he extends his hand. “Malloy—I work with Hunter.”
Shaking his hand, I answer, “I remember. You called me when Tyler got hurt.”
“That’s right,” he continues, smiling. “I hope you don’t mind me stopping by. I know you’re probably really busy.”
He looks around my office, taking in my open space. His eyes land on my bookshelf and his eyes goes wide.
“Holy shit, is that Ana Clevesky? We just read her book last month in book club,” he walks over, enamored by my collection. “I devoured the entire series in three days.” He bends down and surveys the rest of my books.
Is this guy for real? This lumberjack reads romance? He’s kidding, right?
I can’t help the snort that escapes.
He looks over. “You think I’m kidding?” He motions. “May I sit down?”
I nod and he takes a seat on the other side of the desk. “I’m not judging your taste in books. It’s just uncommon to find a man reading romance. It’s—refreshing. That’s all.”
“I appreciate you saying that.” He winks. “My wife doesn’t complain about it either.”
“I bet she doesn’t.” I laugh. “And I will say Ana is really great. If you’d ever like to meet her, just let me know. She’s local to Boston.”
“Really? I’d love that. I know Kennedy and Abby would too,” he says. I can’t help the confused look on my face. He continues, “They’re in book club too. We’re all fans.”
“Got it. Um, I hate to change subjects, but is everything okay? Is Tyler okay?”
“Yeah.” He nods. “I mean, I know how everything went the other morning and I just thought I’d stop by and talk to you.
“I see. Did he put you up to this? Because I feel like Ty said everything he had to say,” I explain.
“I know. But I think he left a few things unsaid,” Malloy explains.
“How so?” I feel my brows pinch in confusion. “Because from what he explained, he lied to me.”
“You’re right, he most certainly did lie.” Malloy nods, looking down at his fingers.
“Malloy, you’re really not making much sense right now.” What is he talking about?
“Sorry, I don’t know how to do this.” He sighs. Then he stands and grabs something out of his back pocket. Once he retrieves it, I realize it’s papers. He sits back down.
“Listen, I’m a big believer that people need to figure things out on their own.
But at the same time, I think Hunter doesn’t have a lot of support.
His parents, from the little bit he’s told me, sound like absolute assholes.
Then he’s been here on his own. It sounded like once he found you, he was really hopeful again.
I saw a gleam in his eyes I hadn’t seen before.
“When he joined the firehouse, he was pretty reserved. He sort of smiled, but he was this closed book. He’d give morsels of himself.
But with you, it seems you have these big chapters of his life that you carry.
He opens up to you in ways he never has with us.
It’s such a gift. And when he told me how things went down a few days ago, he’s gone back to that closed-off version of himself, but now, he’s not as hopeful.
And I think he just needs a friend to give him that nudge in the right direction.
So, I’m here to do just that. He doesn’t know I’m here.
He didn’t ask me to speak to you and bring these”—he holds up some papers—“but I’m just trying to do what I think is right. ”
He throws the folded-up sheets in front of me.
“It might otherwise change the outcome of how you feel. I’ll say this much.
Had I not fallen for my Baylee and let love in with her, I would not get to be living the life I am today.
I know that sometimes life can look dark and ugly.
We have choices. You have a choice to move forward with Noah.
And that life might be beautiful and bright.
But maybe, if you choose to look at those letters and it makes you reevaluate giving Hunter a chance, you maybe find a path with him that’s even brighter…
for all three of you. I’d hate for you to miss out on something more beautiful.
Because I know that he’s a good person. I know he fucked up. But I also know he regrets it.”
I sit down, stunned that this big guy, who seems in love with the concept of love, has sought me out today to pass on these papers, and I have yet to comprehend what’s written on them.
“What are these?” I pick up the folded sheets.
“I think you need to read them and find out.” He stands up. “And keep an open mind, Indy.”
With that he nods and walks out of my office like he didn’t just pulverize my heart in the span of minutes.