Chapter 36 Indiana #2
“Yes, I remember. It’s good to see Noah having so much fun.” I smile in the direction of the boys running around.
“Yes, they’re really a good group.” He looks over and smiles wider.
“Um, listen. Chase is mine right there.” He points to a little blond boy chasing Noah.
“And I…” He hesitates and looks nervous suddenly.
“… this isn’t something I do often, but I noticed you a few times and I think you’re really beautiful. ”
Holy shit. Is he going to ask me out? I can’t help the blush that creeps up my cheeks. Of all the days this could be happening, today is not the best day.
“Oh, uh,” I stammer. He takes it as flirtatious, while really I’m at a loss for words.
“Yeah, so I was wondering if you’d like to go out sometime.” He smiles wide, hopeful even. He’s got a kindness to him, and I feel awful doing this to him. I’m a mess and this guy is simply shooting his shot.
I look down at his hand, searching for a ring. He catches my eyes, then follows with, “I’m divorced.” He holds his left hand up, as if to confirm it.
I open my mouth to speak, but Noah and Chase run up, out of breath, yet smiling from ear to ear.
“Hi, Mom!” Noah’s practically bouncing. “Can we grab a pizza with Chase and Coach Zach?”
I smile, when inside I’m honestly groaning. I look up, wondering if this might be better than letting Zach down. I smile, shrug and say, “Sure, why not?”
I really don’t feel like saying no right now and I’m too tired to cook. We’ve gotta eat, right?
That’s how I find myself sitting at a local pizza place.
I’m sharing a cheesy pizza and laughing with a cute coach and two adorable kids.
As hesitant as I was to be out tonight, I’m having fun.
The conversation has been nonstop, and I’ve found myself laughing quite a bit.
Coach Zach is a lot of fun. Had we met at a different point in my life, I think we would hit it off, but I know my heart isn’t one hundred percent able to invest itself in this.
My brain is consumed by someone that I’ve known for far longer, even though we have way too much to unpack.
I’m smiling at something Noah said when someone clears their throat next to our booth.
That’s when I realize the universe really might have a vendetta against me; at least, it does today. Actually, it’s punching me in the face. No, let me rephrase, it’s going a few rounds and I’m definitely losing.
I nearly choke on my bite of pizza when I look up and find Tyler staring down at me, his face hard as stone. I can see his molars grinding as his gaze swings from me to Zach, trying to figure out what the hell is going on.
He only softens when Noah calls his name and he brings his little fist out to greet him.
“Hey, buddy,” Tyler says to Noah.
“Hey, pal, what’s up?” Zach’s enthusiastic voice calls to Tyler, holding out his hand, completely unfazed by the tension.
The irritation returns to Tyler’s expression when he looks at my son’s coach. He shakes his hand, with what I assume is quite a forceful grip, from the wince Zach gives.
I look at Tyler in annoyance. His problem is with me, not with anyone else at this table.
“Looks like you’re having a nice little dinner,” Tyler says, his tone clipped.
“I had tee-ball today, Hunter!” Noah says, his excitement palpable.
“I bet you did great.” Tyler smiles at Noah, then brings his attention back toward me.
“How do you know each other?” Zach asks, his eyes volleying between myself, Tyler, and Noah.
“Hunter is a fireman! He saved me.” Noah smiles wide, then takes a bite of his pizza.
“Butt on the chair, little man,” I whisper to Noah.
“Is that right?” Zach says.
“Yep. Noah here was the bravest of them all.” Tyler winks in Noah’s direction.
“Oh, I don’t doubt it. This kid is super talented. He’s one of our best in tee-ball. Right, Chase?” Zach turns to his son and they both nod.
With that comment, Tyler looks at me and I can see the irritation in his expression. He waits a few beats before looking over to acknowledge Zach.
“I believe it. Noah is the very best.” Then I see those stormy-blue eyes look over at me. “Indy, you have a second that I could chat with you?” Tyler asks me.
I look at Noah, then at Zach. “Would you give me a minute?”
Zach regards Tyler, then nods. He’s clearly trying to read between the lines. I can feel Zach’s gaze on me the entire time I walk out of the restaurant with Tyler.
The second we’re outside, Tyler inches closer to me, but he doesn’t touch me. We step to the left of the front doors, so Zach and the kids can’t see us from this vantage point.
“The minute you’re rid of me, you’re already in someone else’s arms?” He turns me around, walking me backward toward the wall until my back meets the brick building.
“It’s not like that, Tyler. He’s just his coach,” I tell him. Not that it’s any of his business.
“So, his ‘fuck me’ eyes mean nothing?” Tyler says. While he’s so close, I hate how my body lights up by his mere proximity.
“That’s not how he’s looking at me.” I can’t think straight when his body is near me.
“Bullshit, Indy. He’s looking at you like he wants to devour you,” he states matter-of-factly.
“How would you know?” I whisper.
“Because it’s how I look at you.” He slides his tongue along his bottom lip. “It’s been days—why haven’t you served me with papers yet?”
