Embers in the Dark (Boston Embers #3)

Baylee

LAST FALL

I think I love you and I want to have your babies.

“Yeah?” I look up at his forest-green eyes, and I have to stop myself from staring for too long or I’ll give myself away.

I honestly love him so much, and I’m too chickenshit to admit it to his face.

I came home yesterday with every intention of telling him I wanted something more than friendship.

But, when I found him on the other side of my parents’ front door I lost my nerve and now I’m just sitting here in my childhood home watching him move around my kitchen.

“I asked how school is going this semester.” He looks at me as he makes us sandwiches.

“Oh, it’s going really well,” I say, grabbing the plate he hands me.

“Good. Your brother said you’re liking your classes.” He smiles at me as he takes a bite of his sandwich. Man, he’s got the most gorgeous mouth. I can’t help staring at him as he chews.

I bite my lower lip, once again lost in thought about how I want to devour him instead of the food in front of me.

“You okay?” he asks between bites .

“Yep.” I try to look completely unfazed.

I have no clue how this guy has me tied up in knots.

I’m not like this with anyone else—just Tucker Malloy.

He’s my kryptonite and I go gaga over him.

I’m tongue-tied when he’s around, or I stutter, or turn into Jello.

Fuck. I’m Baylee- fucking -Rios. I’m confident.

I’m strong. I’m empowered. Yet, here I am looking like the biggest fool because I’m head over heels in love with my childhood neighbor.

This summer I was home from college, and he was around a lot visiting his mom and seeing my brother. Tucker lives in Dover, which is roughly thirty miles outside of Boston. He visits often, but now that I’m in Connecticut, I don’t see him frequently.

I can’t say it was my imagination that I caught his gaze lingering on me a few extra seconds whenever we crossed paths. I know my feelings for him have been one-sided for years. But, based on his reaction to me this summer, I know he has something brewing for me too.

With any other guy, I’m direct. I’d come right out and make my move. But with Tucker, there’s so much more on the line. He’s pretty much part of my family. He’s embedded in the fabric of my fucking life.

I tried to let this crush go as the summer passed.

Honestly, I’ve been trying to move on for years.

The problem is each moment that passes I feel like my feelings for Tucker are multiplying and it’s getting out of control.

I can’t even go on dates anymore without thinking about him.

I compare every guy to him. The last time I went on a date, I even watched the guy chew his food and decided I couldn’t continue the date because he chewed differently than Tucker. Get a grip, Baylee!

I internally roll my eyes at how ridiculous I’m being. I've got to get this shit together and come out with it already. That’s what this weekend was about. I promised myself that if I saw Tucker, I’d come clean and tell him how I’m feeling because I’m better than this .

The kitchen is silent as we eat our sandwiches. I look up from my plate to find him looking right at me. I can feel the heat of his gaze as he watches me, like my skin is on fire. God, he’s attractive. My original thought stands—I want to have this man’s babies.

I put the sandwich down and Tucker smiles at me. I can’t help the smile I return.

“You’ve got mustard on the side of your mouth,” he tells me.

I stick my tongue out and swipe at the side, hoping I got it. “Did I get it?”

“Not even close.” He chuckles. He moves his thumb to drag at the corner of my mouth. The gesture is simple, yet incredibly intimate. The moment he does it I can’t help but lean into his touch. I automatically close my eyes and feel my cheeks flame.

I flutter my eyes open, thinking Tucker will pull his hand away, but he keeps it on my cheek, cupping the side of my face. The gesture is so affectionate, I want to stay here for as long as possible.

Our eyes are locked and I bring my hand to cover his. It would be so easy to move my face in to kiss the inside of his palm. I could cross this line and see what happens. I could ignite whatever it is I feel is happening between us. Oh, how I want to push us a little further.

“Baylee, what are we?—”

“Hey, Malloy, are you here?” my brother’s voice echoes through the house and Tucker’s hand moves so quickly away from my face, I almost think I was in a dream.

He straightens as my brother walks into the kitchen. I feel like a bucket of ice water was thrown across my body. I’m still trying to adjust to the change between Tucker and I, so I’m quiet as my brother looks between his best friend and me.

“Um, hi. Am I interrupting?” Danny says .

