2. Baylee
Baylee
“How many cubes of sugar do you want in your tea?”
“Two should be fine. Thanks, sweetie,” Carolyn says from the other room.
I mix in the sugar and make my way back to the living room.
Carolyn Malloy is the sweetest woman and the fact she’s sick breaks my heart.
For as long as I can remember, she was a school nurse and had all the cool stickers in her office.
Her warm smile always comforted me when I’d go see her at school when I didn’t feel well.
But next door, she welcomed me with fresh cookies and snacks whenever I swung by to say hello.
Being here while she’s struggling through her own illness feels like the least I can do after all the times she’s been there for me.
From the outside, no one would be able to see she’s dealing with cancer.
When my mom called to tell me, I spent the rest of the day in bed crying.
She feels like a piece of my inner circle, just as much a part of my family as a blood relative.
I cringe at the thought of my boyfriend, Myles, and his heartless comments when I first found out about her illness.
He was incredibly dismissive of my feelings when I told him, making me feel “less than” in ways I never expected.
He made me feel like I was making it bigger than it was, not understanding this woman was not just a neighbor, but more like a second mother.
Looking back, I don’t know why I didn’t break things off with him then, but I gave Myles the benefit of the doubt.
I’ve given him shot after shot to be the man he was when we first met.
But as the months have gone on it feels like he’s gotten more heartless than kind.
“I assume my son has no idea you’re here,” she says as she brings her tea to her lips.
“No, he doesn’t know I’ve been visiting, and I’d like to keep it that way,” I say, my gaze out the window. I watch the kids playing outside, soaking in the last bits of summer as they kick a ball to one another, laughing much like I did with Danny and Tucker years ago.
“Hmm, you’re still upset at my Tucker, I see.”
“I’m not upset,” I lie. I refuse to look her way because I’ve never been good at lying to her.
“Sure. You were never good at fibbing around me, Baylee Rios. Why don’t you try that again.” I hear her sip her tea and I keep my eyes trained on the kids outside the window. I will not look at her green eyes that match her son’s.
I shake my head. “There’s nothing to fib about,” I continue my lie because there’s no way I’m going to tell her my deepest feelings about her son. Those are packed away for good.
They have to be.
If I search in my chest, I’ll crack open those feelings about Tucker that I hid away last fall and have all of them come seeping out.
It doesn’t matter how much time has passed, I still miss him.
But maybe if I keep telling myself I don’t want to see Tucker Malloy anymore, one day I’ll crave him less.
Even though I’m with someone else now, I still long to be around him just as much .
“It seems you’ve been avoiding my boy quite a bit since last year, if I’m not mistaken,” she comments.
“Have I?” I play dumb.
“Gosh, you’re just as stubborn as all the other Rios kids, aren’t you?” Carolyn chuckles.
“Ah, maybe so. But I’m the most fun.” This time I swing my gaze her way and I wink at her.
There’s something about being around Carolyn that makes me feel like myself. I shed all my worries at the door, and I can simply be when I’m around her. It’s a comfort sitting here with her.
“How’s Daniel doing? Any new girlfriends?” she asks.
“Not that I know of. Still annoying the hell out of me. But he likes this boyfriend of mine, so that’s nice. Gets him off my case for once,” I tell her, rolling my eyes.
This is my first boyfriend Danny seems to like and that’s probably why I’ve kept Myles around for so long. I like that Danny accepts him. I sort of hate that having Danny’s approval matters to me, but it’s nice to have it anyway. Why is that comforting?
“Yeah, Daniel always had this need to protect you. He was never like that with your sisters, but with you it was different. Like you were this delicate doll, even though you were born a spitfire.” She chuckles.
“I remember the moment your mama came home with you. Your brother looked at you with such adoration—such protection.”
“Yeah, well, I can protect myself just fine,” I say, although I feel less power behind those words than I did before.
“Oh, I know. But sometimes those we love still want to provide it. Daniel has always been hardheaded. Just because you say you can do something doesn’t mean he’ll listen.”
I hum my acknowledgement.
“Tell me more about the internship you’ve been doing this summer. You seem to be liking it,” she says, a small smile spreading across her face .