“I haven’t had time to speak to my attorney,” I tell him, my eyes looking everywhere but directly into his eyes. I can’t let myself get cast in his spell.
“The fuck you haven’t,” he throws back. He grabs my chin. He’s not being aggressive. He knows I love this side of him; this assertive side where he takes charge. He brings my eyes back to meet his. “I’ll ask you again—why haven’t I seen those fucking divorce papers, Indy?”
I stare at him, unable to give him an answer, my voice lost in whatever trance we’re in.
“You want me to give you my theory?” He cages me in, his muscular forearms right next to my face on either side. When did veins become attractive?
I hold in my moan, wishing he’d put me out of my misery and bring his lips to mine, because I can’t stand the distance anymore.
“I think you’re fighting this. I think you know we belong together. But you’re scared. You’re scared of what will happen if you choose wrong. But you know what? Nothing about us is wrong.
“Everything about us is right. It’s explosive. But you keep fighting against it. Not sure how long you’re going to push upstream, but once you’re ready to go all in, let me know.”
Then he leans in and, I swear, his lips are going to slam into mine.
I know I don’t have the power to resist anymore.
I tip my chin, leaning into him, but he doesn’t fucking kiss me.
I wait and nothing happens, until he finally moves his lips just over my skin and allows his breath to skate along my neck.
My traitorous body erupts in goosebumps.
I open my eyes when he pulls away, and from the smirk on his face, he knows he won.
He stares at me for an extra beat then stalks into the restaurant.
A minute later he walks out with a few boxes of pizza.
He glances my way, checking me out one last time.
Before climbing into his truck, he winks at me and my pussy convulses because it’s a fucking traitor.
If only he knew the real reason why I can’t truly let go of this marriage.
I watch him drive off until the lights fade away. I’m hopeful that I don’t look flushed after that little episode.
I saunter in, and I see the remainder of the food is boxed up.
“You okay?” Zach asks, his eyes full of concern.
“Of course. Just had to catch up on a few things. We’re old friends.” I wave in the direction of the door.
“Oh, really?” Zach looks perplexed. “I’d guessed there was something more,” he whispers.
I smile, but don’t use words to answer otherwise.
We make our way out the door and Noah says his goodbyes. Luckily, Zach doesn’t broach the subject of that date and I’m grateful.
The drive home is quiet, Noah focused on the lights and cars outside. It isn’t until he’s getting tucked into bed that he asks me something I’m ill-prepared for.
“Mom?” That sweet little voice pulls at my heart each time.
“Yes, sweet boy,” I say, pushing his hair away from his eyes as he gets tucked into bed.
“I like Hunter.” He looks at me, his eyes starting to get heavy after a long day.
“Oh, yeah? Why do you say that? You barely know him.” I honestly thought he’d mention something about tee-ball or his coach.
“Because he makes you smile.” Funny. I feel like I scowl more than anything around my secret husband.
“What do you mean? I smile all the time around other people and when I’m doing a ton of other things.”
“Yeah, you smile, but he makes you smile like this…” He does this funny smile where he bats his lashes and he pretends to mimic me. I can’t help the laugh that escapes.
“I do not do that, Noah.” I tickle him.
“Yes, and you get pink cheeks like Harley does around me when I say she has a pretty dress on.” Oh goodness, this boy.
“Alright. I think we need to get those eyes checked.” I laugh, but I’m starting to realize this kid is way too observant.
After we say our goodnights, I walk out of his room, closing his door gently.
I make my way to my own bedroom and pull out my phone.
I don’t know what to do.
Kalli
Yes, you do. You’re just scared to do it.
What if he breaks my heart again?
Kalli
So, you’re just going to let life stop you from trying?
I have Noah to think about.
Kalli
True. But you’re only thinking of Noah in this. Every single step is in relation to him. You think Tyler wouldn’t think of that kid?
I’m conflicted.
Kalli
No, you’re apprehensive. You’re letting your past stop you from taking a step forward. You keep finding excuses instead of just trying to make him fit in your life.
If I text him right now, I’ll want to resolve things in this moment or I’ll chicken out. Noah is here and I feel like I need to go somewhere and talk to him.
Her typing stops and I start to wonder if Kalli’s done texting. But then the three bubbles reappear. Soon her text pops up, solidifying her best friend status.
Kalli
Be there in 20.
She doesn’t even know if Tyler can meet me, yet she’s already coming over. She knows about the letters because I sent her screenshots after I read them. I’m so lucky to have someone like her in my corner. Even if Ty isn’t able to see me, I know she’ll simply sit with me and have a girls’ night in.
Now I sit on my bed and stare at another text thread, contemplating what I should do.
I’m full of so many different emotions when it comes to Tyler.
I have every reason to be confused when it comes to him.
I’ve tried for so long to find someone else to move on with, and it has never felt right.
What if Tyler is the person I’m supposed to be with, and I keep pushing this thing between us away?
I finally start typing, and I press send before I back out of it and run away.
Can you come pick me up?
Tyler
On my way.
I guess I have to face this once and for all.