“Of course not,” Tucker says. I can tell he’s uncomfortable by his tone.

I can’t look over at my brother. I’m looking down at my sandwich, still trying to figure out what just happened. What was Tucker going to say? Was he just being affectionate like the kind friend he’s always been? Or was there something more to that gesture?

I finally compose myself and look toward my brother.

“Hey, Danny. How’s my favorite brother?” I give him the best smile I can muster.

He comes over and gives me a hug, although it’s awkward as I stay seated while he reaches over to squeeze me.

“I didn’t expect to see you this weekend.” Danny’s gaze keeps bouncing between me and his best friend. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, of course. Just wanted to get my laundry done here this weekend.”

“I get that. Plus, Ma’s cooking is hard to beat,” he says. “Well, you ready to go?” He looks over at Tucker.

“Yeah, sure. Let me just finish this.” He points at the sandwich.

“No problem.” My brother leans a hip against the counter and crosses his arms over his chest.

They start talking about work at their respective firehouses and I zone out.

I catch my brother looking over at me, his concern evident, but I keep a smile plastered on my face between bites of my sandwich, hoping my brother doesn’t get suspicious.

I honestly don’t need him putting together that I have a massive crush on his best friend.

That will only complicate things, especially if it’s not reciprocated by Tucker.

I had to grab something from my old room and as I’m making my way back out, I hear hushed voices. I can’t make out what’s being said, but as I get closer the words get clearer. Before I reveal myself from the hallway, I hear Tucker’s voice.

“Fine, I’ll take Abby on a date.”

I struggle to keep the sandwich I just ate from coming back up as I slowly retrace my steps back down the hall. My heart is pounding so hard, I fear my brother and his best friend will hear it from the living room.

The moment I’m safely behind the door of my childhood bedroom, I sink down and compose my breathing. I bring the heels of my hands to my eyes, the beginnings of a headache creeping up to the surface.

How could I have been this stupid? This crush I’ve let myself have on Tucker Malloy has consumed my thoughts since I understood what it meant to care about someone romantically.

This infatuation has been one-sided, and I let myself believe it was growing into something more between us these last few months.

I left school yesterday, a smile plastered on my face, music blaring like a fucking idiot, thinking I would finally get somewhere with Tucker after years of pining after him.

Then I walked out of my room just now and discover him agreeing to a date with another woman?

I should’ve known better. I’ve been a fool, and I fell for his charms.

That’s the thing though. I’ll always be Daniel Rios’s little sister to Tucker Malloy.

I’ll forever be the annoying neighbor who chased him around years ago, because I was bored and wanted his attention.

But to me Tucker has been the boy next door who hung the moon.

He’s a safe space; the person I run to, a shoulder to lean on when I feel scared.

But Tucker Malloy is no longer a boy. Oh no, he’s built like a fucking ox if I’m being honest. One I’d like to climb like a tree now that I’m older. He just looks at me with those deep-green eyes and ginger hair, and my heart flutters in a way it never has for any other guy.

As I sit in my room, all those little wistful feelings are out the window now, because my blood is boiling.

Fuck melting at his feet. He’s seen the last of me falling for his charms, even if he doesn’t know I'm head over heels in love with him— was head over heels in love with him. Not anymore. I’m done being this girl who pines after the guy. I’m not meant for this role.

I’m not this person for anyone. My sisters always taught me to be the woman men go after. Yet here I am, rearranging my life, waiting for the guy like a lovesick fool. I’ve been waiting for Tucker to see me.

I’m acting like this is some fairytale where he’ll finally notice I’m perfect for him and we’ll ride off into the sunset together. But that’s never going to happen. I’m going to take life by the reins, find myself someone else and forget Tucker Malloy ever existed.

Fuck. This. Shit.

I’m no longer that gangly little girl running around trying to get Tucker’s and Danny’s attention in the yard. I’m a grown, confident woman. I can hold my own.

I’m the youngest of five children. The oldest Rios children are my sisters, who served as extra maternal figures in my life.

My brother, who everyone aside from me refers to as “Rios,” has always been incredibly protective of me.

I clung to him the most as he was the one that helped me through all the major milestones; showing me how to ride a bike, walking me to school, teaching me to drive, and all the things my dad didn’t have time to do.

Both my parents were busy working two jobs.