“It’s been a lot of fun. I’ve learned a lot,” I say, my smile genuine.
I attend a small university in Connecticut that has a kinesiology program I’ve fallen in love with.
I could’ve stayed in Boston after graduating high school, where I was also accepted into the program at a university nearby.
But I simply wanted to try something different and have some independence so I could spread my wings.
I’ve never shied away from trying new things.
If there’s one thing about me, it’s that I have no fear taking a leap off that ledge to see where the wind takes me.
With my degree, my goal is to one day become a physical therapist. This summer internship is my first step to attain that dream. This internship has opened my eyes that sports medicine is where I would like to specialize.
Unfortunately, at my current school, sports medicine isn’t an offered major.
If I hope to eventually work with athletes, it would be beneficial to add that to my studies.
At one point this summer, without telling anyone—including my roommates or my family—I submitted applications to transfer to different programs that offer the double major.
It would mean possibly extending my graduation date, even though I'm supposed to be graduating in June of this coming year, but it would benefit me in the long run. I would also need to go to grad school after to further my specialty, but it’s what I really want.
Unfortunately, I haven’t received an acceptance from any of the schools I applied to.
It’s a shot in the dark at this point, but I did hear from two schools that put me on a waitlist. I had nothing to lose. I’ll revisit sports medicine once I finish out my time at my current university and see what my options are once I have my diploma.
I spend the rest of the afternoon telling Carolyn about how much I’ve learned in the weeks since I started the internship.
She asks me about everything involving the training and the physical therapists that work around me.
It’s hard to contain the smile that forms on my face when I talk about this career path I’ve fallen in love with.
My time with her flies by, and soon I have to run next door to say goodbye to my parents and start my drive back to my apartment.
Luckily my parents have kept my visits to themselves, knowing I don’t want them sharing my impromptu drop-ins with Carolyn with anyone else in our family.
Carolyn and I share a special bond, and I honestly just want this to be our unique uninterrupted time together.
Halfway through my drive home to Connecticut I get a call from a number with a Boston area code. My finger hovers over the decline button, almost clicking the red icon when I decide to tap the accept button in case it’s an emergency with Carolyn or a family member.
“Hello?” I’m always weary when answering these unknown calls.
“Hi. I’m calling for Ms. Rios, please,” a woman says on the other side of the call.
“Speaking,” I say in response, still unsure who is calling.
“This is admissions from Orange University in Boston. I hope I’m catching you at a good time? I apologize for calling later in the day like this,” she says.
My heart rate ticks up.
“It’s no problem at all.” I try to even out my breathing.
“Well, I know you submitted an application for our sports medicine program. It’s a highly sought-after major and we had a long waitlist,” she says.
I stay quiet, hoping she’ll continue explaining.
“We actually had a slot open up last-minute. Classes haven’t started yet and I wanted to call and let you know as soon as possible. I know you’re currently at Singer University in Connecticut, correct?”
“Um, yes, but I’m majoring in kinesiology,” I stumble out.
“That’s okay. I can see from your transcripts that many of your classes fulfill both majors. Many students here double major in kinesiology and sports medicine. You don’t need much to finish off the requirements for both,” she explains while my head is spinning.
“Oh, well, that’s good news. Would this affect my graduation date? Do I have to take an extra year of classes to graduate?” I ask.
“The way our classes work with the two majors, you might need to take a few extra classes, which could possibly mean an extra semester, but I could have the counselor take a closer look at your courses and give you a better idea of what things would look like. You’d likely walk in the spring, then graduate later if you needed a few more classes.
But we could get more specifics later, if you decide to accept our program,” she explains.
I try not to yelp with excitement. I can't believe this is happening. “Oh, um, alright. How much time do I have to decide?”
“I believe Singer is on the same schedule as Orange University and has a late start, correct?” she asks.
“Yes, school will start after Labor Day.” It’s one of the few universities that starts late in the semester, which was one of the reasons why I chose it. I love ending late and starting late in the semester. Many universities start earlier in August.
“I know I’m giving you a lot to think about right now. Take a few days and give me a call back. If you decide to attend, we’d love to have you. And I know you’ll have to get things figured out, like sorting out housing and also get things in order at your current school,” she says.
I have roommates I’d have to leave behind. What would I say to my friends? I know they want what’s best for me, but it still hurts to move away from them. What will I tell them if I decide to leave? I feel sick just thinking about it.
Then my mind goes to Myles. How would he react? Would he understand? My stomach sinks at the realization that he won’t be understanding in the least.
“I appreciate this opportunity. I’ll let you know as soon as I decide,” I tell her in response.
“Wonderful. I’ll email you so you have my contact information.” She rattles off my email to confirm it.
The moment I hang up the call, I take in a deep breath, and I swear, I think I may throw up. What in the actual fuck is happening?
Without thinking twice, I pull up my contacts and call my mentor at the internship I’ve been doing this summer.
“Hey, Baylee. You driving back?” Farrah answers.
“You won’t believe who just called me!” I nearly scream into the phone.
“Um, who?” She sounds weary.
“Orange University! I got accepted!” This time I do scream. I can’t contain my excitement.
“Shut the fuck up!” Now she’s screaming into the phone too.
Farrah and I had an instant friendship when I started this summer at Conn Physical Therapy.
She isn’t much older than me, but she specializes in sports PT and is one of the reasons I want to go into the specialty.
She was one of the cheerleaders to get me to look into applying to other programs and now, here I am.
“I know! You’re my first call.” I’m beyond excited right now.
“You’re going to take it, right?”
“I mean, there’s a lot to consider, but I have to, right?”
“Baylee, you have to! You’re a natural. You’re so good with patients and you deserve this. What’s holding you back?” she asks.
“I mean, I have my roommates, and I don’t know...” I waver.
“Your roommates will understand. I know it seems scary, but Boston is your hometown. You’ll do great. Talk to your roommates and explain your passion for this specialty. I doubt they’ll keep you from pursuing it. Anything else keeping you from going for it?”
“Well, I mean, I have a boyfriend in Connecticut.” I bite my lip, embarrassed that’s one of my reasons.
“Ah, there’s always a boyfriend.” She sighs. “Well, you explain to him what’s going on. I doubt he wouldn’t be supportive.”
She clearly doesn’t know Myles, because he’s probably the least supportive person I know.
“Yeah, of course,” I say, lacking the enthusiasm I’d hope to have in my tone.
“You deserve this! I’m so proud of you for going for this, Baylee,” she says.
“Thank you, Farrah!” If it weren’t for her, I wouldn’t have known I could apply for it this late.
“Of course. Let me know if you need anything from me but just know you’re going to be great.”
We hang up and I can’t help the excitement coursing through my body.
I look in my rearview mirror and pull over to the side of the road.
The moment I stop my car, I put on “Make Way” by Aloe Blacc.
As soon as I hear the song through my speakers, I start to belt the lyrics, and I feel invigorated.
Does it mean I know what I’ll do? No. But I feel completely excited by the fact that I have options for my future.
For the last few months, I’ve felt like a darkness has come over me, but now, it feels like life is pumping through my veins for the first time.
It’s almost like I left my childhood home that fall day and I’ve been living in a state of limbo ever since, waiting to find the sunlight. But right now, I feel energized.
I will admit, I’m slightly scared about how I’m going to break this news to Myles.
The thought of telling him about this brings a sense of fear over me that I can’t quite put into words, but I’m trying not to focus on that.
That’s probably why I never told him I applied to begin with.
I’m trying not to think of the vile words he might say in response to my confession.
I rock out to the song in my car, screaming the lyrics, feeling my nerves start to even out.
Everything will be okay. Something about this song makes me feel better.
This is good news, and I know my friends will understand when I tell them.
I’ll put Myles’s reaction on the backburner for now.
I’m only focusing on how amazing this is for me.
The moment the song ends, I put my turn signal on and get back on the road. The rest of the drive home is uneventful. The closer I get back to campus, the more at ease I am about telling my girlfriends. Myles is a completely different obstacle that I don’t feel remotely ready to face.